She's backing off

[Boymeetsgirl]

No. I've seen this before in people, it's a sign of something much bigger that I promise you can't even comprehend. She is very very unstable and even if she gets back in touch (it's possible), she will keep doing this until she shuts you out completely.

 

She will shut you out eventually after more push and pull. You MUST cut her off.

 

If I cut her off is this likely to get her to commit properly to me? Maybe things are moving too fast and we simply do need to slow down?

 

As I have noticed her behavior and when I brought it up she kinda argues the fact that she just wants space and that's it. I'm not mega clingy and I like space too.

[KatZee]

OK, so to be honest, I think this thread is 4 pages too long, and people are looking way too deep into this.

 

It's simple as to what's going on.

 

"She's just not that into you."

 

Yes, yes. Cliche. I know. But it's the truth.

 

No matter what she's saying to you, or has said to you, she's hung up on the ex. 100%.

 

They're still talking? Still friends? Still remissness about the good times? Still in each others lives? She gets angry when you bring him up? That's not an ex. That's a person she still has a great deal of emotions left for and they're both just navigating through choppy water trying to find their way back to each other.

 

(That choppy water being the relationship you guys are quasi-in right now.)

 

1. Anyone who's so in love with anyone doesn't say: I need a week or more break from you. I need to decide if I even want to stay with you.

 

Would you say that to her? No. You are in love with her.

 

2. Anyone who needs space to decide if they even want to be with you, is taking space to explore other options.

 

That option being her ex. I'm sure a lot has gone on behind the scenes that you don't even know about. I'm sure her logical mind and her emotional mind are at war right now, she knows what the RIGHT thing to do is, but can't quite follow through.

 

3. Not only has she done this once, she's now done it again. This is not some fleeting feeling, or a phase. You are just legitimately not the person she's meant to be with, and she's not the person for you.

 

I know you love this girl but she's not giving you 100% of herself. And you want to be with someone who's head over heels completely into YOU.

 

At 5 months in, the honeymoon phase should not be over. Honeymoon can last well into a year and a half, even longer. 5 months is basically just the trial period, and she's coming to terms with the fact that you may just not be the person for her. At 5 months things should actually be taking OFF like a jet. You've been together long enough to get comfortable with each other, really learn a lot, and now the exploring part begins and the bliss starts.

 

What's going on with you isn't what's supposed to happen when you're in the right relationship.

 

So, long story short, let her go. Do not chase after her, do not try to "be there for her." Trust me, she doesn't want it, or need it, and any contact from you is seen as annoyance and intrusion.

 

Also, I think you just need to walk. You're looking more and more like a doormat as each day passes. You just sit around waiting for some girl who flat out told you she doesn't even know if she wants you.

 

Self respect...? HELLO... HELLo... HELlo... HEllo... Hello... hello...?? Where did you GO... Go...go... (that's an echo by the way. I thought it added some effect.)

 

Seriously though, it sucks, but better 5 months in than 5 years in.

 

And no. Leaving her alone isn't going to make her commit to you properly. It's going to make her see that she really just wants to continue the break. Permanently.

[Emilia]

If I cut her off is this likely to get her to commit properly to me? Maybe things are moving too fast and we simply do need to slow down?

 

As I have noticed her behavior and when I brought it up she kinda argues the fact that she just wants space and that's it. I'm not mega clingy and I like space too.

Have you noticed strange things that now with hindsight you can see you ignored?

 

Was she super sweet, perhaps a little clingy, very loving from the start?

 

Did you feel that she shared a lot of personal things quickly? Has she made you feel like she really understood you and 'got' you?

 

Perhaps the pace of all this in the cold of daylight has been a bit fast? Am I warm?

[Boymeetsgirl]

Have you noticed strange things that now with hindsight you can see you ignored?

 

Was she super sweet, perhaps a little clingy, very loving from the start?

 

Did you feel that she shared a lot of personal things quickly? Has she made you feel like she really understood you and 'got' you?

 

Perhaps the pace of all this in the cold of daylight has been a bit fast? Am I warm?

 

Yep.. 100% so what do I do?

[KatZee]

Yep.. 100% so what do I do?

 

NOTHING.

 

You do NOTHING.

 

You just quietly go away. Fall off her radar. Do not initiate conversation. She needs space to figure out if she wants you? Give her all the space in the world.

[Boymeetsgirl]

NOTHING.

 

You do NOTHING.

 

You just quietly go away. Fall off her radar. Do not initiate conversation. She needs space to figure out if she wants you? Give her all the space in the world.

 

Thanks KatZee

And if she initiates contact and wants to meet? I have a feeling she may do this tonight.

 

Or if she just simply texts to check in on how I am.. do I ignore?

[KatZee]

Thanks KatZee

And if she initiates contact and wants to meet? I have a feeling she may do this tonight.

 

Or if she just simply texts to check in on how I am.. do I ignore?

 

I would tell her you don't think it's a good idea.

 

She can't keep playing this game. She either needs space, or she doesn't. She can't keep pulling the rug out from under you, sucking you in, leading you on, only to be like, "Oh wait, sorry. Never mind. I don't think I want you anymore again."

