How do you keep a conversation without having your mind go blank?

[difficult_decisions]

Hi all,

 

This is huge one for me. I've been on many dates where she would be the one always talking, and I wouldn't say much besides short comments or questions to keep the conversation flowing. I guess it's just partly because I'm shy and I keep filters on what I should say.

 

Ironically enough, I got a number off of tinder last night where unexpectedly, we texted for hours nonstop. We talked about the most random things, but I felt so natural in my responses.

 

I'm going to set up a date soon, but I know when I meet her in person, I'll be filtering things to say in my head again.

 

What are some tips for keeping a conversation alive when you're out one on one with a date?

[neowulf]

What are some tips for keeping a conversation alive when you're out one on one with a date?

 

1. Active listening.

 

Instead of thinking about what you're going to say next, stop and really *hear* what she's telling you. That'll come in handy for the next bit.

 

2. Ask questions, then expand on answers.

 

e.g

"So you said you do X? That's sounds interesting, I've always thought Y about X. What drew you to it?"

 

Basically, imagine a tennis match. You make a point, she answers and responds. She makes a point, you answer and respond.

 

This helps maintain the rhythm of the conversation.

 

3. Try to stay upbeat and positive.

 

Avoid taking the conversation to dark or depressing topics. Try to put positive spins on things to keep the conversation light.

 

4. Don't be afraid of those moments your mind goes blank.

 

Natural pauses are completely normal in conversation. Don't get freaked out if there's a pause. Let it hang in the air a bit and just relax. Something will come to you.

 

Good luck!

[Dork Vader]

"We talked about the most random things, but I felt so natural in my responses."

 

That is how you keep the conversation flowing. I've been in similar situations in which it is difficult too keep a conversation going. In my opinion it's a huge sign of you being different people.

 

When you meet a person you should date.. The conversation just flows naturally. You'll have common interest, get each others jokes and slowly come out of your shell. That is why dating take times.. You get to know the person as the dates progress and your conversations become deeper more intimate and more connected. But it all should flow naturally and easily.

 

Sure sometimes conversations will stall. It's a given that you'll run out of things to talk about. But there are numerous things you can bring up.. Movies, Books, Sports, anything that you two have a common interest and knowledge of.

[difficult_decisions]

"We talked about the most random things, but I felt so natural in my responses."

 

That is how you keep the conversation flowing. I've been in similar situations in which it is difficult too keep a conversation going. In my opinion it's a huge sign of you being different people.

 

When you meet a person you should date.. The conversation just flows naturally. You'll have common interest, get each others jokes and slowly come out of your shell. That is why dating take times.. You get to know the person as the dates progress and your conversations become deeper more intimate and more connected. But it all should flow naturally and easily.

 

Sure sometimes conversations will stall. It's a given that you'll run out of things to talk about. But there are numerous things you can bring up.. Movies, Books, Sports, anything that you two have a common interest and knowledge of.

 

Definitely, I've been on plenty of dates where I felt like I had to think too much about what I needed to say. I just found myself asking questions almost like an interview.

 

I like it when I don't think about it and just say whatever is on my mind. It's still a little unnatural for me when I'm talking to someone I potentially want to have a relationship with.

[fitnessfan365]

When women like you and feel comfortable around you, they NEVER shut up. So like Neowolf said, active listening is key. You stay in the moment focusing on what she is saying. Then when there is room, you interject an opinion, and then share a story or an experience that relates to what she is talking about. Then she'll take the lead and ask you a question to find out more. Then of course you follow up with a "What about you?", etc..

 

Now this obviously wouldn't happen on a first date. But if you've already kissed a woman or have been seeing her awhile, I love to do this. "We've been talking for awhile and your lips look really chapped. So you need to come over here and kiss me to take care of it." Then of course she does. Not only do women like playful behavior, but it's a great way to get her to shut her up once and awhile. Haha

[difficult_decisions]

When women like you and feel comfortable around you, they NEVER shut up. So like Neowolf said, active listening is key. You stay in the moment focusing on what she is saying. Then when there is room, you interject an opinion, and then share a story or an experience that relates to what she is talking about. Then she'll take the lead and ask you a question to find out more. Then of course you follow up with a "What about you?", etc..

 

Now this obviously wouldn't happen on a first date. But if you've already kissed a woman or have been seeing her awhile, I love to do this. "We've been talking for awhile and your lips look really chapped. So you need to come over here and kiss me to take care of it." Then of course she does. Not only do women like playful behavior, but it's a great way to get her to shut her up once and awhile. Haha

 

HAHA so cheesy, but I think it'll work with this one. I feel like we'll bore with the back and forth questions and details. I mean we'll talk about it, but we're more in a playful situation at this point. We'll see how it goes. We can't stop texting each other!!

