Ex is playing weird mind games

[Photofinish]

Okay so I had a breakup in July with my last ex . He was a mega jerk. I was his first girl friend at 24 and basically his only goal for him was to sleep with me .I didnt want to lose my virginity to him and he always indirectly pressured me . He always made it seem like it was okay until he blew up 6 months in . He tried to take advantage of me when my father passed away and I was negotiating blowjobs to stay with him, in short it was a mess. He lied when he said he loved me and didnt care about me at all. He just played the part. He was my first love.

 

 

So I didnt do any of those things with him and maned up and broke up with him! I blocked him too and the hardest months of my life began but I got through .Many of my friends messaged him, rather disturbed and outraged and he ended up blocking alot of them. That's fine and dandy .

 

He then joined an online dating site like two days after we broke up (Maybe sooner). He met some girl on there whom he lose his virginity too on date two :sick:. . I found out from a friend and FB.

 

months later (Maybe 4 months ) ,One of our mutual friends posted up a status in which I commented . Things got heated and basically all of his friends ganged up on me (status had nothing to do with us) . I got called a whore , slut ,bitch by his friends and he basically posted repeatedly that he was "glad he is done with me and is in a better place" (I blocked him but im sure he was seeing comments from other FBS like I was ) . It blew up and my feelings were crushed because he made feel like ****. He said all these terrible things about me and threw our relationship out there for all to read.

 

After we broke up those were the status he made non stop on his Facebook, I was just trying to deal with my father's death and the break up.He saw fit to try and add more salt to the wound I guess.

 

So fast foward to now. He has unblocked ALL of my friend suddenly and even my best friend whom he hated (He unblocked my other friend before tho)! It's so weird . He unblocked him RIGHT after he made a comment about me on Facebook on a status. He keeps talking crap about me on Facebook! On our mutual friend's status and I dont know if on his own .People keep telling me. They arent direct. Just more talking about how terrible I was and my failures. His profile picture is him and her, his time line, all the public posts are with her and stuff. It's like WANTS me to see it . (I didnt look up his profile , my friend did . I dont look him up anymore )

 

I'm actually really happy in my new relationship with a man that respects me and actually loves me . My boyfriend is so loving and amazing I have no need to even care about my ex . (My ex still haunts in a sense that I am rather traumatized from the whole experience . It effects my current relationship but we get by. I dont really know what I can do about this. If anyone has any advice on this too that'll be cool) .

 

It really bothers me that he makes passive aggressive comments on FB about me . They really throw my self esteem down and make my boyfriend angry .I feel like he unblocked my bestfriend so he can see the comments and tell me (He did). My boyfriend was going to talk to our mutual friend to get it to stop but I told him not to because I feel like this is what he wants. I dont know his deal .

 

It's all upsetting. It was my first actual relationship where I felt love and got involved in sexual things so it was sorta special but the comments are getting to me .

[CC12]

Delete your Facebook profile. Pick up a healthy hobby in its place.

[Photofinish]

Delete your Facebook profile. Pick up a healthy hobby in its place.

 

Why would I do that?

 

I talk to my friends on Facebook and keep updated on stuff. Why would I leave because of my immature ex? lol

[Diezel]

It's his Facebook. What do you think having someone talk to him about it is going to do? He's going to have a lightbulb moment and just stop?

 

How about you guys live your own lives and forget whatever some other moron is posting on social media?

[Photofinish]

It's his Facebook. What do you think having someone talk to him about it is going to do? He's going to have a lightbulb moment and just stop?

 

How about you guys live your own lives and forget whatever some other moron is posting on social media?

 

I wasnt going to have any one talk to him about it .

 

And yeah I would love too but I keep having people mentioning it . Wouldnt it bother you if someone was posting some stuff about you on Facebook for all your friends to read publicly ?

[Diezel]

I wasnt going to have any one talk to him about it .

 

And yeah I would love too but I keep having people mentioning it . Wouldnt it bother you if someone was posting some stuff about you on Facebook for all your friends to read publicly ?

 

Nope, because I understand that people are going to lash out through their own devices and mediums and there is nothing I can do to control it, other than to tell the people telling me these things, to just not continue to do so from now on.

 

All he wants is attention.

 

The best way for you to deal with this is to not deal with it.