 

She needs space. So even if she tries crawling back, no. She needs to get it worked out in her head.

 

I would let her know that this is it. You're respecting her wishes to take the time she needs but you will not be a part of this drama, and her emotional games. If after the end of her "space" she can't give you a straight answer as to whether or not she wants to be with you, she's done. You end it.

 

Fool me once, shame on her. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

You already gave her one chance, she blew it a second time by doing this again. I personally think you're wasting your time on chance three, but I feel like you're going to run right back.

 

If she does this a third and final time, you really need to walk away.

 

As is, I don't see this relationship working out at all, but if you want to delay the inevitable for a few more weeks/months, that's your choice.

[Emilia]

Yep.. 100% so what do I do?

You answer a couple of more questions.

 

Did she seem to you when you were together and having fun that she would switch to be someone else briefly? Like you would be doing stuff, making out or having a laugh, something that she should have enjoyed fully yet it looked as if she had a dark cloud hanging around her? Maybe she would ask you to stop or she would look annoyed all of a sudden but it would be ok after a while.

 

Familiar?

[KatZee]

You answer a couple of more questions.

 

Did she seem to you when you were together and having fun that she would switch to be someone else briefly? Like you would be doing stuff, making out or having a laugh, something that she should have enjoyed fully yet it looked as if she had a dark cloud hanging around her? Maybe she would ask you to stop or she would look annoyed all of a sudden but it would be ok after a while.

 

Familiar?

 

Honestly, none of this even matters.

 

It's not his job to fix whatever emotional problems she has.

 

It IS however, his job, to be fully aware of the people he chooses to date, and proceed accordingly in HIS best interest.

 

I don't see this person as being a good person for you emotional and mental well-being OP.

 

She's going to shred your confidence and self esteem to zero.

[Emilia]

Honestly, none of this even matters.

 

It's not his job to fix whatever emotional problems she has.

 

It IS however, his job, to be fully aware of the people he chooses to date, and proceed accordingly in HIS best interest.

 

I don't see this person as being a good person for you emotional and mental well-being OP.

 

She's going to shred your confidence and self esteem to zero.

I'm trying to explain to him what she's got and why he needs to give up. You don't get it.

[Diezel]

Honestly, all of you are going overboard.

 

There is an ex still in the picture. Game. Over.

[Boymeetsgirl]

You answer a couple of more questions.

 

Did she seem to you when you were together and having fun that she would switch to be someone else briefly? Like you would be doing stuff, making out or having a laugh, something that she should have enjoyed fully yet it looked as if she had a dark cloud hanging around her? Maybe she would ask you to stop or she would look annoyed all of a sudden but it would be ok after a while.

 

Familiar?

 

Actually no. Doesn't sound familiar at all. We were pretty amazing if I'm honest. It's just these last few hiccups if I'm honest. I feel this time she might walk as I've come over pretty needy with questioning her. But then if she truly loves me she would see past that in time and tell me I'm being silly and she loves me. Right? I feel it would be unfair to walk on this occasion. I will give her space and myself for that matter. See what happens with her and I'll just play it cool and maybe we should step back and see what happens. Might bring us closer. Maybe I'm just an old romantic and hoping for the girl I know and love to work through some turmoils in her head and I can be supportive from a far with space and slowing down. Love is never easy. I've made myself clear and the ball is in her court.

[Emilia]

Actually no. Doesn't sound familiar at all. We were pretty amazing if I'm honest. It's just these last few hiccups if I'm honest. I feel this time she might walk as I've come over pretty needy with questioning her. But then if she truly loves me she would see past that in time and tell me I'm being silly and she loves me. Right? I feel it would be unfair to walk on this occasion. I will give her space and myself for that matter. See what happens with her and I'll just play it cool and maybe we should step back and see what happens. Might bring us closer. Maybe I'm just an old romantic and hoping for the girl I know and love to work through some turmoils in her head and I can be supportive from a far with space and slowing down. Love is never easy. I've made myself clear and the ball is in her court.

Ok that's good.

 

In this case I agree with the others. I mean the idea was all along that you should stop talking to her but I agree that she has just lost interest.

 

I know you want to work through turmoils but the thing is when someone shuts you out it means they are not interested in working it out and you have to accept their decision. You can't make them.

 

I'm sorry.

[KatZee]

I'm trying to explain to him what she's got and why he needs to give up. You don't get it.

 

Right. But it doesn't matter.

 

How often is it that you see a person who's so in love, actually take the advice of people saying they need to end the relationship? They don't. They aren't seeing, or thinking clearly, and it doesn't matter if you give general advice, or give them medical terms to tell them what they're dealing with.

 

The heart is going to do what the heart is going to do.

 

I don't see this guy ending it. He's going to keep fighting until she walks away for good.

[Diezel]

Love is never easy.

 

It might not be easy, but it's much EASIER when both people are willing to work on it, are 100% in and an EX isn't still in the picture.

 

Sorry buddy, but your princess is in another castle.

[elaine567]

I visited her and said I'm gonna give her space and just wanted to let her know I won't contact her until I hear from her. I think an ex might have confused her too. The dates add up from when she met him last and I know they are in contact.

 

^^^this is very important^^^