jen_r Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) About 3 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend of a year and a half. When I told him it was positive his answer was "jesus christ." I said "Well, what are we gonna do now?" He told me he was be supportive of either decision but he felt that it wouldn't be best to keep the baby. For the next 3 weeks, I debated alone what I was going to do. I knew that if i kept it, I would probably not have him in the picture and would be raising the child on my own. I say that because he isn't financially stable...or mentally for that matter. But ultimately, I would have to move back home and quit my job if I kept it. So I decided not to keep it. The week leading up to the abortion I slept like crap. I would be up all night and go into work exhausted. I felt nauseous all the time and threw up occasionally. Anytime i would text him to say I felt sick, he would just say "ugh". So, I stopped talking to him about it. He offered no words of kindness. He says he was there for me, but I don't see how? I'm not sure what his definition of "being there" is. 2 days before the abortion I was at work and I was literally so tired I was sitting as much as I could with my eyes closed. I didn't text him much that day because we were swamped, it was non-stop busy. But, i popped in the breakroom to text him as much as I could. I called him as soon as I got out (as i normally do) and everything was fine, but he told me a job offer popped up and to me it seemed like he was too lazy to go after it, so i got annoyed, told him id talk to him later. But, when i got home i just hopped on the couch and watched tv - i didnt feel like texting back and forth. He said "talk to me" and i said "let me call you when i get in bed." his response "Dont bother calling, I dont feel like talking." So I said "whatever". We went back and forth and ended it on a bad note. The next day (1 day before the A) i told him i thought i was going to puke while i was at lunch. He says "Why?" .... why? Why do you think? He knows Im always nauseous. He said a few other things that just didn't aggravated but I didnt wanna fight so I let it go. But that night, I texted him and told him I needed to be up really early and that if I didn't hear from him in the morning, he wouldnt be able to talk to me till around noon. So I said, "Can you talk to me before the procedure?" he says "I'll try." You'll TRY?? No, you should wake up and talk to me before I go in since you aren't the one taking me! He was also supposed to come down friday night (day of A) and spend the weekend with me and I told him "forget it, i don't need you. I'll text you later tomorrow." Day of: No text from him, nothing. Around noon, I left the clinic and saw that he texted me "hope your doing ok, love you." I didnt respond. I went home and went to sleep. He texted me around 1:30 "babe." "ugh" "talk to me". I responded with "I'm sleeping." I woke up later and just lashed out at him. He lashed out at me and didnt understand why i was mad and blocked me, stopped talking to me, didnt respond to me and i haven't heard from him since. I know he has spent the weekend with friends, drinking. Am I in the wrong? Even though I told him "Forget it, I don't need you" - what stand up man wouldn't text his girlfriend before she went in for the procedure? He has straight up abandoned me during this and I can't believe he would do something like this. Edited April 12, 2015 by jen_r
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I am so sorry you went through this. However you have to believe he would do something like this -- abandon you in your time of need -- because that is exactly what he did. Break up with him & never look back.
Ruby65 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I'm honestly too astonished that he wasn't with you for the procedure itself to even address the issue of his total lack of support throughout this ordeal. What a selfish immature jerk. Agree, dump him and move on. You've seen his true character, this is not someone you want to build a life with. 3
Author jen_r Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 I am so sorry you went through this. However you have to believe he would do something like this -- abandon you in your time of need -- because that is exactly what he did. Break up with him & never look back. We are broken up. I want him to pay for half of the cost so I will still need to try to contact him. He never offered to help and I never asked, but, I feel as though he should pay now and he said he would. I just want answers from him...I want to know why he would do this when he was saying "Im going to be there for you, I don't want you alone during this." Well. Im alone? I want answers.
todreaminblue Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I am sorry jen...i am sorry you faced that on your own.....do you realize when the going gets tough this bf of yours runs away and would probably continue to do the same thing when faced with hard yards and difficult decisions.........i think you should walk way in the other direction.....a man doesnt leave a woman in a bind or a lurch..especially one(the situation) that involves what happened with you....that isnt a man..it must have been tough for you to make that choice..... i think or actually know any woman deserves better than that......that includes you.....i really hope you find peace with in yourself...hugs.deb 2
Million.to.1 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I'm sorry you are going through this. Ive been through a similar thing myself so I know how hard it all can be on your body and emotional state. It sounds to me like your BF has let himself be known to you over the last few weeks. Who knows what's going on for him, but clearly it's more important than anything life altering that you may need support through. I would hope that he is under 25 because from what you described, sounds like he still has an awful lot of maturing to do. He treated you like absolute crap, and there is no excuse except for generally being a useless human. You are better off without this guy. 1
Author jen_r Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 I'm honestly too astonished that he wasn't with you for the procedure itself to even address the issue of his total lack of support throughout this ordeal. What a selfish immature jerk. Agree, dump him and move on. You've seen his true character, this is not someone you want to build a life with. I told him I didn't want him to come. I knew he would say something insensitive and piss me off and I just wanted my mom with me, not him. I know I need to move on, its just really hard. Especially having no one to turn to since no one even knows about the situation.
