guest569 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 I wasn't trying to be condescending and I'm sorry if you took it that way. My post was genuine. It really does suck that no man has ever wanted to kiss you on a first date. Every woman at least once in her life should meet a man that she develops great chemistry with from the start. But it clearly doesn't bother you, so it's all good I guess. You assume that automatically means no man had ever wanted to. Some have wanted to but been too nervous. Some wanted to but I did not. I dont have any issues. Maybe its a cultural thing.
katiegrl Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 So far he hasn't texted me back. the dinner was almost two days ago now. Do you think he is waiting to see me in person again at the gym? after a great 4 hours over dinner and no texts I'm driving myself insane. Would it be due to the age gap. Maybe being 12 years older he feels like I'm too young for him? Or do u think its cos I wasn't feminine enough?? firefly, as I said it is quite possible he didn't even view your get together as a *date* but more as a spontaneous last minute get together between gym buddies. I could be wrong, but other than the four hour convo, which does not necessarily mean he felt sexual chemistry with you, how did he act during the dinner that caused you believe he "was" or is interested in you romantically? On the other hand, he may be interested but doesn't think "you" are. What was your vibe during the dinner? Did you flirt? Move closer? Any touching going on...like a brush on his leg? Anything that would indicate YOU are interested in him romantically? Your insisting on paying the entire tab and announcing "you get it next time", while nice, is also something a friend would say to another friend when dining out. In fact, the fact you felt so *comfortable* saying that to him might indicate to him that you do see him as more of a friend. When there is chemistry, there is also some sexual tension, which it doesn't sound like there was much of tbh.
Taramere Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Hello guys what should i do. I feel bad because I feel like I didn't give much credit to the guy. Had a really good dinner with a guy yesterday. When the bill came I just automatically gave the waitress my card because I didn't have cash and I felt really awkward waiting for the guy to pay. The guy immediately offered me his share in cash but To be polite I said it's okay.You can get it next time. Is that weird ?! He was like it's weird that you paid. I said it's okay. It wasn't so much as a date but an impromptu dinner after gym. We did end up talking for 4 hours. I like him that way and he likes me too It was an automatic response on your part to take out your card - and therefore my guess is that you paying was a natural and unostentatious gesture. It's not as though you swept out a card and announced loudly "don't you worry yourself with women's stuff like paying restaurant bills, little laddie. You're far too pretty for all that. It's cute that you want to help, but put those pennies of yours back in your pocket and just leave it to me to take care of this situation." 1
Author firefly1 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 firefly, as I said it is quite possible he didn't even view your get together as a *date* but more as a spontaneous last minute get together between gym buddies. I could be wrong, but other than the four hour convo, which does not necessarily mean he felt sexual chemistry with you, how did he act during the dinner that caused you believe he "was" or is interested in you romantically? On the other hand, he may be interested but doesn't think "you" are. What was your vibe during the dinner? Did you flirt? Move closer? Any touching going on...like a brush on his leg? Anything that would indicate YOU are interested in him romantically? Your insisting on paying the entire tab and announcing "you get it next time", while nice, is also something a friend would say to another friend when dining out. In fact, the fact you felt so *comfortable* saying that to him might indicate to him that you do see him as more of a friend. When there is chemistry, there is also some sexual tension, which it doesn't sound like there was much of tbh. He was definitely interested in me romantically as he always comes up to me to chat and obviously came up to ask me what I wanted to do for food. And he was mirroring my movements and also from his facial expressions. But he is a kind of shyish guy too so perhaps he wouldn't be overly flirting especially since he is self conscious of his age. And this is actually my first dating experience for 6 years!!! So I didn't flirt at all hahaha. I was actually pretty nervous lol. We talked a lot about our backgrounds and random stuff. I mean it was definitely longer than a normal convo you would have with friends. We went to catch a taxi (separately ) but I didn't hug him. I just did a kind of awkward brushing thing on his elbow lol. During the dinner he did mention that his privacy settings on his phone meant that he couldn't text me first and asked me to start the conversation. I am interested in him romantically but I think I'm giving mixed signals. Perhaps he doesn't want to come on too strong in case I didn't like him? Should I initiate a conversation by text or wait until I see him again later this week?
