Kbomb Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 My EX broke up with me two months ago for another girl I heard they have been fighting alot and hes miserable. And that this past week he has been getting drunk alot. His mom is admitted at the hospital where I work and he left his new g/f there with his mom all weekend but he only came in this morning. He knows I do not work weekends and I was just told that my EX was walking past my office, standing around and smoking. My office is way in the back where patients dont go. Do you think hes trying to bump into me? He has not called , but he is a stubborn person. Please I need advice, I really want to talk to him but dont know what to do.
Jessie1231 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 It sounds like he was in the hospital visiting his mom. This and the other threads you've posted make it clear that you WANT him to miss you and to try to contact you, but he's not. I understand trying to read more into any little thing that happens, but if he wanted to contact you, he would. He was visiting his mother. Let it go. 2
Author Kbomb Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 But why would he come all the way back here, in the industrial part of the hospital and stand right outside my office smoking???
Jessie1231 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Because that's where he is used to smoking since he used to work there? 2
Author Kbomb Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 There are numerous place to smoke. Other than outside my office door. Come on, are you serious????
Jessie1231 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Come on, are you serious???? Do you see the irony in you even asking that question? 1
Author Kbomb Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 You are right jess, its so obvious hes trying to bump into me. Why am I even asking? And why do you keep replying on all my threads so negative?. I have heard your opinions! Thanks! Appreciate it
Seeker12 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Kbomb to be frank with you, no he wasnt trying to bump into you, he went in for his mum, and then went to smoke, you are seriously overanalysing things. Yes we do understand how much you must want to talk to him etc etc, but HE broke up with YOU, now i wont sully or dampen the idea of you two possibly getting together in the future, but right now even if you do, itll be disastrous, youll have trust issues etc and you will fight with him over it eventually. This point in time isnt the best time to get back with him or in contact with him in any form, you need to carry on, rebuild, grow and maybe he will eventually come back to you, but that point in time you will need to be strong enough to make a rational decision based on where your life is, not where it was. You care so much about talking to him etc, did he care when he left you for another girl?
Author Kbomb Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Seeker - I know you are right and I have not called him or tried to contact him. I am trying to move on although Im not going to lie I am still very hurt and still miss him, it was only two months ago. His Mom is in the Surgical ward, So I have been avoiding that area so to not bump into him. There are smoking places right outside the surgical ward but he walked all the way across to the other side of the hospital ( which is pretty far) to smoke his cigarette? Ok he was only visiting his Mom.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Seeker - I know you are right and I have not called him or tried to contact him. I am trying to move on although Im not going to lie I am still very hurt and still miss him, it was only two months ago. His Mom is in the Surgical ward, So I have been avoiding that area so to not bump into him. There are smoking places right outside the surgical ward but he walked all the way across to the other side of the hospital ( which is pretty far) to smoke his cigarette? Ok he was only visiting his Mom. Whether he was trying to bump into you or not doesn't matter. It's way too soon for you to even be considering contact. This is nothing but a breadcrumb, continue NC and ignore it. 3
Jessie1231 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 You are right jess, its so obvious hes trying to bump into me. Why am I even asking? And why do you keep replying on all my threads so negative?. I have heard your opinions! Thanks! Appreciate it Why do you keep posting the same story worded differently and hoping for a different response? Maybe if you hear the same thing many times, you'll finally believe it. 2
Hawaii51 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Those "get-well" flowers were probably for you. 5
Author Kbomb Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Im not posting anything worded differently. its just long and complicated so Im tryna break it down. But all Im hearing from people here is - HATE. We all got our problems thats Y we here. But try to be constructive, try be nice no need to be nasty just because you are feeling bitter in your own situation. THANKS!
Jessie1231 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 You seriously need therapy. Is that constructive enough?
ravfour4 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 lol this is the only thread where i've seen someone just get teared apart. @KBomb, if he wanted to talk to you, he would. The fact he brought his ex-gf to the hospital where he knows you work is disrespectful. If he cared about you, he'd ask you to go see his mom and would not bring his ex who he's apparently unhappy with and arguing with all the time. Apparently not if she's there with him. People are being rude because you're not listening or being logical, you just want us to tell you what you want to hear, but instead we're being honest and trying to help you. It's hard, I know. 2
Author Kbomb Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 You right they are tearing me up! Thats Ok tho Haters are my motivators. Some people are being constructive though and I appreciate it. And maybe Im not thinking logical, sorry 4 that, my bad but I had bomb dropped on me 2 months ago and I aint over it. Least I can admit it. And let me check you on one thing - He did not bring his new chick to the hospital, she was there all weekend BY HERSELF watching his mom because he dint want to be seen wit her. Even today when he was walking around he was not with her. He was getting drunk all weekend and the only day he showed up to the hospital is the day he knows Im at work, then he's walking all around smoking in front of my office. See he moved her into his house to help look after his parents and now he can't get rid of her. Least that what his sister says. Thats what happens when you go the rebound too fast. Go on....Hate away ....Im ready
