I thought I would ask

[AnotherOne1]

Hi I need advice/ help! And I don’t know if this is the right place to ask for it, but thought I would try.

 

This is my story.

 

I’m a single 26 year old man who’s never had a relationship even though it’s all I’ve wanted most of my adult life.

I haven’t had a date since my first date when I was 17 and have never progressed passed this point. I have depression which I’ve battled for many years with therapy, drugs and life style changes but with no success.

 

I also have an obsessive mind, as in if I message a friend, potential person I want to date and don’t get a reply after a certain amount of time I worry I’ve done something, I analyse what I’ve said/ done over and over again and start to feel done. I know it’s crazy but it’s something I can’t seem to battle against, and it makes entering the dating word like an impossible task.

 

I graduated university a few years ago but currently am a waiter as I have been unable to find the kind of employment I seek, which doesn’t help with the depression ect.

 

I don’t know what to do! I’m constantly lonely even if surrounded by friends, all I crave is a relationship that I can’t seem to get. I’ve tried the dating websites and everything but I can’t seem to move forward, to open new avenues. I need help, something. Dating skills or asking someone to go on a date are not skills I ever learnt or developed.

 

I’m not a bad guy though guess I would say that and even though I have these issues they are issues no one sees, I hide my depression and loneliness because I can’t handle others seeing these qualities.

I’m rambling and don’t know what to say and do, I just need advice, I’m finding life harder and less enjoyable more every day.

[preraph]

I'm so sorry to hear you're battling depression. I had a 10-year depression myself and I know it's debilitating. My only real joy during that time was my good old dog. I guess we saved each other. The other thing I did that turned out to have some real benefit is I did something I'd wanted to do and had been too busy to do and volunteered at the zoo one day a week (only 2-3 hours a week). This gave me some inspiration and gave me something to talk about to what few friends I hadn't estranged from isolating myself.

 

So I suggest trying both those things. A dog is very good company, but you must have a place for it to go outdoors and not leave it locked up all day while you work. But dogs will always love you and always be happy when you come home and always want to snuggle up with you. They're like one big ball of dependable love. And try to find something you can volunteer at that makes you feel good and interests you. The goal there is to build some self-worth and learn something and just get yourself out there.

 

Of course it goes without saying that when taking drugs for depression and different things, you must follow your doctor's instructions to a T and never ever stop taking them or cut back on taking them or take more of them without first reporting whatever issue it is to your doctor. And please know that there are many, many drugs out there. One will be a miracle cure for one person and do absolutely nothing to another. One type will work almost immediately but short-term, while others need to build up in you over weeks or even a couple of months time. The statistics are that 80 percent of people who were prescribed drugs for psychological problems do not take their drugs as prescribed, so this is why I bring it up. If one drug doesn't work, the next will, or a combination of drugs will work. With depression, there IS a drug out there that will help you, so do not write them all off just because you've tried a few. And always report any concern to the doctor immediately before making any change yourself.

 

With depression, you keep putting one foot in front of the other and just can't allow yourself to stop trying to get out of the ditch. If one doctor doesn't seem to be helping, step it up and find a better doctor. If outpatient treatment isn't helping at all, by all means try inpatient treatment.

 

Finding a woman isn't a cure for anything and as you well know can just cause you more stress. By the way, your tendency to "overthink" and "overanalyze" is fairly common. Turns out a whole lot of people are obsessive when it comes to matters of the heart. That has to be controlled with discipline, knowing what is appropriate and stopping yourself from being your own worst enemy.

 

Be sure you've had all the testing and brain scans and all that to properly diagnose you, and don't stop looking for a cure. Good luck.

[Chaser of Eros]

Hi I need advice/ help! And I don’t know if this is the right place to ask for it, but thought I would try.

 

This is my story.

 

I’m a single 26 year old man who’s never had a relationship even though it’s all I’ve wanted most of my adult life.

I haven’t had a date since my first date when I was 17 and have never progressed passed this point. I have depression which I’ve battled for many years with therapy, drugs and life style changes but with no success.

 

I also have an obsessive mind, as in if I message a friend, potential person I want to date and don’t get a reply after a certain amount of time I worry I’ve done something, I analyse what I’ve said/ done over and over again and start to feel done. I know it’s crazy but it’s something I can’t seem to battle against, and it makes entering the dating word like an impossible task.

 

I graduated university a few years ago but currently am a waiter as I have been unable to find the kind of employment I seek, which doesn’t help with the depression ect.

 

I don’t know what to do! I’m constantly lonely even if surrounded by friends, all I crave is a relationship that I can’t seem to get. I’ve tried the dating websites and everything but I can’t seem to move forward, to open new avenues. I need help, something. Dating skills or asking someone to go on a date are not skills I ever learnt or developed.

 

I’m not a bad guy though guess I would say that and even though I have these issues they are issues no one sees, I hide my depression and loneliness because I can’t handle others seeing these qualities.

I’m rambling and don’t know what to say and do, I just need advice, I’m finding life harder and less enjoyable more every day.

 

You do not know me and I hope you do not think I have any reason to lie to you. But I was the same exact way, and still to this day have some of those issues namely the thinking I screwed up one. the best advice I can give for depression is force yourself out of your safety zone (which I'm going to assume is your house or residence) and go out. if you're not interested in saying drinking every weekend then suggest a different activity, summer is around the corner and as men we love taking aggression out by shooting things so suggest paintball. lol, this is were true friendships are tested lmao. but by doing something different that's exciting you're helping get out of the mindset of "if tomorrow is like today then why even bother".

 

As for the dating... just have to poke your chest out in the sense of being brave. rejection sucks, worst than anything when that rejection is from an individual you wanted to court or date. but with rejection come's experience. the only way you truly learn how to 'master' dating and courting women is through experience.

 

Trust me when I tell you, I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. so I'm speaking from my own experiences about dealing with similar issues. you truly have to keep your mind and self occupied with positive thoughts and activities. and you have to learn to give yourself a break and be easy on your self judgments. as humans, we judge ourselves the harshest.

Edited April 12, 2015 by Chaser of Eros
spellings and changed words.