Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Katie... there is no sense over-thinking something that everybody else is over thinking - ya can't win at that game! 1
Maleficent Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Oh dear bit of a mixed response here. I didn't really 'whip' out my card. It was just because the guy was fumbling for his wallet and I guess I didn't have any cash to pay him back so I decided to pay the whole thing. But then it seemed rude to me to accept payment for his part as often with friends I'll just pay the bill and they pay the next time. I guess it is just a habit. He said it was weird maybe an hour later when we parted ways. He said 'thanks for dinner but it's a bit weird that you paid since I ate like most of the food!!' Haha I don't really come off as controlling or anything... I'm quite sweet really. Just felt awkward when the guy was getting his wallet and the waitress came over to ask for payment. I felt a little awkward kind of waiting so I suppose to cut the suspense I just gave her my card. Hope that it doesn't appear too terrible !!! I suppose we will see again soon. I will see him around quite often I bet he was trying to make himself look/feel less bad abut you paying for his half. I also stand by my point made earlier. If he is writing you off on this detail alone, you're better off.
Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 He said 'thanks for dinner but it's a bit weird that you paid since I ate like most of the food!!' - Oh please, he was just trying to say something nice. 1
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 - Oh please, he was just trying to say something nice. Lol, Gary guess you didn't read my later post(s) wherein I agreed I think what she did was fine... It's amazing how, with a little more info, our minds and opinions can change like that. In this case, mine did.... so all is cool... 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) Haha no he didn't kiss me. It wasn't like it was meant to be a date... We just left the gym together since we were both leaving and we went to a restaurant nearby that he suggested. We then chatted for 4 hours until the restaurant closed. I've spoken to him three times in total. It would be a bit weird if he kissed me right without establishing whether I did like him back or not. I suppose if he texts me back for a date that means it really is a proper date. Yeah he doesn't act or look like his age that's why I thought he was 31. Hmm.. Your interest seems pretty well established to me. 1) You spent four hours with the guy. 2) You hinted at seeing him again with "you get the next one". 3) You're on here saying that you hope you get to see him again. Would you be doing any of that if he was a guy you didn't want to kiss you silly woman? Remember though, a date is ANY activity where two people that are attracted enjoy each other's company. But thanks for the update. Since it was spontaneous, you didn't have the mindset of it being an actual date. So I can see why you felt a bit more awkward about letting him pay. Edited April 13, 2015 by fitnessfan365
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) Hmm.. Your interest seems pretty well established to me. 1) You spent four hours with the guy. 2) You hinted at seeing him again with "you get the next one". 3) You're on here saying that you hope you get to see him again. Would you be doing any of that if he wasn't a guy you didn't want to kiss you silly woman? Remember though, ANY activity where two people that are attracted to each other enjoy the company is considered a date. But thanks for the update. Since you didn't have the mindset of it being an actual date since it was more spontaneous, I can see why you felt a bit more awkward about letting him pay. Agree for the most part, but he " may" have viewed it as two friends or gym colleagues getting together.. Her comment "you get the next one," is something a friend would say. If I were on a first "date" with a guy, I would never be so presumptuous to "presume" that there would even "be" a second date for him to "get" (pay for). I would wait for him to ask me out again before presuming that. But with a friend or colleague? I would definitely feel comfortable enough to say "you get the next one." Nothing presumptuous about assuming that, as friends, you will most likely be getting together again... So he may see this as a friendship as opposed to dating.. Just sayin. Edited April 13, 2015 by katiegrl
fitnessfan365 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) Agree for the most part, but he " may" have viewed it as two friends or gym colleagues getting together.. Her comment "you get the next one," is something a friend would say. If I were on a first "date" with a guy, I would never be so presumptuous to "presume" that there would even "be" a second date for him to "get" (pay for). I would wait for him to ask me out again before presuming that. But with a friend or colleague? I would definitely feel comfortable enough to say "you get the next one." Nothing presumptuous about assuming that, as friends, you will most likely be getting together again... I'd completely agree if they knew each other long enough to actually be considered friends, co-workers, etc.. But in this case, they're basically strangers. So they don't have enough history. When you have a four hour meal with a woman you don't know that you're attracted to, you have the mindset of it being a date. Now if I wanted to see her again, I'd go to pay. So it would be a bit weird if she insisted. Then again, her saying "You get the next one" defeats the logic that she isn't interested. So I'd adapt to it and say "On our next date, you better leave your money at home you silly woman". Then if she went with it and said something like "I definitely will", etc.. that would be all I'd need to know. I mean she just spent four hours with me, said in her own round about way she wanted to see me again, and gave me a confirmation of a future date. So I'd walk her to her car, and go for a kiss to establish my intentions. Edited April 13, 2015 by fitnessfan365
lgspot Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 firefly, Do you have a single mother or OLDER sister? If so, I'd like to meet/date them. You were raised right and have excellent values. The guy would be foolish not to go out with you and reciprocate your kindness. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 BTW - The fact that you put "Girl pays for first DATE" in the thread title means that you thought it was a date. A woman only refers to it as a date when she is interested.
