Is somone out there going though what I'm going through?

[brookesane]

So this is my first time ever doing anything like this..but I need help and I don't have anyone that I can talk too. I have been with the same person for 8 years thus august. We are engaged. But he cheated and the woman is claiming to be pregant. I do not know what to do or how to react to this. I found out in December about this happening and I've been holding in since then. I love him to death and I want to work though it. We have been though so much just to let it go. Has anyone been through this? Did you stay? Was it worth it? Are you happy? someone please help!

[GemmaUK]

Way more info needed for anyone to offer solid help.

 

 

What does he say about what happened with the lady and about the pregnancy?

[No Limit]

Break the engagement off and run. Cut all ties to him. If you marry a cheater you'll sign your life away.

[brookesane]

he says it was a mistake. basically someone was messaging him saying I was cheating on him with a guy I work with..even tho I wasn't. I don't believe in that. This is litreally the first time this has happened. He says it was a big mistake and that he messed his life up. He said as soon as it happened he screamed and ran out the door. And he said he cried for hours. He still cries. Alot. He says he wants to be in the kids life and I understand that. He says the only thing he would like is for me to love the kid like my own. however we are only going by her word. She hasn't shown any proof. He said she showed him 2 pregancy test at work( since this happened he has been fired from his job and got another one). and then she left a ultrasound picture on his truck. But he can't even remember if her name was even on it.

[d0nnivain]

Yes people have been through this. Use the search feature or read through this cheating section. You will find others who have FIs that (possibly) got someone pregnant.

 

If your guy admits that he was with her, walk away & don't look back. It doesn't matter if the baby is his or not. His alleged reason for being with her -- that he got a message you were cheating -- is BS. While what's good for the goose, may be good for the gander, cheating is not good for your relationship. The fact that he's trying to make this your fault is further proof that you can't marry him.

[sandylee1]

he says it was a mistake. basically someone was messaging him saying I was cheating on him with a guy I work with..even tho I wasn't. I don't believe in that. This is litreally the first time this has happened. He says it was a big mistake and that he messed his life up. He said as soon as it happened he screamed and ran out the door. And he said he cried for hours. He still cries. Alot. He says he wants to be in the kids life and I understand that. He says the only thing he would like is for me to love the kid like my own. however we are only going by her word. She hasn't shown any proof. He said she showed him 2 pregancy test at work( since this happened he has been fired from his job and got another one). and then she left a ultrasound picture on his truck. But he can't even remember if her name was even on it.

 

I've not personally been in your situation but showing a pregnancy test proves nothing. You can pay a pregnant girl to do one for you and women have done this before.

 

Ultrasounds can also be bought online and that means nothing either.

 

Even if she's pregnant it may not be his.

 

When did he sleep with her?

How many weeks pregnant is she claiming to be?

Are you sure it was only once?

 

Has he seen her since?

How did he meet her?

 

You need to know a lot more.

 

If she is pregnant a DNA test is a MUST.

 

There is a lot to think about.

 

- If it's his that means he will continue to have contact with her for the next 18 years.

- Your household income will be greatly affected.

- If you later split with him, any kids you may have will get a lower amount of child support than his affair child.

- The child will be a constant reminder of his infidelity.

- The OW can make your lives he'll. In and out of court. Demanding increased child support. Which she has a legal right to if he gets a new job, gets bonuses etc.

- This could cost thousands in attorney fees.

 

Plus if they are connected via the child, it presents an opportunity to cheat again. He already did at least once.

 

 

Be prepared for people to ask questions about the age of the child, the length of your relationship and put two and two together. That goes for any child you may have with him, asking questions in the future about the half sibling.

Did he confess before you found out?

 

It's a difficult start to a marriage. Not only will you not be the mother to his first child, this child is not from a relationship, but an affair.

 

Above all else, I question how solid your relationship is that he hears a rumour and does nothing to confirm the truth, but decides to cheat on you. Without protection! Putting your health at risk. If you were my daughter, I'd be saying to leave this relationship. If there was no child, I'd still be very sceptical.

 

For you, if there's no child. I suggest Couple's Counselling and there would be A number of conditions to be in place for a successful reconciliation.

 

You sound to forgiving. If you'd cheated and got pregnant would he be so forgiving?

