So my gf made out with a girl in front of me last night. I don't know how to feel.

April 13, 2015

I need some advice on this.

Last night I was at a bar, my girlfriend was wasted, and was introduced to a friend of my good friend. Attractive girl and all. After a bit of chatting, and a few more drinks, they made out to the dance floor, when suddenly I noticed they were making out.

Now I'm not a homophobe and that's not the nature of this post. For the first 30 seconds it was kind of funny. Then seconds turned into minutes. Then we changed venues and it kept happening there. Then we changed venues again and it started to happen there. It was pretty aggressive.

What started off as kinda funny then started to register as something that made me really uncomfortable, in part because it kept escalating. It really began to bother me by the end of the night.

Firstly, she didn't even think to consider that I thought it might be cheating - she just went ahead and did it. Maybe she thought that because it was a girl, it was okay.

Secondly, when I did bring it up with her, it's like she thought it was every guys dream (and it was my friend's his jaw was on the floor), but she didn't think about the ramifications on our relationship. Shoot first, ask questions later.

Am I weird for thinking this way?

We ended up getting into a pretty serious argument at the end of the night, and I'm debating kicking her to the curb if for no other reason that she can't see where I'm coming from.

April 13, 2015

Why would you say you are not a homophobe? Was the guy she made out with gay?

April 13, 2015

Why would you say you are not a homophobe? Was the guy she made out with gay?

Homophobe can refer to being grossed out by two girls making out, and I wanted to clarify that that was not the basis for my discomfort.

Really didn't think I'd have to explain that.

April 13, 2015

A lot of guys think it's a great fantasy... right up until the moment it happens to them, and reality sinks in. It can feel like you have been cheated on.

April 13, 2015

A lot of guys think it's a great fantasy... right up until the moment it happens to them, and reality sinks in. It can feel like you have been cheated on.

See, right here is where people's thinking about same sex relationships goes off the rails.

If we truly accept that same sex relations aren't just some fetish and are *every bit* as vital and meaningful as heterosexual relationships, then yes, she cheated on her boyfriend. Right in front of him.

The fact she was making out with a woman shouldn't even come into the conversation.

It's like a guy who's bi fooling around with men behind his girlfriends back. It's CHEATING and it's disrespectful.

April 13, 2015

See, right here is where people's thinking about same sex relationships goes off the rails.

If we truly accept that same sex relations aren't just some fetish and are *every bit* as vital and meaningful as heterosexual relationships, then yes, she cheated on her boyfriend. Right in front of him.

The fact she was making out with a woman shouldn't even come into the conversation.

It's like a guy who's bi fooling around with men behind his girlfriends back. It's CHEATING and it's disrespectful.

And that, my friend, is the epiphany I had when I was watching it happening in front of me.

It's not some sort of BS thing girls do for fun, it actually carries equal weight as making out with another guy.

April 13, 2015

Agreed it's disrespectful.

Even as a gay man the last two men I've dated have gotten upset at me every time they've seen an attractive female come up and linger just a little too long or smile a little to much at me at places we've gone.

I get a lot of attention from women and gay or not if I were to suddenly make out with them in front of my better half they'd be very upset.

April 13, 2015

Homophobe can refer to being grossed out by two girls making out, and I wanted to clarify that that was not the basis for my discomfort.

Really didn't think I'd have to explain that.

Sorry it wasn't clear to me at first that the friend she made out with was another girl....my bad!

April 13, 2015

I'd call it cheating. Disrespectful.

Maybe she got carried away thinking its hot for you to see. But, its still cheating.

April 13, 2015

I'd call it cheating. Disrespectful.

Maybe she got carried away thinking its hot for you to see. But, its still cheating.

I actually left, it made me so uncomfortable.

April 13, 2015

I'll just say - never, never underestimate two women together. Sometimes it's just silliness, sometimes it's done to push your buttons, and sometimes it happens because we're really into each other. Guys often assume it's just harmless fun, but when we flip the switch it's no game, and we're just as much of a threat to you as another guy, or more.

Boyfriend beware. This is coming from someone who's been down that road many, many times.

April 13, 2015

My ex girlfriend had a relationship with a girl before she had one with me, I learned about this half year later after the break up, what a crazy world we are in.

Yeah, I think you should be cautious with this kind of action, observe more, learn from her friends who you trust.

April 13, 2015

I think some Women have some bi urges that can emerge while being intoxicated - my ex did some of the same **** OP, it didn't really end well for me, but it wasn't due to her making out with other girls. Personally I found it to be a bit of a turn on.

If it upsets you, you should talk to her about it. Me personally I wouldn't bring it up if she was otherwise faithful, and I knew she wasn't emotionally cheating on me.

April 13, 2015

If it had been a brief make out session, then I would be secretly happy that my girl had a hidden wild side.

But in this situation, it kept escalating and getting more and more intense over different locations for the entire night. It's a sign of disrespect on her part to basically act like her BF wasn't even there all night. Then again, the OP is the one that chose just to sit there acting passive all night. If he didn't like it, he should have stepped in, and reclaimed what was his.

April 13, 2015

I think some Women have some bi urges that can emerge while being intoxicated - my ex did some of the same **** OP, it didn't really end well for me, but it wasn't due to her making out with other girls. Personally I found it to be a bit of a turn on.

If it upsets you, you should talk to her about it. Me personally I wouldn't bring it up if she was otherwise faithful, and I knew she wasn't emotionally cheating on me.

