Hannahelizabeth Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Hi! I have been seeing a guy for about 7 weeks, it started with a date and we ended up going home together that night- you can imagine the rest. Since then we have stayed together about five times. We also do other things together during the week/after work which haven't ended in the bedroom. We try to catch up a couple times a week and message each other most days/every second day, it's not usually too much in depth but more just general chit chat about our day etc and upcoming plans and whatever randomly comes up. I guess I'm feeling like it's all a bit Wishy washy at the moment, I can go for a few days without hearing from him, so I will make the effort to text him first and he doesn't seem to carry on the conversation however a few days later he seems interested again. He refers to me as a friend and I had a friend say to me to be careful as one of her friends was also talking to him and although nothing had happened between them, after finding out about me she referred to him as a player. It doesn't seem to be moving anywhere very quickly and one minute I feel he is interested and other times I feel like he isn't and since we've been in bed together I feel like it's become more confusing that it should be. I'm very confused about the whole thing as my previous relationships have developed into something official rather quickly (I've had two long term relationships in the past so I'm very new to dating) I don't want to be the crazy girl that has the 'what are we' conversation too soon and to risk sounding needy. When is a good timeframe to do so? And what exactly do I say? I've never had to be the one to initiate it before, the guy always has....does this mean he's not phased? I think it's only a matter of time before a casual thing becomes more involved for me and in such a situation the risk of getting hurt seems too high. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What is this whole thing? Thanks in advance for your advice, Hannah
PegNosePete Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Seems like he considers you FWB. Talk to him, and if you're not happy with that arrangement then you should either find out if he's interested in taking it further or end it. When's the best time to do it? When you want to. There are no "rules" to interpersonal relationships.
Redhead14 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Hi! I have been seeing a guy for about 7 weeks, it started with a date and we ended up going home together that night- you can imagine the rest. Since then we have stayed together about five times. We also do other things together during the week/after work which haven't ended in the bedroom. We try to catch up a couple times a week and message each other most days/every second day, it's not usually too much in depth but more just general chit chat about our day etc and upcoming plans and whatever randomly comes up. I guess I'm feeling like it's all a bit Wishy washy at the moment, I can go for a few days without hearing from him, so I will make the effort to text him first and he doesn't seem to carry on the conversation however a few days later he seems interested again. He refers to me as a friend and I had a friend say to me to be careful as one of her friends was also talking to him and although nothing had happened between them, after finding out about me she referred to him as a player. It doesn't seem to be moving anywhere very quickly and one minute I feel he is interested and other times I feel like he isn't and since we've been in bed together I feel like it's become more confusing that it should be. I'm very confused about the whole thing as my previous relationships have developed into something official rather quickly (I've had two long term relationships in the past so I'm very new to dating) I don't want to be the crazy girl that has the 'what are we' conversation too soon and to risk sounding needy. When is a good timeframe to do so? And what exactly do I say? I've never had to be the one to initiate it before, the guy always has....does this mean he's not phased? I think it's only a matter of time before a casual thing becomes more involved for me and in such a situation the risk of getting hurt seems too high. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What is this whole thing? Thanks in advance for your advice, Hannah You can bring it up. You're being intimate with him. It's not about being needy, it's about making sure you two are on the same page. This is the kind of situation that happens where no one talks about what's what and when the woman figures out that the man didn't want anything serious, she will say he was a jerk and strung her along; when, in fact, she allowed herself to be strung along. If you can't open a conversation about things and you're being intimate, then there's something wrong anyway. Open a casual, non-confrontational conversation and say something like "I'm enjoying the time we spend together. I am looking for a long-term committed relationship for myself with someone (don't be specific about him). And, then let him talk. This is a conversation that should have happened before or shortly after you two became intimate.
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