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 firefly, Do you have a single mother or OLDER sister? If so, I'd like to meet/date them. You were raised right and have excellent values. The guy would be foolish not to go out with you and reciprocate your kindness. Actually the values come from a very kind and generous boyfriend that I was with for 6 years (now ex) and his single mother (most generous lady I've ever met) who raised him well. He always showed a lot of generosity to his friends and family. He believed in not being stingy with friends and he also didn't like to go Dutch but rather the I pay then you pay next time method. Yes I hope it will lead somewhere... But if not and its because I paid the bill then clearly he wasn't meant to be since this should be a small issue if he liked me as a person as a whole. 2
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I'd completely agree if they knew each other long enough to actually be considered friends, co-workers, etc.. But in this case, they're basically strangers. So they don't have enough history. When you have a four hour meal with a woman you don't know that you're attracted to, you have the mindset of it being a date. Now if I wanted to see her again, I'd go to pay. So it would be a bit weird if she insisted. Then again, her saying "You get the next one" defeats the logic that she isn't interested. So I'd adapt to it and say "On our next date, you better leave your money at home you silly woman". Then if she went with it and said something like "I definitely will", etc.. that would be all I'd need to know. I mean she just spent four hours with me, said in her own round about way she wanted to see me again, and gave me a confirmation of a future date. So I'd walk her to her car, and go for a kiss to establish my intentions. I agree with you, and had he been interested in her (to actually date as opposed to friends)..there are many MANY things he could have done and said, and would have done and said, to convey that, including trying to kiss her. But he didn't! That's precisely my point! I don't think he sees her that way, JMO. He sees her as more of a friend...someone he casually got together with one evening after their work out... someone he gets along with and has things in common with, hence the four hour convo. But that hardly means he is sexually attracted to her and wants to date her. She does, obviously, but the question remains, does he? We shall see! 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Actually the values come from a very kind and generous boyfriend that I was with for 6 years (now ex) and his single mother (most generous lady I've ever met) who raised him well. He always showed a lot of generosity to his friends and family. He believed in not being stingy with friends and he also didn't like to go Dutch but rather the I pay then you pay next time method. Yes I hope it will lead somewhere... But if not and its because I paid the bill then clearly he wasn't meant to be since this should be a small issue if he liked me as a person as a whole. Hear hear!!! 1
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 I agree with you, and had he been interested in her (to actually date as opposed to friends)..there are many MANY things he could have done and said, and would have done and said, to convey that, including trying to kiss her. But he didn't! That's precisely my point! I don't think he sees her that way, JMO. He sees her as more of a friend...someone he casually got together with one evening after their work out... someone he gets along with and has things in common with, hence the four hour convo. But that hardly means he is sexually attracted to her and wants to date her. She does, obviously, but the question remains, does he? We shall see! I think he does like me since he would randomly seek me out in the room to talk to me instead of working out. And he would want to find out more about me. Also everything I tell him he would remember down to the little details. 1
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I think he does like me since he would randomly seek me out in the room to talk to me instead of working out. And he would want to find out more about me. Also everything I tell him he would remember down to the little details. Well dear the PROOF is in the pudding (so to speak).. I wouldn't be presuming anything until he actually asks you out on that second date.... That is what gets women into trouble (emotionally). They presume too much. As I said, his actions AFTER this get together will tell you everything you need to know. So go on with your life, keep your options open, lower your expectations, including presuming he likes you (in a romantic way)...and see if he asks you out again... I hope he does!