[RoseHeart]

Block his Facebook page and ask your friends to stop talking about his online behavior. It is clearly upsetting you so it's really unnecessary for them to tell you about it. You cannot change his behavior and it's best to just leave it. Yeah sure I get that it sucks to have someone talk crap about you behind your back but you cannot make him change. I mean you can ask him to stop but I doubt it's going to work as he seems unreasonable and immature. Likely he knows you are still able to see what goes on in his facebook so whatever he is doing is purely to get a reaction or a thrill of knowing you are seeing what he is doing. So really, blocking him seems like the best option.

[Simon Phoenix]

I wasnt going to have any one talk to him about it .

 

And yeah I would love too but I keep having people mentioning it . Wouldnt it bother you if someone was posting some stuff about you on Facebook for all your friends to read publicly ?

 

No. Not at all.

[Jimmyjackson]

I wasnt going to have any one talk to him about it .

 

And yeah I would love too but I keep having people mentioning it . Wouldnt it bother you if someone was posting some stuff about you on Facebook for all your friends to read publicly ?

 

I rarely post anything on Facebook, I always shake my head at those who air their dirty laundry on it. If I seen someone posting stuff about an ex on their timeline, I'd just think they're sad and need to keep that stuff private.

[badpenny]

Why would I do that?

 

I talk to my friends on Facebook and keep updated on stuff. Why would I leave because of my immature ex? lol

 

Well if that's the way you feel, why get fussed up about it?

If you stay on FB, you roll with the punches.

The way to be completely unaffected by it - is to delete your profile.

If you stay on FB - really, if you're this experienced and have been there a while - then I'm surprised this surprises you.

 

And if you're still 'traumatised' by the experience with your ex - get therapy. But I will say this: It's what you hang onto that hurts you, not the experience itself.

If you still feel pain, a lot of that is self-inflicted. That sounds accusatory and harsh, but honestly? It's true.

[Photofinish]

Block his Facebook page and ask your friends to stop talking about his online behavior. It is clearly upsetting you so it's really unnecessary for them to tell you about it. You cannot change his behavior and it's best to just leave it. Yeah sure I get that it sucks to have someone talk crap about you behind your back but you cannot make him change. I mean you can ask him to stop but I doubt it's going to work as he seems unreasonable and immature. Likely he knows you are still able to see what goes on in his facebook so whatever he is doing is purely to get a reaction or a thrill of knowing you are seeing what he is doing. So really, blocking him seems like the best option.

 

 

He has always been block since the break up. I've seen it thru my friends FB (It'll pop up when im scrolling on the news feed or I'll be told by someone)

 

I really have no more interest in his life. It just bothers me that he keeps talking about me on Facebook. Randomly reading it puts my mood down and I cant really do anything because then he will know I saw it .

[Photofinish]

Well if that's the way you feel, why get fussed up about it?

If you stay on FB, you roll with the punches.

The way to be completely unaffected by it - is to delete your profile.

If you stay on FB - really, if you're this experienced and have been there a while - then I'm surprised this surprises you.

 

And if you're still 'traumatised' by the experience with your ex - get therapy. But I will say this: It's what you hang onto that hurts you, not the experience itself.

If you still feel pain, a lot of that is self-inflicted. That sounds accusatory and harsh, but honestly? It's true.

 

I guess I can just deal with it but I'm allowed to rant .

I'm not deleting my profile , no way.

 

I've been through therapy and it hasnt helped. You're right. I am the only one who can hurt myself . I wish I could stop feeling like this but I can seem to and it wont leave my head. It's kinda all linked together (My dad's passing , the break up, and my bestfriend stopped talking to me all in one week) . I guess I can just deal with that until it all goes away. It's def less tho .

[Simon Phoenix]

He has always been block since the break up. I've seen it thru my friends FB (It'll pop up when im scrolling on the news feed or I'll be told by someone)

 

I really have no more interest in his life. It just bothers me that he keeps talking about me on Facebook. Randomly reading it puts my mood down and I cant really do anything because then he will know I saw it .

 

You need to develop a thicker skin and realize how meaningless it is or you need to find a better way to block him. I really don't understand how comments he makes about you show up on your news feed if you have him blocked. I don't think you are blocking correctly. You need to block his entire profile, not his news feed.