Author firefly1 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 It was an automatic response on your part to take out your card - and therefore my guess is that you paying was a natural and unostentatious gesture. It's not as though you swept out a card and announced loudly "don't you worry yourself with women's stuff like paying restaurant bills, little laddie. You're far too pretty for all that. It's cute that you want to help, but put those pennies of yours back in your pocket and just leave it to me to take care of this situation." Haha you're so cute. are you Scottish? 1
Toodaloo Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Haha you're so cute. are you Scottish? She can't be... Scots are far too tight with their wallets *note to all that was a light hearted and playful ribbing for the Scotsmans renowned ability to be careful with his cash! Now I am thinking of kilts and calf muscles... Firefly when you next see him at the gym up the anti and be a bit girly around him. Not too much but give the flirting a bit of a go. Let us know how you get on! 1
Taramere Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Haha you're so cute. are you Scottish? Aye am! 10 characters. 1
katiegrl Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 He was definitely interested in me romantically as he always comes up to me to chat and obviously came up to ask me what I wanted to do for food. And he was mirroring my movements and also from his facial expressions. But he is a kind of shyish guy too so perhaps he wouldn't be overly flirting especially since he is self conscious of his age. And this is actually my first dating experience for 6 years!!! So I didn't flirt at all hahaha. I was actually pretty nervous lol. We talked a lot about our backgrounds and random stuff. I mean it was definitely longer than a normal convo you would have with friends. We went to catch a taxi (separately ) but I didn't hug him. I just did a kind of awkward brushing thing on his elbow lol. During the dinner he did mention that his privacy settings on his phone meant that he couldn't text me first and asked me to start the conversation. I am interested in him romantically but I think I'm giving mixed signals. Perhaps he doesn't want to come on too strong in case I didn't like him? Should I initiate a conversation by text or wait until I see him again later this week? If it were me, I would wait until you see him again, and when you do, seek him out and be flirty, but not too much. Just enough to get him going ... but then go do your work out. But keep looking over at him, demurely, with a little smile, then look away. I dunno, it's hard to explain how to flirt, not overtly but subtle. Act a little shy and nervous, don't act "too" comfortable, like you would with a friend. If he is into you firefly he won't be able to resist.... and will ask you to dinner again or to do something else. When he does, let HIM take the lead. He is the masculine energy, you are the feminine energy. When those two energies join forces -- wowza! Does that make sense? Is this you or are you more naturally an alpha? If so, it might seem awkward for you to behave this way, and if that's the case, would need a plan b. 2
Author firefly1 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 If it were me, I would wait until you see him again, and when you do, seek him out and be flirty, but not too much. Just enough to get him going ... but then go do your work out. But keep looking over at him, demurely, with a little smile, then look away. I dunno, it's hard to explain how to flirt, not overtly but subtle. Act a little shy and nervous, don't act "too" comfortable, like you would with a friend. If he is into you firefly he won't be able to resist.... and will ask you to dinner again or to do something else. When he does, let HIM take the lead. He is the masculine energy, you are the feminine energy. When those two energies join forces -- wowza! Does that make sense? Is this you or are you more naturally an alpha? If so, it might seem awkward for you to behave this way, and if that's the case, would need a plan b. Hehe thanks. That will be my plan on Saturday when I will probably see him again. And I will definitely pull out my feminine charm!!! Do you think I should give him a hug when I see him or is that odd? And no I'm definitely not an alpha female. usually I have no problems attracting guys... In fact there are too many guys who ask me out on dates except I'm not interested in them. Just this guy
