Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Real men do not complain about having to pay for their woman. Beat me to it... Usually the guys that complain about it on here are Beta Types who think dating is unfair and want to gripe and moan about how hard they have it. That being said OP, any reasonable guy that you would WANT to date, isn't going to next you over this 1
Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Women who pay are simply the best Honey, don't worry about the "who pays" thing, it's petty at this point, because everyone is so confused on this issue.
carhill Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Myself, I would have taken the 'you get it next time' opening to set up the next date right there, presuming this was indeed four hours of engaging interaction. Unfortunately, or perhaps typical of my generation, I've not encountered a woman who's paid for the first date. However, I've never had a woman ask me on a date either and, typically, the person who asks, pays. In this instance, who suggested the impromptu meeting? My mantra is keep showing up until someone says no. He has his opening for the next opportunity. See where it goes.
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 In my opinion, it's still pretty customary for a guy to take care of the first date and for a woman to accept if she wants to see him again. Usually when a woman insists on paying it's because she isn't interested. Your only saving grace was that you said he could get the next one. This implies you want to see him again. However, it's almost like you tried to assume the role of a man by picking up the check and telling him to get the next one. When it comes to certain dating etiquette, traditional gender roles are still the most accepted. I agree with ff and my boyfriend concurs. I think it's fine and even good for a women to "offer" to pay and/or leave the tip, but the way the OP went about it was very aggressive, which my boyfriend said would turn him off. Without meaning to, you emasculated him, which is why he said he thought it was *weird*. It's the aggressive way you just "took charge" of the whole thing.. What you do now is wait and see if he contacts you again and asks you out. That's all you *can* do at this point. I know you like him, so I hope he does, but in any event, lesson learned for next time. It's OK to offer to pay, if you are so inclined, or leave the tip, just don't be so "take charge" next time....whipping out your card and announcing you will take care of it... That denotes masculine energy which is not attractive, especially on a first date when first impressions mean everything! 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I agree with ff and my boyfriend concurs. I think it's fine and even good for a women to "offer" to pay and/or leave the tip, but the way the OP went about it was very aggressive, which my boyfriend said would turn him off. Without meaning to, you emasculated him, which is why he said he thought it was *weird*. It's the aggressive way you just "took charge" of the whole thing.. What you do now is wait and see if he contacts you again and asks you out. That's all you *can* do at this point. I know you like him, so I hope he does, but in any event, lesson learned for next time. It's OK to offer to pay, if you are so inclined, or leave the tip, just don't be so "take charge" next time....whipping out your card and announcing you will take care of it... That denotes masculine energy which is not attractive, especially on a first date when first impressions mean everything! I agree with most of this - it would probably throw me off a little bit and make me consider. I'm used to girls going DUTCH with me, but paying the whole thing is kinda aggressive lol. That being said if it's an isolated incident and she isn't always taking charge of the date, I might look past it. I stand by my earlier assessment that she probably didn't RUIN things with this guy... If he was the one for her, it wouldn't matter. 1
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) Women who pay are simply the best Honey, don't worry about the "who pays" thing, it's petty at this point, because everyone is so confused on this issue. It is not that she *offered* to pay, which is fine, it is that she *insisted* on paying. Whipping out her card, announcing she will take care if it, you get it next time. The guy was probably like "wtf"... he even mentioned he thought it was weird. Which it was IMO, especially if you were attracted to him and hoping to attract him to you. Edited April 13, 2015 by katiegrl
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 It is not that she *offered* to pay, which is fine, it is that she *insisted* on paying. Whipping out her card, announcing she will take care if it, you get it next time. The guy was probably like "wtf"... he even mentioned he thought it was weird. Which it was IMO, especially if you were attracted to him and hoping to attract him to you. Well it depends on their interest levels. If she's more interested in him than he is in her, she would have to work harder for his attention and he might be quick to dismiss her for her behavior. If they have mutual interest I think they'll laugh about it the next time they meet lol.
PogoStick Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 It's weird but the last year or two lots of women have been paying on first dates. I had the mitigating circumstance of being in full-time college and not working. I'm not sure if they are paying because they like me, or if it means they are uninterested don't want to feel any future obligation.
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Well it depends on their interest levels. If she's more interested in him than he is in her, she would have to work harder for his attention and he might be quick to dismiss her for her behavior. If they have mutual interest I think they'll laugh about it the next time they meet lol. I agree but the fact he said he thought it was *weird* is very telling... I don't think a man who was truly enthralled (or just really interested) would have said that.
PegNosePete Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I think most men would consider it weird because it's totally different than anything they've ever experienced. Weird does not always mean bad. Just different/unusual. 1
fred123 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 How does OP know if he is froendzoned or not? Cos if a girl pays it means shes not interested and has not accepted this as a date
Diezel Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Want to go on a first date with me? I won't put up a fight about the check.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I agree but the fact he said he thought it was *weird* is very telling... I don't think a man who was truly enthralled (or just really interested) would have said that. Eh, he could have just said it matter of factly in a teasing way I probably would. How does OP know if he is froendzoned or not? Cos if a girl pays it means shes not interested and has not accepted this as a date In my experience this is not the case. A girl paid her half on my first date and we dated for over a month and things got intimate.
