HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Am I the only one that finds it really rude when someone reads your message & doesn't reply? I'm supposed to be going on a second date with a guy soon (we've been chatting for ages now) & he seemed really sweet but he doesn't do any chasing (I feel I have to initiate everything) he says he's done too much chasing in the past & is too tired of it to do it again, which is how I feel too (we're late 30's) & I do like that he makes me chase him a bit but this is now starting to feel like game playing... the last message I sent he has read, logged in twice since & not replied it's been almost a day... I know he probably will get back to me but it's making me feel like someone else is more important. It takes a lot to build my trust & I feel the early days are important for that & he's ruining it... on the other hand im thinking "it's just a message & you're not properly dating" but it's hurting my feelings & I want to be made to feel a bit special.. not sure what to do x
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Explain something to me. You've had one date already and are supposed to be going on a second. Yet, you're still messaging online? Why wouldn't you just be focusing on the dates and touching base once and awhile by phone? BTW - You sound WAY too invested in a guy you've had one date with. Why not relax a bit and see how future dates go first.
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 No I mean by phone.. We text x
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 I'm def not too invested but when it's me initiating all the time I'm wondering if im just wasting my time x
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Ah gotcha. The way you said "read your message" made it sound like you were referring to a dating site message. BTW - He's full of crap. You know he initiates when he's interested because he's admitted it to you. So this story about "too much chasing" sounds like a way to keep you as a back up and let you do all the work. I'd suggest not contacting him anymore and meeting other guys that will actually put some effort in. 4
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Thanks that's what im thinking too but the weird thing is that after our first date things fizzled out (I stopped replying for the same reason as this time!) he then came up on my FB so I added him & he seemed really pleased to hear from me he even said he thought I had lost interest... ! Do u think I should explain & give him a chance to up his game because I certainly don't want to waste my time x
jen1447 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I'd find it a little rude, yeah. Forget all the 'rules' and possible quirks and angles and all that - it's basic decorum that if a person speaks to you (and that includes text), you should answer. If you're busy, fine, but no one's ever so busy they can't return a text in say an hour. Now, if he's got some other reason not to want to be punctual with you, he should tell you that, and/or you should get to the bottom of it yourself. People only treat us as rudely as we let them get away with. If it was me, I'd text him at some point after a few fails saying straight up "hey, what's the deal with the no replies or hours later replies?" or I'd just brush him off entirely. If he came back to that with "you're too needy!" or "none of your business" or he lied (I'd show him what true lack of neediness was ), it would be over anyway, but at least I'd have my resolution and wouldn't be waiting around for replies all day. Make sense? Respect yourself and most everything else falls into place.
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Ah gotcha. The way you said "read your message" made it sound like you were referring to a dating site message. BTW - He's full of crap. You know he initiates when he's interested because he's admitted it to you. So this story about "too much chasing" sounds like a way to keep you as a back up and let you do all the work. I'd suggest not contacting him anymore and meeting other guys that will actually put some effort in. OMG...stop the presses! We actually agree on something! +1000.
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I'd find it a little rude, yeah. Forget all the 'rules' and possible quirks and angles and all that - it's basic decorum that if a person speaks to you (and that includes text), you should answer. If you're busy, fine, but no one's ever so busy they can't return a text in say an hour. Now, if he's got some other reason not to want to be punctual with you, he should tell you that, and/or you should get to the bottom of it yourself. People only treat us as rudely as we let them get away with. If it was me, I'd text him at some point after a few fails saying straight up "hey, what's the deal with the no replies or hours later replies?" or I'd just brush him off entirely. If he came back to that with "you're too needy!" or "none of your business" or he lied (I'd show him what true lack of neediness was ), it would be over anyway, but at least I'd have my resolution and wouldn't be waiting around for replies all day. Make sense? Respect yourself and most everything else falls into place. They have only had one date... way too soon for any sort of confrontation as you suggested above. OP, just stop responding to him and focus on other guys who don't force you to chase... There are too many other fish in the sea for you to get hung up with that crap..
okc85 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Should dating be this much work? You say you're in your late 30s, so you've probably had a LTR or two. Did those guys make you chase so much? I'm just curious. I just feel like dating shouldn't be so complicated if the person is a good fit for you.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 OMG...stop the presses! We actually agree on something! +1000. Haha, no one agrees all the time. Just because we have disagreed lately, doesn't mean that we don't usually see eye to eye. I mean I think only disagreeing on 2-3 topics out of 100's is actually pretty good. Since we're both opinionated stubborn people, and neither one of us are push overs, it was bound to happen eventually.
melandrien Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Logging in to messaging app and yet not replying doesn't mean anything - you can check what message you got, and be simply too busy to reply immediately. I wouldn't be too mad about this, I do it myself all the time - taking 5 hours and several attempts to write a reply, always being distracted by work. What counts is what reply you get, not when you get it, as long as the delay is somewhat reasonable. But that's it with excuses for this guy. Basically he's telling you that you need to do all the hard work, and he's telling you that after first date? Either he's playing head games, or not that interested. Either way I wouldn't be too optimistic.
carhill Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Does anyone else find this rude? Am I the only one that finds it really rude when someone reads your message & doesn't reply? I had a stronger opinion about this as a young man but time and getting zeroed out by various strangers, dates, girlfriends and spouse over time taught the lesson of pick one's points of battle and this one isn't one of them, to me anyway. No answer is an answer. Life goes on.
Echo74 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Move on. There are plenty of 30 somethings who are willing to chase. People like him are too much work, ugh.
MissBee Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Am I the only one that finds it really rude when someone reads your message & doesn't reply? I'm supposed to be going on a second date with a guy soon (we've been chatting for ages now) & he seemed really sweet but he doesn't do any chasing (I feel I have to initiate everything) he says he's done too much chasing in the past & is too tired of it to do it again, which is how I feel too (we're late 30's) & I do like that he makes me chase him a bit but this is now starting to feel like game playing... the last message I sent he has read, logged in twice since & not replied it's been almost a day... I know he probably will get back to me but it's making me feel like someone else is more important. It takes a lot to build my trust & I feel the early days are important for that & he's ruining it... on the other hand im thinking "it's just a message & you're not properly dating" but it's hurting my feelings & I want to be made to feel a bit special.. not sure what to do x I wouldn't personally date any guy who said what this guy said especially if you care about feeling special. A man doesn't have to "chase" me in the sense where he is running after me while I act aloof, but I like for him to initiate esp early on and then it becomes reciprocal. I would NOT date a man who made it clear he refused to initiate and I should do all the work. You say you like it but obviously don't. This isn't an equal relationship. If you both like each other you should be both excited to make plans and get together. I don't see this going well. He seems like he is lazy and just not all that into you frankly. I'd move on as there are men out there who will initiate and be mutually invested.
Gary S Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Him taking that long to reply coupled with his issue of not wanting to chase indicates he has issues. He's not good relationship material, at least not for you, right now. Even if he does eventually reply, I'd move on. When you see issues like that early on, it's only going to get worse. Can you imagine what it would be like with this guy after 5 years of marriage?! They must have a good attitude to be a good catch.
DoesntGetIt Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I was with a woman for a couple of months who would make me make the plans every time and after the first couple of weeks would make me initiate the texts/conversations. It isn't a good sign, and you should just get out now before it gets painful.
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