Seaworld64 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Hey all My gf of 9 months blindsided me with a breakup and jumped into a relationship with some guy a month later. They had met just a week before my gf decided to breakup with me. I guess she developed feelings for him while she was with me, but she explained that she had been planning to breakup with me anyways before they met. I don't know what to believe. We are both 21 btw. She pretty much just disappeared. It was pretty traumatic. I know this might be dramatic, but its like someone I cared for just died in my life. I don't know why, but i have no feelings of hate towards her. I've never been one to hate others. I just loved that girl so much, and she just disappeared. I have been doing NC since. It wasn't a perfect relationship but we were wonderful 95% of the time, or at least that's what I thought. She would bring up marriage and she was the first to say "I love you". But then she would dump me two months later? My friends tell me what she did was messed up, but I can't help but blame myself for the things I did or didn't do. I know I could have been a better boyfriend. I am just having trouble living with my regrets of how I could of been more loving and understanding. If I was just a better bf she wouldn't of just walked out and replaced me so quickly right? I know its common for people to jump in and out of relationships quickly at our age. I get that. We're young. We're immature. Mentally, I forgave her, but for some reason I can't seem to forgive myself. I just don't know what's so wrong with me that made her walk out of my life so abruptly. I've been spending so much time evaluating my personality and my habits and I've really been trying to improve myself in every aspect of my life. Its just been really draining recently and I was hoping you guys can just give me some words of advice and encouragement. Thanks everyone.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Nothing wrong with you. It's simply what many, many 21 year old girls do. Period. You might try dating someone a bit older and more mature...
Maverick27 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Hey Seaworld64, I feel your pain, man. My girlfriend (whom i lived with) recently cheated on me and left me for another guy. I know your struggling with the same thing i am. Do you keep seeing yourself through her eyes? All your negative attributes and none of the positive? All you can think about is this other guy making her happy? It sucks... I dont really have any advice, because i am in your exact same position... I've been writing alot..that seems to help. Do NOT CONTACT her is the only advice i can give you, i know from very recent experience that this will not help any cause. Just thought it might help to know that others are out there and the struggle is REAL.
Ruby65 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I'm so sorry for what you're going through! And yeah, going through a breakup is like grieving a loss -- you're not being overly dramatic when you say it's like she died. Please try to stop blaming yourself for what happened. Whatever your faults were as a boyfriend, your ex could have chosen to talk about things and work them out, not just latch on to someone new. She sounds like someone who enjoys the rush of infatuation, but then thinks her feelings are gone when the Honeymoon Phase is over. It can take many years to realize that no matter who you're with, the Honeymoon Phase will always eventually end... some people never realize it, no matter what their age! Try to see her for who she really is: she couldn't even make it nine months with someone before she's on to the next? Not the girl for you. She'll probably do the same with this next guy. The fastest way to heal is to cut all contact -- online and off. Right now, ignorance is bliss. You don't want to know what's going on in her life. Block her everywhere online and block her number on your phone so she can't send you breadcrumb texts whenever she's feeling lonely or bored. A breakup is a great time to focus on self-improvement. Not because you're inherently flawed, but because it's a good way to redirect focus onto something positive. So keep on doing that.... nothing wrong with working on yourself, and your future new way-better girlfriend will appreciate it too. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck to you! It WILL get better, it just takes a while to get there. 1
Author Seaworld64 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Thanks Maverick, it does strangely feel nice to know others are going through the struggle. Thanks Ruby, that Breakup guide is such a great link. I've been looking around the forums and its nice to have a community here. I honestly don't know any of my guy friends who have gone through a similar thing so its hard to talk to them. She was my first gf and while she wasn't perfect, she was all I could ever ask for in a partner. Its been 4 months and although the initial shock is over, i still think about her everyday. And my mind just bombards me with images of her and the new guy. Am I taking to long to heal? I'm just not so confident I can ever find someone like her again. I was never great in the department of getting girls to like me so I honestly feel like I will never be in another relationship. I will be working a really stressful job with long hours so I don't think I will have much time to be social. Did anyone else feel this way, but found another special someone? it'd be nice to hear some stories that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Recommended Posts