if a girl overcompensates her confidence during a breakup is that a good indicator?

[asdf24]

So we had plans to move out and she was pretty much runni ng away from home. If she left with me she would dropping her college funds and ever talking to her mom again. Dropping everything for me. She was all ready and backed out last minute. I never showed her how much I cared for her. I was madly in love with her. She said she didn't even think I would have a reaction thought I'd be completley fine. when I told her that's not the case she told me don't think it's because I don't love you.. said it's going to take... a long time to get over me. Said she can't even look at another guy.

 

She broke up with me cried for. me and asked me back the next day hysterically I rejected her I guess because I was so hurt and my pride got in the way. We got in a bad fight after that. Then asked for her back at the end and she rejected. me again. Said I think u just like the fact that I always come back. Saying I've been moody and say mean things.

 

I had to pick some stuff up after a couple messy fights and she brought up how I didn't care or show her anything and she regrets telling. me she loves. me because I didn't show her anything in return and she felt used. She then said 'I bounce back pretty quick so I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing.'

 

It was a cluster **** of a relationship we would sneak around once Or twice a month.. got distant and passive aggressive. Note she's only a year out of high school.

[ZiggyZoo]

What exactly are you needing help with here? I read the post's title, but I'm still not sure...

[asdf24]

Do you think she's hurting too? Based on the info I have you.. her overcompensating.

[ZiggyZoo]

I went back and refreshed my memory about what else you had written. I remember her now. And honestly, I don't know WHAT to say to you. She seems to have a very hard time controlling her emotions, and you describe her as "hysterical" in just about every post you write. She sounds like a mess. It looks like she overcompensates with everything.

 

This relationship was terrible. I don't know why you'd care if she's hurting or not, you're better off getting as far away from her as possible. I know you probably still have feelings for her, but I don't see how there could possibly be a future with her.

[asdf24]

I guess I'm being insecure by her ending it.. I don't know if it was me or just the situation. I really did love her.

[sutsie]

How long ago was this break up? Any girl thats highschool or college age will always be hysterical. And all the guys at this age that are actually good guys will always get hurt. I'm sure she's hurting but the thing is you'll probably never see it. I'm completely torn up about my break up from a month ago but theres no way of her ever knowing im torn up about it.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I don't know about overcompensating but the whole thing sounds kind of unhealthy and overdramatic and probably it's better that she doesn't give up her school funding and her mom ... I'm sorry you are hurt though.

[asdf24]

Well I never came off as the good guy I guess till the end when I reviewed my emotions. But other than I've done nothing but hurt her apparently. But I got her a gift for her bday and idk I think I dis it alright towards the end but never treated her a woman.. I treated her like a piece of meat. She said she felt used. I wrote her a fricken 10 page letter and dropped it off at her work. First nice thing I've ever really done for her. What do you think about it based on my post. Do you think she loved me and just wanted to end it her being strong or do you think she just fell out of love. I don't want her to look at me as a victim. I told her I had a new job at a nightclub doing high end security she knows I was going out a lot because of social media.. hanging out with other females. Truth is that was all an act I was really at home just thinking about her. But its been 2 months now.

[sutsie]

Well first off if your goal is to get her back, don't be doing the social media game. Since my break up I can tell you that my ex has been tweeting to every guy she knows and going to Ttown and getting drunk and stuff with guys and it hurts but I'll tell you that I went from wanting her back to never wanting to even speak about her or to her again all in the span of a single month. It's helped me realize she wasn't the one. It would've made me hurt a lot worse if she stayed off social media since I'd have to be curious and not knowing what she's doing. Is your goal to get her back or simply to know if she's hurting?

[d0nnivain]

So we had plans to move out and she was pretty much runni ng away from home. If she left with me she would dropping her college funds and ever talking to her mom again. Dropping everything for me.

 

Note she's only a year out of high school.

 

I didn't read the back story but at the ripe old age of 18 or 19 to think that she was going to give up college, never talk to her parents again and run away with you, is a fantasy. She came to her senses & decided to keep her life on track.

 

She may very well be upset by the break up trying to put on a brave face but you weren't thinking clearly if you honestly believe that a romantic relationship was more important or better than a college education.

[asdf24]

I didn't read the back story but at the ripe old age of 18 or 19 to think that she was going to give up college, never talk to her parents again and run away with you, is a fantasy. She came to her senses & decided to keep her life on track.

 

She may very well be upset by the break up trying to put on a brave face but you weren't thinking clearly if you honestly believe that a romantic relationship was more important or better than a college education.

 

Was going to help her out with school we were going to make it work. I told her.my priority was to make sure she goes to school

[d0nnivain]

That's nice that you were worried about her school but it's still unrealistic.

[asdf24]

I just really don't want to look like the sad little victim.. last thing I want her to do is feel bad for me.

