disneyfan90 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) Throughout my life, I've struggled with shyness. I thought I've gotten better in recent years, but I guess I was wrong. To this day, I'm still pretty quiet in social situations. I'm not totally silent though, so I felt that it was never really huge problem until recently. I work in two places and at both work places, the people there have formed their own social circles. Everyone just seems to mesh personality-wise, and they all seem to be really close. I've tried to blend into the social circles at work, but it didn't work for me for one reason alone--everybody at work is crazy and outgoing, whereas I'm quiet and shy. When they're all interacting like fun, bubbly people usually do, I just stand there literally not having a clue what to say. My workplace is pretty laid back, so everyone is so hyper that they're literally shouting across the room and speaking in funny accents. It's extremely difficult for me to be like that with them. Needless to say, I never really get invited to any outside events because of how quite and shy and un-bubbly I am. There's a flip side though. I attended the Christmas party for one of my workplaces, and everyone there was drinking, so I thought why not. I'm pretty lightweight, so after just one drink I was rambling like crazy. I became ridiculously bubbly and hyper and for the first time, everyone seemed to love my company. The day after that party, multiple people had texted me, saying that they had a great time, and all of a sudden they were inviting me to another event. Indeed, I went to this event, drank alcohol like everyone else, and they seemed to love me. But when I'm back at work it's the usual thing--I all of a sudden lose my ability to be hyper like everyone else, and so they don't want to talk to me. None of them. One time I hung out with them when there was no alcohol involved, and it was a disaster. I felt so out of place and that none of them liked me. There is only one group of people that I can truly be myself around (without alcohol) and that's because I've known them for years. They're my high school friends. Unfortunately, I've moved far away from this group of people, so I don't see them anymore. I really want to be myself around the people at work and other random strangers that I meet, but I just can't do that without alcohol. I feel so bad that I just don't fit in. Sometimes it feels like I don't fit in anywhere at all. How can I fix this? Edited April 14, 2015 by disneyfan90
Sugarkane Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Im not sure what to suggest, as i have the same problem. Everyone I know has made friends from work/ uni, or still has friends from high school. I never made friends from work because one girl got all her friends employed. I tried to be friends with them, but was always ostracized. Good riddance. I don't understand why people do this.
La Trese Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 If you hate being hyper in general and its not something you enjoy or a part of your personality unless you are drunk, then just consider them to be drinking buddies. Its okay to have friends for certain categories of activities you like hanging out with them in. If you are shy because you are still uncomfortable, give it time and keep talking to them. Eventually you will be able to warm up to them.
uberkrafty Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I know exactly how you feel. I experience this at my workplace (been working here for 10 years now) I think some of us aren't meant to gel with everybody. The "liquid courage" thing is definitely alright every so often but I'm sure you know it's not exactly a good idea to make it a habit. I know it's hard but maybe you just have to somewhat "reprogram" your way of thinking and tell yourself to make small talk. Ask people how their weekend was, how their day was etc. Maybe you don't have to be part of their clique right off the bat but as long as you're friendly, perhaps things would go from there.
preraph Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 So alcohol lessens your anxiety, so it makes sense that if you went to a psychiatrist and got some anti-anxiety meds, this would help tremendously. 1
preraph Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 And remember, you find your true friends by doing activities you enjoy, because having something in common is necessary to friendship.
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