[Photofinish]

You need to develop a thicker skin and realize how meaningless it is or you need to find a better way to block him. I really don't understand how comments he makes about you show up on your news feed if you have him blocked. I don't think you are blocking correctly. You need to block his entire profile, not his news feed.

 

He is blocked completely. My friends share mutual friends with mine so it'll come up on THEIR profile. Get what I mean? I do not see these directly on my Facebook because he is blocked (my guess is im unblocked to him) . My best friend has seen these and I've seen it while on HIS Facebook. I go my bestfriend's Facebook from time to time for whatever reason. I've had another friend mention it to me in person.

 

It is meaningless... I agree I shouldnt let it get to me. I guess it just bothers me because he was such an ******* and him attacking me seems to unfair. I've stepped out his life and his way.

[Simon Phoenix]

He is blocked completely. My friends share mutual friends with mine so it'll come up on THEIR profile. Get what I mean? I do not see these directly on my Facebook because he is blocked (my guess is im unblocked to him) . My best friend has seen these and I've seen it while on HIS Facebook. I go my bestfriend's Facebook from time to time for whatever reason. I've had another friend mention it to me in person.

 

It is meaningless... I agree I shouldnt let it get to me. I guess it just bothers me because he was such an ******* and him attacking me seems to unfair. I've stepped out his life and his way.

 

I still don't think you are doing a block correctly. If someone is completely blocked, their profile shouldn't show up for you nor should any of their posting. And do you really need to go to other people's profiles that often?

[Photofinish]

I still don't think you are doing a block correctly. If someone is completely blocked, their profile shouldn't show up for you nor should any of their posting. And do you really need to go to other people's profiles that often?

 

He is blocked on MY profile.

 

And yeah , if i'm bored and they let me I watch whatever is on their feed. It's not like I look thru their messages or whatever

[Simon Phoenix]

He is blocked on MY profile.

 

And yeah , if i'm bored and they let me I watch whatever is on their feed. It's not like I look thru their messages or whatever

 

Well, I find it strange that you go on other people's logins, but I guess that's what you are going to have to deal with if you continue to do that. He's in his rights to say what he wants on Facebook. If I were you I'd just stick to your login so you never see him. If you did a block correctly there's no way you should see him when logged in as yourself.

[Photofinish]

Well, I find it strange that you go on other people's logins, but I guess that's what you are going to have to deal with if you continue to do that. He's in his rights to say what he wants on Facebook. If I were you I'd just stick to your login so you never see him. If you did a block correctly there's no way you should see him when logged in as yourself.

 

You're going off track . It's just Facebook , i'm not snooping for anyone's SS. It's not right to throw shade and insults about someone on the internet .

 

Yeah I wont see it but my friends will. Its not nice to go to your club room during the day at school and have someone come up to you saying "Oh , your ex was posting something really nasty about you (Not to mention he threw it out there that I got fired from one of my jobs. PERSONAL INFORMATION)

[AaronSG]

First off I'm sorry that you are currently going through this situation!

 

Next,

 

He then joined an online dating site like two days after we broke up (Maybe sooner). He met some girl on there whom he lose his virginity too on date two :sick:. . I found out from a friend and FB.

 

The way I see it, and the way I would have treated this situation, I would have had to face the stone cold hard fact that if my ex-fiancé did that, that was her business to do so! If she would have joined an on-line dating site at any point after the breakup, then that would be all on her. And due to the fact that the dating site would have been a post breakup thing, it would therefore be none of my business, nor would I have been in a position to do anything or say anything about it. So what he might have done, post breakup, is of no consequence, it didn't happen while with him, it was after, so it's totally his call. You need not waste vital energy and time worrying about what your ex has done "post breakup"! Now is the time for you, just you, just think for and only for yourself. Now is the time to start healing, start learning, start changing and eventually start living again!

 

You and I have something in common, we both broke up with our significant others in July of 2014. Mine was July-19-2014, my ex-fiancé broke up with me at one of my Mom's backyard office pool party's, that was pretty messed up! But now with about 8.5 months that has passed, I can really care less what my ex did just days after our breakup. To much time has gone by for me to be concerned about stuff like that.

