firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) Hello guys what should i do. I feel bad because I feel like I didn't give much credit to the guy. Had a really good dinner with a guy yesterday. When the bill came I just automatically gave the waitress my card because I didn't have cash and I felt really awkward waiting for the guy to pay. The guy immediately offered me his share in cash but To be polite I said it's okay.You can get it next time. Is that weird ?! He was like it's weird that you paid. I said it's okay. It wasn't so much as a date but an impromptu dinner after gym. We did end up talking for 4 hours. I like him that way and he likes me too Edited April 13, 2015 by firefly1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 You might have confused him a little bit, but if things went well otherwise he'll probably just shrug it off. I hope you gave him a kiss good night otherwise he might think you were covering the bill to let him down 1
Hawaii51 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 There is a good portion of dudes that cannot handle a woman paying for things, especially a 1st date. I've been in the same position with friends and dates.. I usually offer cash for my half, then I fall back to letting me- at the least- cover the tip. Anyways, the guy is probably stoked if he likes you, cause now he gets to see you again
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 There is a good portion of dudes that cannot handle a woman paying for things, especially a 1st date. I've been in the same position with friends and dates.. I usually offer cash for my half, then I fall back to letting me- at the least- cover the tip. Anyways, the guy is probably stoked if he likes you, cause now he gets to see you again I think it's because it signifies that a Woman is independent (and possibly a feminist lol), which can be off-putting to some guys. Some guys like an independent woman, some like a submissive woman. However I think almost every guy likes their woman to be submissive to some degree or another.
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Oops have I ruined my chances now? If there's next time I will be more submissive.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 In my opinion, it's still pretty customary for a guy to take care of the first date and for a woman to accept if she wants to see him again. Usually when a woman insists on paying it's because she isn't interested. Your only saving grace was that you said he could get the next one. This implies you want to see him again. However, it's almost like you tried to assume the role of a man by picking up the check and telling him to get the next one. When it comes to certain dating etiquette, traditional gender roles are still the most accepted.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Oops have I ruined my chances now? If there's next time I will be more submissive. You shouldn't have to change yourself for a guy - he should be able to like you for who you are. 1
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Uh oh I feel so bad about it now. I don't want to look manly!!! 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I've always heard that when a Woman pays she doesn't want to see you again. HOWEVER... I've had Women pay a number of times, and so far I've always seen them again. So I don't think this really holds true too much anymore, and I won't read too much into it. 1
neowulf Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Uh oh I feel so bad about it now. I don't want to look manly!!! Don't over think it. If he likes you, really likes you.. he's not going to let this one small event phase him. 4
Toodaloo Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 In my opinion, it's still pretty customary for a guy to take care of the first date and for a woman to accept if she wants to see him again. Usually when a woman insists on paying it's because she isn't interested. Your only saving grace was that you said he could get the next one. This implies you want to see him again. However, it's almost like you tried to assume the role of a man by picking up the check and telling him to get the next one. When it comes to certain dating etiquette, traditional gender roles are still the most accepted. Ah I am screwed then... After many years of my ex getting me to pay and calling me a money grabber whenever I asked him to pay for something (even a contribution to house hold bills in the house he was living in...) I don't like men to pay for me at all. Doesn't matter if he earns more or if he is being gentlemanly... If I can't pay my way I simply don't go. It takes a lot for me to allow someone else to pay for me. I am only really comfortable when its close family or one of my friends... In OP's situation I would have paid too... I would have done exactly as she did. And when we did meet up the next time and he paid for both I would have felt very uncomfortable about it... OP don't worry just meet up again and let him pay next time!
guest569 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 OP its no big deal. If he didnt like it he should have made you take the cash. Sounds like it was a good date though all the best 2
Author firefly1 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Ah I am screwed then... After many years of my ex getting me to pay and calling me a money grabber whenever I asked him to pay for something (even a contribution to house hold bills in the house he was living in...) I don't like men to pay for me at all. Doesn't matter if he earns more or if he is being gentlemanly... If I can't pay my way I simply don't go. It takes a lot for me to allow someone else to pay for me. I am only really comfortable when its close family or one of my friends... In OP's situation I would have paid too... I would have done exactly as she did. And when we did meet up the next time and he paid for both I would have felt very uncomfortable about it... OP don't worry just meet up again and let him pay next time! Thanks for sharing. Hope you have a better experience wih a more generous guy in the future. And cheers guys. I feel a bit better about it. There are plans to go somewhere else next time so it's not that this is the end )
PegNosePete Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Well, if that happened to me, I'd take it as a very positive sign. Especially the "you can get the next one" part, it says you're definitely interested in another date. 5
Toodaloo Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Thanks for sharing. Hope you have a better experience wih a more generous guy in the future. And cheers guys. I feel a bit better about it. There are plans to go somewhere else next time so it's not that this is the end ) We shall see. I know I do have a very big hang up about it. But thats my hang up. Don't worry about it and get that second date booked in and enjoy it!
kendahke Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Oops have I ruined my chances now? If there's next time I will be more submissive. No. You have not ruined your chances. Do not change anything about you to become who you are not. If he is scared off by this, then good riddance. He's not confident if this scares him. 1
stillafool Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 However I think almost every guy likes their woman to be submissive to some degree or another. Why is that?
