melandrien Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) There's this girl I've seen a couple of times, and I don't know what to make of her. We're not exclusive, I didn't give up seeing other girls yet, actually the easy way now would be to next her, I have enough options. I'm just not sure it's the good thing to do... She's smart, smoking hot. It's too early to judge, but seems to be a nice person in general. She's not a very social person, she actually told me she has some communication issues, in fact I had this feeling when I first met her, and she also actually told me later - it was my attitude towards her that relaxed her. Simply put she has some sort of mild social anxiety, but not serious enough for me to be a deal breaker. I like her, we're compatible. She does like me back. When we're together, I get all the positive signs. Last time we met up for drinks, we talked for hours, it was her who kept asking to stay for another drink. Body language, eye contact, laughing at my idiotic jokes, it was all there I walked her home, she was clearly waiting for a kiss, and I delivered - not a polite kiss on a cheek, mind you All in all a great date, she confirmed when we spoke over the phone next day. Fun side story - she unintentionally divulged she tried hard, but was unable to google my social network profiles. I asked laughing, you're making a security check on me? She got obviously embarassed for leaking that info, but it was all good, we turned it into a joke and quickly changed the subject. She's clearly overthinking, but that's not a disease, and you don't act this way about someone you don't give a fk about. So what's wrong? She almost never gets in touch first. I need to initiate 95% of our communication. When I do we talk for an hour, or when we text it's a wall of text from her side all the time, but she never initiates it and I don't see that as a big involvement sign. When we're on a date it's all good, but it takes A LOT of effort to arrange something with her. I'm incredibly busy in professional life, and so is she, but I just propose a date, she's busy, with no counter offer. Ditto. We had our first date about 6 months ago, after which she more or less disappeared. She got in touch later, and now I know her ghost act was due to unresolved past. I respect the fact that people have history, but simple "sorry, can't date you now" would have done the trick. How do I know she won't do it again? Thoughts? As I said, the idea to next her crossed my mind, but something tells me to persist.... right or wrong? Edited April 12, 2015 by melandrien
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Even the slightest hint of social awkwardness or communications issues as she described herself, she may not be secure enough to initiate. Gently goad her into it & let her know that she's safe in calling you 1st that you won't hold it against her by thinking she's easy or too aggressive.
Author melandrien Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Several times she mentioned actually, one way or another. Normally I would have a problem with this kind of behaviour, not because of her lack of initiative itself, but because usually that's a sign of low interest for whatever reason. But with this gal it may be unintentional and even unwanted, and I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt. This is new for me. How the hell do I know I'm not imagining things? If that's really the problem, and I ask her openly, I make things just worse...
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