BluegrassBaldGuy Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 So I've been seeing a girl for a while, roughly 10 dates in. One of the more shocking things that's occurred has been the BALANCE of our give-and-take... You know, that thing we all argue over when we feel like we're giving it our all and the other person isn't holding up their end? Well, for once I actually feel like it's been a true 50/50 split. Just a few examples: -I planned the first 4-5 dates, then she planned the next few. I set up the foundation, then she got excited and wanted in on the fun. Now we're both bouncing ideas off of each other and it's really participatory. Awesome! -Each of us insists on paying for dinner. On the first date, I was shocked when she tried paying. I won that battle LOL, but she picked up the next time. As the guy, I plan on paying most of the time but it's refreshing when a girl genuinely wants to treat you every now and then. Still getting used to the idea but so far so good... -After a few dates in, I gave her a small gift and she reciprocated this the next time out. Since then it's been a continuous process where every now and then we'll give each other something small, sparked from a prior conversation or text exchange. We're pretty good at paying attention to the small details, which really comes out in thoughtful/meaningful gifting. Nothing expensive or wild, but just the thought that counts. And when the other person expresses gratitude and means it... that's so cool. Anyway, I thought it'd be helpful to post something positive on here. It's easy to mostly talk about the negative/confusing aspects of dating, but sometimes things go right and that's worth discussing too 9
neowulf Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Welcome to the rare and truly beautiful egalitarian relationship They happen, but it's suppose to be quite a rare power dynamic. Very few couples managed to achieve it. Enjoy! 1
EgoJoe Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 This will take maintenance to keep and it may not last. Chuck your expectations and set some goals.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 On one hand, it's great on paper. But at the same time, relationships work best and really flow when gestures come naturally and not on a schedule. After awhile, your relationship will start to feel like a barter system with a checklist. My GF is cool because she likes a traditional dynamic. I initiate most communication and plan the dates. But she will help out when certain dates have multiple expenses. The best one yet - We did a great workout together outdoors. Then before we went to the drive in, she barbecued us these AMAZING double patty 4 inch thick bacon cheese burgers to take with us. That way I wouldn't have to pay for expensive movie snack food. The thing was HEAVEN in my mouth and kept me full for the entire night and part of the next day. I mean what guy wouldn't want a woman that knows how to grill? But my point is that she does these things when she feels like it out of good nature. It isn't planned or part of some 50/50 checklist.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 That's great OP, I hope to find a girl capable of this as well.
Phoe Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 But my point is that she does these things when she feels like it out of good nature. It isn't planned or part of some 50/50 checklist. Of course when it's tit for tat notekeeping, it's gonna feel forced. But I imagine in the OPs case, it feels natural. And that's how it should be! Mutual effort between two, where neither has to feel like they're putting in way more than they are getting back. Everything feels balanced.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Of course when it's tit for tat notekeeping, it's gonna feel forced. But I imagine in the OPs case, it feels natural. And that's how it should be! Mutual effort between two, where neither has to feel like they're putting in way more than they are getting back. Everything feels balanced. Fair enough. But look at the OP's post. Example - He gives her a small gift, and then she gives him one the next time she sees him. Did she do this because she wanted to, or try and keep things even? When everything is 50-50 and so planned out like the OP is portraying, it ruins the spontaneity that makes genuine acts so appealing. I don't know if anyone remembers the show Wings. But this reminds me of an episode. Helen sees a tiny helicopter pendant that reminds her of Alex who gives helicopter tours. Since Alex isn't used to getting gifts for no reason, she gets Helen one to reciprocate. Then the entire episode is spent with the two women continuing to get better and better gifts for each other out of guilt..LOL
veggirl Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Fair enough. But look at the OP's post. Example - He gives her a small gift, and then she gives him one the next time she sees him. Did she do this because she wanted to, or try and keep things even? When everything is 50-50 and so planned out like the OP is portraying, it ruins the spontaneity that makes genuine acts so appealing. I don't know if anyone remembers the show Wings. But this reminds me of an episode. Helen sees a tiny helicopter pendant that reminds her of Alex who gives helicopter tours. Since Alex isn't used to getting gifts for no reason, she gets Helen one to reciprocate. Then the entire episode is spent with the two women continuing to get better and better gifts for each other out of guilt..LOL This type of almost paranoid over-thinking is what kills stuff early on. Instead of enjoying the gift, the OP should wonder what the "intentions" were?
todreaminblue Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 it is refreshing to read positive dating experiences and i feel what you have is really really good.....i have nothing negative to say nothing to offer,other than to say.when and if i were to start dating a guy i would want my dates to be the same.........thanks for posting and it sounds like it is really working for you.......best wishes...deb
Author BluegrassBaldGuy Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 Of course when it's tit for tat notekeeping, it's gonna feel forced. But I imagine in the OPs case, it feels natural. And that's how it should be! Mutual effort between two, where neither has to feel like they're putting in way more than they are getting back. Everything feels balanced. Thanks for the responses. On one hand, I will say that it hasn't been like a "50/50 checklist" that is planned or plotted out. At least, that hasn't been the intention. Maybe her first gift to me was in response to my first one... I don't know. And frankly, I could care less. It seemed genuine and like she just wanted to, so I'll take it. I don't require an explanation or anything lol. Also, there was a good point made earlier that I shouldn't expect this to last and to check my expectations. I completely agree and that is a fair warning. So far our dates have all been unique and pretty different from each other, so here's to avoiding the dreaded "familiarity formula" that couples can fall into. But yeah, I don't want it to get where one of us is "expecting" a gift or some sign of gratitude from the other. We get plenty of enjoyment out of just doing things and talking with each other. If she never gives me anything else, that's all good. Still, it is cool when one person occasionally surprises the other with something creative or thoughtful. Anyway, I was simply pointing out how things had gone so far. I felt it was worth posting because it's been unexpected and nice. 1
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