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if a girl overcompensates her confidence during a breakup is that a good indicator?

asdf24

By asdf24
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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People's words don't mean anything. Their actions do. My ex-husband told me every day that he loved me, while he was cheating on me with someone else. Which was true, his words or his actions? His actions, of course. People can say whatever they want, but its their actions that you need to pay attention to.

I also remember her when we first got seperated by her parents.. she didn't respond to my message saying bye to her or asking what happened. She then saw me a month later crying and almost having an anxiety attack because she was so happy

ZiggyZoo Established Member

ZiggyZoo

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Maybe she never felt as strongly about you as you did about her, but you just assumed she did because that's how YOU felt. You projected your feelings onto her, but maybe she didn't ever feel like that.

ZiggyZoo Established Member

ZiggyZoo

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I also remember her when we first got seperated by her parents.. she didn't respond to my message saying bye to her or asking what happened. She then saw me a month later crying and almost having an anxiety attack because she was so happy

 

She just sounds more and more unhinged. And anxiety attack because she was so happy? Is that a good thing? This girl sounds like she's constantly on the edge of a breakdown. And look at her actions. She didn't respond to you for a month. What does THAT tell you?

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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She is a young girl, what her parents say and approve of still means a lot to her and she has her future to consider here.

This romance was always doomed and just another example of young love that dies when reality sinks in. She has her life to live.

 

As Ziggy Zoo says, words are cheap, anyone can say anything, they don't have to always tell the truth.

This was your mistake for investing so much in a very young girl who was never old enough or mature enough to mean what she said or act consistently.

 

Would you suggest a sixteen year old boy would be a good candidate for a serious long term relationship? I guess you wouldn't, why then would a sixteen year old girl be any different?

You got 2 years of her life, be very grateful you even got that.

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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It tells me that she knows I'm not good for her life and is trying her best to stay away from me Even though she wants me more than anything. Idk that's what I got out of it. What did you get out of that.

ZiggyZoo Established Member

ZiggyZoo

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I'm done. I'm sorry, but we're just going to disagree here. You are determined to see everything she says as proof somehow that she wants to be with you. She doesn't, and I'm tired of saying it. Maybe someone will come along and agree with you and make you happy, but I'm done.

 

She's f*cking crazy. I mean bat sh*t crazy, and when you pull your head out of your butt and realize this, you're going to hate that you wasted so much time on her. Let it go, she's not coming back. She's not sending you hidden messages, you're making all that up. She never even said that she loved you...I can't do it anymore.

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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Listen ziggy I'm not trying to disagree with you or piss you off just trying to get answers. She did she she loved me plenty of times said she truley did. It's just everytime I thought she didn't care she always surprised me and it was insane. I think she just hides it well. Impossible to figure out. Just in a really bad place right now I'm trying to figure this out. I've told people the story and have gotten conflicting answers. I know it's probably frustering to talk to me.

seminoles84 Established Member

seminoles84

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No one here has the answer. I agree with what others have said in this thread so far. Good luck.

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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No one here has the answer. I agree with what others have said in this thread so far. Good luck.

 

I mena I have to question why she would call me back the next day crying if she really just lost interest and didn't want me anymore

seminoles84 Established Member

seminoles84

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Insecure. Mine did the same thing. She actually said she wanted me to try and fix thing! I took that and ran with it for months thinking she really wanted to be with me but was just confused. Nope, turns out it was an ego boost thing. She was fing her ex and telling me I should fix things. I was naive and an idiot. Don't make the same mistake. When I said f it right after she broke up with me and wasn't will to beg and chase her, she took a shot to her ego and her solution was to dangle a little hope in my face and have me chase her. NO CONTACT PEOPLE! It's really for the best..

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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Idk it really did seem genuine. Saying I only want you only you make me happy said she was lying last night. Maybe I am being Naive. Dude it flusters me not knowing because. One she did call me back the next day crying and **** asking for me back. Two I offered her multiple times for her to leave and she never wanted to take it and she would cry saying she just wanted me. I even offered a break before the breakup and she started crying saying she said she didn't want that. The last time I saw her before the breakup she got in a fight with her mom and said she should come another time I had her bday gifts and everything. She got to my house and she started crying saying I want you but I want my mom crying saying she doesn't know what to do. Remember her mom was going to disown her if she chose me. I don't know if someone could be that manipulative. Then when I saw her a month later.. she seemed so emotional and kind of pissed off to see me. She went on a rant on how much I hurt her and how I never showed her any love at all. She said before.. Its going to take me a loong time to get over you. Then when she was pissed she said "I can bounce back pretty fast idk if thats a good thing or bad thing" sounds like she was overcompensating her confidence.

