spiderowl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 The reason I ask this is I only tend to get asked out on dates online. In person, guys will ask if I'm going to a particular event, or suggest we get together to play music. They will come over and talk to me in person (without prompting), are friendly and seem to want to talk to me, but don't explicitly ask me out. Obviously, few if any would be interested and a lot of it is just normal social interaction but I remember I used to get asked out a lot, even by total strangers in the street or on the bus. I feel I'm picking up the same vibes from guys sometimes but they don't act. Maybe they are just not attracted any more, I don't know, but perhaps guys change their approach as they mature? Maybe they don't even bother. Any thoughts?
salparadise Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I don't think you can generalize about all men over fifty. Certainly the dynamic changes some but it's as individual as the two people. I ask women out if it's somebody I really want to date- which means I can sense relationship potential. I need to feel synergy. This may sound funny, but sometimes I imagine what it would be like to kiss her and if that seems appealing, and if she seems social, open, engaging then I'll ask. I don't want to date just to pass the time... have Netflix for that. So it's a lot about physical attraction and at least the perception of her being a fun, interesting person of high integrity. But yea, I'm less motivated or more selective than in decades past, whatever you want to call it. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 The reason I ask this is I only tend to get asked out on dates online. In person, guys will ask if I'm going to a particular event, or suggest we get together to play music. They will come over and talk to me in person (without prompting), are friendly and seem to want to talk to me, but don't explicitly ask me out. Obviously, few if any would be interested and a lot of it is just normal social interaction but I remember I used to get asked out a lot, even by total strangers in the street or on the bus. I feel I'm picking up the same vibes from guys sometimes but they don't act. Maybe they are just not attracted any more, I don't know, but perhaps guys change their approach as they mature? Maybe they don't even bother. Any thoughts? Unfortunately, I think this is it.... Many guys only put up with the dog and pony show of dating and courting, because their sex drive is off the chart and they have to do it...Add a lowered sex drive, a general cynicism that happens to just about all of us at this age, and its probably gonna start to get rough....but I dunno.. I think women favor/value companionship more than men do...So, if you take the heavy sexual element out, then what left in it for a typical tired and jaded middle aged guy that's still writing checks to an ex wife? Not saying this is true for all guys...Just what I have been hearing...I have a close friend that does OLD...He is in his mid 50s...All he does is sabotage all meetings.."They are all too fat"..."too much drama/work"..These are the things he tells me...Then he proceeds to tell me that he cant wait til his sex drive is finally done, so he can forget about it altogether,,, I dunno.....I wish you well either way.. TFY 4
Robert Z Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 The reason I ask this is I only tend to get asked out on dates online. In person, guys will ask if I'm going to a particular event, or suggest we get together to play music. They will come over and talk to me in person (without prompting), are friendly and seem to want to talk to me, but don't explicitly ask me out. Obviously, few if any would be interested and a lot of it is just normal social interaction but I remember I used to get asked out a lot, even by total strangers in the street or on the bus. I feel I'm picking up the same vibes from guys sometimes but they don't act. Maybe they are just not attracted any more, I don't know, but perhaps guys change their approach as they mature? Maybe they don't even bother. Any thoughts? I don't know what you are looking for but being forward is probably a good idea if you're interested. I think most men still want sex at my age [mid fifties]. I'm still as horny as a barn-yard dog and I know men much older than me who are highly active. If you don't give off the vibe of being interested in sex then they may not want to put in the effort. And if they simply desire companionship then what's the harm in you asking them out? 1
loveweary11 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I've talked to some old guys around here and they say the same thing as TFoTY suggested. A couple marriages in and lower sex drive and these guys want to just pursue their hobbies in peace, by themselves. Same reasons too, They talk about it not being worth the drama. They say they are much happier living peaceful, drama free, monk type lives. 1
Robert Z Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I've talked to some old guys around here and they say the same thing as TFoTY suggested. A couple marriages in and lower sex drive and these guys want to just pursue their hobbies in peace, by themselves. Same reasons too, They talk about it not being worth the drama. They say they are much happier living peaceful, drama free, monk type lives. Then why would they go to her house?