[brookesane]

No he actually told me before I found out. I talked to her once and it was all she wanted was for me to be nice to the kid. let's say.. i talked to her again and she was a totall.. you know what. she said she doesn't want child support (which I know is bull because look at her) he is not signing the birth certificate and it will not have his name. He also stated that if she goes all crazy he will sign his rights away. But I don't think that's right. Yeah he messed up his life especially with me. But it's not the kids fault and I don't want the kid to grow up and hate him self/ herself just because he was a total DA. and I saw done of the messages that where sent. They were saying that they had pictures of me and I even asked him did they send them. Apparently they kept saying that it was dark or blurry and I even told him there's not evidence why believe this BS. Plus come to find out it was her doing this. however, she is still with her boyfriend. I don't understand that. At all. So to be honest I really don't know who the father is. And you bet I will get a DNA test. And i know that people pay pregant people to take a test, that's the main reason why I'm not walking away yet. I don't want to through away a 8 year relationship if this woman is lying. I love him to deat and i know he loves me. this has been one mistake. A very big mistake but still it hurts. And yeah I know it was once I actually asked her before she turnes into a witch and she said it was once. He has nit talked to her since. I had phone records pulled from Verizon ans he has not had any contact with her. I also check his facebook and I get his phone anytime I want it. Plus I know enough people thst if they was to see him out somewhere they would tell me. I just I don't know I'm lost. Seriously and truly lost. I even have a gut instinct that she's not really pregant. I mean heck of she is i might fall on love with it and protect it like my own. Can that actually happen? Could this possibly work?

[brookesane]

Also, this woman knew exactly what shirts and hoddies I would wear to work. She knew what I drove and everything.

[Satu]

He did what he did solely because he wanted to.

 

You had nothing to do with it.

 

If you don't part company with him he will probably do it again.

 

It's in his nature.

 

Save yourself.

[Toodaloo]

Also, this woman knew exactly what shirts and hoddies I would wear to work. She knew what I drove and everything.

 

Right I think you need to lay down the law. You need to cut out all this drama and crap and sort this all out like a grown woman.

 

I know your head is spinning but break it down into simple steps so you can move forward.

 

I would split it into two separate issues.

 

The baby issue

 

1. Get a paternity test

 

That way you and your partner will know for sure.

 

Until you know that you can't make any further decisions about that issue.

 

Next deal with the infidelity.

 

Was it a one time thing? Was it frequent? Did he use contraception/ protection? Do you need to get tested for STD's? Why does he think he did it and what is he going to do to prevent it from happening again?

 

Lastly how are you both going to improve the relationship that you have together and move forward with this.

 

You need to keep calm and strong. If you need to cry, scream etc phone a friend that you can trust or a relative you can trust and speak to them.

 

Time for the drama to end once and for all.

[Diezel]

Forget the pregnancy.

 

HE CHEATED.

 

If you stay with him, what you are telling him is: Hey, it's okay to cheat on me, we'll still get married. And then you can keep doing it to me while we're married too and you can tell me all about it eventually and about how much you cried.

 

Dump him.

 

NOW.

[SycamoreCircle]

No one needs to go through this to offer insight.

 

Somehow, you've managed to soften the features of a very hard visage.

 

This is a toxic person and a toxic relationship and you need to exit immediately.

 

I'm sorry for your pain.

[PrettyEmily77]

If you don't want to make any rash decisions now (it must be very difficult for you to get your head round this craziness), at least step away from the drama for a while. Have you got a friend or family member you could stay with for a few days to get your head straight? You need to be able to register all of this without your fiance or the girl he cheated on you with putting ideas in your head.

 

 

If she is pregnant it would have to be sorted out between the potential parents, and neither have any right to ask anything of you. He'll need to know if he is the father first, but that's his business. FWIW, the fact he already says he doesn't want his name on the birth certificate would be a massive red flag to me because he doesn't sound very responsible.

[d0nnivain]

I love him to deat and i know he loves me. this has been one mistake. A very big mistake but still it hurts.

 

 

I just I don't know I'm lost. Seriously and truly lost. I even have a gut instinct that she's not really pregant. I mean heck of she is i might fall on love with it and protect it like my own. Can that actually happen? Could this possibly work?

 

 

No. Your marriage can't possibly work. He didn't give you the benefits of the doubt you are giving him. You have proof he cheated. He admitted it. Yet you continue to stick up for him & try to find a way through this together.

 

 

He merely heard rumors that you were cheating & his response was to jump into bed with another woman.

 

 

Do you see the huge differences here? He doesn't love you.

 

 

It doesn't really matter whether she is pregnant or if the baby is his. He still had sex with another woman.

 

 

You actually aren't lost. You are overwhelmed & Heartbroken. You had your life planned. You were getting married. Then you find out your FI isn't the man you thought. The rug has been pulled out from under you and the truth is so horrible that you don't want to be believe, yet you have to. You know where the door is. Use it!

