mimiMobile Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) I moved out of my 34 year old bf's home at the beginning of January because I thought I needed physical space to deal with some questions around marriage and huge expectations that I had been pressuring my bf about - it was driving both of us nuts and I recognized it. We had been dating for 3 years and living together for 1.5 years. He was very serious about me - didn't want to break up, didn't want to be "single at 34", and we had dogs together, which we had to split as a result of my move out. I'm 27. As soon as I moved out, things began to change. He grew distant and angry. He never communicated his feelings to me about my move out prior to my actual move and as soon as I was out said it was a slap in his face and that he's not sure if he wants me back anymore, after I suggested maybe me moving out was a mistake and i should move back in. He said he was feeling anxiety over the course of our last year together because of the bickerings we got into over my pressures. The truth is, our last year was difficult for the following reasons: 1. He became a police officer and had to work midnight shifts which really damaged our sexual and personal relationship as we didn't see each other much. 2. We got 2 puppies who wouldn't stop crying for the first few months and added a lot of stress to the relationship. 3. I had to commute 3 hours each day to work because of the location of his house and I got cranky. 4. I enrolled back in school and was in an intense programming course that also ate away at my nerves. I get it, life is not a picnic and I knew this. We still stuck it through but by the end of the year I just had to make the move for myself to get a refresher. He didn't take it that way. Anyway, he broke up with me in Jan under the pretext that he needed space and time to think through things as he was ridden with anxiety. I was really confused because he said he never stopped loving or caring about me - so why give up? This was my first break up ever (I know... at 27.. ugh) and I completely lost it. I moved out to this state for him and had no family or friends and was left to myself to cope. Needless to say, the following 2 months I made lots of mistakes and made some damage in the way i handled the break up. I ended up going home to California for 2 weeks to cool off and when I came back, I asked to meet up for drinks to which he agreed to. We met up, we talked and caught up, nothing about the relationship other than my last episode which I apologized for. He was very affectionate the entire time. Sparks were flying. I don't know if it's worth mentioning, but he refused to be in the same room as me for any long period of time after the break up because he knew we would end up having sex or cuddling, etc. due to our strong attraction to each other (he is very handsome, I used to model) and he wanted to keep his thoughts clear so we have not had sex since January. He ended up giving me a very long hug at the end and kissed me. During the course of the night, he said he was still really confused and felt anxious to be around me (probably due to the stuff I said/did after break up). He thanked me for seeing him at the end of the night, kissed me, and left. This was Tuesday and I haven't heard anything from him since. As a side note, he is also in an active band and had to travel to Texas this weekend - which I told him to have a great trip when I said bye to him, so I wasn't expecting to hear from him over the weekend.. but still. My plan is to give him the space/time I never managed to give him by going NC. I'm for sure still upset about the break up, particularly because I still don't get why we had to break up - we've had a really solid run and have overcome a lot together. In January, every single day he initiated phone calls. Half of February, he initiated / returned phone calls. Then became distant. I've been the initiator since and have recognized that this is considered chasing. Part of the reason for me going NC is I would like to see if this is the case where our "flame of love" will get extinguished by the time /space or reignited. I do believe it will be up to his heart. Words of support/encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Edited April 12, 2015 by mimiMobile
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