Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 So back from My trip to Mexico with my BF.. It was great and hell all rolled into one big bag of crap. The first day we got there was outstanding.. we drank, hung out and took it in ya know? Second day.. pretty damn good as well.. the beach, the flea market, drinking... eating.. good to go. We also booked a para sailing trip for the next day as well as a snorkeling trip for the following day. Third day we went para sailing... OMG so beautiful! Suspended about 500 feet above the ocean.. it was very peaceful... we had photos taken and just had a blast! Headed back to our hotel to hit the beach and swim in the Ocean.. good times. BUT My BF had met this guy on Friday night that I hadn't met... he came over to our table at the bar on the Third evening... he seemed cool, was there with his brother... well my BF decided to go for another swim and was like "Are you good to go to chill with these guys while I go?" I said "Sure no worries go ahead" so he did. I just chilled with the brothers and talked until my BF got back.. then we all headed to the upstairs bar and got a table... long story shorter.. my BF got up from the table and was like I'm going upstairs.. I thought he was coming back down because he didn't say Let's go or I'm ready to go do something else.. so I'm waiting for him to come back down.. he doesn't. One of the brothers is flirting... asks me to go away with him for an hour WTF! I'm like uh.. dude you have a GF and I'm here with my BF who I love a lot.. he says "So where is he?" I get up from the table and head upstairs.. get in the room and my BF is glaring at me.. I ask him whats up? he then tells me "I saw you kiss that guy" I'm like I KNOW he DIDN'T see that because it DIDN'T HAPPEN! I tell him "No you did not see anything of the sort, that never happend!" He says "Are you calling me a liar?" I said "Are you calling me a liar?" things go downhill fast from there... he leaves the room. So I went to bed.. next morning I find a note from him (he's sleeping next to me) that says Thoughts when Mad and drunk.. F'ck you, were done I know what I saw.. I wake him up and tell him we need to talk. He says No he has nothing to say.. I'm like Okay whatever.. yeah it gets ugly again.. then he says get ready so we can go snorkeling.. I'm like are you for real?! Hell no! He tells me when we get back home he won't lose any sleep over the end of our relationship but he can't see why we can't still enjoy our time in Mexico.. amazing. Then he tells me that he isn't going to be with someone who gets in his face and yells at him.. I was so mad! He was the one who started it and yeah I shouldn't have got so angry and tried harder to stay calm but I've been down this road before with my EXBF who accused me all of the time of either cheating on him, or wanting to when it was him all along who was doing it.. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong and I wasn't going to allow him to crap on me like that. Long story shorter (I'm trying here to make it shorter) he goes snorkling by himself and I head to the beach.. he gets back and cannot understand why I'm not asking him if his day was good... ugh. Then he finally says to me "I didn't actually see you kiss anyone Merin.. but I didn't like the way that guy was flirting and you should've come upstairs when I did it wasn't appropriate not too" Now had I known he wasn't coming back down or that he was mad to begin with I would've gone right up.. but he had left me there when he went swimming and I honestly thought he would be back down.. we end up fighting for most of the day.. Finally I said "Okay ya know what? Good to go.. we will just be friends, I can be cool... no worries. Let's just finish this trip and when we get back home you'll never have to see me or speak with me again" he says "Why can't we still talk and do things when we get back home?" I'm like okay whatever... he asks me if I will still call him and I answer honestly No.. he asks if he can still call me.. I'm like sure.. we end up talking about things in our relationship that had never been brought to the surface (on my part) I've tried really hard in this relationship to be silent and not let things get to me... but eh.. no good uh? So we sit at the bar pretending to be friends... He's like are you going to date again? I said yeah.. he says he won't again.. that he is better off being by himself.. I'm like all you.. whatever. He asked if I would go on Vacation again with a BF I said No, next time I'm going with my friends who won't leave me sittin by myself, will still love me when we leave and will still talk to me when we get home. So eventually he says "I don't want to loose this over something stupid" I'm trying hard not to cry at this point.. but no good... I'm crying. We go back to our room and talk more... he says