ZiggyZoo Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 You right they are tearing me up! Thats Ok tho Haters are my motivators. Some people are being constructive though and I appreciate it. And maybe Im not thinking logical, sorry 4 that, my bad but I had bomb dropped on me 2 months ago and I aint over it. Least I can admit it. And let me check you on one thing - He did not bring his new chick to the hospital, she was there all weekend BY HERSELF watching his mom because he dint want to be seen wit her. Even today when he was walking around he was not with her. He was getting drunk all weekend and the only day he showed up to the hospital is the day he knows Im at work, then he's walking all around smoking in front of my office. See he moved her into his house to help look after his parents and now he can't get rid of her. Least that what his sister says. Thats what happens when you go the rebound too fast. Go on....Hate away ....Im ready I honestly don't understand why you even post here, if all you feel is that we're "haters". Seriously, what exactly are we "hating" on? I've been where you are, missing someone like hell, getting little tidbits of what's going on, and trying to read anything and everything into nothing...I don't get what there is to "hate" on here. What I do see is someone, yes, posting the same situation but slightly skewed, with certain bits of relevant information left out. I see this person getting the same advice from many different people, and I see this person getting defensive when others are trying to help. I know I'm personally frustrated as hell, because it seems to me that you aren't appreciating the effort we're putting in to try to help you. You ask our opinion, we give it, and you get defensive because it isn't what you wanted to hear. And believe me, this is by far the only thread where the OP gets upset with what he/she's hearing. I mean, you are still married, this guy has told you from the beginning that he wants to get married himself and have a family. In the entire four years you were together, you made no effort to divorce your husband, so you could move forward with your ex. How do you think that made him feel, to know that you weren't taking his wishes seriously? If it were someone writing in saying that they broke up with their ex because THEY wanted to get married and their ex didn't, we'd support them for taking steps towards finally moving towards a relationship that met their needs and leaving one that looked like it was never going to work. Yes, I know he cheated (actually on both of you, since you hooked up with him after he left you for the other girl). But the fact is still there that your relationship with him wasn't going to work, since it was not possible to meet his big desire, to get married. I think that you really need to stop getting little updates on his new relationship. It's inappropriate at best, immature at worst. It has nothing to do with you, time to move on with YOUR life and let him sink or swim as he sees fit. The big thing to take from the fact that he's still in this terrible, awful relationship is that he's still choosing it over being with you. Read that again, there's only one part of his new relationship that involves you, and it's the fact that you're NOT in it. Speculate about why he's smoking by your office, assure yourself that he was drunk all weekend and only showed up because he knew you were going to be there, conclude that he doesn't want to be seen with his new girlfriend, do whatever you want. Justify his actions anyway you can, the one truth that you can't escape from is that he's with her and not you. Let this go. He is no longer a part of your life. Time to focus on what made you have a four-year long affair in the first place. And a rebound of your own too, with that co-worker of yours. What make you turn to men when things go wrong, instead of being able to depend on yourself? If you fix what's not working well in your own life instead of trying to run from it, I guarantee you'll be much, much happier. Because, you've gotta be miserable right about now. I've been there, frantically trying to find signs that the new relationship is cracking, that he still wants to be with me. Hashing and rehashing his actions, speculating on why he was or wasn't doing something. It's exhausting, and will get you absolutely nowhere. You need to focus on YOU. Grieve this break-up properly instead of denying that it has even happened. The only way out is to get through this. And we'll honestly, honestly help on here. You may hear things you don't want to hear, but sometimes the truth hurts. And admitting that you were wrong sucks. Just remember, we've been where you are. And we've figured out what does and doesn't work. 4
Author Kbomb Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Ziggy - I know you are right on many levels and I totally agree. Why am I posting here - because its better than calling my EX! Its better for me to vent this way than that. I did not mean to say everyone was 'hating'' there have been alot of people that read my post in a non judgmental way and have given me constructive advice. And there are some who are just plain mean people. Thats my opinion anyway. I did not scew my story, I just wanted opinions on different aspects of my messed up relationships. Either way posting here and reading other peoples stories is helping me cope. Thanks for your advice, it helps.
Diezel Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Here is my problem. You are presenting 10% of the situation, so people are going to give you advice based on that 10%, thinking that it's actually closer to 100%, when that is not true. I have to agree with Jess. You are slanting the story to make it seem like this is just another regular relationship and in a way to make it seem like he just dumped you out of the blue. Some of us know that that is not exactly how it went down. So we sit here, and we see people posting based on THIS thread, without the proper context. But to be fair, I'll answer the thread. Is he trying to bump into you? Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't matter. You shouldn't be caring about that. The world is small and at SOME point you WILL bump into him. Be polite and go on your way. That relationship was wrong in every way to begin with and he's moved on to someone else who could give him what you can't. Let. Him. Go.
Author Kbomb Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Thanks for answering the question Diezel - I know I need to let. him. go. I. am. trying. It is so hard because it was out of the blue though! We were planning our future together and he agreed to wait he said he was OK with it because he knew it from the beginning. Even when he was cheating on me he was showing no signs! And when I found out he denied it all the way, until I went to his house and saw her there. Then he had to chose, he thought she was pregnant and he chose her. She lied. I know - It doesn't matter - It was all wrong from the beginning. It still hurts tho.
Diezel Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 He waited for you for 4 years while you were cheating on your husband. I don't think what he did qualifies as cheating on you when you are cheating on someone else.
Author Kbomb Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 I never cheated on my husband. He knew about my relationship. Me and my husband were not ''together'' he does his thing and I do mine. IDK why I gotta keep saying the same thing over and over. Yes my EX cheated!!!! And he was wrong! Not me! Don't get it twisted.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I think it's a definitely possibility that he was dropping a breadcrumb. That said, like all other breadcrumbs, just ignore it 1
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