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Oh dear bit of a mixed response here. I didn't really 'whip' out my card. It was just because the guy was fumbling for his wallet and I guess I didn't have any cash to pay him back so I decided to pay the whole thing. But then it seemed rude to me to accept payment for his part as often with friends I'll just pay the bill and they pay the next time. I guess it is just a habit. He said it was weird maybe an hour later when we parted ways. He said 'thanks for dinner but it's a bit weird that you paid since I ate like most of the food!!' Haha I don't really come off as controlling or anything... I'm quite sweet really. Just felt awkward when the guy was getting his wallet and the waitress came over to ask for payment. I felt a little awkward kind of waiting so I suppose to cut the suspense I just gave her my card. Hope that it doesn't appear too terrible !!! I suppose we will see again soon. I will see him around quite often
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 firefly, when he said "it is weird that you paid," did he say it in a joking manner? Has he called or texted you after the date? Has he suggested another date...wherein HE pays? Bottom line is, we all could opine about it until hell freezes over. What matters is how HE felt about it. firefly, as I said, just wait and see if he contacts you again. His actions AFTER the date will tell you everything you need to know... 2
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Oh dear bit of a mixed response here. I didn't really 'whip' out my card. It was just because the guy was fumbling for his wallet and I guess I didn't have any cash to pay him back so I decided to pay the whole thing. But then it seemed rude to me to accept payment for his part as often with friends I'll just pay the bill and they pay the next time. I guess it is just a habit. He said it was weird maybe an hour later when we parted ways. He said 'thanks for dinner but it's a bit weird that you paid since I ate like most of the food!!' Haha I don't really come off as controlling or anything... I'm quite sweet really. Just felt awkward when the guy was getting his wallet and the waitress came over to ask for payment. I felt a little awkward kind of waiting so I suppose to cut the suspense I just gave her my card. Hope that it doesn't appear too terrible !!! I suppose we will see again soon. I will see him around quite often "Whip out your card" = gave your card to the waitress before he had a chance to. Given your last post, however, I think it's okay. If he really liked you and was attracted to you before and during the date, this incident is likely to change that. Keep us posted!
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 firefly, when he said "it is weird that you paid," did he say it in a joking manner? Has he called or texted you after the date? Has he suggested another date...wherein HE pays? Bottom line is, we all could opine about it until hell freezes over. What matters is how HE felt about it. firefly, as I said, just wait and see if he contacts you again. His actions AFTER the date will tell you everything you need to know... I guess he said it in a joking manner. I mean after we paid the check we still chatted for over an hour. He hasn't texted me back yet though. hmm. He suggested another meeting and he will let me know the details when he finds out a date. I will see him probably sometime this week at the gym though so we will see what he does. I'm taking this more cautiously, he told me he is 12 years older than me which is a bit of a crazy age gap ( I usually go 2-3 years YOUNGER than me). I initially thought he was only 3 years older than me. He looks incredibly young for a guy who is nearly 40.
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 "Whip out your card" = gave your card to the waitress before he had a chance to. Given your last post, however, I think it's okay. If he really liked you and was attracted to you before and during the date, this incident is likely to change that. Keep us posted! Do you mean likely or unlikely to change that ?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Firefly, you said that "you can get it next time" so I think that establishes that you are interested in him. Although him being 12 years your senior, it might have put him off a bit since he probably feels like he should take care of you... Idk I never really understood the dynamic for that huge of an age gap. At any rate... good luck EDIT: Also in regards to the above post, if it were me saying that phrase I would say unlikely.
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Do you mean likely or unlikely to change that ? Sorry that was a typo..I meant *unlikely* to change that. Did he kiss you?
fred123 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Eh, he could have just said it matter of factly in a teasing way I probably would. In my experience this is not the case. A girl paid her half on my first date and we dated for over a month and things got intimate. you are the exception rather than the rule
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 "Whip out your card" = gave your card to the waitress before he had a chance to. Given your last post, however, I think it's okay. If he really liked you and was attracted to you before and during the date, this incident is likely to change that. Keep us posted! Clarification cause I can't edit. "Unlikely" to change that.....
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Sorry that was a typo..I meant *unlikely* to change that. Did he kiss you? Haha no he didn't kiss me. It wasn't like it was meant to be a date... We just left the gym together since we were both leaving and we went to a restaurant nearby that he suggested. We then chatted for 4 hours until the restaurant closed. I've spoken to him three times in total. It would be a bit weird if he kissed me right without establishing whether I did like him back or not. I suppose if he texts me back for a date that means it really is a proper date. Yeah he doesn't act or look like his age that's why I thought he was 31.
Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 It is not that she *offered* to pay, which is fine, it is that she *insisted* on paying. Whipping out her card, announcing she will take care if it, you get it next time. The guy was probably like "wtf"... he even mentioned he thought it was weird. Which it was IMO, especially if you were attracted to him and hoping to attract him to you. - If she was snippy about it, that would be a problem. But nicely insisting is not a problem. It depends on her attitude and how it came across. Again, I don't care who pays. I've had women want to go dutch, pay for the bill when I went to the bathroom before I knew what was happening (LOL), pay the tip, pay for drinks, reach for their purse as if they are going to pay but they don't (lol), or never lift a finger. I've seen everything. I just go with the flow... when the bill comes, I reach for it and go to pay it. But whatever happens, I don't care, I don't keep score on this issue. I don't make mountains out of molehills.
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Haha no he didn't kiss me. It wasn't like it was meant to be a date... We just left the gym together since we were both leaving and we went to a restaurant nearby that he suggested. We then chatted for 4 hours until the restaurant closed. I've spoken to him three times in total. It would be a bit weird if he kissed me right without establishing whether I did like him back or not. I suppose if he texts me back for a date that means it really is a proper date. Yeah he doesn't act or look like his age that's why I thought he was 31. Well if you went as "friends" or gym colleagues, then what you did was fine! I thought this was like a first date with a new guy you just met...who asked you out. My bad! He may have thought it was weird because, as friends, he expected it to be dutch treat..
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