lynnered Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by rebecki7 I already am attached to him, I cannot stop thinking about him-obsessing over him. He's told me 'someday' many times, that someday we will get away together and start over. And I truly feel like he does care about me, I know he does. And I know that not all men cheat on their wives, and I don't believe that it is right for men to have 2 women...so I still can't understand why I am doing this. I would never want to cause the hurt on someone that my mom went through, so I don't get it... Then you just need to de_attach yourself ,don't talk like you are helpless, even choosing to do nothing,is a choice , you may be young but you are not a child ,you are accountable to you for what you do , you are not in that deep , i think you really need to explore why you are putting so much trust /dependency/&obsessing over this man who you barely know, something is missing in you life (and its not him), and start counting the "somedays ", are you able to talk to your mom? maybe she can help you stay away from him, this does not sound healthy for you please take it from someone who knows it only gets worst !
Author rebecki7 Posted May 14, 2005 Author Posted May 14, 2005 That's what I am trying to figure out...Why I like him so much, Why I am obsessing over it, Why-to everything?????? I am very insecure with myself, and maybe just the fact that he gave me attention...but I liked him before he ever started flirting with me, I liked him before all that...so I don't know. Augh...
RecordProducer Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Look, since he doesn't have kids, give him an ultimatum: if he doesn't love his wife, he can divorce her and you can only be with him if he is single. And mean it! If he doesn't divorce her because he doesn't love her, he won't divorce her because of you. Your relationship is not solid and it doesn't sound like he wants you for anything more but casual sex once in a while. There's nothing to love about him. If you stay with him, he will have two women and be comfortable with the situation for a long time. Next thing you find out will be that his wife is pregnant. He will live his double life while you'll be suffering. DUMP HIM!!!
lynnered Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by rebecki7 That's what I am trying to figure out...Why I like him so much, Why I am obsessing over it, Why-to everything?????? I am very insecure with myself, and maybe just the fact that he gave me attention...but I liked him before he ever started flirting with me, I liked him before all that...so I don't know. Augh... maybe you should stop trying to analyze it, because its getting you nowhere , some times in life there are no answers , just MOVE ON,LET GO ,ETC maybe your somehow trying to understand why your father did what he did through this MM?? (I'm not in anyway a doctor so i may be way off) But really who cares? you know you do not feel good about this, is the obsessing fun? the thoughts of him w/h his wife? how soon do you think before you want him to take you out ? wait until you get tired of only seeing him the place you make love or meet , it gets old ,you get worn out , get a hobby ,another job<ANYTHING!! get busy stay busy and you can get over him!! if i had it to do over i would have told him ,look me up when you get separated or a divorce SOONER¬ backed down cause thats what I'm going through now years later, save yourself time &stress DO IT NOW NOT LATER, and like i told you before , if you keep doing what your doing, you'll keep getting what your getting and being last on someone who supposedly loves you priorities just really sucks , Good Luck
Author rebecki7 Posted May 19, 2005 Author Posted May 19, 2005 Volleyball started tonight, so I saw him. We flirted like usual, but didn't talk about "us", although I did learn that him and his wife are seperated, but are staying together until they figure out what they are going to do. This puts a new spin on things. After all the replies from people, I figured he was lying about being unhappy, but now I know it's true...
shellys-trying Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 It sounds like you're putting a spin on it yourself. r u sure you aren't hoping that's what's going on? If he'll cheat on his wife, then he'll cheat on you. Fact. Good luck with your hopes and dreams cause I fear that's all they'll turn out to be, plus ash in your mouth after he eventually moves on after you. You can't expect to be treated any better by MM after watching how little respect he's shown his wife. It's just not going to happen. But, you can take what you can get from him in the way of scraps from his table now and pay the price later. Your choice.
RecordProducer Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by rebecki7 I did learn that him and his wife are seperated, but are staying together until they figure out what they are going to do. He is lying!!!! They ALL say that! How can you be separated and live in the same house? Can't you see what a fool you are? You're biting the cheapest bait. Wake up!
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by rebecki7 That's what I am trying to figure out...Why I like him so much, Why I am obsessing over it, Why-to everything?????? I am very insecure with myself, and maybe just the fact that he gave me attention...but I liked him before he ever started flirting with me, I liked him before all that...so I don't know. Augh... I can understand you liking the attention from him, the feelings he makes you feel...BUT he is adding to your insecurity! He isn't free and single to be taken, so therefore, being insecure to start with, this situation definately isn't healthy for you at all. It's time to close him off from your heart otherwise he's going to make YOU feel worse about YOU and that's not cool. No man should make a woman feel bad about themselves. He isn't yours to begin with so please try your best to get him out of your system. Originally posted by rebecki7 Volleyball started tonight, so I saw him. We flirted like usual, but didn't talk about "us", although I did learn that him and his wife are seperated, but are staying together until they figure out what they are going to do. This puts a new spin on things. After all the replies from people, I figured he was lying about being unhappy, but now I know it's true... Again, he isn't "free" he's still married. Keep your eyes OPEN around him, trust me, you'll see the signs that you may have missed in the past. He may/may not have lied about being unhappy at that time, but right now he is still with her and honestly he isn't going to tell you what happens behind closed doors.