[asdf24]

Well first off if your goal is to get her back, don't be doing the social media game. Since my break up I can tell you that my ex has been tweeting to every guy she knows and going to Ttown and getting drunk and stuff with guys and it hurts but I'll tell you that I went from wanting her back to never wanting to even speak about her or to her again all in the span of a single month. It's helped me realize she wasn't the one. It would've made me hurt a lot worse if she stayed off social media since I'd have to be curious and not knowing what she's doing. Is your goal to get her back or simply to know if she's hurting?

 

It was never obvious. Just subtle.. hanging out with friends.. funny stuff. a girl in the background Laughing in my room. Could of been anyone right. Also said I love my new job at this club pictures of that.

[ZiggyZoo]

Listen man, I'm sorry, but you need to let this go. I've read alllllll your posts, and this relationship was textbook unhealthy, toxic, doomed...

 

OK, you hooked up when she was 16 and you were her boss. She lied about a few things, mainly being promiscuous for some reason. Her parents found out and forbid her from seeing you. She hung out with you anyway, and one night, when she and her friends were at your house, she got so drunk that her friends got scared and called 911. The police showed up, her parents showed up, and she was so hysterical that the ambulance had to take her away. She kept sneaking around to see you, and graduated from high school. She finally ended it when her parents said that it was you or their financial support.

 

Now, that's the short version, but it's ALL SO TOXIC!!! I get that you miss her, but she's 18 years old, you describe her as "hysterical" a number of times, and really have nothing nice to say about your relationship. She sounds unbalanced to say the least, she has a lot of maturing to do. Let this go, stop trying to figure out what she meant by this or that. I bet even SHE doesn't know what she means half the time.

 

You have your life, and she has hers. Block her and go NC, there's no future in this for you two together. If she really wanted to be with you, what would stop her? Think about that, and don't let her keep stringing you along and involved in her craziness.

[asdf24]

What do you mean about that last statement. If she really wanted to be with you what would stop her? Like she doesn't really love me and I'm not worth it to her. Dude I can't tell you how down I am it's scaring me. I feel like she realized she can do better now and I'm just creepy 21 year old who couldn't do better than a younger girl. Everyone tells me different but idk what to think.

[ZiggyZoo]

I have no way of telling how she feels about you. All I know is that she had gone against her parents' wishes in the past to be with you and she's not now. I don't see where you're getting that she thinks you're creepy at all. That's you, playing mind games on yourself. You are never going to really know how another person is feeling, so don't try to assume. All you can do is look at the facts. You two had an unhealthy, immature relationship. Her parents said that if she continued that they would no longer support her. She broke it off and is no longer with you. The only true and factual conclusion that you can draw from that is that she thinks her education is more important than a relationship with you. And you'd have to really be something to compete with preparing for the rest of her life and retaining her parents' approval.

 

Honestly, if you really care, the best way to show it is to honor her wishes. Don't write 10 page letters, don't play stupid social media games. Its over between you two, let her focus on her education. How are you making her life any better or easier by hanging around and telling her how much you're hurting?

[asdf24]

I guess I'm not. I only did that because I never showed her how mu ch I care and I did that because I thought she was too good for me and was scared to open up completely. I just wanted another opinion. Based on the circumstances I mean does it sound like she really did love me and would do anything or does it sound like she lost interest realized this was stupid. I'm aaking you this because you read everything and I was want a solid opinion. That my ease my mind.

[asdf24]

Maybe she was scared that I was going to leave her then she would have nothing to go back to.. I just don't know what happened between then and now. She wanted it so badly before then changed her Mind.

[ZiggyZoo]

I think she lost interest. I think that it really hit her what being with you would mean giving up. I think you guys were never going to work out, she is too young and immature to be in a relationship. I also think that you are being selfish in continuing to pursue her. You are acting to make yourself feel better. She knows how you feel and still chooses to not be with you. That should tell you all you need to know.

[asdf24]

What parts of the story make you say she lost interest

My family said that wasn't the case at all but she just got pressured down.

[ZiggyZoo]

The end part of the story, where she breaks up with you, and stays broken up for two months. That tells me she's lost interest.

[asdf24]

Could you argue and say she just has to be strong and move on no matter how bad it hurts? I mean about a month before this she was literally saying I'll never give up on you..

[ZiggyZoo]

People's words don't mean anything. Their actions do. My ex-husband told me every day that he loved me, while he was cheating on me with someone else. Which was true, his words or his actions? His actions, of course. People can say whatever they want, but its their actions that you need to pay attention to.

[asdf24]

She never even told me that.. that was just my assumption . You keep saying that there was no hope with our situation.. maybe she saw that weve exhuasted All efforts. If she continues talking to me then she knows she can't move on and she did say that.