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Riptide91 Established Member

Riptide91

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Then when she was pissed she said "I can bounce back pretty fast idk if thats a good thing or bad thing" sounds like she was overcompensating her confidence.

 

Dude you sound like you're just trying to prove something to yourself no matter what anyone tells you. I know you're looking for advice but I feel like leaving any advice here is as good as talking to a wall. I hope you figure out what will make you happy because it seems to me your making yourself believe things that truly have no meaning, i.e. all the little things she said. People say things that mean nothing all the time. Good luck!

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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Dude you sound like you're just trying to prove something to yourself no matter what anyone tells you. I know you're looking for advice but I feel like leaving any advice here is as good as talking to a wall. I hope you figure out what will make you happy because it seems to me your making yourself believe things that truly have no meaning, i.e. all the little things she said. People say things that mean nothing all the time. Good luck!
Everyone I have told in real life tells me this now I'm getting a different opinion online.. I just don't know what to believe. I'm not trying to defend myself. Do you still believe she just lost interest?
Riptide91 Established Member

Riptide91

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I honestly believe you need to let this go. Build a solid relationship with someone who is ready to do so as well. She doesn't sound like she's ready for anything like that, and judging by her age that's expected. I didn't note how old you were but I'm assuming around there too. You both need to get out and explore and find and love yourselves first. I think you're reading into everything waaaay too much and should just accept it for what it is. Heal, grow, and move on. I know you'll probably try to argue with me because of something she said and all that jazz but this is my opinion and advice and what you do with it or decide to act on is always your choice. Again, good luck!

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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Everyone I have told in real life tells me this now I'm getting a different opinion online.. I just don't know what to believe. I'm not trying to defend myself. Do you still believe she just lost interest?

 

Yes. She's no longer with you, therefore she's not interested enough to be in a relationship with you. Your head is so far in the clouds and you are trying so hard to justify this in your head that you sound like a jackass right now, no offense meant. This isn't a movie, this isn't the Notebook or any other romantic comedy/drama. You had your time, but now she feels the need to go on different adventures. There's really no arguing this, no matter how badly you try in this thread.

 

I'm sorry dude, your dishes are done here. It's time for you to stop grasping on to false hope, accept the breakup for what it is (the end of a romantic relationship between two young people who still have a lot of growing to do), move forward and learn from this. Stop this insanity though.

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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Yes. She's no longer with you, therefore she's not interested enough to be in a relationship with you. Your head is so far in the clouds and you are trying so hard to justify this in your head that you sound like a jackass right now, no offense meant. This isn't a movie, this isn't the Notebook or any other romantic comedy/drama. You had your time, but now she feels the need to go on different adventures. There's really no arguing this, no matter how badly you try in this thread.

 

I'm sorry dude, your dishes are done here. It's time for you to stop grasping on to false hope, accept the breakup for what it is (the end of a romantic relationship between two young people who still have a lot of growing to do), move forward and learn from this. Stop this insanity though.

I just don't know ifI'm being naive. It's killing me though. I guess an outside perspective has no tainted opinion though.
Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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I just don't know ifI'm being naive. It's killing me though. I guess an outside perspective has no tainted opinion though.

 

You're being delusional. Stuff she said to you before you broke up does not matter once the breakup is made. The breakup trumps all. And the fact that she continues to not only stay broken up with you is what's important, not these fantasies you're latching on to.

 

It's time to come back to the real world man. It's over. You need to let go instead of desperately clutching on to straws and falsehoods. She chose not to be with you and continues to choose not to be with you. Everything else is colored bubbles.

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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You're being delusional. Stuff she said to you before you broke up does not matter once the breakup is made. The breakup trumps all. And the fact that she continues to not only stay broken up with you is what's important, not these fantasies you're latching on to.

