Is constantly checking/posting on LoveShack detrimental to the NC healing process?

[Maverick27]

Hi guys,

 

I would like some opinions from some people regarding moving on.

 

I feel like instead of waiting for my ex to contact me, i've become addicted to reading and posting on Loveshack. Do you think that by being on this site constantly i am trying to keep the relationship alive?

 

I have no more cards to play, i've pulled my KO move. I told her i never want to see her or talk to her again. I mainly wrote that to her in order to stop contacting her.

 

Thanks,

[ravfour4]

Yes! I've felt that way lately. Too many of these threads give me hope that my ex may come back or that "my situation is different than others". I need to just go hang out with friends and not come on here so much...giving others advice has been helping see my own situation from a more level headed perspective though (i.e. what would I say to myself if I was giving myself advice? it's definitely not the same as what my head is telling me internally)

[Cinnamonstix]

Lol I wonder the same thing!

[SycamoreCircle]

I'm glad you posted this. I think it's a valid concern and something I'd been thinking about for some time.

 

LS was tremendously helpful to me in the direct aftermath of my BU. There came a point where family members and the people closest to me couldn't add anything to what had been said. Also, by reading other people's stories on LS, I gained a deeper insight into human behavior, especially dating behavior. And the awful truth is...we're a fairly predictable lot, even when we commit unpredictable acts.

 

That said, I worry now that I put more emotional investment writing to a virtual forum of strangers instead of reaching out for real human closeness. And I've had brushes recently with some members on LS that makes me think that, although this can be a very supportive and emotionally enlightened group, there may be some here who are hiding from the real world.

 

I may count myself among them. I got hurt pretty bad. I hope that one day I can love the way I did before. It will take time. I guess, like anything, use this site as it best benefits you and if you feel it detracting from some part of your journey---find a way to detach.

[darkbloom]

I honestly think it's the best way to channel your anxiety. I was on loveshack several hours a day after the breakup looking for ways to get him back. When I feel like contacting him, I come here and read all of the horror stories from people who have broken it. This also helps me feel less alone in the world because there are people going through exactly what I'm going through. Im almost 5 months post BU and 4 months total NC. Some days I don't need to come here at all. And other days I need to check it constantly because I miss him so much.

 

I'm hoping it will even out. Maybe when I find someone new, I'll still be addicted to LS but I'll be in the dating section.

[Cinnamonstix]

I'm hoping it will even out. Maybe when I find someone new, I'll still be addicted to LS but I'll be in the dating section.

 

I hope so too.

[darkbloom]

I hope so too.

 

I feel kinda like I'm in the damaged bin at the grocery store right now. I'd like to move to the end caps where they feature all the fancy new product.

[Cinnamonstix]

I feel kinda like I'm in the damaged bin at the grocery store right now. I'd like to move to the end caps where they feature all the fancy new product.

 

Haha I feel you. That's why I don't mind finding "connection" by surfing LS right now, as I'm not in the best place to be meeting new people. I'll probably just attract another emotionally unhealthy person. Plus, I want to look and feel my best when I do get back on the scene. For now, going "out" is going to the gym, running and hanging with my close friends who can handle me not being my bubbly and happy self.

[darkbloom]

Haha I feel you. That's why I don't mind finding "connection" by surfing LS right now, as I'm not in the best place to be meeting new people. I'll probably just attract another emotionally unhealthy person. Plus, I want to look and feel my best when I do get back on the scene. For now, going "out" is going to the gym, running and hanging with my close friends who can handle me not being my bubbly and happy self.

 

Well I can only attract emotionally damaged people or married men. So I will probably be on LS for a long time making connections with my anonymous imaginary friends.

[Maverick27]

Yeah it's a tricky question.

 

This forum has brought me back from the brink of insanity. I got tired of leaning on my friends for support and really needed some eternal input. It is heartwarming that so many good people on LS take the time to read and analyse your situation to offer advice and support.

 

However, this is the most miserable site on the internet. I mean that in a funny way (got to be able to laugh at yourself!!!!).

 

We are all just a bunch of broken hearts trying to fix other broken hearts. I see this forum like a puzzle, multiple puzzles in fact, with all the little pieces mixed together in a box, and i'm the puzzle master trying to piece together my broken-heart with little pieces of everyone else's.

[darkbloom]

Yeah it's a tricky question.

 

This forum has brought me back from the brink of insanity. I got tired of leaning on my friends for support and really needed some eternal input. It is heartwarming that so many good people on LS take the time to read and analyse your situation to offer advice and support.

 

However, this is the most miserable site on the internet. I mean that in a funny way (got to be able to laugh at yourself!!!!).

 

We are all just a bunch of broken hearts trying to fix other broken hearts. I see this forum like a puzzle, multiple puzzles in fact, with all the little pieces mixed together in a box, and i'm the puzzle master trying to piece together my broken-heart with little pieces of everyone else's.

 

I think it's the most hopeful!

[Hawaii51]

I'm not escaping the real world per say, but escaping reading the news or messing around on facebook. I always find my search for my news, and read what I feel pertinent. But, after day in- day out, I sort of become depressed at the state of the world and just want to retreat. Same for Facebook, I get so sick of slice of my friends that are really superficial.

