Dmichael Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Hello all my loveshack people. Before you continue reading, please take a moment to read my other posts to better understand my story. I'll be one the people to tell you that my ex and I did get back together as of a few days ago. We were officially broken up for a little over 4 months. We moved out from each other and went our separate ways. We continued to maintain a level of respect for each other and had '' Limited contact ''. To be exact, 1-3 5 minute phone calls a week, and little spam bite texts here and there. But we never discussed anything about us. I'll tell you what I did when we broke up. If you'v read my other stories, you'll know why we broke up. I started focusing on nothing but my self, as most people here will tell you to do. But this is something you seriously need to apply and force your self to do. In the moment it may seem impossible. You may only want to listen to sad songs and think no one else can feel your pain. The second you start believing in your self, in the second you start winning. I went out and shopped for my self, got a new haircut, started hitting the gym HARD again, started eating better, forced my self to go out with my friends more, although I didn't want to, and I also forced my self on dates. You're probably thinking, but all I can do is focus on my EX, she's ALL I want to be around. The though of you wanting to go on a date seems impossible. Well I'll tell you, the first couple were very hard. All I did was compare and daze out in the open thinking of my ex. But ALL these things help. The laws of attraction begin to take place. You need to understand something, you're of HIGH value. Your ex broke up with you because he/she doesn't VALUE you anymore. If he/she just flat out left you for someone else and your relationship was good, then that's her/his fault and not yours. But if you know and understand the things you did in the relationship, you can fix them and become attractive again. You need to show you're strong, you're enjoying life, you need to say the words to that other person who broke your heart that, '' the break up has been the best thing for you ''. After some time went by I said this to my ex, and it was like a relief lifted off my shoulders. YOU can't be happy NOR make anyone happy until you're happy with your self. I was hurting BAD, I mean bad... But the second you finally say **** it, and you've had enough, it's time for me, is when you start winning. We're still living apart, but we've been together on and off almost every day, sleeping together again, and enjoying dates. We're going slow, but love is love. You can't rush it, you can't force it, if it's there, it'll never be broken. But do the right things and the right things will come to you. Be well my friends.
erklat Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Everything you said is 100% legit except that to truly implement those changes takes hell of a lot more than 4 months with no real no contact. I don't believe in such express reconciliations, sorry. 2
frigginlost Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Hello all my loveshack people. Before you continue reading, please take a moment to read my other posts to better understand my story. I'll be one the people to tell you that my ex and I did get back together as of a few days ago. We were officially broken up for a little over 4 months. We moved out from each other and went our separate ways. We continued to maintain a level of respect for each other and had '' Limited contact ''. To be exact, 1-3 5 minute phone calls a week, and little spam bite texts here and there. But we never discussed anything about us. I'll tell you what I did when we broke up. If you'v read my other stories, you'll know why we broke up. I started focusing on nothing but my self, as most people here will tell you to do. But this is something you seriously need to apply and force your self to do. In the moment it may seem impossible. You may only want to listen to sad songs and think no one else can feel your pain. The second you start believing in your self, in the second you start winning. I went out and shopped for my self, got a new haircut, started hitting the gym HARD again, started eating better, forced my self to go out with my friends more, although I didn't want to, and I also forced my self on dates. You're probably thinking, but all I can do is focus on my EX, she's ALL I want to be around. The though of you wanting to go on a date seems impossible. Well I'll tell you, the first couple were very hard. All I did was compare and daze out in the open thinking of my ex. But ALL these things help. The laws of attraction begin to take place. You need to understand something, you're of HIGH value. Your ex broke up with you because he/she doesn't VALUE you anymore. If he/she just flat out left you for someone else and your relationship was good, then that's her/his fault and not yours. But if you know and understand the things you did in the relationship, you can fix them and become attractive again. You need to show you're strong, you're enjoying life, you need to say the words to that other person who broke your heart that, '' the break up has been the best thing for you ''. After some time went by I said this to my ex, and it was like a relief lifted off my shoulders. YOU can't be happy NOR make anyone happy until you're happy with your self. I was hurting BAD, I mean bad... But the second you finally say **** it, and you've had enough, it's time for me, is when you start winning. We're still living apart, but we've been together on and off almost every day, sleeping together again, and enjoying dates. We're going slow, but love is love. You can't rush it, you can't force it, if it's there, it'll never be broken. But do the right things and the right things will come to you. Be well my friends. While I'm happy for you and your work toward recon with your girl, I take exception to the bolded above. How was it fair to the person sitting across from you that your thoughts were on your ex at the time? A person should *never* use a person nor need validation from someone else to love themselves... 2
Ruby65 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Everything in the OP is straight from one of those "how to get your ex back" programs. 1
dangerbang Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Every situation is different. She clearly didn't completely break up with you and it wasn't the end if you're back together now, for good. Which you very well may not be. If it's final it's final. In your case maybe it wasn't but it's too early to say now. Come back to us in a year and tell us how it's going, it may be very different. Good luck to you anyway.