fitnessfan365 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 If it were me, I would wait until you see him again, and when you do, seek him out and be flirty, but not too much. Just enough to get him going ... but then go do your work out. But keep looking over at him, demurely, with a little smile, then look away. I dunno, it's hard to explain how to flirt, not overtly but subtle. Act a little shy and nervous, don't act "too" comfortable, like you would with a friend. If he is into you firefly he won't be able to resist.... and will ask you to dinner again or to do something else. When he does, let HIM take the lead. He is the masculine energy, you are the feminine energy. When those two energies join forces -- wowza! Does that make sense? Is this you or are you more naturally an alpha? If so, it might seem awkward for you to behave this way, and if that's the case, would need a plan b. God this post was SEXY Katie. As we've discussed before, men and women that embrace traditional gender roles and masculine/feminine dynamics in dating are becoming a lot more rare. Men are becoming weak, feminine, and passive. Women are becoming overly progressive and hardcore feminists. Now as I've said before I actually love an independent woman and it's not about being a control freak. But a woman that knows how to be a woman and be feminine, is ultimately the most attractive to me. 3
katiegrl Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Don't plan anything firefly, just play it by ear. Let it all happen naturally and spontaneously, otherwise it may seem contrived. If you feel like giving him a little hug saying hello, do so! Then go do your work out! Let us know! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) You assume that automatically means no man had ever wanted to. Some have wanted to but been too nervous. Some wanted to but I did not. I dont have any issues. Maybe its a cultural thing. If a guy truly wants to kiss you, he will. So unless they actually said to you "I want to kiss you but can't because I'm too nervous" then you're just assuming they wanted to. I mean it would be one thing if it was a few or some of the men you've gone with out with. But you say that ALL (minus the one) have not tried to kiss you on a first date. So here's an honest question. Do you tend to be more conservative and a bit guarded/skeptical around men in the very beginning? If it takes you a bit longer to come out of your shell, be comfortable and flirtatious, etc that could be why they wait longer to kiss you. I mean you said one of your ex's waited SIX DATES?! The majority of women WANT to be kissed if they meet the right guy on a first date. But you stress that you're happy none have tried. So if you're the type of woman who proceeds with caution early on, that could be making all the men you've gone out with a bit uneasy. Then as you let your guard down and let them see the real you, they feel that desire to kiss you. In the end, I guess we all just have to go at our own pace. Once again, I'm really not trying to judge you. I just find you to be really interesting because you're so vehement about not wanting to be kissed on a first date. Edited April 14, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Gary S Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Did you exchange numbers with Mr. Atlas? Tell me the story, who asked who?
katiegrl Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Did you exchange numbers with Mr. Atlas? Tell me the story, who asked who? She already answered this question Gary...... Once again...RTT.... 1
Gary S Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 ^^^oh yeah, this whole conversation occurred on the phone. Gosh, I need another cup of Jolt Hey, it's too hot down here in the tropics for coffee, and I gotta get my caffeine fix somehow
SawtoothMars Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Hello guys what should i do. I feel bad because I feel like I didn't give much credit to the guy. Had a really good dinner with a guy yesterday. When the bill came I just automatically gave the waitress my card because I didn't have cash and I felt really awkward waiting for the guy to pay. The guy immediately offered me his share in cash but To be polite I said it's okay.You can get it next time. Is that weird ?! He was like it's weird that you paid. I said it's okay. It wasn't so much as a date but an impromptu dinner after gym. We did end up talking for 4 hours. I like him that way and he likes me too I had this happen a time or two. I think it says two things about a woman. 1. She is not afraid to break social convention and is confident. 2. She is generous and not greedy. There are other implications... such as independence or what not, but those don't fit this situation.
