Rexxy Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 My girlfriend of 3 months decided to end the relationship with me, we both decided it was a good idea to break up. Honestly it was the best break-up ever, we went to a cafe and it literally felt like a date. We were laughing and joking together and went our separate ways. It was actually like we were back to normal strange enough, it was great. Now she dumped me for the following reasons: *She is in a really stressful situation regarding family and work *She wanted me to be more mature and stop acting like a boy *She wanted to focus on what she was doing in life *She said that she realized how much more I cared for her than she did for me I agreed to go our separate ways because: *She was never really their for me when I needed her *She honestly didn't care for me that much when I was down etc 8 hours after the break-up i get a message from her saying "I miss you" Once I read it (she can tell I read it), I didn't reply and 5 mins later she said "sorry, forget it" I texted her back the next day saying "I hope you're doing well" and she replied with "you too" Now i want her back because we do get a long really well but I want her to know what its like when I'm not their for her, the things that I listed above that resulted in the break-up are all fixable. How should I respond to her or what should I say after receiving those texts?
TunaCat Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Do not respond. Block her from contacting you at all. If she can't get in contact with you, she'll start to wonder what you're doing, who you're doing it with and if she made a mistake by breaking up with you. Staying in contact makes it impossible for her to miss you. 1
Author Rexxy Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Do not respond. Block her from contacting you at all. If she can't get in contact with you, she'll start to wonder what you're doing, who you're doing it with and if she made a mistake by breaking up with you. Staying in contact makes it impossible for her to miss you. Ok, I guess that is the No contact rule I've heard about. How long do I hold that off for or what do I wait for?
TunaCat Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Ok, I guess that is the No contact rule I've heard about. How long do I hold that off for or what do I wait for? Yes, sticking to strict no contact thing is the best thing right now. You don't wait for anything. If she genuinely changes her mind and wants to give it another go, she'll find her way around your roadblocks and contact you and tell you point blank that she wants to get back together. There's no timetable for this thing.
Author Rexxy Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Yes, sticking to strict no contact thing is the best thing right now. You don't wait for anything. If she genuinely changes her mind and wants to give it another go, she'll find her way around your roadblocks and contact you and tell you point blank that she wants to get back together. There's no timetable for this thing. So basically I go on with my own life, giving her no contact, and maybe she'll mention getting back together. But I should ignore all other messages that don't involve getting back together?
hunk Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Yes. Literally ignore ANYTHING that isn't along the lines of wanting to start again. It is NOT hard for someone to come out and outright say this and if she truly wanted to get back together she would have no problem saying these words. Treat any other message/contact as meaningless and just her trying to alleviate guilt and stroke her own ego, none of it has anything to do with you unless it's her admitting she messed up and wants to try again. 4
Seeker12 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Follow what these posters have told you honestly OP, you want her to miss you, wonder whats going on etc etc staying in her life isnt going to let that happen, NC is the best choice.
Author Rexxy Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 She texted me saying: "I really do want you but its honestly just not the right time for me. I can't be the girlfriend you want me to be at the moment. And its not fair on you. You deserve better" How in the world do I respond to that?
Jimmyjackson Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 She texted me saying: "I really do want you but its honestly just not the right time for me. I can't be the girlfriend you want me to be at the moment. And its not fair on you. You deserve better" How in the world do I respond to that? You don't. 3
TunaCat Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 She texted me saying: "I really do want you but its honestly just not the right time for me. I can't be the girlfriend you want me to be at the moment. And its not fair on you. You deserve better" How in the world do I respond to that? You don't! She's just trying to assuage her guilty feelings. Delete the message & block her number. 1
Author Rexxy Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 I'm still doing no contact, it's now 2 days later and she's sending me photos of us together already. I'll hold it off until she mentions she wants to get back together, I'll probably won't ever message her again unless that happens.