Robert Z Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I tried to edit but too late. If you want sex, then definitely be forward about it. Men usually appreciate that.
loveweary11 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Then why would they go to her house? Um... I'm talking about the ones in public. She said she felt the pickup vibe but guys didn't act. I'm not talking about you, either. You're an exception. This is what I heard from a lot of guys around the area I'm in here.
gaius Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 There's apparently an STD epidemic going on in senior homes so they must. You might just be giving off bad vibes spider, without realizing it. I had a thing with a woman recently I'd see every day where it would turn into a date like atmosphere everytime we talked but get super formal again at first when I saw her the next day. It was weird to the point I never got around to asking her, and eventually stopped dropping by to see her everyday. It's always a two way street. 1
Author spiderowl Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 I tried to edit but too late. If you want sex, then definitely be forward about it. Men usually appreciate that. I wouldn't got looking for that alone and not likely to if they are not very forthcoming. Isn't the guy supposed to be the hunter?
Author spiderowl Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Thanks for your honesty on this. I find it a different environment now and I know some of my female friends do too.
123321 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 When I'm single I ask women out. I don't ask women over 30 or so out though. Is your question whether men of a certain age ask women out, or why you don't get asked out, or something else?
carhill Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 The reason I ask this is I only tend to get asked out on dates online. In person, guys will ask if I'm going to a particular event, or suggest we get together to play music. They will come over and talk to me in person (without prompting), are friendly and seem to want to talk to me, but don't explicitly ask me out. Formerly, in past life, I interpreted such behavior from otherwise unknown women as forward, friendly and perhaps flirtatious. Unfortunately, most turned out to be married so dating opportunities didn't go too well. However, you may interpret such behaviors from middle aged men, at least one subset of them, as forward and interested. Obviously, few if any would be interested and a lot of it is just normal social interaction but I remember I used to get asked out a lot, even by total strangers in the street or on the bus. Times, demographics and people change. No guarantees in life. I feel I'm picking up the same vibes from guys sometimes but they don't act. Maybe they are just not attracted any more, I don't know, but perhaps guys change their approach as they mature? Maybe they don't even bother. Any thoughts? The confluence of age and its relevant changes, along with decades of life experience can combine to impel a more measured approach. If you're expecting the same horndog 20-somethings who live to get laid and flirt with any skirt in sight, well, there's a world of those out there too; they're just not 50-something. The good news is some men remain 20-something horndogs for life and those will be a compatible match if such behaviors are the expectations.
Author spiderowl Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 When I'm single I ask women out. I don't ask women over 30 or so out though. Is your question whether men of a certain age ask women out, or why you don't get asked out, or something else? It's whether men over 50 tend to ask women out. My impression is that they might, if given lots of encouragement, but are not as impulsive as they might have been when younger.
Author spiderowl Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Formerly, in past life, I interpreted such behavior from otherwise unknown women as forward, friendly and perhaps flirtatious. Unfortunately, most turned out to be married so dating opportunities didn't go too well. However, you may interpret such behaviors from middle aged men, at least one subset of them, as forward and interested. Times, demographics and people change. No guarantees in life. The confluence of age and its relevant changes, along with decades of life experience can combine to impel a more measured approach. If you're expecting the same horndog 20-somethings who live to get laid and flirt with any skirt in sight, well, there's a world of those out there too; they're just not 50-something. The good news is some men remain 20-something horndogs for life and those will be a compatible match if such behaviors are the expectations. Thanks Carhill, some useful insights. I'm not really expecting the same behaviour but I do feel I don't understand if guys are interested now or just want to play music. I like to play music and don't want to misinterpret anything.
123321 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 It's whether men over 50 tend to ask women out. My impression is that they might, if given lots of encouragement, but are not as impulsive as they might have been when younger. Well I'm just late 40s, but while I guess I'm less impulsive than before, perhaps, when I'm single I don't hesitate to take a shot at any attractive single women I see around. I'm not sure if that's typical but I suspect it is? 1
Author spiderowl Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) There's apparently an STD epidemic going on in senior homes so they must. You might just be giving off bad vibes spider, without realizing it. I had a thing with a woman recently I'd see every day where it would turn into a date like atmosphere everytime we talked but get super formal again at first when I saw her the next day. It was weird to the point I never got around to asking her, and eventually stopped dropping by to see her everyday. It's always a two way street. There's probably a lot of truth in what you say, gaius. I tend to be a bit like that too. My background is such that my father got angry and told me off if a boy so much as looked at me - as if I was doing something wrong. I've never found it easy to talk to guys without worrying if they think I'm being too forward or not. I always feel very conflicted. Edited April 12, 2015 by spiderowl
Robert Z Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) I wouldn't got looking for that alone and not likely to if they are not very forthcoming. Isn't the guy supposed to be the hunter? Hunter? Ugh! Where did I put my club? Sweetheart, at our age there is no sense in being coy. We aren't mind readers and you all can be hard to gauge. A few clear signals couldn't hurt if you're interested. For a man who desires sex in world where half the women our age may not be interested, it helps a lot to know what you're looking for. I was on a dating site once where a woman had in her profile that she had no interest in sex. She just wanted a crabbing partner. That helps! I wish all women our age would be as forthcoming about their expectations. Edited April 13, 2015 by Robert Z
carhill Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Thanks Carhill, some useful insights. I'm not really expecting the same behaviour but I do feel I don't understand if guys are interested now or just want to play music. I like to play music and don't want to misinterpret anything. Here's my take on that as a 50-something. If I'm interested I keep showing up and one day we may find one of us rolling the other around in a wheelchair in the twilight of life. Love, passion and behaviors expressing same can, as life changes, change with it. If you require more obvious and overt signals, that's very acceptable. It merely excludes one segment of 50-somethings. Billions more to provide service.