wyzeup Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by rebecki7 Thanks all for the replies. I know that I should just walk away, that I am only going to get hurt and hurt other people as well, but it's just so hard to do. It's so hard because of how I feel, not only how I feel about him, but the feeling I get FROM him. It's this feeling that he likes me, not just sexually, but actually cares. And it is so hard to walk away from that... sorry but you're living in a fantasy world. does ignoring you for 2 weeks after you first slept together show he "cares"? I don't think so. Married men aren't looking for new relationships/their soulmate/dreamgirl - they're looking for nothing more than fun on the side, sex, excitement ,the thrill of the chase, the adrenaline rush. Let me ask you - whether he's married or not, why would you accept any man's invitation to go visit him at his hotel room? That is just downright foolish and dangerous. You don't even know anything about this guy's background. He could be a woman beater for all you know. He could have a scorching case of Herpes for all you know. What if you were to end up pregnant by him? (no form of birth control is 100% effective). Are you so easily flattered and schmoozed that you through common sense out the window? It's possible he is not contacting you again because he is ashamed at what he did - which is very wrong. He has a fairly new bride at home and he's already cheating. So what if he's good looking and nice and sweet, the fact is, he's a rotten person who's newly married and cheating on his wife. Is this the kind of man you could seriously respect? He's a player. You're likely not the first fling he's had. I don't understand - when a woman learns a man is married, why doesn't that immediately twig in her brain that he's completely "off limits" such that she will not fall for his crap? Can you even imagine what it would feel like if you were a new wife and you learned your husband was sleeping around in hotel rooms with women? You'd be crushed and devastated. So why can't you consider his wife in all of this and put yourself feelings of lust and infatuation aside and muster up some respect for a fellow woman?
wyzeup Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 You know first hand how your father's infidelity hurt your Mom and your family - so by you being so willing to be a married man's mistress, you are in essence disrespecting your own Mother and every other woman out there who's been betrayed like this. You can live with that? Loving someone is a choice. I think my married neighbor his hot and nice and helpful and kind - but I wouldn't even give him the time of day right off the bat (not that he's offered) because I respect his wife and his marriage. This a$$clown is subtly filling your head with dreamy notions of maybe having a life together one day..his garbage about "someday." Think about it, he's only been married for 2 years - what kind of committed man is he if he's supposedly separated and cheating on his wife? You want scum like that in your life? YOu want to spend (waste) time in this short life having to worry that he'll do the same thing to you? He's probably got girls lined up all over the place - you think you're the only one? Think again. And what if you get pregnant? What if he has Herpes or HIV? You have no idea where his penis has been. You know nothing about his history. You are willing to take such risks? And couples who are "separated" don't "still live together." Let me guess, you heard that from him? I'd be curious to know what his wife's version of the story is. He's only been married for 2 years. If his marriage is so "on the rocks" then he should be man enough to work through whatever problems they're having - be it through marriage counselling or keeping his penis in his pants. Nobody said marriage was easy, he's not even giving it a fair shot if he's screwing around. He's getting a real ego boost by knowing you're all smitten with him, that's all it is. You need to wake up and develop a moral conscience and stop having this attitude of "I can't help it"..you can help it. Stop making excuses.
shellys-trying Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 {{{{ He's a player. You're likely not the first fling he's had. I don't understand - when a woman learns a man is married, why doesn't that immediately twig in her brain that he's completely "off limits" such that she will not fall for his crap? Can you even imagine what it would feel like if you were a new wife and you learned your husband was sleeping around in hotel rooms with women? You'd be crushed and devastated. So why can't you consider his wife in all of this and put yourself feelings of lust and infatuation aside and muster up some respect for a fellow woman? }}}} More than likely you aren't his first and he's probably doing another woman besides his wife and you. You don't know his wife and you shouldn't be trying to take him from her. What has she done to you? Nothing! You SHOULD put your own feelings aside. It's the right thing to do. Period!
DesertDweller Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Hey, why not contact the wife and get the truth?
shellys-trying Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 That's a great idea, but most OW won't do it for fear of the MM dumping them. Making trouble before the MM can "get around" to telling his W. That should trigger right there in the OW's own mind that the MM is just using her. Go figure!
Author rebecki7 Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 It's been awhile since I've been on and I thought I would update everyone. Originally posted by DesertDweller Hey, why not contact the wife and get the truth? I did not contaxt his wife, but I do know the truth. He IS separated from her, and they ARE living together until they fix up the house and can sell it, then they are getting divorced. She has a boyfriend and is practically living with him. He had been living in their basement for 6 months prior to us having sex, and after we did, he decided to talk to her about their issues-divorce. She had cheated on him 2 weeks before their wedding--and no that doesn't mean he's cheating on her to get even. They have agreed on seeing other people and are working out their divorce. I see him at volleyball, and we flirt and such. We haven't talked much about "us" lately, so I am not sure what is going to happen. I still like him a lot and feel myself falling more and more each time I see him. I feel that the age issue is playing a factor in all this, he is 34 and I am 19. Has anyone been in a relationship with a big age-difference?? thanks
erika2610 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by rebecki7 It's been awhile since I've been on and I thought I would update everyone. I did not contaxt his wife, but I do know the truth. He IS separated from her, and they ARE living together until they fix up the house and can sell it, then they are getting divorced. She has a boyfriend and is practically living with him. He had been living in their basement for 6 months prior to us having sex, and after we did, he decided to talk to her about their issues-divorce. She had cheated on him 2 weeks before their wedding--and no that doesn't mean he's cheating on her to get even. They have agreed on seeing other people and are working out their divorce. I see him at volleyball, and we flirt and such. We haven't talked much about "us" lately, so I am not sure what is going to happen. I still like him a lot and feel myself falling more and more each time I see him. I feel that the age issue is playing a factor in all this, he is 34 and I am 19. Has anyone been in a relationship with a big age-difference?? thanks First of all, did you hear this from a reliable source? Someone besides him? Secondly, I was 24 and my exMM was 40. It didn't seem bad at the time, but as time went on, I realized the age difference was big. Especially if you're only 19. You just want different things. He can go out and party at the bars.. you can't. He may not want kids.. you might. Even though it doesn't seem like a big difference now, it may as time goes on ..
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