[brookesane]

Right I think you need to lay down the law. You need to cut out all this drama and crap and sort this all out like a grown woman.

 

I know your head is spinning but break it down into simple steps so you can move forward.

 

I would split it into two separate issues.

 

The baby issue

 

1. Get a paternity test

 

That way you and your partner will know for sure.

 

Until you know that you can't make any further decisions about that issue.

 

Next deal with the infidelity.

 

Was it a one time thing? Was it frequent? Did he use contraception/ protection? Do you need to get tested for STD's? Why does he think he did it and what is he going to do to prevent it from happening again?

 

Lastly how are you both going to improve the relationship that you have together and move forward with this.

 

You need to keep calm and strong. If you need to cry, scream etc phone a friend that you can trust or a relative you can trust and speak to them.

 

Time for the drama to end once and for all.

 

thank you! I want to sort it out before I make a rash decision for sure. I don't live with him so I can literally go to one of my friends houses to stay for a while. The drama does need to end. I work full time on 3rd shift and I also go to college full time. To be honest... I'm more focused on my career at this poimt becaue I know I'll have my career for the rest of my life. I know people keep saying dump him he cheated. it would be easy to do that if we didn't have the history. He hasn't cheated before this is the only time. And I made him go get checked for STDS and then I went ans got checked out. Evey thing came back ok. He said that he didn't know what he was thinking. The messages that he was getting I saw them and they looked well real. She knew where I worked ans what I wore to work..She even knew the car I drove. That freaked me out to the point where i would carry a knife. But the funny thing is. She hasn't contacted him. Like besides the ultrasound picture which she put on his truck ans thar could have been a fake. She hasn't called texted or anything. Ans her ans her boyfriend are still together which seems weird to me..but heck look at me.. and we have been trying to help each other though this. I have set rules ans he has followed them. like religiously. I just don't want to give up on the 8 year history. Yes if we was only dating for a year or even 2 I would have said goodbye a long time ago.

[sandylee1]

No he actually told me before I found out. I talked to her once and it was all she wanted was for me to be nice to the kid. let's say.. i talked to her again and she was a totall.. you know what. she said she doesn't want child support (which I know is bull because look at her) he is not signing the birth certificate and it will not have his name. He also stated that if she goes all crazy he will sign his rights away. But I don't think that's right. Yeah he messed up his life especially with me. But it's not the kids fault and I don't want the kid to grow up and hate him self/ herself just because he was a total DA. and I saw done of the messages that where sent. They were saying that they had pictures of me and I even asked him did they send them. Apparently they kept saying that it was dark or blurry and I even told him there's not evidence why believe this BS. Plus come to find out it was her doing this. however, she is still with her boyfriend. I don't understand that. At all. So to be honest I really don't know who the father is. And you bet I will get a DNA test. And i know that people pay pregant people to take a test, that's the main reason why I'm not walking away yet. I don't want to through away a 8 year relationship if this woman is lying. I love him to deat and i know he loves me. this has been one mistake. A very big mistake but still it hurts. And yeah I know it was once I actually asked her before she turnes into a witch and she said it was once. He has nit talked to her since. I had phone records pulled from Verizon ans he has not had any contact with her. I also check his facebook and I get his phone anytime I want it. Plus I know enough people thst if they was to see him out somewhere they would tell me. I just I don't know I'm lost. Seriously and truly lost. I even have a gut instinct that she's not really pregant. I mean heck of she is i might fall on love with it and protect it like my own. Can that actually happen? Could this possibly work?

 

 

I'm not clear what you're saying about pictures of you. Did your BF send pictures of you to her? It sounds like she's a bit obsessed with you. Knowing where you work and what you wear. Did your BF tell her these things or is she secretly following you.

 

Then putting the scan picture on his car. .that's not normal at all. That says she knows your BF, this wasn't a random girl he picked up. They obviously exchanged information about each other, or did he take her home to his house?

 

Whether or not he signs rights away, he'll still have to pay child support.

 

What is the history between your BF and this person?

Friends?

Co-workers?

 

How did he get to hook up with her so quickly? If you just rugsweep this cheating, you'll regret it later down the line.

 

I don't know what consequences your BF has faced for this, but your making it easy for him. If you forgive and move on when he got another woman pregnant, why would any future ONS not be forgiven? That's the message your sending.

 

I know it's not the child's fault. If there is a child it's innocent in all this. Many times the OW acts like everything is great, then when the guy makes it clear, he's only interested in the child and not her, she turns nasty. Using the child as a pawn to get what she wants. She starts denying access and though you can go through the courts, time passes. The father child bond suffers.