he's scared that we need to slow down.. BUT the a** kicker here is I NEVER pushed him or expected from him and tell him so.. he's like "I know you didn't.. but when I get scared I tend to pick on you more" I'm like okay whatever.. I ask him what he wants.. he says he doesn't know.. so I say well how about we just be friends then? He says he doesn't want to be just my friend... so I say okay how about we date casually.. he says if that involves me seeing other people then he isn't about it... WTF! So what does he want?! God I give up on figuring it out. We go out to dinner... have a nice night and head back.. Next day.. go to the beach and take photos.. this, that, the other... go to the airport and fly home. That night we stay at his house... I get up in the morning and leave, he goes to work.. he calls me around 12 and tells me I can go to his house and do my laundry (it's all there from our trip) so I go to his house while he's at work and do ALL of the laundry.. his and mine.. I change his bedsheets, clean the whole house and made him dinner.. I call him around 430 and tell him I'm going to head out and thanks for letting me do my laundry.. he asks me to stay there until he gets home... he gets home and is happy that I cleaned up, did the laundry and cooked. We ate dinner then I headed out. From this point on.. he starts running his headgames on me.. hot and cold.. up and down... I don't know wtf he wants.. so I start to withdraw... he asks me if we're okay.. I'm like sure... Now one of the things I told him that I didn't like the night we talked was how it seems he tries to keep his EXW from really knowing about me.. he of course denies that.. BUT usually when he has his kiddos for the weekends when I don't have mine I go and chill with them... tonite he calls asks what I'm doing blah blah.. I said well I might come over in awhile.. he's like Oh... Now I know his daughter has a soccer game tomorrow morning and I also know the coach for her team is his EXW... so I said "Is it okay for me to come over?" he says "I'm going to say no.. my girl has a early soccer game and I need to spend time just with my kids tonite" I'm like Okay.. good to go, well have a good night.. Then he starts in with me... are you okay? are you mad? I'm like nah.. you have a great night with your kids tell them hi and hope she does great in her game tomorrow. He says well what are you going to do tonite? I told him I might go out with my gf's... THEN he says well you can come over later tonite, but yeah.. she's got a game in the morning and I would hate for you to sit here by yourself (obviously he doesn't want me to come to her game.. wow I wonder why ) I'm like nah.. I'm good. You have a good night talk to you later. then he says "I can hear it in your voice theres something wrong" I said "No, good to go.. I don't need to be your obligation or anyone elses.. I can go out with my gf's" he's like "You better be okay Merin or I'm going to be mad" I'm like okay... have a good night bye. He says I've taken it all wrong.. and he hopes I'll call him later.. Well not going to call him... Gdamn it's been a helluva bad week... tomorrow night I think I will get out with my GF's.. if i'm not good enough to have around regardless of who's watching or listening then yeah... guess there won't be a time that will happen. Thanks for reading it if ya did...
johan Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Weird how he accused you of kissing the guy. I've accused my girlfriend of doing bad things, but never when I knew for sure she hadn't. He clearly has a lot going on inside that he isn't telling you about. If he can't learn to talk to you and be straight with you, you'll be having dumb fights like this forever. Insecurity makes people act like such maniacs. Whether it's about a relationship or a job or whatever, people do the dumbest things when they feel insecure. Hope it works out. Don't act like or say you don't care if you really do.
Author Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by johan Weird how he accused you of kissing the guy. I've accused my girlfriend of doing bad things, but never when I knew for sure she hadn't. He clearly has a lot going on inside that he isn't telling you about. If he can't learn to talk to you and be straight with you, you'll be having dumb fights like this forever. Insecurity makes people act like such maniacs. Whether it's about a relationship or a job or whatever, people do the dumbest things when they feel insecure. Hope it works out. Don't act like or say you don't care if you really do. It wasn't just weird, it was totally un-set as far as I'm concerned... I hope (had hoped.. still hope..) it can work out as well Johan... but honestly I sometimes think he doesn't want it too.. he is very good at acting like he doesn't care, and ya know what.. I'm starting to believe him.