 

It's time to come back to the real world man. It's over. You need to let go instead of desperately clutching on to straws and falsehoods. She chose not to be with you and continues to choose not to be with you. Everything else is colored bubbles.

 

This is why its confusing to me. Same situation just worded differently and everyone else tells me different. If you want to take the time to click that.

 

My girlfriend dumped me should I take it personal? - GirlsAskGuys

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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This is why its confusing to me. Same situation just worded differently and everyone else tells me different. If you want to take the time to click that.

 

My girlfriend dumped me should I take it personal? - GirlsAskGuys

 

Everyone? It was like three people dude. And they all said that her relationship with her parents trumped her relationship with you. They are trying to be nice to you and make you feel better but facts are facts -- there are other factors in her life that she deemed more important than continuing with you. Even if she still does like you she doesn't value you more than her parents and her future right now. I'm sorry dude, but you really need to accept the results instead of looking for signals from things that were said in the past. Once again, it's time for you to rejoin the real world.

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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Everyone? It was like three people dude. And they all said that her relationship with her parents trumped her relationship with you. They are trying to be nice to you and make you feel better but facts are facts -- there are other factors in her life that she deemed more important than continuing with you. Even if she still does like you she doesn't value you more than her parents and her future right now. I'm sorry dude, but you really need to accept the results instead of looking for signals from things that were said in the past. Once again, it's time for you to rejoin the real world.

 

Dont expect her to value me more than her parents or her whole future but you guys are acting like she just flat out lost attraction and interest in me. Like she doesnt even want to be with me.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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Dont expect her to value me more than her parents or her whole future but you guys are acting like she just flat out lost attraction and interest in me. Like she doesnt even want to be with me.

 

She doesn't. She broke up with you and has continued to be broken up with you. If she doesn't want to be with you 100 percent than she might as well be at 0 percent. Her interest in you, whatever it is, is not as strong as her interest in her parents, college, or just experiencing life. I don't see why you don't seem to grasp this or why you think being (at best) her No. 4 interest means anything positive for you.

 

I mean, you need to stop arguing and being weird and accept the reality -- it's not meant to be at this point and there's a good shot that it will never get to be that way. You're holding on to some weird hope that makes no sense.

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asdf24 Member

asdf24

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She doesn't. She broke up with you and has continued to be broken up with you. If she doesn't want to be with you 100 percent than she might as well be at 0 percent. Her interest in you, whatever it is, is not as strong as her interest in her parents, college, or just experiencing life. I don't see why you don't seem to grasp this or why you think being (at best) her No. 4 interest means anything positive for you.

 

I mean, you need to stop arguing and being weird and accept the reality -- it's not meant to be at this point and there's a good shot that it will never get to be that way. You're holding on to some weird hope that makes no sense.

 

I've heard of people having to let go of people they truley love either because of trust or they just arent right or its just causing too much pain. Are you saying all these people are lying? You make it seem like she never even loved me at all and just was a synical woman who went from 100 to 0 in a second.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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I've heard of people having to let go of people they truley love either because of trust or they just arent right or its just causing too much pain. Are you saying all these people are lying? You make it seem like she never even loved me at all and just was a synical woman who went from 100 to 0 in a second.

 

I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that RIGHT NOW you aren't her priority. And no, she didn't go from 100 to 0. It probably slowly went down over time as other things became a bigger priority. Dude, you aren't a character in Romeo and Juliet. I hate to come off like a d--k, but you just are typing complete nonsense right now.

 

If it's this true love like you seem convinced that it is (probably because you watch too many movies) then in time (years down the road) maybe she'll come back around. But RIGHT NOW she does not want to be with you. She wants to do other things and there's a very good chance that when she does these other things she'll meet someone else who is a better fit for her. So you can't sit here being all weird and refusing to let go. All you are doing is hurting yourself with your attitude and your refusal to accept what's happened.

 

Anyway, I think I'm bowing out of this thread. You don't seem to want to listen -- you just want people to agree with you. Best of luck.

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Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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I'm sorry but as the dumpee you have no other choice in the matter.

Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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I just really don't want to look like the sad little victim.. last thing I want her to do is feel bad for me.
There is a world of difference between being a sad victim and treating her like a piece of meat ...
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