It's more a contextual issue - I've worked my nuts off for her the last several weeks and this is how I get repaid?

If it had been a brief make out session, then I would be secretly happy that my girl had a hidden wild side.

But in this situation, it kept escalating and getting more and more intense over different locations for the entire night. It's a sign of disrespect on her part to basically act like her BF wasn't even there all night. Then again, the OP is the one that chose just to sit there acting passive all night. If he didn't like it, he should have stepped in, and reclaimed what was his.

Basically this.

April 13, 2015

This is the letter I drafted to send to her tomorrow to help illustrate how I feel. Props to Neowulf for the the almost direct quote.

Names have been anonymized for obvious reasons.

Sorry for the text heavy post.

Hi Julie,

I didn’t want to keep bothering you on Facebook; I know you have a lot on your mind.

Today I spent most of my time reflecting on the events of last night, it was hard. I have a lot of regrets. I regret making you cry and adding to the stuff you’re already working through.

But last night you cheated on me.

I remember returning to the dance floor seeing you grinding up on Jennifer, then the kissing started, then the making out happened. At first it was funny, harmless even. But then it kept escalating and didn’t really stop at it became clear that she, not I, was the focus of your attention. It wasn’t thirty seconds, or even a minute. It went on, and on, and on, and continued into the hallways of my apartment, the elevator, and in my living room. You guys probably made out for 30 minutes the entire night.

I stood there at the side of the dance floor watching my girlfriend intensely make out with someone else, without any apparent concern for the impact it might have on me, or on our relationship. That, more so than anything else, is what hurt the most. Every time I stepped in I was left with the impression that I was “cock blocking” my own girlfriend. What a bizarre feeling. Heck, even if you had told me, it might have made a difference.

At the time I was really confused. Is it cheating? Is it not cheating just because it’s two girls? I guess we are kind of taught that because it’s two girls, it’s okay right? But that pit in my stomach I got when I saw what was happening…

As it escalated from a kiss here and a kiss there, to a heavy petting, I realized that this wasn’t cute or funny anymore. Instead, it hurt. I felt the burning feeling of jealousy, envy, sadness and neglect when I saw you making out with her most of the latter part of the night, while I stood over on the side like the last pick in gym class.

If we truly accept that same sex relations aren’t some sort of fetish and are every bit as vital and meaningful as heterosexual relationships, then yes, you cheated, right in front of me. My heart was broken. In the end, I guess, it doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or a guy; it just matters if what you do hurts the other person. Pain and heartbreak don't discriminate based upon what gender your significant other is making out with.

Pretend for a moment the roles were reversed. We already know how awful you feel when I don’t pay attention to you. Could you please imagine how you might feel if I chose to not pay attention to you and instead made out with a dude while you watched?

I am left wondering what you expected to come out of what happened last night, and how you thought it would make me feel? I guess you now know what cheating on someone feels like Julie.
You really hurt me.

April 13, 2015

Oh my god.. Don't write a letter, that's such a ****ing cop out. Talk to her and don't be a wuss. If this is how you handle your relationship with her, it's no wonder that she's seeking external pleasures. Man up.

April 13, 2015

Oh my god.. Don't write a letter, that's such a ****ing cop out. Talk to her and don't be a wuss. If this is how you handle your relationship with her, it's no wonder that she's seeking external pleasures. Man up.

I never said I'd send it as a letter, I'll probably just use it roughly as a script. When I get stressed out and worked up I babble on. I need source material to work off of.

I'm about as far from a wuss as you could imagine. A wuss wouldn't have stood by her with what she's going through right now.

April 13, 2015

Honest opinion?

Ditch the long winded letter, man up, and talk to her face to face. I mean this is your GF right? If you can't talk to her, you've got bigger problems to deal with.

April 13, 2015

sit there acting passive all night. If he didn't like it, he should have stepped in, and reclaimed what was his.

What he said^^

April 13, 2015

Honest opinion?

Ditch the long winded letter, man up, and talk to her face to face. I mean this is your GF right? If you can't talk to her, you've got bigger problems to deal with.

Yeah this is definitely something better for in person. But we got into a huge argument afterward and I'm not sure when I'll get the opportunity to see her next.

April 13, 2015

Yeah it's cheating and I would question her sexuality. If it was me with a guy, I would leave him because I'd think that he was in denial about what really turned him on, clearly not me.

April 13, 2015

Yeah it's cheating and I would question her sexuality. If it was me with a guy, I would leave him because I'd think that he was in denial about what really turned him on, clearly not me.

I think socially speaking there's a lot more liberal views on girls experimenting with girls than guys experimenting with guys.

If a dude is hooking up with dudes chances are, they're probably gay.

It isn't unheard of for girls to have fun with girls in their late teens early 20s. She's in her early 20s.

She's also going through a very rough time right now and doing some pretty self destructive things. Her mom has terminal cancer.

April 13, 2015

I think socially speaking there's a lot more liberal views on girls experimenting with girls than guys experimenting with guys.

If a dude is hooking up with dudes chances are, they're probably gay.

It isn't unheard of for girls to have fun with girls in their late teens early 20s. She's in her early 20s.

She's also going through a very rough time right now and doing some pretty self destructive things. Her mom has terminal cancer.

You are in denial...

April 13, 2015

You are in denial...

Haha, okay!

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So my gf made out with a girl in front of me last night. I don't know how to feel.

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