Million.to.1 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 "ugh." What kind of person says that as an actual answer to anything? he might as well say "I'm too inept to say anything even vaguely compassionate"
CarrieT Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 This was the guy desperate to live with you last year? Just break up now - you know it isn't going to last....
Art_Critic Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I am so sorry you went through this. However you have to believe he would do something like this -- abandon you in your time of need -- because that is exactly what he did. Break up with him & never look back. seconded.....
Author jen_r Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 "ugh." What kind of person says that as an actual answer to anything? he might as well say "I'm too inept to say anything even vaguely compassionate" His excuse for lack of knowing what to say or do was "Sorry this is my first time dealing with something like this and you know how I get in these types of situations." I said "I dont care if youve never gone through something like this, is it your first time being a compassionate human being with a brain?" No response to that one.
Art_Critic Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 We are broken up. I want him to pay for half of the cost so I will still need to try to contact him. He never offered to help and I never asked, but, I feel as though he should pay now and he said he would. I just want answers from him...I want to know why he would do this when he was saying "Im going to be there for you, I don't want you alone during this." Well. Im alone? I want answers. he didn't offer to pay?... If you can afford it I wouldn't let his toxic words back in your life giving him the chance to drag you down, I would just move on from this and if you need any help dealing with the loss seek your friend network or family and not him. 1
Author jen_r Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 This was the guy desperate to live with you last year? Just break up now - you know it isn't going to last.... Yep. I ended up letting him live with me for a little over a month and then made him move out. I blamed it on the landlord so there wasn't a huge fight as to why he had to leave. And we are broken up. I dont have any plans on going back to him.
Author jen_r Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 he didn't offer to pay?... If you can afford it I wouldn't let his toxic words back in your life giving him the chance to drag you down, I would just move on from this and if you need any help dealing with the loss seek your friend network or family and not him. I don't really have too many friends. I have a lot of acquaintances. But not one really close that I can lean on. Thats why I was really depending on him and feel even more hurt that he just ditched me like this. I spent the day with my family yesterday, but, my mind was still somewhere else.
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 We are broken up. I want him to pay for half of the cost so I will still need to try to contact him. He never offered to help and I never asked, but, I feel as though he should pay now and he said he would. I just want answers from him...I want to know why he would do this when he was saying "Im going to be there for you, I don't want you alone during this." Well. Im alone? I want answers. You aren't going to get the answers. If he wasn't mature enough to show up & take responsibility, he's not going to be mature enough to have a reason for what he did. He did it because at bottom he is an irresponsible little boy who isn't man enough to be supportive. Send him a bill for the whole thing. If you get money, great. If you don't, just let it go. You can always earn more money but it will be much harder to reclaim the pieces of your soul you lose chasing him. 6
ExpatInItaly Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 You aren't going to get the answers. If he wasn't mature enough to show up & take responsibility, he's not going to be mature enough to have a reason for what he did. He did it because at bottom he is an irresponsible little boy who isn't man enough to be supportive. Send him a bill for the whole thing. If you get money, great. If you don't, just let it go. You can always earn more money but it will be much harder to reclaim the pieces of your soul you lose chasing him. All of this. OP, the way he treated you was awful and you didn't deserve that. Unfortunately, if you know he's not mentally stable, you'll never get answers. He never would have been the partner you wanted him to be. Cut this twerp out of your life 100% and consider the money gone. He's not going to pay. And you don't need another reason to keep him around. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Big hugs, sweetheart, from me. I can't add anything new, just count me in with the "glad you're not with him" group. I'm currently pregnant from a guy who very unexpectedly dumped me right before I told him, and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Breakups are hard, and dealing with pregnancy hormones are hard. The two together have almost done me in several times. But this is about you, and I'm sorry you went through this, and glad as hell to hear that you aren't considering getting back with him. You are a strong girl, and you'll do just fine. 3
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