 

(I didnt look up his profile , my friend did . I dont look him up anymore)

 

I'm not trying to be a total jerk here, but in my own opinion, having a friend relay Facebook information to you as you've described, is nearly as bad as pointing the mouse on your computer and doing it yourself. To many fricking games here, to much drama, to much intrigue, to mush suspense! Makes for good Hollywood, but makes for lousy recovery.

 

The way I handled this with myself, it has worked for many, but for some they resist.........about 1 months after my ex-fiancé departed, I had to sit down, buckle down, and face a stone cold hard fact that Facebook wasn't serving me anymore. This vehicle that once upon a time so much joy, fun and togetherness had turned ugly and became something of a living hell to deal with. Plus the fact that I was very guilty of not displaying good self control and was always tempted to go look at her page. Even though we were both "blocked" you can still see some stuff. Profile photo, cover photo, public images, public posts........it became to much! Always trying to figure out what a new profile photo might mean, what is the secret message inside a new cover photo, is she trying to "bro-code" me anything, it became to much. So I sat there and moused clicked my way into "pulling the plug"! Been Facebook free for close to 7 months now, not having Facebook doesn't kill you, in fact it can in many ways help you!

 

I'm actually really happy in my new relationship with a man that respects me and actually loves me . My boyfriend is so loving and amazing I have no need to even care about my ex.

 

So why are you? Why now, little over 8 months later, why care about anything "post breakup"? IF your so love struck and so over the moon with your new current love, why would you be concerned with an "ex"? Please don't take this the wrong way, and I mean no disrespect here, but this new guy in your life, sounds a little "rebound-ish" if you ask me. Your so over the moon with the new guy, but your still so emotionally and physiologically vested in matters of your ex, the Facebook messages, the profile photos, the common friends that leak information, the on-line dating site, his new love, personally speaking....for being very happy with what you've got now, your sure putting a lot of energy into what you lost and had.

 

It really bothers me that he makes passive aggressive comments on FB about me . They really throw my self esteem down and make my boyfriend angry.

 

Again, not trying to be a total d**k here, but say you would have deleted your Facebook account shortly after the breakup, after you witnessed the first thing that hurt you, you decided to delete the bloody thing. Then say if you did and were approached by "common friends" that began leaking information to you, say you would have cut them all off from the very start. Telling everyone "I don't care what he posts, don't tell me a damn thing about it"! And say you wouldn't have had a friend check his profile for you and report back the information, if you would have employed all of that, you wouldn't have even known a darn thing about what your ex was posting! You wouldn't know a thing of what he's saying..........it just would have been an "ignorance is bliss" thing for you.

 

 

My boyfriend was going to talk to our mutual friend to get it to stop.

Why not? This course of action sounds good to me, why stop him? It has to be done at some point doesn't it? Within the first couple weeks of my ex-fiance's departure, I went about to anyone who might have been a "common friend" and advised them front the start...."no cross talk", "no leaking information", "no name dropping", "no situation dropping", "no bugs landing in my ear and buzzing about anything", "no nothing"! Someone's got to put there food down and not live within the realm of a boundryless codependent world, so why not your current boyfriend?

 

 

It's all upsetting. It was my first actual relationship where I felt love and got involved in sexual things so it was sorta special but the comments are getting to me .

 

Take what you can as a whole from this situation, think long and hard about what you now "will" and "will not" tolerate from a relationship with anyone. Just think about the next time there might be a breakup in your life, take from what's been done here and take some simple steps as so to not have the mistakes from this event bother you so much with the next. If and when there's a next, I hope not for you, but if there is, do yourself a favor and read the following and follow it's very words!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

 

If you can read that, and follow it to the letter next time you suffer a breakup, you might have fewer problems then the ones your facing now.......just a thought!

 

Good luck!

Edited April 15, 2015 by AaronSG

[Photofinish]

First off I'm sorry that you are currently going through this situation!

 

Next,

 

 

 

The way I see it, and the way I would have treated this situation, I would have had to face the stone cold hard fact that if my ex-fiancé did that, that was her business to do so! If she would have joined an on-line dating site at any point after the breakup, then that would be all on her. And due to the fact that the dating site would have been a post breakup thing, it would therefore be none of my business, nor would I have been in a position to do anything or say anything about it. So what he might have done, post breakup, is of no consequence, it didn't happen while with him, it was after, so it's totally his call. You need not waste vital energy and time worrying about what your ex has done "post breakup"! Now is the time for you, just you, just think for and only for yourself. Now is the time to start healing, start learning, start changing and eventually start living again!