Author firefly1 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 Okay just an update on what happened after I paid for the first meal with the guy. I didn't hear from him for 6 days after the meal and I held out without texting him which was some form of torture!!! But voila! On the 6th day he texted me! I was so happy! He asked me if I was going to this event which we were both interested in and we had a short text conversation. I don't think he is a big texter though cos he keeps his replies quite brief. He then initiated a further 3 text conversations and in one of them we texted for 1 hour and a half. I said I was going to the event, but on the day itself I couldn't go and he texted me asking how comes he didn't see me there. So I hadn't seen him for almost two weeks... then he texts me asking if I wanted to go out with him for dinner. I said yes, and we went for dinner ) we stayed until closing time again...4 hours there chatting. I was super feminine this time haha. Oh and he paid . I offered to pay of course but he said I got it last time he was paying. So I thanked him. Afterwards it was late but he said he was in the mood for dessert, we shared some ice cream together. He paid for that too.After that he still wanted to hang around and he wanted to find a place that was open late. We found a coffee shop that was open until midnight and we ended up staying there until nearly closing. He wanted to pay for the coffee but I insisted on getting it this time. He's never been married or has any kids. He joked that his parents wanted some more grandchildren and wanted him to find someone to settle down with. At the end he gave me a hug and said he will see me again soon. i think he likes me, and I like him too, haha so much for worrying about the manly thing Now im actually more worried about the big age gap of 10 years- Should I invest myself into this relationship or keep him as a friend? I don't really fancy being a young widow :S 1
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Hello guys what should i do. I feel bad because I feel like I didn't give much credit to the guy. Had a really good dinner with a guy yesterday. When the bill came I just automatically gave the waitress my card because I didn't have cash and I felt really awkward waiting for the guy to pay. The guy immediately offered me his share in cash but To be polite I said it's okay.You can get it next time. Is that weird ?! He was like it's weird that you paid. I said it's okay. It wasn't so much as a date but an impromptu dinner after gym. We did end up talking for 4 hours. I like him that way and he likes me too No OP, it's not "weird". It's what I would've done as well. In fact, I made a thread about this very topic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/525627-what-would-guy-really-think-if-woman-asked-him-out-date I think any guy who thinks it's "weird" if a woman pays their way on a date (first dates or subsequent dates) is probably either a strict traditionalist or is insecure and/or paranoid about their masculinity being challenged. If I pay a guy's way on a date, I watch and see what his reaction is. If what he says, his facial expression(s) and his body language reflect that he's cool (and confident) with it and doesn't appear to feel emasculated by my gesture, then it ups my attraction towards him. However, if he seems offended or insulted by my gesture, it'll be the last time I'll ever date him. I have no room in my life, nor do I have any desire to date a guy who just stepped off the Delorean from 1955 or who is such a traditionalist that he's going to want me to stay barefoot and preggo in the kitchen a year into our relationship lol. I'm an independent and intelligent woman with a mind and income of my own. And, if I want to show my attraction and interest in a guy I want to go out with by paying for the entire date, I want to feel comfy enough to do that without the guy $hitting a Milk Dud and thinking that I'm "weird". . 1
Diezel Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I said I was going to the event, but on the day itself I couldn't go and he texted me asking how comes he didn't see me there. I'm confused, did you tell him you were going with him and then you decided not to tell him about it and just not show up? Or were you going separately? Now im actually more worried about the big age gap of 10 years- Should I invest myself into this relationship or keep him as a friend? I don't really fancy being a young widow :S A young widow? Aren't you jumping the gun a little here? He could very well outlive you. 1
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Okay just an update on what happened after I paid for the first meal with the guy. I didn't hear from him for 6 days after the meal and I held out without texting him which was some form of torture!!! But voila! On the 6th day he texted me! I was so happy! He asked me if I was going to this event which we were both interested in and we had a short text conversation. I don't think he is a big texter though cos he keeps his replies quite brief. He then initiated a further 3 text conversations and in one of them we texted for 1 hour and a half. I said I was going to the event, but on the day itself I couldn't go and he texted me asking how comes he didn't see me there. So I hadn't seen him for almost two weeks... then he texts me asking if I wanted to go out with him for dinner. I said yes, and we went for dinner ) we stayed until closing time again...4 hours there chatting. I was super feminine this time haha. Oh and he paid . I offered to pay of course but he said I got it last time he was paying. So I thanked him. Afterwards it was late but he said he was in the mood for dessert, we shared some ice cream together. He paid for that too.After that he still wanted to hang around and he wanted to find a place that was open late. We found a coffee shop that was open until midnight and we ended up staying there until nearly closing. He wanted to pay for the coffee but I insisted on getting it this time. He's never been married or has any kids. He joked that his parents wanted some more grandchildren and wanted him to find someone to settle down with. At the end he gave me a hug and said he will see me again soon. i think he likes me, and I like him too, haha so much for worrying about the manly thing Now im actually more worried about the big age gap of 10 years- Should I invest myself into this relationship or keep him as a friend? I don't really fancy being a young widow :S You guys TEXTED for an HOUR and a HALF???? Um, why didn't he just pick up the phone and CALL YOU (or you call him)??? I just don't understand texting for that long when you guys could've just talked to each other for probably half of that time lol Glad things went well for ya with this guy! Sounds like after thinking about things for 5 days, he came around with accepting that you paid his way and texted you on the 6th day because he realized that you're a catch and a cool chick who's independent and generous. Oh, and I wouldn't worry about the age gap. Ten years really isn't that large, especially if you're in your 30s and he's in his 40s (Idk how old you are). And, even if you wound up with a guy your age, he could get run over by a bus the next day and you'd STILL end up being a widow! Take each day as it comes and....ENJOY this time in your life with this guy, okay? Good luck! .