Stercrazy Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Everything in the OP is straight from one of those "how to get your ex back" programs. Yup.....that's the vibe.
Lovingme81 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 yeah I'm not going to go out and date just to go out and date. That seems just weird to me. I'm not ready for dating at all .
dvx Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Who dumped who? Who reached out to who? And what did you say?
Author Dmichael Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Everything in the OP is straight from one of those "how to get your ex back" programs. Never used any '' dating program, ''. I just finally realized one morning that I felt sick. And the only reason I felt sick was because of me. I knew I couldn't be loved again until I loved my self. So many of us tell each other this, but never actually apply it.
Author Dmichael Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 yeah I'm not going to go out and date just to go out and date. That seems just weird to me. I'm not ready for dating at all . I didn't feel ready to date either. But it's a double edged sword. Why am I going to sit around and sulk. '' I '' made the choice to move on with my life and to have fun. A date is exactly what a date is, a time and place where two people have fun and share time with each other. I may have been heart broken, but not dead. She too was going on dates, so I did as well.
Author Dmichael Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Every situation is different. She clearly didn't completely break up with you and it wasn't the end if you're back together now, for good. Which you very well may not be. If it's final it's final. In your case maybe it wasn't but it's too early to say now. Come back to us in a year and tell us how it's going, it may be very different. Good luck to you anyway. Oh she did. There were times where she said she wanted nothing to do with me, never wanted to see me again, and that we should never talk. When a break up is fresh a lot of things are said. Time is the only real factor. Nor am I saying we're set and stone. But progress is progress. We talked our differences out, and attempting to move forward.
Author Dmichael Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Who dumped who? I was dumped for my actions. If you read my post you'll notice that I said to read my other posts. Who reached out to who? We had both reached out to each other over the course of 4 months. But contact was limited, and conversations were extremely short. And what did you say? Nothing was said. We acted as distant friends. You have to understand when you're broken up, the best thing you can do is to not talk about you guys. Some people choose not to be friends after they break up, but we did. I respected her decision and moved on, and worked on ME.
Ruby65 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Never used any '' dating program, ''. I just finally realized one morning that I felt sick. And the only reason I felt sick was because of me. I knew I couldn't be loved again until I loved my self. So many of us tell each other this, but never actually apply it. Those programs aren't for "dating." They're specifically instructing people to focus on "self-improvement" to get your ex back. Your approach of continuing contact with your ex... and sleeping with her... while she moves on and gets used to being single with the comfort of having you right there, helping her adjust.... seems doomed to failure. But good luck with it, I hope it turns out as you hope! 1
Author Dmichael Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Those programs aren't for "dating." They're specifically instructing people to focus on "self-improvement" to get your ex back. Your approach of continuing contact with your ex... and sleeping with her... while she moves on and gets used to being single with the comfort of having you right there, helping her adjust.... seems doomed to failure. But good luck with it, I hope it turns out as you hope! Our continued contact was maintained due to the child involved. At the moment there's no moving on. We're officially back together, and taking it slow. And thank you, as do I . P.S. I was never instructed to do anything. I instructed my self to stop feeling sorry for my self. You attract what you put out.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I don't know. I honestly don't have a whole lot of faith that this will last. You two have been on and off your whole relationship, she kept you as a plan B this last break-up, and you never did true NC. I don't know how much introspection and looking into why the relationship didn't work if you're still in contact with the person. It seems to me that you never really got over her and she finally decided that she was done dating around. But unless the issues that contributed to the relationship's demise are addressed and fixed, it's just going to end the same way. 2
Author Dmichael Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 I don't know. I honestly don't have a whole lot of faith that this will last. You two have been on and off your whole relationship, she kept you as a plan B this last break-up, and you never did true NC. I don't know how much introspection and looking into why the relationship didn't work if you're still in contact with the person. It seems to me that you never really got over her and she finally decided that she was done dating around. But unless the issues that contributed to the relationship's demise are addressed and fixed, it's just going to end the same way. Agreed. My short comings in the relationship are what made it tumble in the first place. We addressed all the issues and came to a mutual understanding of our indifferences. We've also decided to go to couples therapy as well. We both want it to work. For now we're happy. I'm willing to give it my all again, as is she. But if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. I'm past living with regrets.
No Limit Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 A friend of mine was seperated from her ex and they kept contact continously. Eventually they got back together and today she's annoyed by him but still won't leave due to co-dependancy. If you don't know how to let go, maybe cheating and stuff like this will help your learning process. Good luck.
Author Dmichael Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 A friend of mine was seperated from her ex and they kept contact continously. Eventually they got back together and today she's annoyed by him but still won't leave due to co-dependancy. If you don't know how to let go, maybe cheating and stuff like this will help your learning process. Good luck. We strictly kept in contact due to the child. Every situation is different. We both did let go. I'm almost sensing a vibe that re-kindlement seems impossible for the people struggling with relationship problems on here. I think words of encouragement and positivity should be the main course of words. Going as far as saying cheating will help a person's learning process is about as shallow and narcissistic as they come.
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