 

If he refuses to be on the birth cert if he is the dad, that will piss her off more and it's not fair on the child. It's like a denial.

 

It seems like she wants to remain in your BFs life, so I'd be very careful of her.

 

Was she with her BF when she slept with yours?

How can she be sure of paternity?

Get dates from her?

 

There is no denying DNA, so you'll know the truth soon.

 

At the end of the day, it's up to you if you decide to stay in the relationship and get married. If the relationship ends it's on him.

 

You can successfully reconcile, BUT you need your BF to do the hard work and be forever grateful you gave him that opportunity.

 

Keep posting and let us know how it goes. I wish you well.

[Frank2thepoint]

he says it was a mistake.

 

Buying the wrong pasta sauce at the supermarket because you didn't look at the label properly is a mistake. Your boyfriend having sex with another woman and getting her (possibly) pregnant is not a mistake. He knew very well what he was doing.

 

Yeah you guys have been together for 8 years, but look how easily your boyfriend is willing to throw it away. He thought you were cheating, so his response was to cheat on you. He didn't communicate with you about it, he instead stuck his penis into another woman.

 

The other issue is, how could you ever fully trust him? You will always have this in the back of your head. You will always worry about the possibility happening again. It will never go away. You'll even find yourself walking on eggshells, not to give him any excuse to cheat again.

[No Limit]

It doesn't matter what his reason for cheating was. He obviously trusted gossip more than you. Do you want to be in a marriage with someone who doesn't trust you and wouldn't mind cheating on you whenever he finds a reason to do it? What will be the next reason, because you didn't do the dishes? Because you weren't ready for sex the next day after your child was born?

 

By all means let him go. This isn't the man you fell in love with.

 

Or is a marriage of 3 - with another woman involved - what you want? Because this woman will hold a lot of power over the next 20 years of his life.

At the very least, please don't have children with this guy. Don't bring a child into a situation this toxic.

[sandylee1]

He hasn't cheated before this is the only time.

 

 

The only time you know of for sure.

 

 

I have set rules ans he has followed them. like religiously. I just don't want to give up on the 8 year history. Yes if we was only dating for a year or even 2 I would have said goodbye a long time ago.

 

Read this if you wish. It's betrayed spouses dealing with the OC ( other child ) situation.

 

SurvivingInfidelity.com - OC Thread (BS Only) Part III

 

It's a shame your the only one who valued your 8 year relationship. People get divorced after more than this. That is a whole lot more stress with assetsand everything. But this is about you and what you can tolerate and forgive.

 

I really think she's lying and wants to break you guys up.

 

Regardless, he still cheated.

 

I'm not being pessimistic, but he could have another phone and another fb account. You say it was a mistake. ...on the basis of rumours he felt the best thing was to cheat. I wonder who started these rumours. This OW by any chance? It's been done before.

 

Ask more questions. How did he stumble across this willing partner, who has a BF? So ready to cheat at the drop of a hat. Was she waiting in the wings? Do they have history?

Remember if she is pregnant and it's his, there will always be a legitimate reason to see her.

 

Are you going to play the go between. Policing your husband from the onset of marriage? You're a stronger woman than me if you can do that.

 

I'm not saying people can't change though. It's just a really tough way to start married life.

 

I'm glad your focused on your career. Financial independence is VERY important.

 

Don't rush to decide anything.

[brookesane]

I wanted to say thank you to each and everyone of you who have commented. It means alot to have people that do not even know me to show consern and to help me. Thank you all!!

[Phoenician]

Men are either sincere or cheaters ;

 

if they are sincere for a long period , they might cheat , but when they cheat it means that they have either reached the point of no return or irresponsible .

 

I have been in a very rocky marriage for 17 years ;and deprived so many times sexually , I travel a lot and get exposed a lot ; and till date ; I haven't cheated my Wife!

[brookesane]

I'm not clear what you're saying about pictures of you. Did your BF send pictures of you to her? It sounds like she's a bit obsessed with you. Knowing where you work and what you wear. Did your BF tell her these things or is she secretly following you.

 

Then putting the scan picture on his car. .that's not normal at all. That says she knows your BF, this wasn't a random girl he picked up. They obviously exchanged information about each other, or did he take her home to his house?

 

Whether or not he signs rights away, he'll still have to pay child support.

 

What is the history between your BF and this person?

Friends?

Co-workers?

