Jay13094 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 i don't know how to feel right now. its been about 4 months since i ended things with him and you would think by this point i would of been able to get over a very fast moving-2-month-only-dating ordeal. I get mad at myself that i still have feelings for him but with NC and cutting him out of my life did do me a lot in helping me heal, but not forget. I still have thoughts about him multiple times a day, he's the first thought in my head when i wake up or go to sleep. I also had this little bit of false hope that he would maybe want to go back to what we had before since he tried to reach out often, and pursues hard to be "friends" but i have not given in and what not. But it was there, and i thought that he might of still missed me and regretted what he did and i still some-what believe that. After i ended things w/ him i deleted all our photos off instagram b/c i was very angry at him. he however kept ours up, he had them up until probably within a week or two. I was confused and curious as towards why he did it when he did and why he even bothered to do so. But i just realized through that deleted photo.. just shows that he's over it.. he's moving on.. and stopped caring and we will never be together. That just seemed like a sad slap in the face to me. I still almost feel like i still love him, but i can't let him know that and thats the hardest part. I really wish I could tell him that i still like him a lot but he doesn't want that with me anymore so pushing him is the only thing i can do now and im struggling again.
Miss Sisyphus Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 You broke up with him because he did something bad. But you're having a hard time getting over him. If you do the math, you'll realize you have had no contact longer than you were with him. Could it be that you want to forgive him? Is what he did forgivable? How do you know he doesn't want a relationship? Because he finally took the photos down? Maybe he just accepted that you didn't want to be with him. That doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you. What did you expect him to do when you made it clear you didn't want to be with him? What should he have done to prove he cared about you? Maybe you should tell him what you think. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had been open about your feelings.
hollypolly Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 As a dumpee, no matter what I would never contact a dumper. They ended it and they hurt me. As far as im concerned they dont love me or want anything to do with me. Deleting pics etc is a way of coping with that loss. Im sure this person is very hurt as are all of us dumpees but its not up to us or him to reach out as we didnt walk away, the dumper did. Please dont reach out to this guy unless you genuinely want to undo this. Dont do it just to make yourself feel better. If its over then just leave it be. If you do want to fix it then be clear in contacting him or you risk not getting a reply. I got dumped and got a text almost a week ago from my ex saying he feels awful how things ended and wants to meet. I deleted it. Not once was there anything about me in the text, only how bad he feels. It wasnt worth repying to as all i could see from it was that he just wanted to feel better about it. Keep this in mind if you decide to reach out and make your intentions clear and reach out for the right reasons.
Author Jay13094 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 As a dumpee, no matter what I would never contact a dumper. They ended it and they hurt me. As far as im concerned they dont love me or want anything to do with me. Deleting pics etc is a way of coping with that loss. Im sure this person is very hurt as are all of us dumpees but its not up to us or him to reach out as we didnt walk away, the dumper did. Please dont reach out to this guy unless you genuinely want to undo this. Dont do it just to make yourself feel better. If its over then just leave it be. If you do want to fix it then be clear in contacting him or you risk not getting a reply. I got dumped and got a text almost a week ago from my ex saying he feels awful how things ended and wants to meet. I deleted it. Not once was there anything about me in the text, only how bad he feels. It wasnt worth repying to as all i could see from it was that he just wanted to feel better about it. Keep this in mind if you decide to reach out and make your intentions clear and reach out for the right reasons. the reason i ended things with him is because he was playing me- we weren't "official" but we were exclusive. When i confronted him he used the "im not your boyfriend card" and even said we weren't anything when i said "lets end us then" "there is no us". I wanted a relationship, and if not an "official" i expected him to only have eyes for me. He was dishonest, lied, and even when i asked if he wanted to see other people he said no. He said he wasn't ready for a committed relationship but its the fact that he lied to me about the other girl and denying everything. When in actuality I found everything out. This is why its hard for me. I want to be with him, but he doesn't want what i want and he makes it hard for me because he reaches out to me wanting to hang out but only as "friends" he said he would not pursue me again after "everything that happened between us"
Author Jay13094 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 You broke up with him because he did something bad. But you're having a hard time getting over him. If you do the math, you'll realize you have had no contact longer than you were with him. Could it be that you want to forgive him? Is what he did forgivable? How do you know he doesn't want a relationship? Because he finally took the photos down? Maybe he just accepted that you didn't want to be with him. That doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you. What did you expect him to do when you made it clear you didn't want to be with him? What should he have done to prove he cared about you? Maybe you should tell him what you think. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had been open about your feelings. what he did is forgivable because in sense, he didn't actually "cheat" on me as we were never "officially together" he just lied to me, and denied being with that other girl but did admit he liked her. He told me he did not want a relationship "i like you so much and we're serious you know, our next step is gf/bf and idk if im ready for that yet" i said its ok b/c i thought he was just caught up in labels- being exclusive i did not expect him to be sleeping around with other woman. He says he cares, but he wouldn't of said all the sh*t he said when we ended and that "im crazy" etc etc. We try talking about it, since post "break up" all we do is talk about the same thing, fight, it never goes anywhere. We don't want the same things- he wants to be friends but we can never be "just friends"
ZiggyZoo Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I think you're doing the right thing. It sucks when you still want to be with the person, but if you two both want different types of relationship, it just plain won't work. I realized this would have happened eventually with my ex, and that almost hurt as much as him dumping me. But I guess it beats hanging out and hoping that someday they'll change their mind, when it isn't really likely to ever happen. Hang in there. If I've learned one thing, its that this whole thing is all ups and downs.
Author Jay13094 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 I think you're doing the right thing. It sucks when you still want to be with the person, but if you two both want different types of relationship, it just plain won't work. I realized this would have happened eventually with my ex, and that almost hurt as much as him dumping me. But I guess it beats hanging out and hoping that someday they'll change their mind, when it isn't really likely to ever happen. Hang in there. If I've learned one thing, its that this whole thing is all ups and downs. I completely agree with you... i would of rather been dumped KNOWING that he stopped liking me. But when we broke it off, it wasn't because he stopped liking me- he just didn't know what he wanted and had a hard time deciding which girl to "be with" which obviously is better off not being me. I think thats the hardest part- just knowing HOW AWESOME it COULD of been. But i think i'm just lying to myself b/c the months i was with him before i everything became a mess was probably one of the happiest i've ever been and i can really say that he was my first "real love" im 21 and never had a bf before and he was the closest thing to it, so it hit me in multiple ways. But you're so right.... when its good... its good, when its bad... its REAL BAD.
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