So my gf made out with a girl in front of me last night. I don't know how to feel.

April 13, 2015

That would not have happened is he had specified what kind of kissing he was allowing her.

If my boyfriend tells me it's ok for me to kiss other men he better specify what he means cause you bet my kind of kissing involves my body rubbing and hand actions.

Sorry - when we were talking about it, I said it was okay if she KISSED (singular) a girl. Not have a heavy make out session.

I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I had to explain grammar.

Edited April 13, 2015 by durkadurka

April 13, 2015

Well if he gives you an inch and you take a mile, don't be surprised if you get dumped for it.

I hope he will consider I am young and dead drunk after spending the day with my dying mother.

April 13, 2015

Sorry - when we were talking about it, I said it was okay if she KISSED (singular) a girl. Not have a heavy make out session.

Ok wow ..... so that changes things. Did you give this ok that night ?

If you give that go ahead, she gets drunk and runs with it .... then really you have nothing to complain about. If you don't set rules and boundaries and give that type of OK to kiss a girl then you can't come back and say I meant a kiss not a make out session after the fact. You want to set rules you need to do that up front.

April 13, 2015

I hope he will consider I am young and dead drunk after spending the day with my dying mother.

Because everyone knows when this is going on, you should make it with someone from the same sex in front of your boyfriend.

Perfectly normal behavior.

Stop making excuses for this person, because in that case, you get to make excuses for him not stepping in sooner...

April 13, 2015

If it was a repeated offense I would be of a different opinion but a 1 year and a half good relationship and nothing like that happened before. On top of that the exceptional circumstances of a young 20 yo woman losing her mother. I personally would be forgiving.

April 13, 2015

Ok wow ..... so that changes things. Did you give this ok that night ?

If you give that go ahead, she gets drunk and runs with it .... then really you have nothing to complain about. If you don't set rules and boundaries and give that type of OK to kiss a girl then you can't come back and say I meant a kiss not a make out session after the fact. You want to set rules you need to do that up front.

No, we discussed it like.. a year ago. She didn't ask or give any forewarning the night of.

April 13, 2015

That would not have happened is he had specified what kind of kissing he was allowing her.

If my boyfriend tells me it's ok for me to kiss other men he better specify what he means cause you bet my kind of kissing involves my body rubbing and hand actions.

Gaeta I have just come up with a solution to our dating problems lol!!!

April 13, 2015

If it was a repeated offense I would be of a different opinion but a 1 year and a half good relationship and nothing like that happened before. On top of that the exceptional circumstances of a young 20 yo woman losing her mother. I personally would be forgiving.

Look, I love her. I'm tempted to be forgiving, but she also did this in a very public place in front of my friends, so it's also emasculating.

I'm not even sure she realizes what I'm so upset about. I need to figure out how I'm going to talk to her about this.

Her focus needs to be on her mom right now, not on me.

April 13, 2015

Because everyone knows when this is going on, you should make it with someone from the same sex in front of your boyfriend.

Perfectly normal behavior.

Why so many of you ignore the fact he allowed her to kiss other women!

The problem is not her kissing this woman, the problem is her turning the kissing into making out, her being drunk to the point of having no judgment, and him standing by as if she was suppose to read his mind!

April 13, 2015

Look, I love her. I'm tempted to be forgiving, but she also did this in a very public place in front of my friends, so it's also emasculating.

I'm not even sure she realizes what I'm so upset about. I need to figure out how I'm going to talk to her about this.

Can you take on you the part about being emasculated? Because had you decided to get up after 5 minutes and tell her the show was over it was time to go home, not sure it would have felt emasculating for you.

April 13, 2015

Sorry - when we were talking about it, I said it was okay if she KISSED (singular) a girl. Not have a heavy make out session.

Exactly, she cheated on you and did it blatantly in front of you; you have to take that very seriously. One kiss for a dare, or an expression of "look at me I am so wild", is entirely different from a prolonged make out session.

It was a particularly nasty thing to do to you, no getting over that. No-one likes to see their sexual partner randomly making out with another person, without clear guidelines in place, ie in a threesome/cuckold situation.

Any man who allows their gf to kiss or make out with another girl, needs to be aware that it may be just fun or a bit arousing, but there are two people involved there, and feelings can get stirred up that may ultimately exclude the man.

April 13, 2015

If she was 20 years old, losing her mom and stole money out of your wallet after you told her a year ago that she could get $5 out of it, would that be ok, too?

April 13, 2015

Can you take on you the part about being emasculated? Because had you decided to get up after 5 minutes and tell her the show was over it was time to go home, not sure it would have felt emasculating for you.