Ruby65 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 "I really do want you but its honestly just not the right time for me. I can't be the girlfriend you want me to be at the moment. And its not fair on you. You deserve better" What a crock!!! What she really means is: "I'm just not that into but I'm afraid of being single and alone, so I'd really like you to be my Plan B safety net in case I don't meet anyone else. Let's keep the drama going as long as possible... until I find my next boyfriend!" Block her on your phone -- or better yet, change your number! Block her online, just cut her off everywhere. She can't miss you if you don't go away. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com 2
ZiggyZoo Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I'm still doing no contact, it's now 2 days later and she's sending me photos of us together already. I'll hold it off until she mentions she wants to get back together, I'll probably won't ever message her again unless that happens. Two things. One, how is she sending you pictures if you're NC? Unless they're through the mail, you're not doing it right. BLOCK HER. Two, NC is not for her to miss you. That's manipulative as hell, and it isn't meant for that. Stop reading those "Get Your Ex Back in 30 Days" sites. NC is meant for you to step away and move forward from the relationship. You two broke up for plenty of valid reasons, and until those have been resolved, it's just going to be the same relationship with the same problems. It's normal to have second thoughts when the reality of a breakup sets in. These aren't to be confused with really wanting to rekindle it though. That's why NC is so important, in the first month or so after the breakup all you're going to want to do is get back together at any cost. You need to take time to decide if this is what you really want, so that's what NC is for. I'd say at least 90 days is necessary to figure it all out. 2
Author Rexxy Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 I uploaded a picture of myself to facebook of me in the gym training for my next boxing fight. About 30 mins after I uploaded it she contacted me again saying "Hi. Sorry to bother you. But my boots are at your house. When you are in the area can you either drop them off at my work or home? They are out the front I think" I'm not sure if it's a coincidence with the photo but how do I handle this situation when I'm trying to do 'no contact'. She doesn't have a car so she can't collect them herself. I haven't replied yet. Any suggestions?
hunk Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I would reply with "sure" and then would just drop them at her place. That's it. Do it when she's not home so you don't have to see her or talk to her. Just say "sure" or something completely non-open ended so a stupid conversation doesn't start, and do it when you can. Also don't read into that message - it's her asking for her boots. That's it. Nothing else to read into. 1
ZiggyZoo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I uploaded a picture of myself to facebook of me in the gym training for my next boxing fight. About 30 mins after I uploaded it she contacted me again saying "Hi. Sorry to bother you. But my boots are at your house. When you are in the area can you either drop them off at my work or home? They are out the front I think" I'm not sure if it's a coincidence with the photo but how do I handle this situation when I'm trying to do 'no contact'. She doesn't have a car so she can't collect them herself. I haven't replied yet. Any suggestions? Just drop them off. How did she message you? No Contact means blocking her from FB and all other social media. She shouldn't have been able to either see the picture OR message you. 1
totenkopf Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Honestly mate listen to these replies I wish I had posted on here when I had trouble from the start with my ex girlfriend. We would argue she would say it was over then text hours later saying she missed me etc. Like a fool I would forget what had happened and it would all be swept under the carpet until the day that she walked away for good and never sent the I miss you text. Two months on she was with someone else and engaged to him after six weeks. Please listen to what the other posters are telling you. Regards. 1
quattrob Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 My girlfriend of 3 months decided to end the relationship with me, we both decided it was a good idea to break up. Honestly it was the best break-up ever, we went to a cafe and it literally felt like a date. We were laughing and joking together and went our separate ways. It was actually like we were back to normal strange enough, it was great. Now she dumped me for the following reasons: *She is in a really stressful situation regarding family and work *She wanted me to be more mature and stop acting like a boy *She wanted to focus on what she was doing in life *She said that she realized how much more I cared for her than she did for me I agreed to go our separate ways because: *She was never really their for me when I needed her *She honestly didn't care for me that much when I was down etc 8 hours after the break-up i get a message from her saying "I miss you" Once I read it (she can tell I read it), I didn't reply and 5 mins later she said "sorry, forget it" I texted her back the next day saying "I hope you're doing well" and she replied with "you too" Now i want her back because we do get a long really well but I want her to know what its like when I'm not their for her, the things that I listed above that resulted in the break-up are all fixable. How should I respond to her or what should I say after receiving those texts? I don't come to LS to post much anymore but seeing your post reminds me how much your relationship resembled mine. My ex was the same, she didn't care as much for me as I did for her, she kept taking and not giving, I was delusional and ignored how she was and blinded by faith/belief that she would be better. Only when she decided to walk away was when I realized I was being a fool. She said the same things your ex said, she thinks I deserve better and that she needs to better herself first etc. Don't wait for anyone like this, the chances of them ever changing and actually caring for you enough is next to slim. You deserve better than someone who decided to walk away because of their own selfishness, rather than improve themselves, they chose to leave. This is lack of care and selfish.
