User2055 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Hi everyone, first time posting and this is a long one, please bear with me. I am completely heartbroken and really need advice!!! My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me on Saturday because of my temper (I now know it was caused by my birth control pills). We have lived together for less than a year. It was so bad he told me I needed to be out of his place when he got back from his three week business trip. He told me to put my stuff in storage and go home he would pay for the ticket. The next day he emailed me that it was sorry it was ending like this, explained how he felt about my behavior and said he would pay for movers and ticket if needed. He said it sucks for him and that we should remain friends.He said he loves me and always will. And that he would always be there if I needed him. I gave him space and didn't contact him for four days. On that day, he removed/hid our relationship status and had added another girl from the city he's in. I called him and asked if we could talk about his email. I said after two years and you "love me" I would value a conversation, He was asleep so he messaged me back the the next day "I would too I was asleep", that he was headed to work and we could talk later. So I said ok I will talk to you after work. His phone is broken so he could only talk online. He never contacted me after that. I reached out to him on fb with a friendly hey I'm on here too I don't know if gchat or fb is easier for you message. He responded the next day (Friday morning) saying sorry he had gone to visit his friend. i was at work so I asked if we could talk later if he would be free and sorry I couldn't do it then. He said np he was going to take a nap. We had a friendly exchange about his friend. I messaged him when I got home and then again later when I saw he was online but hadn't said anything asking if he could let me know if he could chat or if he was going to head out. I didn't want to wait around all night again crying and feeling like ****. He read the message and didn't resoond. At that point I gave up and said he had made it seem like we could talk and then he's busy. I told him everything I found out about my behavior and it being linked to my pills. I apologized that I didn't know earlier and that I had messed up so bad. I posted a link so he could read some evidence. I offered an apology. He read all of that and didn't respond. Sorry this is so long, but my question for everyone is why is he flaking on talking? What's going on in his mind? If he wants me out wouldn't he be quick to say I don't care anymore, are you moving out? Ask me anything about my progress on that? He obviously knows I'm currently still here since I told him I was working. I'm just so confused as to why he is avoiding me . I appreciate any feedback. This whole situation sucks and I've been miserable all week unable to sleep or eat. I love him and my gut isn't telling me to get out, it wants to stay and be with him. I'd be ok with giving him his space but I need to make a decision about where I'm going to move asap if that must happen.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Sorry you're hurting OP. Break-ups are difficult. He's avoiding you because you are no longer a couple and doesn't want to give you false hope. He already asked you to leave and offered to pay your way, so he's probably assuming that you're taking the steps to get yourself out. I imagine he's trying to let you down in the easiest way possible and that's why he hasn't directly told you to stop contacting him. He's hoping you'll take the hint. You say your gut is telling you not to get out, but OP, he already ended it. He doesn't want this anymore, sadly. He knows you're sorry and maybe has read whatever info you've provided him, but he's already closed the door. You need to start trying to respect his decision. Start looking for a new place to live. He already told you that must happen, so you don't need another go-ahead from him.
Author User2055 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Thank you, I appreciate your input
ZiggyZoo Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 The whole "phone is broken" excuse is BS. Is his phone the only one in all the world that he can use? He's avoiding you because 1)he told you all you needed to hear, that he's done and wants you out and 2)doesn't want to hear anything from you right now. If it's his place, then you really don't have any other choice, you're going to have to move out. All that about how he still wants to be friends and will always love you is typical dumpers' words said to ease their guilt and to try to make it easier on you. The best thing to do is give him what he wants, which is space.
spiderowl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Two years is a long time and I can see you must be feeling terribly hurt about this. I guess your guy is avoiding talking because he doesn't know what to say. I don't know what your temper was like, just how bad it got for him. Whatever the reasons - and your pills may have been the cause - no-one can be expected to put up with bouts of anger for any period of time. It causes people to lose trust. If it doesn't improve, eventually feelings change altogether. I imagine that's what happened. I'm sorry but I think the apology is too late for him and he's not planning to turn back. You need to look after yourself now and see what can be done to help you with the anger problems. Have they gone altogether now that you are not taking the pills? If it was the pills, then I am truly sorry they had such a dramatic impact on you. If this guy is going to talk to you about the break up and what triggered it, he will only do it when he's ready too. I think you'd have to leave him to it and not contact him about it or he'll panic that you are going to have a go at him. Once he relaxes, he may relent too and get in touch, but don't bank on it. Most of us are afraid and stressed by angry people, whatever the cause, and few would want to put ourselves back in that position again. You can learn from this and hopefully your next relationship will not be so troubled.
maryjaneholland Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 It looks like it's over, and he's just being nice talking to you. Probably out of guilt. I know you must be hurting a lot right now. Nothing hurts more in the world. But trust time, it will get better. Take the high road. You need to get out of there and move out. Cut off contact with him, for at least a while until you start feeling better. Continuing talking to him will be more painful because he isn't coming back to you. Tell yourself you are a strong, independent woman. Concentrate on your own wellbeing. Take this time to lean on friends and family. It's so hard breaking up but in another five years, you'll look back and feel glad you left, like with most break ups. I feel you on the birth control pills. They were part of the reason me and my ex fell apart. In future, if a pill doesn't feel right to you, you must ask you doctor to put you on a different type. They're not worth feeling like crap over and potentially destroying a relationship. Overall, he said he doesn't want to be with you anymore because of your behaviour. You provided the explanation of the pills making you that way and I can imagine you have apologised, lots of times. And he still doesn't want you back. Are you sure that's the reason why he's breaking up with you? Take one day at a time. When you cut contact, it gets easier day by day.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 As everyone else has already given you advice on your relationship, I will give you advice on the pill or any other hormonal contraceptive for that matter. They aren't worth it. They've ruined every relationship I've ever had except the last one. I was a completely different person on them. I was crazy emotional and on certain types I was very depressed to the point of wanting to die. I even convinced myself for a few months I might have BPD. I've been off them for 1.5 years and have never felt better mentally and emotionally. I'm soooo stable now and capable of having great, healthy relationships.
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