Why is he pretending he's over me?

[Kbomb]

We were together for 4 years and he left me for someone else that he had been cheating with for 3 weeks, he said he knows I will never forgive him for this and its already ruined our relationship and he thought the girl was pregnant at the time.

 

We broke up 2 months ago. we were really close and we had a good relationship but there were a few other complications.

 

Anyway I did the begging thing, he cheated on her twice with me and she found out and threw away his phone and he has not contacted me since.

 

I did not contact him for 30 days. when I did talk to him he was acting cold and hard, said he's moving on and he's happy and that we can't be friends.

 

If he's happy why can't we be friends? and why is he acting angry towards me when I did nothing wrong?

 

I have heard from everyone that he's miserable, always fighting with this girl and treats her really bad. I recently started dating a co - worker and I heard he was asking around if its true.

 

what i want to know is why is he acting like he's happy and good when I know he's not? He looks horrible but I know he misses me, we were too close! Everyone can see he made a mistake and is not happy but why can't he just admit it and talk to me? is this a male ego thing?

Edited April 12, 2015 by Kbomb
forgot something

[Satu]

It doesn't matter what he is thinking and feeling.

 

What matters is what you are thinking and feeling.

 

Focus on yourself.

[Kbomb]

Thanks for your reply but it does not help.

 

I am trying to move on and focus on myself but I have questions and just want to hear other peoples opinions on this situation?

 

Is there anything wrong with that?

[Jessie1231]

Maybe he's not pretending and is actually over you. And maybe he is happy but just doesn't want to be friends with you. Being friends right after a break up is close to impossible, so I can understand his reasoning. If he was cheating on you with someone, it sounds like he had already checked out of the relationship and moving on was much easier for him.

[d0nnivain]

You can't be friends with somebody you have dated, especially not in the immediate aftermath of the break up.

 

 

He's doing the fake it 'til you make it thing. He is projecting what he wants the world to see.

[Kbomb]

Wow donnivain - That means we are doing the same thing!

 

So this means he does not even think of getting back wit me right?

 

He just going to pretend until he does feel ok rather than admit he messed up royal?

[d0nnivain]

I don't know him, you do.

 

 

In the end though iwhat he's doing doesn't as much as what you're doing You can only control YOU. Do that. Make him irrelevant.

[BC1980]

Thanks for your reply but it does not help.

 

I am trying to move on and focus on myself but I have questions and just want to hear other peoples opinions on this situation?

 

Is there anything wrong with that?

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to understand him, but we can't help you understand his mind frame. It's normal to want answers, but no one can provide the answers. We can provide conjectures, but, at the end, of the day, that's all it is. Just a guess. That's why Satu said it doesn't matter what your ex thinks, his motivations, ect. In the end, no one can know, and it truly, truly doesn't matter.

 

We've all been where you are. Wanting all the answers. Wanting some understanding. Sadly, you won't find any concrete answers that make sense to you. But I think you do have to go through the process of asking WHY and recycling it in your mind.

[BC1980]

what i want to know is why is he acting like he's happy and good when I know he's not? He looks horrible but I know he misses me, we were too close! Everyone can see he made a mistake and is not happy but why can't he just admit it and talk to me? is this a male ego thing?

 

This type of mindset is really dangerous. Thinking that you know what someone else is thinking, what they want and need. You don't know what he is thinking, and you have no right to decide what he needs. You have no idea that he made a big mistake. That's YOUR EGO talking, not his. Be careful. Let him be who is he is and make his decisions.

[Kbomb]

IDK what he's thinking.... thats why I'm here.

 

But I do know he was asking me to marry him for 4 years and that our love was very strong and that its not possible to get over a relationship like that in 2 months.

 

And his sister and neighbor have been telling me he's miserable. that he swears at her, tells her to go away and leave him alone. she's always making drama and they are fighting constantly. This is the exact opposite of our relationship and how he used to treat me.

 

And I just know him so well, he's putting up a front but IDK why.

[Omei]

Sounds like a crappy guy, you may have nice memories but his value of you is so little....his value of his new girl is so little. It may of not used to be but it is now.

 

It's over you cant rewind time.

 

You both can do better

[AIJ]

IDK what he's thinking.... thats why I'm here.

 

But I do know he was asking me to marry him for 4 years and that our love was very strong and that its not possible to get over a relationship like that in 2 months.

 

And his sister and neighbor have been telling me he's miserable. that he swears at her, tells her to go away and leave him alone. she's always making drama and they are fighting constantly. This is the exact opposite of our relationship and how he used to treat me.

 

And I just know him so well, he's putting up a front but IDK why.

 

He was probably detaching weeks/months before the relationship actually ended. His actions and words during the relationship are completely irrelevant now. There's a chance he may well have moved on. However, if he has or hasn't moved on yet, it shouldn't concern you at all.

 

Also, dating a coworker when you're still hung up on your ex is a very, very bad idea in my opinion.

[ZiggyZoo]

Maybe he's upset because, according to your other post, you fired him right after you found out he was cheating on you. Or because you started right up with this other guy, who has always liked you and you have also liked him. Or because he's wanted to get married and start a family since you two started up together and you're still technically married and this was never a possibility. Take your pick, there's any number of reasons. But I don't see one reason why you'd want to continue on with him. This relationship sounds like a toxic mess, honestly.

 

Move on and forget about him. Who cares if his new relationship is terrible? If anything, it should confirm to you that he's not coming back. Think about it, he'd rather stay in that horrible situation than be with you again. That should tell you everything you need to know.

[BC1980]

IDK what he's thinking.... thats why I'm here.

 

But I do know he was asking me to marry him for 4 years and that our love was very strong and that its not possible to get over a relationship like that in 2 months.

 

And his sister and neighbor have been telling me he's miserable. that he swears at her, tells her to go away and leave him alone. she's always making drama and they are fighting constantly. This is the exact opposite of our relationship and how he used to treat me.

 

And I just know him so well, he's putting up a front but IDK why.

 

I think you need to get your affairs in order instead of worrying about this guy. I mean, at some point, he decided he didn't want to wait for you to get a divorce. He's younger than you, so he decided to cut his losses. I'm sure he's thought about leaving many times before. It looks like he finally decided to leave when he found someone else.

[Kbomb]

You are right Ziggy...everything you said.

 

BC - I think you are right too, I think he had emotionally detached weeks or months before. But IDK why he was denying his cheating to me if this was the case. He denied it until I went to his house and saw it with my own eyes.

 

Im going to try to put him out of my mind and move on, infact I think I'm going to move city this place I live in is too small.

 

Thanks!