Maria46 Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Merin, One of the things I notice alot here in Mexico is how tourists argue. A lot of that has to do with the alcohol consumed and from what you say he said to you and what he did, maybe he had a bit too much?? And the brother that hit on you was out of line, but that is how I see so many people behave down here. Away from spouse / partner ......and who will know??? I'm sorry it wasn't all you had hoped for. Maybe you can fill me in on a few things about him not wanting you at his child's soccer game. How long has he been divorced?? Does he still have a cordial relationship with his Ex? Maybe he feels you might not be happy how he still relates to his ex. I know my bf felt that way for quite some time. Keep your chin up!!! Oh........ did you get a good sun tan??
johan Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Well, I'd kill for the kind of girl who will do my laundry and change my sheets even when she's mad at me. He's got to be an idiot. My girlfriend and I have had tons of fights over insecurity issues. Not as much anymore. Guess we're past it. Sometimes you just have to go through all this crap if you really want to be together. But she never once cleaned my house. It's something she and I are going to have to discuss, I think. As soon as we finish with the discussion about why she won't move in.
Author Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by Maria46 Merin, One of the things I notice alot here in Mexico is how tourists argue. A lot of that has to do with the alcohol consumed and from what you say he said to you and what he did, maybe he had a bit too much?? And the brother that hit on you was out of line, but that is how I see so many people behave down here. Away from spouse / partner ......and who will know??? I'm sorry it wasn't all you had hoped for. Maybe you can fill me in on a few things about him not wanting you at his child's soccer game. How long has he been divorced?? Does he still have a cordial relationship with his Ex? Maybe he feels you might not be happy how he still relates to his ex. I know my bf felt that way for quite some time. Keep your chin up!!! Oh........ did you get a good sun tan?? Yeah we were drinking and yes I'm sure it didn't help any... He has been divorced for 2 years... I've spend a lot of time with his Kids.. he trusts me to be with them when he's gone to do things.. his kids like me and I'm crazy about them. However... regarding his EXW.. she is the one who filed and it always seems to make a difference in how bitter people are or aren't when the dusts settles.. I had never told him or let on in any way that it doesn't make me thrilled with how he seems to behave when she's around... For instance... the day before Valentines day my BF called me and said this "Merin, don't expect anything from me on Valentines day I'm not getting you anything and won't accept any thing from you if you got it... I don't like this holiday and I'm not going to be a part of it" I was like uh.. okay. I had already got him a card and a gift (this happend the day before for Godsake!) I never said anything to him that it had hurt my feelings... not that he didn't want to get me a gift but that he was such a sh*t about it! BUT his EXW's bday was recently... he tells me that his kids DIDN'T want to go get her a gift but that he made them.. WTF?! I asked him what he got her... he says oh a candle and something else and a card... I'm like wow... sweeeeettt for Vday you can't get me a card even but break your a** to get your EXW a bday gift and card... outstanding! Then he says he did it for his kids? what? they didn't even want to go! Same week he had taken HER car to his work and fixed her breaks... now again IF she needed them done okay no worries but WTF he takes her car down FOR HER? What the hell was wrong with her driving her happy a** there to have them fixed?! Then he seemed pissed off when she didn't seem grateful enough... His daughters Bday was a few weeks ago... I spend a lot of time selecting a bday gift for her... BUT my BF NEVER invited me to her Bday party because his EXW and HER FAMILY were going to be there... so yeah... now the EXW is the coach of thier daughters soccer team and Godforbid I be invited. It feels to me that I'm good enough to be there for his kids and with his kids as long as the EXW doesn't know or see me ever... Now my BF has told me several times that he has more fun with me than he ever did with his EX and that I'm much more attractive... but ya know what? None of that means anything to me... because I feel I'm being kept a secret.. he has met ALL of my family and I've NEVER met ONE of his family members outside of his kids.