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 By the way, who suggested y'all have dinner after your workout? You? Him? How was it presented? "Hey wanna go get a bite to eat after our work out tonight?" Who suggested it?
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 By the way, who suggested y'all have dinner after your workout? You? Him? How was it presented? "Hey wanna go get a bite to eat after our work out tonight?" Who suggested it? He asked me 'what are you doing for dinner?' I said 'oh I'll get something to eat around here. And you?' He said 'somewhere near here, I'm really hungry'. I said do you want to go now? He said yeah let's go. Shall we go to X? I agreed and off we went.
Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 .I wouldn't be presuming anything until he actually asks you out on that second date..... He asked me 'what are you doing for dinner?' I said 'oh I'll get something to eat around here. And you?' He said 'somewhere near here, I'm really hungry'. I said do you want to go now? He said yeah let's go. Shall we go to X? I agreed and off we went. - Jim Carrey like-like!
katiegrl Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 He asked me 'what are you doing for dinner?' I said 'oh I'll get something to eat around here. And you?' He said 'somewhere near here, I'm really hungry'. I said do you want to go now? He said yeah let's go. Shall we go to X? I agreed and off we went. Sounds really positive!!! Keep us posted!
guest569 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 there are many MANY things he could have done and said, and would have done and said, to convey that, including trying to kiss her. But he didn't! That's precisely my point! I don't think he sees her that way, JMO. Really? I have NEVER, EVER been kissed on the first date, thank god! You can hardly make the call based on the fact he didn't kiss her. Oh wait, I have once been kissed on a first date, and he never contacted me again. Inn fact i think he was just after sex, which I declined. Go figure.
katiegrl Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Really? I have NEVER, EVER been kissed on the first date, thank god! You can hardly make the call based on the fact he didn't kiss her. Oh wait, I have once been kissed on a first date, and he never contacted me again. Inn fact i think he was just after sex, which I declined. Go figure. Interesting. Cause whenever I've been on a first date, and there was mutual chemistry, I have never NOT been kissed! And they *did" contact me again. Go figure...
guest569 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Interesting. Cause whenever I've been on a first date, and there was mutual chemistry, I have never NOT been kissed! And they *did" contact me again. Go figure... One ex kissed me on the 2nd date, the other ex kissed me on about the 6th. So let's not jump to conclusions
fitnessfan365 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Really? I have NEVER, EVER been kissed on the first date, thank god! You can hardly make the call based on the fact he didn't kiss her. Oh wait, I have once been kissed on a first date, and he never contacted me again. Inn fact i think he was just after sex, which I declined. Go figure. The fact that no man has ever wanted to kiss you on a first date sucks. It actually makes me feel sorry for you. But what I find to be weird is that you're actually happy about it.
guest569 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 The fact that no man has ever wanted to kiss you on a first date sucks. It actually makes me feel sorry for you. But what I find to be weird is that you're actually happy about it. Thanks, thats nice of you. I was just using it as an example that relationships can form regardless of whether there is a first date kiss or not. It doesn't suck and i dont need your sympathy.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Thanks, thats nice of you. I was just using it as an example that relationships can form regardless of whether there is a first date kiss or not. It doesn't suck and i dont need your sympathy. I wasn't trying to be condescending and I'm sorry if you took it that way. My post was genuine. It really does suck that no man has ever wanted to kiss you on a first date. Every woman at least once in her life should meet a man that she develops great chemistry with from the start. But it clearly doesn't bother you, so it's all good I guess.
Author firefly1 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) So far he hasn't texted me back. the dinner was almost two days ago now. Do you think he is waiting to see me in person again at the gym? after a great 4 hours over dinner and no texts I'm driving myself insane. Would it be due to the age gap. Maybe being 12 years older he feels like I'm too young for him? Or do u think its cos I wasn't feminine enough?? Edited April 14, 2015 by firefly1
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