I guess since it was so public he was scared she would show him up, by refusing to acknowledge his intervention. Bad enough she was doing it but worse for his ego if she then told him loudly to "Get lost!" or the equivalent, in front of everyone.

April 13, 2015

I guess since it was so public he was scared she would show him up, by refusing to acknowledge his intervention. Bad enough she was doing it but worse for his ego if she then told him loudly to "Get lost!" or the equivalent, in front of everyone.

And that's basically what happened when I did decide to intervene.

April 13, 2015

I guess since it was so public he was scared she would show him up, by refusing to acknowledge his intervention. Bad enough she was doing it but worse for his ego if she then told him loudly to "Get lost!" or the equivalent, in front of everyone.

Then he would not be torn between forgiving or ending it.

OP did not act up, felt humiliated, and now he's considering breaking up with her because of his own inaction. It's his solution to spruce up his male ego.

April 13, 2015

Then he would not be torn between forgiving or ending it.

OP did not act up, felt humiliated, and now he's considering breaking up with her because of his own inaction. It's his solution to spruce up his male ego.

Actually, I was trying to implement some habit changes that she and I have been working on together. I'm someone who's often guilty of jumping the gun, rushing to judgement.

This time I took the time to actually think things through instead of thinking without acting.

I guess we all look at this from our own perspectives. A younger, less wise me would have reacted way more quickly and way more harshly.

April 13, 2015

And that's basically what happened when I did decide to intervene.

mehhh......40 minutes later and when she was completely out of touch with reality. It's like playing hero after the boat has completely sank.

April 13, 2015

I don't see you dumping this girl so you might as well save the energy. Guys with your level of emotional investment are not strong enough to just walk away. You are going to vent and complain and then end up right back with her, if she will have you that is.

Next time try to not be the "cool guy" who thinks he needs to find his gf kissing a girl hot or stay and watch his gf make out. Life is not a porn movie. FYI I never had a relationship with a guy that told me it's OK to kiss a girl. Kissing anyone was defined as cheating. So no, not everybody does it.

April 13, 2015

mehhh......40 minutes later and when she was completely out of touch with reality. It's like playing hero after the boat has completely sank.

What do you want me to tell you? Some of what you're saying is incredibly unfair. Of course it's easier to see the mistakes that were made with the benefit of hindsight. But in the heat of the moment, it's much less easy to make those same decisions.

I did the best that I could. Yes, I wish I had handled things a little bit differently. You're ruthless.

April 13, 2015

OP, maybe since you didn't quite handle it right either, AND since her mother is dying just cut her a break. The next time it happens call her out on it right away, but just leave it alone for now.

April 13, 2015

What do you want me to tell you? Some of what you're saying is incredibly unfair. Of course it's easier to see the mistakes that were made with the benefit of hindsight. But in the heat of the moment, it's much less easy to make those same decisions.

I did the best that I could. Yes, I wish I had handled things a little bit differently. You're ruthless.

Yep we are. I am afraid.

But at least you are listening...

Right now you need to start figuring out how to bring this up and sort it out...

April 13, 2015

OP, maybe since you didn't quite handle it right either, AND since her mother is dying just cut her a break. The next time it happens call her out on it right away, but just leave it alone for now.

I don't think I can, since it was so public. Leaving it alone is the same as silently condoning it.

I needs to be addressed, the question is how. In the heat of the moment I already have said some rather blunt thinks about her recent behaviour. I need to figure out how to defuse the situation.

Even if we end up breaking up, I still think she's a great, big hearted girl. I don't want it to be acrimonious.

April 13, 2015

Yep we are. I am afraid.

But at least you are listening...

Right now you need to start figuring out how to bring this up and sort it out...

Any suggestions?

April 13, 2015

Gotta agree with Gaeta in all this, given what's come to light. The GF's not absolved of all blame - she should have shown some discretion and bean a little more considerate about the lengths, but he gave her the green light prior and didn't object while it was going on, from what I can gather.

April 13, 2015

I don't think I can, since it was so public. Leaving it alone is the same as silently condoning it.

I needs to be addressed, the question is how. In the heat of the moment I already have said some rather blunt thinks about her recent behaviour. I need to figure out how to defuse the situation.

Even if we end up breaking up, I still think she's a great, big hearted girl. I don't want it to be acrimonious.

Break ups, unless completely mutual with no wrong doings to complicate matters, always end up acrimonious to some extent.

One person at least, is usually really upset and that means sadness, frustration and anger.

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So my gf made out with a girl in front of me last night. I don't know how to feel.

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