Author Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by johan Well, I'd kill for the kind of girl who will do my laundry and change my sheets even when she's mad at me. He's got to be an idiot. My girlfriend and I have had tons of fights over insecurity issues. Not as much anymore. Guess we're past it. Sometimes you just have to go through all this crap if you really want to be together. But she never once cleaned my house. It's something she and I are going to have to discuss, I think. As soon as we finish with the discussion about why she won't move in. Honestly Johan, I thought I was doing the right thing you know? That I wanted to show him that I care about him in cleaning up his house, doing the laundry (damn I even folded it all and put it away) I planned on just leaving his dinner in the fridge and getting out (so he wouldn't trip and wonder did he owe me know what I mean?) BUT instead of being totally good with it... I think it just made him freak out. I ended a relationship because of intense jealousy and issues... after almost 2 years together no matter how much I tried it wasn't going to be enough... and yeah.... I wonder if it will ever be enough in any relationship... This sucks
Maria46 Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Merin, When my children were young, I would always purchased a small gift and card for them to give my ex husband. They would feel good about being able to give him a gift. As far as the getting brakes fixed and such for ex.... I don't believe I would like that either. I also wouldn't like not being included at childrens birthday parties. Let him know how you feel about it and discuss it, calmly... Maybe he thinks the ex or the ex in laws would cause a scene or something??
johan Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 If he has insecurity issues, that's not all there is to it. That Valentine's Day thing is absolutely backwards. I could speculate on what's going on between him and his ex, and not all the options are totally bad. But whatever he's up to, he's not being straight with you about it. Maybe she has some kind of power over him because of the kids or because she dumped him. Maybe she's trying to get him back because she figured out he developed feelings for you. I guess time will tell. The one thing I can say for sure is you're a SWEETHEART. You FOLDED the laundry and put it away?? And you were going to leave dinner in the fridge?? You'd better not tell me what you were making, because I'm starting to develop a serious crush... Not that I'm after a girl so she can do my housework, by the way. I do mine just fine.
Author Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by Maria46 Merin, When my children were young, I would always purchased a small gift and card for them to give my ex husband. They would feel good about being able to give him a gift. As far as the getting brakes fixed and such for ex.... I don't believe I would like that either. I also wouldn't like not being included at childrens birthday parties. Let him know how you feel about it and discuss it, calmly... Maybe he thinks the ex or the ex in laws would cause a scene or something?? Thats the thing.. it wasn't his kids who wanted to buy the gift and the card, it was him. IF his kids had wanted to, I would've been fine with that... but no it was him AND when she came to his house to get her freakin car I was there.. he went to the door and she told HIM thank you for the gift NOT his kids. I did tell him in Mexico how I felt about him not inviting me to his daughters bday.. I wasn't given the option to come or not.. and he said "It would've been ugly trust me" I dunno... I have an EXH and 2 little people myself... my BF was invited to Christmas with my family and to Easter with my family and yeah my EXH showed up at my Dads to give our kids an easter gift... I didn't have an issue with it because this isn't about ME and HIM (my EX) anymore... he met my BF. I don't buy gifts for my EXH, I sure as hell don't do favours for him like that and for real I would never ever expect that from him for me... But again... I'm the one who divorced him... so yeah... maybe it's that I'm okay with that and my BF is still hung up on the idea and fact that she (his ex) was the one who ended the marriage. I don't know.... Thanks for the words of encouragement Maria... I'm just feeling very defeated right about now, and although I don't want to give up... I don't want to be crapped on either.