Author Rexxy Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 I don't come to LS to post much anymore but seeing your post reminds me how much your relationship resembled mine. My ex was the same, she didn't care as much for me as I did for her, she kept taking and not giving, I was delusional and ignored how she was and blinded by faith/belief that she would be better. Only when she decided to walk away was when I realized I was being a fool. She said the same things your ex said, she thinks I deserve better and that she needs to better herself first etc. Don't wait for anyone like this, the chances of them ever changing and actually caring for you enough is next to slim. You deserve better than someone who decided to walk away because of their own selfishness, rather than improve themselves, they chose to leave. This is lack of care and selfish. I'm starting to realize only 4 days after the breakup how much of a fool I was for going a long with the relationship expecting her to change. I always cared for her and got nothing in return, one day when I needed her comfort I called her and ended up going over to her place at around 7pm on a thursday . While I was explaining what I was going through and telling her that I just needed her comfort and support for the night, one of her housemates said they're all going to the pub with a group of people. She turned to me and said "Okay just sit with me while I get ready to go out". She literally got ready to go out to the pub with a group of people then left me to go home so she could party. Then at 2:30am i got a call from her telling me to come pick her up and she wants to the spend the night with me, telling me she had so much fun that night. Honestly its been 4 days and I don't even feel like I miss her after thinking it all through. 1
Author Rexxy Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 It's now been 5 days since the break-up and I feel absolutely amazing, it's like I don't miss her at all. I've realized how bad she treated me and I'm moving onto something better. I don't know if this is too early but my sister introduced me to one of her friends that I haven't met before and we really kicked it off. We went out clubbing for my sisters birthday and I was talking to this girl for the whole night. I didn't make out with her because I felt like that was still a bit early to be doing. Now I'm sharing this because I don't actually think this girl would be a rebound.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 She would be a rebound because you are not over your ex. There is no way you got over her in 5 days from what you have posted here. You are just on a little high from having a good night out. You will crash (sorry to say) and you will rise again. Rinse, repeat. Focus on yourself right now. Learn to be alone. Keep talking to this girl if you want, but stay friends and get to know her slowly. Otherwise all you will end up doing is comparing the two, and it's not fair to anyone involved. If it doesn't work out, it will only make you want your ex back EVEN MORE. 2
Author Rexxy Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 She would be a rebound because you are not over your ex. There is no way you got over her in 5 days from what you have posted here. You are just on a little high from having a good night out. You will crash (sorry to say) and you will rise again. Rinse, repeat. Focus on yourself right now. Learn to be alone. Keep talking to this girl if you want, but stay friends and get to know her slowly. Otherwise all you will end up doing is comparing the two, and it's not fair to anyone involved. If it doesn't work out, it will only make you want your ex back EVEN MORE. Ok thanks for the advice. I'll keep focusing on myself.
preraph Posted April 18, 2015 Posted April 18, 2015 Anytime anyone says any version of "you deserve better," take them at their word. This means she does not view herself as being able to be a real girlfriend to you. She knows she isn't right for you. All this "at this time" stuff is just filler women put in because they are trying not to hurt your feelings, but it's a bad thing to do, putting that in, because it gives the impression there will be a time for you and that is not the case. She is feeling guilty because you liked her more than she liked you. She feels bad about hurting you. Doesn't mean she wants you back. 1
hunk Posted April 18, 2015 Posted April 18, 2015 ^^^^ THIS is exactly right. Completely spot on. I felt this way about my ex and even gave her the "you deserve better" because I knew I could never be the boyfriend she deserved. Even though she dumped me I had basically ended the relationship from the point I told her that. "You deserve better" essentially means exactly that. It's not some cryptic code or something, when I said those words I meant it with my entire heart. 1
Recommended Posts