SeelBubble Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Need some advice/opinions on this situation. I've been with my guy for a while now and we're happy together and exclusive etc. The other night he told me some of his old school friends were in town and wanted to meet up/meet me. So we went and met the in a pub for drinks. I'm quite the introvert and I'm not the most confident around large groups of people I've never met so I wasn't really looking forward to going all that much but I went because they were his friends and it seemed like the were really nice people (they were fyi) This is where the problem lies. Throughout the whole evening (which was about 3 hours in total) my BF kept checking his phone and texting every 5 or 6 minutes. At first I didn't care - maybe it was work or even his (slightly overbearing) mother - but it went on ALL NIGHT. I ended up feeling rejected, especially since I didn't know the other people at the table. After a while even some of them looked a bit surprised by his behaviour. So when we walked back I was honest with him and told him that his friends were great but it would have been nicer if he'd been more involved and hadn't been texting all night. He told me 'oh sorry it was Lillian' Lillian is his ex. They dated for about 9 months before he dated me and they had a bad breakup. I know her (not very well mind you) through others and neither of them really like each other any more but are polite if they happen to bump into each other etc. I asked him why he was texting her and he said 'she was having a rough night, I had to be there for her' - what about being there for me!? What do I do about this guys? I really like this guy but this just seems like such weird and douchey behaviour. Advice??
Diezel Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Tell him that maybe you two should be "ex's" so that hopefully he'll pay more attention to you that way then. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate this behavior. Not only did he put you in an uncomfortable situation with people that HE knows, but he also ignored you. So a double whammy. He disrespected you and his own friends over an ex? Yeah. I'd watch out for that one. Where there was once fire, there still could be some ashes with leftover lit kindling. 3
Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Start texting your ex or another guy. Maybe when the shoe is on the other foot he'll understand. Sometimes you have use tough love.
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Start texting your ex or another guy. Maybe when the shoe is on the other foot he'll understand. Sometimes you have use tough love. So basically use her ex or some other guy as a texting buddy for a while just to make a point, and then drop them? Not exactly mature or fair on the other person at all. 1
Gaeta Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 So looks like he needs to be taught some manners. Ask him if you really need to explain to him why his behavior was rude to you and to other people present. Next time Lilian will wait till after the gathering to get a response. Unless the text is about his house burning down next time the phone stays away.
No Limit Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Break up with this guy, he's emotionally attached to his ex. C'mon, they texted the whole night and he ignored you completely. If she says "Jump!" he'll ask "How high?" 1
Paterlany Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Don`t bother with him. And don`t play a game as GaryS suggested. Worse than childish. This guy is not for you. Sorry.
Vintage79 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I'd have a serious talk with him and let him know that that type of behavior unacceptable - effectively put it out there that you'll leave if it happens again (in the near future). That said, did you mention that it bothered you while you were out at the pub - you could have stepped up and tried to shut down the behavior - he may have been unaware of the fact that it was annoying, or just not thinking about it - his response to that kind of comment would be very telling where his allegiance lies. Basically, don't do anything too brash that you may regret. You don't know all the details behind the texting - it would have genuinely been benign, but as mentioned, don't let it happen often, and try to let him know when it's getting annoying, to see if he eases up - if he really cares for you, it shouldn't be a huge issue, and he should respect those types of requests. 1
CharmieF Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 That is not cool behaviour. I think it's bad enough he's texting all night but an ex? That's really low. I'm not sure I buy his excuse either about her 'having a tough time' surely this girl has friends or family she can talk to rather than her ex? Does she know he's dating you? Because in fairness to her she might not know and might not be to blame (he certainly is though) if she does know then she's clearly playing games. Talk to him about it. Be honest about it because it sounds like douchey behaviour from my point of view.
LizardRex Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Very poor form. Sorry to hear this. I guess we all have our own personal views on what we find appropriate and what's not okay. I would tell him that I find the behavior disrespectful if not outright hurtful.
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