mrchubby Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Hello everyone, I'm new here and very glad that I found this site with lots of great information in it. I don't know what to do, my girlfriend of 1 year and 4 months broke up with me two weeks ago and really want to get back with her because she is amazing and I love her however I did messed up with her. She broke up with me because she said we had grown apart, it is true but there were a few reasons that caused it. At the beginning of the relationship we were together almost all the time, she stayed over and I came to her house a lot too. I will admit I'm not a romantic type of guy and rarely said any lovely things but I did try to show it by being with her and spending time together. However in the month before we broke up I started a new job which took a lot of time from me and it took me a lot to get used to it. I started paying less attention to her and sometimes I didn't even respond to her messages and sometimes I was grumpy and mean. A lot of this had to do with me being tired and frustrated which doesn't really excuse it but it was the reason for it. I still went to visit her at least once a week, sometimes twice. She did not like this and she needed me more and sometimes I wasn't there for her when she needed me. I know that she works and goes to school to and I think I didn't support her enough. She broke up with me because of all this reasons. I tried talking to her and I apologized for everything. I called her a few times and also told her that I was going to change and fix what I had done wrong. I thought that if I showed her that I do care for her and spent time trying to get her back she would see that I was trying to change and pay more attention to her. This did not work she refuses to talk to me and doesn't want to see me anymore. I found out through her sister that she likes or started liking someone else but my ex never confirmed. I stopped contacting her almost a week ago. I kind of lost all hope but I still wonder if I should try a little more, since most of the problem was me not paying enough attention to her. I also feel like I already tried for one week and that is enough since she seems determined not to give me a second chance. I don't want to push more than I already did and come to her begging too much.
Dawn212 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 give her the space she has requested. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? right now it's still very early in the breakup. give her a chance to miss you and work on yourself.
Author mrchubby Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 I want to be with her because I love her, I know she says she doesn't want to be with me but I believe she still loves me. I have however stopped contacting her and I'm giving her space. I was just worried that if the reason she broke up with me was not paying attention to her, giving her space and not contacting her would make everything even worse. Like I said I've already tried getting back for a week and that seems enough for now. I don't know if I should try later or just completely lose all hope.
Dawn212 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 For now she knows you want her back and the ball is in her court. for your own sanity I know it's hard but you need to tell yourself that it is over for good, or else you will be left holding on and not healing as such. 2
Author mrchubby Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Yeah you're right, I will keep the NC and try forget any hopes that I still have. It is hard but I have to accept reality and her decision. Thank you for all the advise.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 If you didn't pay her as much attention as she wanted/needed you to for an entire month leading up to her decision to break up with you, then she's had that long to get used to the idea. That's a whole month of her telling you what she wanted from you, and you not listening. Now that you know she's serious, you're suddenly paying attention? Too little, too late. I'm sorry you want her back and she doesn't agree, but it's not up to you now. Stop trying to convince her that you've changed, because she doesn't care. You're just going to irritate her. I'd take this as a lesson to remember in your future relationships, to not take your partner for granted. It sucks, but that's about all you CAN do.
Author mrchubby Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 I didn't completely forget about her I still went to see her and asked her to hang out but she also worked when I was free and that affected to. I know she wanted more than what I gave her and I understand what I did wrong. I didn't tell her I changed, because I might not have completely changed yet. I told her I want to change and fix everything that went wrong. That month when everything happened was difficult for her and for me too since I just got this job and I was getting used to it. I work 10-12 hrs a day sometimes 13 and it was hard getting used to it, because before that I only worked 40 hrs a week sometimes less. Now like you said its not up to me now because I can't change her decision. I just thought maybe I could try to show I really want to change. However I pretty much lost all hope and have already stopped contacting her.
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