 

In the end, I'm going to be online; I go to school online, I sometimes work online, and damn it all our modern society is online. I don't even know my brother's phone number or how to get to the other side of the city I grew up in with out a google maps. (granted I left for 15 years).

 

Thankfully LS only happens in spurts. I used to have an account under Hawaii50 but was blocked. Eventually the same thing will happen when I find myself face-palmed over a bigot.

 

I will snap and then... look out for Hawaii52 about 18 months later when I miss you guys/gals

 

 

For the time being I think I offer some experience and candor.

[Million.to.1]

...giving others advice has been helping see my own situation from a more level headed perspective though

 

THIS.

Advising others will help you more than you know.

 

I came here after a break-up and was using it like you are now...

 

I suppose, in retrospect, LS did become my addiction rather than checking my Ex's social media etc. I spent most of my time in the breaking up and second chances forums which I don't frequent much at all now.

 

Maybe redirect your focus here away from "your ex" and NC threads and all that, and start reading some of the other sub forums. That way, you won't be breathing life in to relationship by talking and thinking about it all the time you are on LS. Visit the dating section... the water cooler.. chat about other things too.

[AIJ]

I thought the same, however I think LS is actually incredibly useful if you want to keep your family and friends close to you. It gives you somewhere to vent, I know that after about 2 weeks of me constantly talking about the break up, they were getting very tired of it. Much better than bottling it all up, and it's also nice to get advice from people in the exact same situation as you, rather than the usual 'get over it, move on, plenty more fish in the sea'. If I had a quid for every time I heard the phrase 'plenty more fish in the sea' since the break up, I'd be able to buy a large portion of the sea.

[hunk]

This place is invaluable to learning about the dynamics of break ups and relationships themselves. I'd never consider posting here detrimental. When I come here now it's not even because of my exes, I find myself genuinely interested in helping other people who are in the position I have been in many times in the past. My exes are gone, they're never coming back. I have no false hope about this. This place has taught me how to come to terms with this and more importantly taught me how to handle future break ups.

 

When you can go from thinking "wow, this place is so negative why are all these posts so negative, they don't know anything about my situation" (every new LS poster) to "yep, these guys are completely right, how could I not have seen that/realized that etc" then you know these forums are, at the very least, facilitating some kind of growth within us.

[Justanaverageguy]

I found it to be a cheap (free) form of therapy

 

In the initial stages after my breakup 1 year back - I came here just as a way to anonymously vent and let my feelings out, discuss the things I was going through and just bounce them off other people. It was seriously a huge help for me. A place where you can argue, disagree and express yourself fully. Something I personally didn't want to put on a friend or family member.

 

I was never trying to get my ex back though - I ended it - I wasn't here looking for a strategy to win someone back. I was just maybe trying to understand how it went so horribly wrong. Like sycamore said its amazing how predictable human behavior is - reading other peoples stories here it is just the same thing repeated over and over and over again. So as I healed I started to take on more of an advice giving role trying to help others in the same position using what I had learnt from my situation and the countless other discussions on the board. It was interesting to be able to even directly talk to people who were on the other side of the relationship in the position my ex partner was and be able to directly converse with them and offer advice there to. Now I'm back on the dating bandwagon its turned into more of a place to just discuss random topics with others in the dating game.

 

I feel like I learnt more about romantic relationships in the last 12 months then I have in the rest of my life combined.

[ZiggyZoo]

I have found it very useful overall. I agree with all those who say that it helps to see others who have been through the same things I'm going through. I learned with my last big breakup that talking to people and hearing that it was entirely possible for me to recover from my awful heartbreak really helped. This is sort of the same thing, just on-line. I mean, when you ask a question and ten people all answer the same way, it's hard to convince yourself that they are ALL wrong. And hearing that others are going through the same craziness, or have been there and gotten past it is invaluable. Just hearing that you're not losing it can be all it takes to keep moving.

 

And it's a really good feeling, to be able to share my own experiences and to help others out.

[Jimmyjackson]

It is good in the sense that you can learn a lot, I have read other peoples advice and really applied it to my own situation on other threads. There are a lot of good people on here who most of the time are correct in the advice they give out or the predictions they make.

 

But I do think that spending too much time on here can be bad. Sometimes you have to turn off the computer and go get on with your life. Being on here all the time just kind of reminds you of it all and what you've been through as you're surrounded by others with broken hearts.

[diamondgirl]

i actually never posted until last week and my breakup was 6.5 months ago but I've been absolutely obsessed with reading these forums since the immediate aftermath of my breakup. what helped me the most was knowing there were other people out there who were experiencing the same feelings i was. im 23 and got out of a 7 year relationship and i felt like many of my friends couldn't relate because they had never been in such long and serious relationships.

 

i don't think loveshack hindered my healing at all. i still check it in the mornings as part of my daily routine, but i used to check it constantly at work and throughout the day and now i don't anymore. it just naturally faded over time i guess as i started to feel better and go out with friends more and distract myself. there are also a lot of people on here who are healed and not going through breakups and just come for the advise. im by no means "healed" from my breakup but i don't even really have a desire to discuss anymore. i just like to come on and read about whats going on with other people and how people are handling similar breakups.