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 firefly You paid a check. That should be seen as a nice thing. There's a reason it's called "treating" someone. You didn't cut off his junk & physically emasculate him. If he feels figuratively emasculated because you paid the bill, there are no good reasons to enter into a relationship with him because he's too insecure. There are so many guys on LS & the thread pops up every so often about who pays & men complain that women never take out their wallets. You have now proven to him that you aren't dating him for his money. Again, that should be a good thing. Going forward be a little less quick on the draw but you certainly don't have to be submissive (unless you want to be). 3
road Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I think it's because it signifies that a Woman is independent (and possibly a feminist lol), which can be off-putting to some guys. Some guys like an independent woman, some like a submissive woman. However I think almost every guy likes their woman to be submissive to some degree or another. Oops have I ruined my chances now? If there's next time I will be more submissive. Nothing to do with being a Feminazi. Men are genetically programed to be providers. They were/are the hunters. Their job was to go grab their club and go out and bring back some meat. Part of the dating meal is to use the meal to take care of hunger, provide a fun experience for the girl so she wants to go out with him again, and the man is able to showcase his ability and willingness to provide for his woman. Talk about the bee-itches wanting to put the poor man's balls in her purse on the first date before they even give up a good night kiss on his cheek.
road Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 firefly You paid a check. That should be seen as a nice thing. There's a reason it's called "treating" someone. You didn't cut off his junk & physically emasculate him. If he feels figuratively emasculated because you paid the bill, there are no good reasons to enter into a relationship with him because he's too insecure. There are so many guys on LS & the thread pops up every so often about who pays & men complain that women never take out their wallets. You have now proven to him that you aren't dating him for his money. Again, that should be a good thing. Going forward be a little less quick on the draw but you certainly don't have to be submissive (unless you want to be). Real men do not complain about having to pay for their woman. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Hello guys what should i do. I feel bad because I feel like I didn't give much credit to the guy. Had a really good dinner with a guy yesterday. When the bill came I just automatically gave the waitress my card because I didn't have cash and I felt really awkward waiting for the guy to pay. The guy immediately offered me his share in cash but To be polite I said it's okay.You can get it next time. Is that weird ?! He was like it's weird that you paid. I said it's okay. It wasn't so much as a date but an impromptu dinner after gym. We did end up talking for 4 hours. I like him that way and he likes me too It's always kind of a crapshoot. Some guys prefer to pay and some guys don't mind if the woman pays. I think they appreciate the offer. But, generally, I let them pay for the first date, and I'll pick up the second if they don't wave it off. I always have money or card very handy though so I can pull it out right away without digging. While you're digging, they usually have their wallet out. The digging kinda makes it look like you're just going through the motions There was a man I dated who took me on a couple of very expensive dates. The next date, after the waitress took our order, I went to the ladies room and took her to the side. I gave her my card to run before she gave us the bill. He really liked that I also pay for the 2nd or 3rd date if I don't intend to go out with them again. Usually by the 3rd date, I know if I'm interested enough.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I think it's a great thing. He can ask you out and treat you if he so desires to "pay you back". Let him, then say thanks! Maybe then you ask him out the next time and treat. I like that it establishes that whomever asks, pays. Don't be so quick to doubt yourself.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Real men do not complain about having to pay for their woman. I agree completely but it seems to be the culture. I'm having a terrible time teaching my son that if another girl is with you alone then he pays for whatever. He thinks if it's not his girlfriend or he's just giving her a ride that she should pay for her own latte or whatever. I disagree. And it's MY money not his!
Maleficent Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Oops have I ruined my chances now? If there's next time I will be more submissive. Sheesh, if you've ruined your chances by paying a bill, I think you dodged a bullet. I'm all for letting men 'wear the pants' and all, but a man who feels emasculated by a woman paying one freaking bill is not the kind of man I want to date... If it bothers him so much, he can just offer to pay faster next time. Usually, I just ask the guy 'how much is my share?' and he either tells me 'it's ok I got it' or he just tells me what my share is. 1
PegNosePete Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I'm having a terrible time teaching my son that if another girl is with you alone then he pays for whatever. He thinks if it's not his girlfriend or he's just giving her a ride that she should pay for her own latte or whatever. I agree with your son. I don't pay for my friends coffees. Well not always. And if I do, they usually buy mine next time.
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