calvincline47 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Unfortunately, I think this is it.... Many guys only put up with the dog and pony show of dating and courting, because their sex drive is off the chart and they have to do it...Add a lowered sex drive, a general cynicism that happens to just about all of us at this age, and its probably gonna start to get rough....but I dunno.. I think women favor/value companionship more than men do...So, if you take the heavy sexual element out, then what left in it for a typical tired and jaded middle aged guy that's still writing checks to an ex wife? Not saying this is true for all guys...Just what I have been hearing...I have a close friend that does OLD...He is in his mid 50s...All he does is sabotage all meetings.."They are all too fat"..."too much drama/work"..These are the things he tells me...Then he proceeds to tell me that he cant wait til his sex drive is finally done, so he can forget about it altogether,,, I dunno.....I wish you well either way.. TFY I would say that this is absolutely true. I'm in my late 20s, but have been taking antidepressants due to a work situation (I'm currently in the military and I feel very trapped). Since taking these meds, I have little to no desire for human companionship in general, no less female companionship. I've been on these meds for almost a year. I have asked out a few girls here and there, but if I don't get an immediate and enthusiastic yes or if they want me to put too much time into it, I can't be bothered. This is likely because my sex drive has severely decreased while on these medications. This must be what older guys feel like. I didn't understand it before, but I absolutely cannot blame them. Courting women is way too much work and, without sex, there isn't much benefit for men.
StanMusial Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Maybe competition is more fierce. Those guys are dropping like flies around here. I guess the ones left over might be more picky.
EasyHeart Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Unfortunately, I think this is it.... Many guys only put up with the dog and pony show of dating and courting, because their sex drive is off the chart and they have to do it...Add a lowered sex drive, a general cynicism that happens to just about all of us at this age, and its probably gonna start to get rough....but I dunno.. I think women favor/value companionship more than men do...So, if you take the heavy sexual element out, then what left in it for a typical tired and jaded middle aged guy that's still writing checks to an ex wife? Not saying this is true for all guys...Just what I have been hearing...I have a close friend that does OLD...He is in his mid 50s...All he does is sabotage all meetings.."They are all too fat"..."too much drama/work"..These are the things he tells me...Then he proceeds to tell me that he cant wait til his sex drive is finally done, so he can forget about it altogether,,, I dunno.....I wish you well either way.. TFY I think this is pretty much right (I'm 52). I'd also add in that men usually have the option of dating younger women. A lot of women also seem to have a much higher opinion of their attractiveness than men do. I wouldn't got looking for that alone and not likely to if they are not very forthcoming. Isn't the guy supposed to be the hunter? A lot of them don't know that. I've noticed that a lot of divorced men have really poor interpersonal skills when it comes to dating, especially if the last time they dated was in college. They never acquired the skills they need in the dating jungle. . .. 1
Author spiderowl Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Hunter? Ugh! Where did I put my club? Sweetheart, at our age there is no sense in being coy. We aren't mind readers and you all can be hard to gauge. A few clear signals couldn't hurt if you're interested. For a man who desires sex in world where half the women our age may not be interested, it helps a lot to know what you're looking for. I was on a dating site once where a woman had in her profile that she had no interest in sex. She just wanted a crabbing partner. That helps! I wish all women our age would be as forthcoming about their expectations. Whaddya mean at my age? We don't lose value as we get older do we? You may have a point re clear signals, I don't know what they would be. I'm surprised you think half the women wouldn't be interested. Although, saying that I'm getting to the point where interesting and available guys seem so few and far between I might as well focus on knitting instead!
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