My ex-wife was waiting at my doorstep when I got home...

[contact1]

Totally was not expecting this, given how things had ended. To sum it up briefly, I came to the decision of going through a divorce, due to the many marital problems, she took it very badly and became quite vindictive throughout the whole process. Had just about every bad name thrown at me, along with some other things, made up stories, and other things I really don't want to go into.

 

Well, she was there and she wanted to talk about everything that happened, so I stayed outside and let her. She talked about how she reacted, how hurt she was, and realizing how she was in the wrong for some of the things she did. In essence apologizing for everything that had happened, and was hoping things could be worked out. She was willing to do marital counseling (after I had asked and pleaded several times when we were together), trying to assure me it could work out, that we shouldn't toss away what we had.

 

I told her to wait and went inside to grab a journal of mine. This journal was one I would write in when we were married, to help relieve the built up stress. And I just started reading it. Each entry of times I was in pain, hurt, or lost, with mentions throughout of not knowing what to do, and how she wasn't willing to listen or seemed to not care about my emotional state. I didn't really get too far into it until she just started crying and just kept saying how sorry she was.

 

It was hard, i will admit. But at that moment, I told her we had our time, but it was time for us to move on. That I don't hate her or hold anything against her, truth be told I still care about her well being. But that I know her and I being together can no longer be, as it would just be returning to all the problems that were never resolved.

 

And that was really it. In some sense I am a bit sadden, as how she was now is what I had wanted so long ago. But at the same time it is relieving to know I have moved on from the past marriage.

 

Apart of it though, is I have come to realize the type of person I want to be with. And I have actually crossed paths with this type of person who I am in contact with. I really don't know what will happen between us, as I have expressed interest but she is a bit hesitant of starting a relationship. And whether or not things do progress further between us, I am so thankful to have met her, because it is because of her I have been able to move on and realize what I deserve in a relationship. So even though you are not seeing this or the impact you have had on me.... "Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.."

[d0nnivain]

Good for you. I think you handled that with a lot of maturity & sensitivity. Hopefully you both got some closure & she can move on. You seem like you have.

[No Limit]

In some sense I am a bit sadden, as how she was now is what I had wanted so long ago.

 

Not likely. You don't know what's been going on in her private life recently, if her last guy ditched her she was just putting on an act. Of course we'll never find out, and you obviously don't need to.

[Phoe]

Wow, I can't imagine how rough it is to come home to that, let alone handle it as well as you did. So many thoughts and feelings coming up all at once I bet... to hold firm on your stance while still showing her respect is very admirable and it speaks volumes, really.

[preraph]

Good for you! I tell you, my journal has gotten me out of a real spiral and has also shown me many patterns I couldn't see at the time.

 

It's normal for divorcing people to get sentimental during the divorce process (especially dividing up possessions) and to briefly reunite. It doesn't usually last, of course, but it can bring the venom level back down to a more livable level as you carry through with the divorce.

[2.50 a gallon]

About a month after catching the Ex cheating and her moving in with OM, she had total change of heart, total water works, rolling on the floor begging for a second chance. As you, I had to tell her there was no chance for us to reconcile.

The problem was I was still in love with her. I found that day to be worse that d-day.

[contact1]

Good for you. I think you handled that with a lot of maturity & sensitivity. Hopefully you both got some closure & she can move on. You seem like you have.

 

Thank you Donnivain. Yes hopefully some closure was in order and it seems like I have for sure, given what happened.

 

Not likely. You don't know what's been going on in her private life recently, if her last guy ditched her she was just putting on an act. Of course we'll never find out, and you obviously don't need to.

 

Well as far as I know (not that I have been following her activity mind you) there has not been any other guy, definitely not while we were together. The divorce was due to lack of wanting to work on the marriage on her part, among other things, but it was not due to infidelity. But you are right, I don't need or care to know what goes on in her private life now

 

Wow, I can't imagine how rough it is to come home to that, let alone handle it as well as you did. So many thoughts and feelings coming up all at once I bet... to hold firm on your stance while still showing her respect is very admirable and it speaks volumes, really.

