Chris715 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I got a girl's number that I met from OLD on Thursday last week. She's very cute, we seem to have a lot in common and get along well texting. We go to the same college (she's 20 I'm 24), both of us are STEM majors, we're into a lot of the same things, so it seems like the foundation is there for something if we get along well in person. We've texted a LOT from Thursday through today, probably around 200 or so messages. Yesterday I asked her out for lunch on Friday and she happily said yes, now how do I proceed until we actually meet? I don't want both of us to get too burnt out talking and learning about each other over text, which has definitely happened with me in the past. And I think the date on Friday will be more interesting the more we have to talk about in person. Should I cut off my texting to her? Maybe a few a day? I don't want to indicate it as lowered interest or anything but I'm paranoid that the opposite, texting her lots up to the date Friday, will cause us to get burnt out on communication and I might even come across as a little desperate. If I don't initiate day to day I don't think she will (she strikes me as shy and a little socially awkward just from our conversations, but I think it's cute) so I'm kind of stuck on what to do. Maybe just a few "check in" texts throughout the week? Any input is appreciated! I started dating at 21, have had a lot of negative experiences with it but am trying to move past that and get better at it.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) A lunch date and non stop texting? I sense the friend zone on your horizon. 1) Always plan dates at night. A woman can spend more time with you, dates can be extended, "night caps" can happen, etc.. A lunch hour is what women use to spend with guy friends they want to invest less time with. They automatically have an out to get back to their day. Food for thought. 2) Non stop texting with a woman is NEVER a good idea. Communicates that you've got nothing else going on, that you're over eager to talk to her, and she starts to identify you as a therapist and girlfriend she can vent about her problems too. The phone (especially in the beginning) should be used primarily for setting dates. Also, you should have a mindset of indifference until you actually spend time with the girl. As you go on more dates and she proves herself, that's when you give her more value and time. But since you haven't even met her yet, your main focus should be on the date itself, with a lower interest level outside of it. Edited April 13, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 What FF said. Lunch date = bad idea, i'd go as far as cancelling and ask to reschedule, otherwise it probably won't go anywhere. It's just not the right atmosphere for a developing romance. Texting is only used for occasional light banter, or setting up a date - as well as things like "Hey, i'm here" etc. You shouldn't have to constantly reply or keep a text chain going, but if you think of something funny/witty to say once in a while, it can't hurt - just make sure that you close off the conversation promptly so you don't get in a huge back and forth with the texting. Remember that most girls won't like you back even if you like them. Don't get too attached early on, and just PLAY IT COOL.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 BTW - For logistical purposes, it's always better to plan a date sooner rather than later. Like 2-3 days out. When you plan a date for over a week in advance, it sets up falling into the trap of talking to a woman way too much before a date. With 2-3 days, you can simply talk to her again in person.
neowulf Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Yeah, I've noticed this time around I don't text women or call them, other than the initial chat and organizing the date. Personally I think it's healthier that way. You're both strangers and as far as I'm concerned, until you meet, there's a really great chance you're not going to click in person. Like a 9 in 10 chance. Sinking a lot of time into getting to know a woman, only to find that once you meet, you feel no spark what so ever is a great way to burn out on dating fast.
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 You already set the bar at an intense level. 200 texts between Thursday and Sunday. Where do you have time to study your STEM major? Unfortunately you now need to keep up something that resembles that level of contact or she will think you got what you want (a date) & don't care any more. My normal advice would have been to call once before Friday, send 1-2 texts & possibly a social media "like" or something then confirm Thursday. I have been married for 6.5 years & don't think I have texted my husband 200 times. 2
Redhead14 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I got a girl's number that I met from OLD on Thursday last week. She's very cute, we seem to have a lot in common and get along well texting. We go to the same college (she's 20 I'm 24), both of us are STEM majors, we're into a lot of the same things, so it seems like the foundation is there for something if we get along well in person. We've texted a LOT from Thursday through today, probably around 200 or so messages. Yesterday I asked her out for lunch on Friday and she happily said yes, now how do I proceed until we actually meet? I don't want both of us to get too burnt out talking and learning about each other over text, which has definitely happened with me in the past. And I think the date on Friday will be more interesting the more we have to talk about in person. Should I cut off my texting to her? Maybe a few a day? I don't want to indicate it as lowered interest or anything but I'm paranoid that the opposite, texting her lots up to the date Friday, will cause us to get burnt out on communication and I might even come across as a little desperate. If I don't initiate day to day I don't think she will (she strikes me as shy and a little socially awkward just from our conversations, but I think it's cute) so I'm kind of stuck on what to do. Maybe just a few "check in" texts throughout the week? Any input is appreciated! I started dating at 21, have had a lot of negative experiences with it but am trying to move past that and get better at it. Don't text so much and just call her at least once a week and an occasional text. Tell her you prefer to talk on the phone between dates once in a while and leave more to talk about when you see each other.
Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Oh please, there is nothing wrong with a lunch date. Good job on setting the date OP! What do you do until then? - nothing.... playing hard to get doubles interest... that means you go silent unless she contacts you. If you don't contact, she'll be wondering what you are up to... and if she's thinking about you, her interest is growing. Your job is done, son. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Oh please, there is nothing wrong with a lunch date. Good job on setting the date OP! What do you do until then? - nothing.... playing hard to get doubles interest... that means you go silent unless she contacts you. If you don't contact, she'll be wondering what you are up to... and if she's thinking about you, her interest is growing. Your job is done, son. I think a lunch date is only acceptable once you've established yourselves romantically. One of the last girls I dated, after we were past the point of making out with each other, I did suggest a Lunch Date walking around one of the lakes in our area and getting a Lakeside Lunch For the first 2 dates though, I think they should always be 6pm or later. Also - 200 texts in a few days??? HOLY CRAP!! I don't think I sent that many to the last girl I dated for over a MONTH...
Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Barcode, sometimes women will prefer a lunch date because they are not totally into a guy and would feel more comfortable in daylight with him. Also, it's not as romantic as a night date, I'll give you that, you may be right. I'll kiss a girl in the broad daylight or dance in the street with her, I really don't care. Dance like everyone is watching and you just don't give a hoot! (so, yeah, not want to listen to me on this one.)
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Barcode, sometimes women will prefer a lunch date because they are not totally into a guy and would feel more comfortable in daylight with him. Also, it's not as romantic as a night date, I'll give you that, you may be right. I'll kiss a girl in the broad daylight or dance in the street with her, I really don't care. Dance like everyone is watching and you just don't give a hoot! (so, yeah, not want to listen to me on this one.) I wouldn't waste my time personally. Even if it's a girl I meet on OLD, if I get shifted to a Lunch Date, I'll assume she's seeing other people more seriously and her interest level in meeting me is low. Heck there's no reason she can't meet you at the date venue (Public Place), and leave by herself. If she's a big girl she can take care of herself whether its lunchtime or evening.
CarrieT Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Is there an Exploritorium or Science Museum in your city? Go there for your lunch date (there is always a cafe) and that will easily segue into hanging around and playing at the museum. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Sometimes lunch is the only thing that fits. My second date with DH was lunch. It was either that or we would not see each other for a week because I had already had a number of other obligations. Lunch is fine. The OP's problem is how does he deal with dialing back the texting from 200 messages over 4 days to something more manageable. 1
fred123 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 surely sending 200 texts is a good sign especially if she is responding and initiating. she doesn't think its crazy!!
Vintage79 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 A lunch date is fine - it's someone from online that he's never met. In that situation, a lot of people will suggest coffee or drinks and only meet for an hour - I don't see how this is all that much different. Have I scheduled a lunch date in the past? Not for a while (years), but I don't think it's a big deal if they go to the same school, and in particular given their ages. OP, just make sure that the time you meet her after that that it's something that will give you more time and a better opportunity to escalate the romance. OP - you'll be fine - don't worry about it being lunch... As for continued contact between now and then - that's tough, as you've set a high bar - as I think D0nnivain said, it will be hard to substantially dial it back and still seem interested - you can do a slow wean, but you're probably still on the hook for a fair amount of contact between now and then, unless you want to risk seeming not interested.
Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I wouldn't waste my time personally. Even if it's a girl I meet on OLD, if I get shifted to a Lunch Date, I'll assume she's seeing other people more seriously and her interest level in meeting me is low. Heck there's no reason she can't meet you at the date venue (Public Place), and leave by herself. If she's a big girl she can take care of herself whether its lunchtime or evening. - I'll defer to your wisdom on this one... I never do lunch dates, only evening dinners... I can't get my sheet together before 1 PM anyway 1
katiegrl Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Oh please, there is nothing wrong with a lunch date. Good job on setting the date OP! What do you do until then? - nothing.... playing hard to get doubles interest... that means you go silent unless she contacts you. If you don't contact, she'll be wondering what you are up to... and if she's thinking about you, her interest is growing. Your job is done, son. That is the same advice given to women...lol So, if both people are playing hard to get, nothing ain't ever gonna happen...guaranteed!
Author Chris715 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Is there an Exploritorium or Science Museum in your city? Go there for your lunch date (there is always a cafe) and that will easily segue into hanging around and playing at the museum. This is actually a pretty good idea. We're both really into science (obviously) so it should work out well. I'll look into it As to everyone complaining about the lunch date, I suggested coffee but she can't drink caffeine (not an excuse, a legitimate health issue that she had mentioned earlier) and then happily agreed to lunch after I suggested it. I wasn't aware there was such a stigma attached to it but after she agreed I did text "Awesome, then it's date :)" to which she replied "Awesome :)", so kinda hard to misinterpret that. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Friendship happens during the day. Romance happens at night. The whole reason why a woman wants to see a guy on her lunch hour, is because she has less time to spend with him. She naturally has an excuse to get back to her day. That's why guy friends always get invited to lunch. But on dates at night, she has more time to spend, they can be extended, a "night cap" can take place, etc.. But in general, it's all about the mindset IMO. If you act like a friend planning lunches and texting all the time, that's how she'll eventually see you. So that's why you need to act like a romantic possibility from the get go. Like Barcode says, doing a lunch AFTER you've already established romance is fine. Just like talking/texting with a woman more AFTER you've been seeing her for awhile or you're in a relationship. But when you don't know a woman and are trying to lay romantic ground work, you don't act like a friend. 1
Author Chris715 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Also, just a hunch, but I think I'm probably younger than most of the people in this thread (and this forum in general). Texting a lot isn't so far outside the norm for people my age, although I agree 200 over 4 days is quite a bit. Maybe I will dial it back a little bit today. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Lunch especially if it involves playing a little hookey from work can be wonderful. I fell in love with my grad school BF because we met for lunch every day the summer leading up to our licensing exam. It was the only time during the week that we had for each other. After the exam we went back to more "traditional" night time dating once we got jobs.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 This is actually a pretty good idea. We're both really into science (obviously) so it should work out well. I'll look into it As to everyone complaining about the lunch date, I suggested coffee but she can't drink caffeine (not an excuse, a legitimate health issue that she had mentioned earlier) and then happily agreed to lunch after I suggested it. I wasn't aware there was such a stigma attached to it but after she agreed I did text "Awesome, then it's date :)" to which she replied "Awesome :)", so kinda hard to misinterpret that. That's why you take her out to a taphouse or something at night and get her a beer or two No caffeine and it makes for some good social lubricant. This has been my standard operating procedure so far, and it works good for me.
Gary S Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 That is the same advice given to women...lol So, if both people are playing hard to get, nothing ain't ever gonna happen...guaranteed! Katie... people are going to play games no matter what... until interest levels match... I'm just giving them the real rules, what the naturals, the top 3 percent of guys who have good intuition and understand women do. If it makes ya feel any better, I don't like it either 1
Author Chris715 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 That's why you take her out to a taphouse or something at night and get her a beer or two No caffeine and it makes for some good social lubricant. This has been my standard operating procedure so far, and it works good for me. I would've asked her out for drinks but she's 20, so my options are a little more limited. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I would've asked her out for drinks but she's 20, so my options are a little more limited. Ask her why she doesn't have a good fake id Kidding lol. That's why I can't date girls under 21. Well and they're usually crazy 1
Recommended Posts