Author Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by johan If he has insecurity issues, that's not all there is to it. That Valentine's Day thing is absolutely backwards. I could speculate on what's going on between him and his ex, and not all the options are totally bad. But whatever he's up to, he's not being straight with you about it. Maybe she has some kind of power over him because of the kids or because she dumped him. Maybe she's trying to get him back because she figured out he developed feelings for you. I guess time will tell. The one thing I can say for sure is you're a SWEETHEART. You FOLDED the laundry and put it away?? And you were going to leave dinner in the fridge?? You'd better not tell me what you were making, because I'm starting to develop a serious crush... Not that I'm after a girl so she can do my housework, by the way. I do mine just fine. Thats the demons I'm having right now Johan... that I can only speculate on what the hell he's thinking when he says and does the things he does.. and none of the options look good. I straight up asked him if he wanted her back... he of course said no that he was done with that battle and they couldn't get along... and honestly I think sometimes what the issue is for him that he cannot get past is that even if he did want her back, he knows she wouldn't come back... Amazingly enough... I even bought the laundry soap, and the fabric softner (Ugh I'm a glutton!) and did all of his laundry that had been piling up for awhile... about 9 loads total! Changed the sheets on his bed because he's always saying how much he loves to sleep over at my house because of the fresh launderd bedding... so thought he would like that... Dinner... OMG LOL I marinated ribs in olive oil, garlic, and rum... grilled them and set out white rice for him to be able to cook to eat with the meat... AND heres the finale' he has a automatic timer for his coffee' pot and I know he likes good coffee' in the morning before he goes to work... I had bought starbucks columbian coffee' and set the timer to go off the next morning (he always forgets to make it the night before to go off automatically) I didn't tell him I had done that.. so he called me the next morning and was like "OMG Merin thank you so much for making me coffee'!" he said he had woke up and thought "damn I forgot again to set the timer I should get up and make coffee' before I run out of time" and before he got out of bed to do it.. he could hear the coffee' maker brewing and smell the coffee'.... Now I just feel like an idiot for thinking he would like all of that and think it was a peace offering and know I care a lot about him when it seems like instead all I did was inspire him to withdraw and weird out... BUT Thank you Johan... it's good to know someone would've appreciated my efforts... I didn't want anything from him for doing it except to acknowledge that it's not so bad to have someone care about you...
johan Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Well it's very simple, Merin. You forgot the dessert. To be honest, that would weird me out a little bit, too. A meal like that has to have a follow up. Unless you are the follow up, that is. You should have made a cake. He'll come back and someday he'll make you happy. He couldn't be that dumb.
Maria46 Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 My bf and I have been together for two years and I just recently met his ex. Bf's son got married a year and a half ago and his daughter graduated from college last May. I felt bad that he did not want me to go with him to these events. He explained that, even though his children knew about me, he believed his ex would cause problems and didn't want these events spoiled. I am going with him to his daughter's wedding in June and his daughter is very happy about it. We are all hoping his ex will behave. And, after meeting his ex, I believe what he says about not knowing what she will do next. Really out there!!! I know it is hard to be patient about these things. Time and communication will help.
curiousnycgirl Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Okay dear - I really only have 1 word - BULLSH*T!!!! Do not make him dinner anymore, do NOT call him anymore - he needs to realize what he would be losing if he lost you - and from all your posts (not just this chain, everywhere to everyone) I know he will be losing ALOT. If he tells you you can do your laundry at his house, then go do YOUR laundry. Not his and certainly do not change his bed and make dinner. Ok the coffee thing is sweet and takes like 2 minutes, so that would be ok - but not the rest. He needs to value you and it does not seem that he does at the moment. It could be because you just make it too easy. Make it about you for a while. He doesn't deserve for you to make it about him yet. It does seem as if he is still hung up on his ex. Again - he either needs to get over this or you need to get over him!!! It is totally BS that his ex doesn't know about you - of course she does. I am sure the kids have told her. His unwillingness to introduce you is about HIM not you. Sorry if I am being harsh, but I just got so angry reading your posts. You deserve way better!