 

Thank you Phoe, yes it was a huge rush of a lot of emotions and thoughts all at once, something I hadn't experienced in such a long time. I honestly did not know what to expect when I saw her sitting there at the doorway.

 

Good for you! I tell you, my journal has gotten me out of a real spiral and has also shown me many patterns I couldn't see at the time.

 

It's normal for divorcing people to get sentimental during the divorce process (especially dividing up possessions) and to briefly reunite. It doesn't usually last, of course, but it can bring the venom level back down to a more livable level as you carry through with the divorce.

 

Thank you preraph I have to totally agree with you in regards to the journal, it is priceless to me now because it has helped keep me grounded. It is so easy to forget the bad times and only remember the "good" times of a relationship, it serves as a reminder as to why the marriage had to come to an end. And yes, I started noticing patterns too thanks to the journal.

 

About a month after catching the Ex cheating and her moving in with OM, she had total change of heart, total water works, rolling on the floor begging for a second chance. As you, I had to tell her there was no chance for us to reconcile.

The problem was I was still in love with her. I found that day to be worse that d-day.

 

Wow, I feel you on that. I still care for her well being, but I know I do not love my ex-wife anymore. That feeling died quite a while back, several months ago in fact, so it was a bit easier to handle than if it had just been a month for sure.

[firemanq]

You are a better man than I am. You were nice to the ...... person, you treated her with respect, you told her why you were not interested in a relationship, and most importantly, you did not push her in front of a truck!

 

 

You showed her she really made a mistake when she threw you away, and you did it with kindness.

[Gloria25]

Not likely. You don't know what's been going on in her private life recently, if her last guy ditched her she was just putting on an act. Of course we'll never find out, and you obviously don't need to.

 

Well, thing is we "don't" know what is going on with her and/or if this is a desperate act to get you back...

 

Ever consider now that you made it official (filing for the divorce) that she actually got a glimpse of what she's about to lose?

 

The only way you'll know for sure is if you give it a chance...that's why in some states its mandatory a separation take place before the divorce is granted.

 

You know my position already - which is try to work it out for the kid's sake.

 

Good luck with what you decide to do...

[minimariah]

And whether or not things do progress further between us, I am so thankful to have met her, because it is because of her I have been able to move on and realize what I deserve in a relationship.

 

what exactly did she do that it had such an impact on you?

[contact1]

You are a better man than I am. You were nice to the ...... person, you treated her with respect, you told her why you were not interested in a relationship, and most importantly, you did not push her in front of a truck!

 

 

You showed her she really made a mistake when she threw you away, and you did it with kindness.

 

Thank you, that means a lot and really to me it means that I have been able to really move on from it and not hold hate and resentment from everything that happened, which I am very glad to be able to say and feel.

[contact1]

Well, thing is we "don't" know what is going on with her and/or if this is a desperate act to get you back...

 

Ever consider now that you made it official (filing for the divorce) that she actually got a glimpse of what she's about to lose?

 

The only way you'll know for sure is if you give it a chance...that's why in some states its mandatory a separation take place before the divorce is granted.

 

You know my position already - which is try to work it out for the kid's sake.

 

Good luck with what you decide to do...

 

Oh I am sure part of it is her realizing more so now what she had lost. Or another is how she felt when we were together, thinking I would never have the balls to actually leave the marriage.

 

The saying of working it out for the child does not apply here, because of what I had experienced and gone through, there is no way I would go back to that type of situation. Going back would be returning to all the problems, and that kind of living situation would be much more detrimental to my son than being separated.

 

Not sure what you mean by good luck with the decision, I think my initial post was pretty crystal clear in what I decided, which was not to go back with her.

[contact1]

what exactly did she do that it had such an impact on you?

 

Just be herself honestly. My initial post may have been a bit unclear as to the affect she had on me. It wasn't because of her that I got a divorce. It is in the aftermath of starting the divorce, that I started to realize the type of person I wanted in my life.

 

She is very sweet and caring, shows interest in others, not being just about herself, is quite intelligent, and doesn't take crap from others which I find very attractive. Doesn't hurt either that I do find her to be very pretty. There is so much I could say about her but really don't want to derail this thread too much, but in her, I see the potential of having a very compatible partner.