Author firefly1 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 (edited) We were going separately but neither of us had bought tickets. Just discussed going but not together. Neither of us had actually confirmed we were going but he did go and I didn't go. After the event he said he didn't see me there. The next day he asked me out for dinner. He mentioned casually in conversation that he wanted to settle down and start a family. That's my goal too for the next two years. Haha yeah I guess I'm thinking too much but the women in my family live to over 90 and he is older than me by 10 years and statistically women live longer than men. Let's say he lived to 85 I would be only 75 and I may have 25 extra years of being alone. But I really like him and I don't know whether this should be a factor at all? His parents are also pretty elderly already (20 years older than my parents) and his siblings are 20 years older than mine. Do you think a 10 year age gap would work? Edited April 28, 2015 by firefly1
Author firefly1 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 (edited) You guys TEXTED for an HOUR and a HALF???? Um, why didn't he just pick up the phone and CALL YOU (or you call him)??? I just don't understand texting for that long when you guys could've just talked to each other for probably half of that time lol Glad things went well for ya with this guy! Sounds like after thinking about things for 5 days, he came around with accepting that you paid his way and texted you on the 6th day because he realized that you're a catch and a cool chick who's independent and generous. Oh, and I wouldn't worry about the age gap. Ten years really isn't that large, especially if you're in your 30s and he's in his 40s (Idk how old you are). And, even if you wound up with a guy your age, he could get run over by a bus the next day and you'd STILL end up being a widow! Take each day as it comes and....ENJOY this time in your life with this guy, okay? Good luck! . Haha thanks!! I just turned 27 and he is 38. Also another question. Do you think he is interested in me? There's nothing that's been said that we are dating. We are so far just newly made friends (seen each other 4 times in total) hanging out. Edited April 28, 2015 by firefly1
katiegrl Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Haha thanks!! I just turned 27 and he is 38 First of all, you've had two dates. A little early to be concerned about "being a young widow," jeez! . No! Ten years is not a big deal at your ages. If you were 18 and he was 28, then that would be different. But you are BOTH adults, so try not to over-think...and just enjoy! One day at a time.... Good luck!
carhill Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Hey, glad it worked out. Keep showing up if you feel like it and the future will bring what it does. Your concern about age may remain static or it may wane. If it isn't a firm deal-breaker right now, go with that. The future, relevant to age, is unknown. Humans aren't guaranteed a certain lifespan. Whoever you meet in life may or may not be compatible. This guy apparently is, right now. Good luck with the dates!
katiegrl Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Haha thanks!! I just turned 27 and he is 38. Also another question. Do you think he is interested in me? There's nothing that's been said that we are dating. We are so far just newly made friends (seen each other 4 times in total) hanging out. Hmmm, well I mentioned that a few pages ago... about him considering you more as a friend. But after your last date, sounds like there is definitely an interest there, beyond friends. But for whatever reason, he is being very cautious. Slow to rush in. You'll have to feel it out. Again, one day at a time. Enjoy your time together, and if it's meant to be, everything will fall into place.
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