Author Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by curiousnycgirl Okay dear - I really only have 1 word - BULLSH*T!!!! Do not make him dinner anymore, do NOT call him anymore - he needs to realize what he would be losing if he lost you - and from all your posts (not just this chain, everywhere to everyone) I know he will be losing ALOT. If he tells you you can do your laundry at his house, then go do YOUR laundry. Not his and certainly do not change his bed and make dinner. Ok the coffee thing is sweet and takes like 2 minutes, so that would be ok - but not the rest. He needs to value you and it does not seem that he does at the moment. It could be because you just make it too easy. Make it about you for a while. He doesn't deserve for you to make it about him yet. It does seem as if he is still hung up on his ex. Again - he either needs to get over this or you need to get over him!!! It is totally BS that his ex doesn't know about you - of course she does. I am sure the kids have told her. His unwillingness to introduce you is about HIM not you. Sorry if I am being harsh, but I just got so angry reading your posts. You deserve way better! Thank you Girl.. for real.. made me feel better. He didn't call me last night.. and ya know LOL I'm stubborn as hell too so yeah we didn't speak at all again last night really for the first time since we've been together went to bed without a goodnight or anything.. it was hard. He text messaged me this morning.. said "Good morning, have a good night?" Normally he will text message me in the morning instead of calling IF he thinks I'm mad or not happy.. and normally I will just CALL him instead of texting him back... but this morning I just text him back instead of calling.. told him Good morning said my night was all okay that I hoped he had a good night and hoped his daughter did well today at her game.. He didn't text back or call.. So ya know... LOL Called my Dad.. he suggest I leave my BF alone for now... not call him or text him and that I should make other plans tonite with my friends let him have all the alone time he wants... I know he's right... it's hard because I want to see my BF.. but yeah, I don't need this bullsh*t and I feel in going there tonite to see him it would let him believe he can do this sh*t to me and it's okay... I dunno... will he miss me? Dunno... but yeah I'm to pissed off today and too hurt to even think about being there with his kids there... I won't have this conversation when his kids are present AND I had already let him know in Mexico that this wasn't okay with me... so obviously it doesn't matter to him what I'm okay with... Bah! It's beautiful out today... going to get to the gym and then outside make me feel better. Thanks again though.... you're a sweetheart
Author Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by johan Well it's very simple, Merin. You forgot the dessert. To be honest, that would weird me out a little bit, too. A meal like that has to have a follow up. Unless you are the follow up, that is. You should have made a cake. He'll come back and someday he'll make you happy. He couldn't be that dumb. LOL damn the dessert! Wheres the Betty Crocker when ya need her right? I don't know if he'll come back around or not Johan... but I also know I didn't do anything f'cked up to him so I will be okay either way... Thank you Johan, it is good to get a male perspective LOL I don't know if my Dad counts when he's telling me "He's an idiot Merin, you can do better kick him to the curb the mofo!" LOL got to love my Dad!
Author Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale i think you are both equally at fault here. Funny.. because I apoligized to him for my part in it AND tried to make things right... I'm not kissing his a** and laying down for him to walk on me... He is very one sided... takes zero responsibility for anything that goes wrong and I believe thinks the only thing he *needs* to do in an exclusive relationship is not see anyone else... I know he doesn't want to see anyone else because it might consume to much of his time... and I know he for real doesn't want me to see anyone else... but yeah, if a person isn't willing to give anything more of themselves than "I'm not with anyone else" then IMO it isn't a relationship it's a matter of whats convienant. He hasn't had a *exclusive relationship* since he got divorced 2 years ago... and right now I can see why. It cannot be all about ONE PERSONS needs and wants.
Author Merin Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by Maria46 My bf and I have been together for two years and I just recently met his ex. Bf's son got married a year and a half ago and his daughter graduated from college last May. I felt bad that he did not want me to go with him to these events. He explained that, even though his children knew about me, he believed his ex would cause problems and didn't want these events spoiled. I am going with him to his daughter's wedding in June and his daughter is very happy about it. We are all hoping his ex will behave. And, after meeting his ex, I believe what he says about not knowing what she will do next. Really out there!!! I know it is hard to be patient about these things. Time and communication will help. Yay for you Girl! It is good to know that things eventually work out... but I don't think it's going to be the case here... he doesn't want to communicate UNLESS it's me telling him whatever he does or doesn't do is okay with me, and I know how I am... I cannot live with that. Thank you Maria for your words though honey... made me feel better.
brashgal Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Has he been to any counselling? Sounds like he needs to sort out his feelings about the divorce and figure out how to behave before he screws up another relationship. Most of it sounds like insecurity to me and possibly not wanting to get hurt but he needs to grow up and realize how much he hurts you with the accusations and pretending he doesn't care. big sigh - I hope it works itself out and he comes to his senses.
