Still think about her everyday...

[roger808]

So my girlfriend of over 3 years broke up with me in august so it has been about 9 months, and although I am doing so much better it is still so hard for me to not think about her.

 

Here is a little background. I met her in high school and we were really good friends for about 3 years. We went to junior prom together and hooked up, but we were just friends again after. We went to prom together again senior year and this time we kept hooking up, and eventually started dating. We fell madly in love, she is the most fun, sweetest, and most genuine girl I have ever known. And being with her was a dream. We never fought and always had an amazing time together. She made me the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.

 

After high school ended we had an incredible summer together, but she was moving from california to colorado for college while i was attending college in cali. So we were in a long distance relationship for the majority of it. Although it was hard a times it was always completely worth it. Especially since she would be home for the summer and we would literally spend every day together.

 

So our relationship was amazing and to me everything seemed normal. This last summer she volunteered at a hospital and had to go to colorado for part of it to take a class. When she came back from colorado she broke up with me which felt like out of nowhere.

 

She told me that ever since volunteering at the hospital that she wanted to feel independent and not have her actions effect any one else. She tole me she wanted to be on her own and grow as an individual. This was so hard for me to hear and understand. But I tried my best to accept it. She said she also didn't know where she was going to grad school after college, and didn't want to continue a long distance relationship.

 

After reading about Grass is greener syndrome on theses forums it sounds exactly like what she had. She told me she still loves me, but isn't in love with me.

 

I was so depressed for months after it happened, but now I am doing pretty good. Just trying to focus on myself and improving myself. I've been working out, eating healthy, and I feel great. Been working a lot, and slowly developing what will pan out to be my future career.

 

Now the thing that has been bothering me lately is the fact that she now has a new boyfriend. I broke nc and texted her about a month ago. And when she told me she was with someone else now, it felt as if my heart after almost being healed, got broken yet again. It hurts my feelings so much because she told me "I don't want to be in a relationship right now, right now school is more important than love for me." She said that because I told her that I think love is more important than anything. She told me we are very different people then.

 

She lied to me then! Obviously school isn't more important than love is she is dating someone new her senior year right before graduating, I just don't understand how she could end our amazing relationship over school, but then start a new relationship right before she graduated, I mean she will probably end up in another long distance relationship since she is going to move somewhere new for grad school.

 

It is just frustrating to me, it seems like everything she told me when she broke up with me was a lie, maybe to try and hurt my feeling less, but now that I know the truth it hurst twice as much.

 

If you took the time to read this thank you very much, I would appreciate any comments if any one can relate or has advice. She was my first love, and we both lost our virginity to each other. The fact that she is with someone else and is able to move on so quickly while I still think about her every day really bothers me.

 

Thanks, hope everyone is doing better than me out there

[NC-Thomas]

Hey Roger, I read your story. I've been where you have been.

 

I have some points for you:

 

1. Did you learn from breaking NC? Do you realize now that breaking NC was actually the worst thing you could do? Refrain from doing it in the future. Ignorance is a bliss. Trust me. Don't snoop around also.

 

2. What's in the past, is in the past. Whether it were lies or not, it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe she had other reasons for breaking up, who knows. Who cares? You create your own piece of mind, by focusing on yourself.

 

3. Also you can't hold her accountable or blaming for anything, it has been 9 months. That's almost a year. A lot happens in a year... like getting a new partner. Are you really stating she lied? C'mon man, that is just plain BS and you know it. People change, people grow. And you are not the same as her new boyfriend.

 

You are doing OK and you will be fine, but you had to learn that digging into the past will only get refrain you from becoming a happy individual once again. The fact that your are still a broken man is because you haven't let it go and haven't accepted reality without her.

 

You need to leave her alone and move on.

[roger808]

Thanks for your response. Your points all do makes sense to me. Yes I think nc is vital and now I am going to stick to it.

 

True the past is the past, but I take lying very seriously. She told me she wanted to be single for her last year of school, and didn't want a relationship at all, she said that was her reason for breaking up with me.

 

So yah she did lie to me. Even if she changed her mind over time, it's still a lie.

 

You are right though, I do just need to move on and accept that there's nothing I can change, thanks. I have been really happy, I just wish I could never think about her again, but she just pops up in my mind usually before going to bed.