Dawn212 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I'm going to first off start by saying that I was the "dumper" in this case. I'm 26 and my ex 19. 15 month relationship. I'm in the military and she lived back at home.. I whole heartedly loved this girl with everything I had. We were together 3 months before I joined the army, and it was dreamy and perfect, we both knew the day would come. as we all know once I joined the army in camp they take your phones and such for long periods of time. that once a week that i'd get my phone I would turn it on and have about 20 messages saying how much she loved and missed me. I'd be moving around 4 times to very different locations for training and such so I was never settled, I unfortunately was very reliant on her for support and being such a young girl and rarely being home this took a toll. I pushed her away because of mixed signals, we slowly started to drift towards the end of the relationship. I would get messages like "do you still love me" or phone calls early in the morning expressing that we are drifting. I got scared, I booked a flight home for easter and I completely withdrew from her that whole weekend, She'd never doubted the relationship before, I could feel the end coming so quickly that I didn't know what to do. She picked me up from the airport, but she was already disconnected. I could feel it, I disconnected too but only because I was afraid to reach out. I went back to her place that night, we weren't kissing and we weren't intimate. the next day because of how loving, intimate and involved we were each time i'd usually come home I could sense I was losing her. We had a talk for 2 hours that night, I was prepared to lose her, I braced myself, I hadn't eaten that whole day. So we had the talk, she told me the same things, she thought we were drifting, but we reconciled and she said she wanted her best friend back and that the relationship was very serious at that point, I agreed, but I was restless and although we cuddled and cried together and decided to try harder, I still knew it was over, I could feel it, she wasn't kissing me like she use to, she didn't desire me anymore. I was so used to coming home and nothing changing that I was shocked to have her not so much ignoring me, but not looking for me or caring where I was at any given time like previous. she told me she wasn't happy anymore.. I told her just to break up with me and end it, she never could. all I could do was panic and make an irrational decision. I broke up with her then and there. and it was different this time, she was strong, she didn't fight it. that night she called me to talk about things, and because I loved her I stupidly met up with her when I was drunk, she looked and me once and just walked away, not a word uttered. I was so weak I couldn't return back to work when I was supposed to.. I took a week off and decided to try and fix things.. this was a massive mistake, During this time we would call each other at random times and talk about how we love each other but it really wasn't going anywhere. I made a massive mistake last night of getting extremely intoxicated and calling her to pick me up.. she did so and all my anger and emotions came out.. I lost control threatening to see other people and told her I don't care about my well being anymore. I've never acted so immature. Today we met up and decided that it would be best to have a few months NC, which is daunting to me considering she has been my rock since I joined the forces. I still love her very much and wish I had of went differently about things, but I'm not kidding myself into thinking we are going to reconcile anytime soon.. I don't even think I want to after feeling so unloved on this trip home. We have both blocked each others numbers, facebook, instagram and deleted all photos together.. it doesn't get any more real than that. I guess the distance had a big part to do with the breakup and disconnection, but I cant beat my self up about following my dreams, I'm just sad about how messy it got in the end. Lost my best friend and my lover, and now i'm isolated in a new city not knowing very many people at all.. I feel crushed I no longer have a reason to fly "home"... thanks for reading.
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