 

You and I have something in common, we both broke up with our significant others in July of 2014. Mine was July-19-2014, my ex-fiancé broke up with me at one of my Mom's backyard office pool party's, that was pretty messed up! But now with about 8.5 months that has passed, I can really care less what my ex did just days after our breakup. To much time has gone by for me to be concerned about stuff like that.

 

 

 

I'm not trying to be a total jerk here, but in my own opinion, having a friend relay Facebook information to you as you've described, is nearly as bad as pointing the mouse on your computer and doing it yourself. To many fricking games here, to much drama, to much intrigue, to mush suspense! Makes for good Hollywood, but makes for lousy recovery.

 

The way I handled this with myself, it has worked for many, but for some they resist.........about 1 months after my ex-fiancé departed, I had to sit down, buckle down, and face a stone cold hard fact that Facebook wasn't serving me anymore. This vehicle that once upon a time so much joy, fun and togetherness had turned ugly and became something of a living hell to deal with. Plus the fact that I was very guilty of not displaying good self control and was always tempted to go look at her page. Even though we were both "blocked" you can still see some stuff. Profile photo, cover photo, public images, public posts........it became to much! Always trying to figure out what a new profile photo might mean, what is the secret message inside a new cover photo, is she trying to "bro-code" me anything, it became to much. So I sat there and moused clicked my way into "pulling the plug"! Been Facebook free for close to 7 months now, not having Facebook doesn't kill you, in fact it can in many ways help you!

 

 

 

So why are you? Why now, little over 8 months later, why care about anything "post breakup"? IF your so love struck and so over the moon with your new current love, why would you be concerned with an "ex"? Please don't take this the wrong way, and I mean no disrespect here, but this new guy in your life, sounds a little "rebound-ish" if you ask me. Your so over the moon with the new guy, but your still so emotionally and physiologically vested in matters of your ex, the Facebook messages, the profile photos, the common friends that leak information, the on-line dating site, his new love, personally speaking....for being very happy with what you've got now, your sure putting a lot of energy into what you lost and had.

 

 

 

Again, not trying to be a total d**k here, but say you would have deleted your Facebook account shortly after the breakup, after you witnessed the first thing that hurt you, you decided to delete the bloody thing. Then say if you did and were approached by "common friends" that began leaking information to you, say you would have cut them all off from the very start. Telling everyone "I don't care what he posts, don't tell me a damn thing about it"! And say you wouldn't have had a friend check his profile for you and report back the information, if you would have employed all of that, you wouldn't have even known a darn thing about what your ex was posting! You wouldn't know a thing of what he's saying..........it just would have been an "ignorance is bliss" thing for you.

 

 

Why not? This course of action sounds good to me, why stop him? It has to be done at some point doesn't it? Within the first couple weeks of my ex-fiance's departure, I went about to anyone who might have been a "common friend" and advised them front the start...."no cross talk", "no leaking information", "no name dropping", "no situation dropping", "no bugs landing in my ear and buzzing about anything", "no nothing"! Someone's got to put there food down and live within the realm of a boundryless codependent world, so why not your current boyfriend?

 

 

 

 

Take what you can as a whole from this situation, think long and hard about what you now "will" and "will not" tolerate from a relationship with anyone. Just think about the next time there might be a breakup in your life, take from what's been done here and take some simple steps as so to not have the mistakes from this event bother you so much with the next. If and when there's a next, I hope not for you, but if there is, do yourself a favor and read the following and follow it's very words!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

 

If you can read that, and follow it to the letter next time you suffer a breakup, you might have fewer problems then the ones your facing now.......just a thought!

 

Good luck!

Thank you for your lengty reply , Aaron!

 

First off I am sorry about your ex - fiance. I dont think a regular relationship can hurt as a divorce or wedding cancellations so I hope you are healing well from that.

 

I threw the whole post break up thing to put it out there that he found someone else.