alphamale Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Funny.. because I apoligized to him for my part in it AND tried to make things right... so what exactly was your part, MERIN? was it that you were flirting with one of the other dudes? it generally takes two parties to flirt. if you were flirting with the other dude then you BF played it right by getting up and extricating himself from the scene instead of causeing a public ruckus or fight. if you were in fact fliritng then he has a right to be mad but he should not blame you for things he did not in fact see (i.e. the kissing).
curiousnycgirl Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Alpha - It is way more than the obvious! Firstly if she were behaving in a manner that he found unacceptable with this other guy (due to some alcohol) - rather than storm out, he should have said, come on dear let's go upstairs. Instead he sulked, brooded and got all bent out of shape. Secondly this crap about valentines day - I can totally understand a guy (or a girl) not being into it, but there are 2 people in a relationship, so he needs to find out how SHE feels about it!!!! Not just pronouce the end to the day. Finally just because you are angry with someone does NOT mean you call the relationship quits. All of this and more are very childish behaviours and are not acceptable. Merin needs to bring the balance back to the relationship - it is NOT all about him. There MUST be times when it is about HER. That's all I'm saying.
Fallen_Angel Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale it generally takes two parties to flirt. I don't mean to cause a ruckus by putting my two cents in, but I don't necessarily agree. Sounds to me as though it was a one-sided deal. In Merin's case I get the impression she was being friendly, NOT flirty. Sometimes guys confuse the two. Plus, she even told him flat-out she was there with her boyfriend. I hope things work out for you, Merin. Your man would definitely be a fool to throw everything away.
Author Merin Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by Fallen_Angel I don't mean to cause a ruckus by putting my two cents in, but I don't necessarily agree. Sounds to me as though it was a one-sided deal. In Merin's case I get the impression she was being friendly, NOT flirty. Sometimes guys confuse the two. Plus, she even told him flat-out she was there with her boyfriend. I hope things work out for you, Merin. Your man would definitely be a fool to throw everything away. Thanks Girl... Yeah I was friendly but NO not flirty. So an update.. My BF called me yesterday around 5 p.m and asked if he and his kids could come over... I of course said that was fine... They came over and his kids went up to my kids bedroom to play... my BF kept asking me if I was okay... was I mad? I told him I wasn't mad.. just feeling upset and confused.. he said "I know.. I'm sorry Merin" he asked me if I would come over to his house later.. (last night) I told him I would be there... Got to his house and we hung outside with his kids while they played in the yard.. my BF was VERY attentive and seemed concerned if I was okay or not... I have spent every weekend with him and his kids since he's started having them for full weekends... and come to find out that his son had a negative reaction to my not being there on Friday... it was a combo of things I think.. they (my BF and his EXW) are trying to break him of his sucker (pacifier) so some of his security and routine had been disrupted... and when my BF realized that his son had become used to and attached to my being there it freaked him out... Anyway... my BF asked me to stay over and I did. We got up this morning and his EXW called and said that his daughter needed to be at the park for her soccer photo to be taken... I was waiting for my BF to ask me NOT to go with them... but OMG he didn't! Yay! I went with them and while he took his daughter over to have her photo taken I played with his son... his EXW asked him where thier son was and my BF pointed over to where his son and I were playing and said "He's with my Girlfriend" he later relayed to me that his EXW looked over and said "Wow.. she's very pretty" that made me feel great that she was cool about things and I know it made my BF happy... he said he smiled a sh*t eating grin and said "Yes she is.. thank you" yay yay yay!!!! Had a great afternoon and things are looking up..... last night he said "Ya know what... this week I want to take you to a movie and dinner, we haven't done that in awhile" Him taking me over to where his EXW was a big step for him... he was happy for the rest of the afternoon... Thank you guys for helping me out this weekend... it was so hard for me and you guys really helped out sooooooo much! Thanks!
Author Merin Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale so what exactly was your part, MERIN? LOL it always cracks me up when I see you use my name like that! MERIN! My part was in not just leaving the table and heading up to see what was up with my BF to begin with and it was in allowing a past negative relationship behaviour of my EX to lead me to super pissed off anger at being accused for something I had not done. I should've tried to be more calm and not go the hell off... but yeah I let a past experience with this type of thing drive me and it wasn't fair to my BF to react the way I did with such anger.
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