[Gary S]

Women get emotional satisfaction from talking... let them talk. It sounds like you have been doing well on your own.

 

The bantering like Fitnessfan suggested is good also. I do that like crazy on dates. I threaten to spank them.... "would you like a good spanking"?! "I'll spank ya later" - "Would you like your spanking now or later?!"

 

- they love it!

Edited April 14, 2015 by Gary S

[fitnessfan365]

HAHA so cheesy, but I think it'll work with this one. I feel like we'll bore with the back and forth questions and details. I mean we'll talk about it, but we're more in a playful situation at this point. We'll see how it goes. We can't stop texting each other!!

 

Haha.. If a woman digs you, cheesy is charming.

 

But too much texting is a bad move dude. Especially considering you haven't even had a first date with her yet. I mean you've got to be more selective and realistic. Why reward a woman you don't even know with so much of your time?

 

1) It communicates that you're over eager to talk to her. Women tend to subconsciously lose interest in guys that are too into them.

 

2) It communicates that you have nothing else going on. I mean if you have friends, a job, and hobbies you're passionate about, you're not going to be spending all your time texting. Women tend to like guys that are independent and aggressive in life.

 

3) She will begin to see you as a friend/therapist that she can vent all her problems too.

 

The natural order is that a woman you haven't even met yet, has the lowest value. Your only priority is setting a date and seeing if she is cool in person. Then if that turns into date after date, lots of great sex, and an eventual relationship, you reward her with more consistency and time for communication. But you shouldn't be acting like a boyfriend when you haven't even had a date yet. So my advice? Scale back the texting IMMEDIATELY. Cut to the chase and make a definite date for a few days out if possible. Then don't talk to her again until then. Try to create a little bit of anticipation and stop acting like you're wrapped around her finger.

Edited April 14, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[difficult_decisions]

Haha.. If a woman digs you, cheesy is charming.

 

But too much texting is a bad move dude. Especially considering you haven't even had a first date with her yet. I mean you've got to be more selective and realistic. Why reward a woman you don't even know with so much of your time?

 

1) It communicates that you're over eager to talk to her. Women tend to subconsciously lose interest in guys that are too into them.

 

2) It communicates that you have nothing else going on. I mean if you have friends, a job, and hobbies you're passionate about, you're not going to be spending all your time texting. Women tend to like guys that are independent and aggressive in life.

 

3) She will begin to see you as a friend/therapist that she can vent all her problems too.

 

The natural order is that a woman you haven't even met yet, has the lowest value. Your only priority is setting a date and seeing if she is cool in person. Then if that turns into date after date, lots of great sex, and an eventual relationship, you reward her with more consistency and time for communication. But you shouldn't be acting like a boyfriend when you haven't even had a date yet. So my advice? Scale back the texting IMMEDIATELY. Cut to the chase and make a definite date for a few days out if possible. Then don't talk to her again until then. Try to create a little bit of anticipation and stop acting like you're wrapped around her finger.

 

Yeah thanks for the reminder. I just got really caught up with all of it. I texted her earlier today to make plans for our first date, which I did, but we just kept texting. A lot of it was just flirting. I won't text her tomorrow, but will text her the day before our date to confirm. Good call buddy.

[fitnessfan365]

Yeah thanks for the reminder. I just got really caught up with all of it. I texted her earlier today to make plans for our first date, which I did, but we just kept texting. A lot of it was just flirting. I won't text her tomorrow, but will text her the day before our date to confirm. Good call buddy.

 

Just my opinion. But after I've made a first date with a woman, I NEVER confirm.

 

1) If she always intended to show and you act like you're worried she won't, the lack of confidence will be a turn off. It will also appear like you're attached and needy. Remember, you should be completely indifferent with a woman you don't even know.

 

2) The average woman is polite by nature and won't flat out stand a guy up. At the very least, she'll send a lame excuse flake text day of.

 

So if you don't hear anything within an hour of start time, just show up at the time and place.

[Gary S]

^^^^^^^^right, only Doctor office secretaries confirm..... you are not a doctor's office

[neowulf]

Never really thought twice about the "confirming" text message.

 

I confirmed with the last couple of dates and the women commented how refreshing it was to find someone so considerate?

 

Pft, who knows what the deal is anymore :-/