 

How did he get to hook up with her so quickly? If you just rugsweep this cheating, you'll regret it later down the line.

 

I don't know what consequences your BF has faced for this, but your making it easy for him. If you forgive and move on when he got another woman pregnant, why would any future ONS not be forgiven? That's the message your sending.

 

I know it's not the child's fault. If there is a child it's innocent in all this. Many times the OW acts like everything is great, then when the guy makes it clear, he's only interested in the child and not her, she turns nasty. Using the child as a pawn to get what she wants. She starts denying access and though you can go through the courts, time passes. The father child bond suffers.

 

If he refuses to be on the birth cert if he is the dad, that will piss her off more and it's not fair on the child. It's like a denial.

 

It seems like she wants to remain in your BFs life, so I'd be very careful of her.

 

Was she with her BF when she slept with yours?

How can she be sure of paternity?

Get dates from her?

 

There is no denying DNA, so you'll know the truth soon.

 

At the end of the day, it's up to you if you decide to stay in the relationship and get married. If the relationship ends it's on him.

 

You can successfully reconcile, BUT you need your BF to do the hard work and be forever grateful you gave him that opportunity.

 

Keep posting and let us know how it goes. I wish you well.

Yes they worked together. Since then he has gotten fired and she has quit. She hasn't even told him anything about the baby besides the picture on his truck. Which I think that was a witch move anyway. And it is just a really screwed up story. Basically this "person" had pictures of me cheating on my fiancé which I knew that was total bull and when I told Travis thst she had something to do with the whole situation he looked at me and said holy... yeah it finally hit him that she messed with his head to get what she wanted. And she said that she didn't want him to sign the birth certificate. Like I said I have know clue how this is gonna go. And trust me he has not gotten off easy at all. Basically his life is a living hell. because he still thinks he's gonna lose me and thst really does kill him. To be honest I don't even know if I'm even gonna stay right now. and she was still with her boyfriend when this occurred and with her and him still together it judt doesn't make any sense to me. But yes I'll keep you all posted. And again thank you. Jus getting this off of my chest has been a release. But trust me he's not getting off easy at all. I'm not making it easy on him in this situation becsue he screwed up our life that we had planned. And I'm sorry I just truly do not know if this wI'll work out until I am faced with it face to face and not just bu assuming stuff..but evey one thank yoj so much!!!

[sandylee1]

Yes they worked together. Since then he has gotten fired and she has quit. She hasn't even told him anything about the baby besides the picture on his truck. Which I think that was a witch move anyway. And it is just a really screwed up story. Basically this "person" had pictures of me cheating on my fiancé which I knew that was total bull and when I told Travis thst she had something to do with the whole situation he looked at me and said holy... yeah it finally hit him that she messed with his head to get what she wanted. And she said that she didn't want him to sign the birth certificate. Like I said I have know clue how this is gonna go. And trust me he has not gotten off easy at all. Basically his life is a living hell. because he still thinks he's gonna lose me and thst really does kill him. To be honest I don't even know if I'm even gonna stay right now. and she was still with her boyfriend when this occurred and with her and him still together it judt doesn't make any sense to me. But yes I'll keep you all posted. And again thank you. Jus getting this off of my chest has been a release. But trust me he's not getting off easy at all. I'm not making it easy on him in this situation becsue he screwed up our life that we had planned. And I'm sorry I just truly do not know if this wI'll work out until I am faced with it face to face and not just bu assuming stuff..but evey one thank yoj so much!!!

 

 

She was behind the pictures and she wants your man.

I don't think she's pregnant. She would likely have said more to him, not put a scan picture you can get online.

 

She's a sneaky little madam, trying to pretend she's all sweet and nice. Maybe she hoped you'd dump him straight off.

[Diezel]

Did he cheat? If yes, break up. If no, possibly break up anyway.

 

This is too much drama as it is.

[brookesane]

She was behind the pictures and she wants your man.

I don't think she's pregnant. She would likely have said more to him, not put a scan picture you can get online.

 

She's a sneaky little madam, trying to pretend she's all sweet and nice. Maybe she hoped you'd dump him straight off.

See that's what I keep thinking. I mean if she was really pregant.. wouldn't she be contacting him more? Would see actually want to meet with him instead of put the picture on his truck? she knows that we are still together and that we are trying to work things out. She's still with her boyfriend sp I don't know what to expect or what to even begin to do. This is just do comusing ans it's driving me bananas. I don't want to make a decision until whatever happens happens. I am focused on my career and my school. And she even told him one day at work that more and likely I would dump him.. and she don't even know me. She is crazy!