 

The thing is... I dont look for it . My friends have come up to me randomly. I totally get what re saying but I dont look for it , ya know? I dont stalk his profile . He is blocked so I couldnt even if I tried! I'm not gonna cut out my friends because they told me how immature my ex is being .I love my friends and I know they wouldnt tell me these things with the intention of making me want him back or make me feel like I was in the wrong. Yes it does bother me because no one likes reading bad things about them but again I dont seek them out. He was never unblocked from my Facebook to begin with . I dont use my friend's FB to look him up. Why would I?

 

I am very in love with my current boyfriend. I dont see how me being bothered would mean anything different . He isnt a rebound . He just happens to be the guy I date after my ass hole ex. He knows and understands.

 

I dont want to throw more wood into the fire and acknowledge him for starters which is why I asked my bf to not talk to him. The mutual friend is a jerk and makes fun of me. He will love the fact that I read it. Him and my ex so no thank you.

I dont want to get rid of my Facebook. It had too many precious memories and photos and it's the way I keep in contact with friends not around all the time. It's important to me. Why would I throw that away because of him? No. He has no impact in my life anymore other then stupid petty insults .

 

Also I did do complete NC. Things came up on my newsfeed and people told me stuff but that's beyond my power.

[Photofinish]

Also alot of the information I found out , the online dating , updates , pics , were things I found out in the month of the breakup. None of this is new. The only new thing are the new status and comments.

[CC12]

Why would I do that?

 

I talk to my friends on Facebook and keep updated on stuff. Why would I leave because of my immature ex? lol

 

Then only use Facebook for that. Your ex shouldn't even be on your radar. And ask your friends to stop talking to you about him. Tell them you don't care what he does or says (even though you really, really do) and that you've moved on.

[badpenny]

He is blocked completely. My friends share mutual friends with mine so it'll come up on THEIR profile. Get what I mean? I do not see these directly on my Facebook because he is blocked (my guess is im unblocked to him) . My best friend has seen these and I've seen it while on HIS Facebook. I go my bestfriend's Facebook from time to time for whatever reason. I've had another friend mention it to me in person.

 

It is meaningless... I agree I shouldnt let it get to me. I guess it just bothers me because he was such an ******* and him attacking me seems to unfair. I've stepped out his life and his way.

 

Ok, You may have 'stepped out of his life and his way' but clearly, you actually haven't because (1) he's still topical with you, and (2) you're still engaging with it, even if you don't respond...

So clearly, he still occupies part of your Consciousness.

 

And you let him. 'Blocking' hasn't worked, and you're still seeing aspects of his posts...

 

You're also 'hanging on' to stuff by your own admission.

 

This is what's happening, even though you may not initially agree.

All this is happening, because part of you WANTS to remain connected. Part of you NEEDS to 'stay in touch' with him. You're doing this, because it's what you want to do.

 

You need to look deeper and not ask so much why he's doing/saying this, or even why it's affecting you.

You need to look at WHERE it's affecting you - within your psyche...

 

Somewhere, this fills a need.

It's not healthy for you, and it's to a certain extent, causing a dysfunction. But there IS a 'need' there.

 

Find out what it is, and confront it.

 

because until you face, acknowledge and accept that he is in your life and field of vision, because you want/need him there, this will continue to haunt and bother you.

[RoseHeart]

He has always been block since the break up. I've seen it thru my friends FB (It'll pop up when im scrolling on the news feed or I'll be told by someone)

 

I really have no more interest in his life. It just bothers me that he keeps talking about me on Facebook. Randomly reading it puts my mood down and I cant really do anything because then he will know I saw it .

 

If he is blocked you should not be able to see anything he does or posts...I know quite enough about Facebook to know this. So I don't know how you are able to read it.

[Simon Phoenix]

You're going off track . It's just Facebook , i'm not snooping for anyone's SS. It's not right to throw shade and insults about someone on the internet .

 

Yeah I wont see it but my friends will. Its not nice to go to your club room during the day at school and have someone come up to you saying "Oh , your ex was posting something really nasty about you (Not to mention he threw it out there that I got fired from one of my jobs. PERSONAL INFORMATION)

 

I didn't insult you at all and didn't say you were defrauding people, so settle down. But if you login in as your friends, you're going to see stuff like that. It's just the risk and it's up to you whether you are willing to continue to take that risk.

 

As for the second part, all you can do is tell your friends that you don't want to hear about what he's posting. If they are your friends, they'll respect that.