nero1 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I gave my number to a girl who was making it very clear she was attracted to me. We met at a weekly running event, and she always goes out of her way to be around me. My brother who also attends has commented that she's clearly interested. She sent me a text within one hour of getting my number, and has since shown to be absolutely 100% NOT interested!! She hasn't asked one single question, hasn't kept our conversation going, I only normally text to get a date but when I suggested sticking around after next week's run she didnt want to know! Her hanging around me had gone on for weeks, yet now she already doesn't want to know me. I've said I'll call her so I will try later, but why would someone be so obvious in person yet so unreceptive (is that a word?) when you finally get to speak to them properly???
preraph Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 She's probably embarrassed her friend interfered and made her look so desperate. You have to realize that being the first to show interest impacts women differently than it does men. When a woman out of the blue declares interest in a man who hasn't noticed her so far, she has to worry about the man assuming now having sex with her is a "sure thing." So this is why we don't like others going around saying "Judy likes you," because it truly can put you in a bad position with a man. I had a friend who used to do stuff like that and she ruined more than one guy for me doing that because then instead of thinking SHE was weird for meddling, he thought I was the weird one. I think the only hope of saving it, if you are so inclined, is to acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation to her openly. And also, if you were just hoping to get laid, don't even pursue it. If she "likes" you, it wasn't just to get laid, I'm sure. She's probably mortified that person put her in this position.
Author nero1 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Friend interfering? There was no friend interfering... I'm not after a quick lay whatsoever, I'd date her and see where it goes. Sed without love is just... bad sex, really!
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Dude she is playing hard to get....she has already shown interest and she wants to be chased! She's done her part by giving her number....now it's your turn. Man up! flirt with her, make her feel special. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 You're too hung up on phone interaction and WAY over thinking things dude. When she contacted you, all you had to say was "Great to hear from you! When are you free to get together?" She gives you a few options, and you narrow down one that works for both of you. Then you two get to know each other in person on the dates as it should be. People get so obsessed over who texts who first, what the texts say, etc.. When they should really just keep it simple, cut to the chase, and plan dates as nature intended. Who cares what she is saying or asking via text? Just make a date with her. 2
Author nero1 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 @fitnessfan, that's exactly what I tried but she was just cold. First message to her was saying sorry I'd have asked her out today but I had to shoot off (true), she just said aww it's ok don't worry, so I suggested after the run next week and she said she's sort of busy! She literally came from where she was and stood directly in front of me at the start line today, literally six inches in front of me, came up and said well done after the race, she seemed just so ready for me to ask her out but when I did she didn't wanna know! I wouldn't dream of playing games over text, all I ever do with texting girls is ask them on a date. Thanks for the response, I'll keep at it next week but not feeling too optimistic now.
preraph Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Sorry. I got from what you said that your brother was talking to her and conveying to you that she was interested. So not sure how he figures in if he hasn't spoken to her.
Author nero1 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 It's cool, thanks for your answer all the same. I was just saying that she was making it so obvious that it wasn't just me noticing her being sweet to me. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) @fitnessfan, that's exactly what I tried but she was just cold. First message to her was saying sorry I'd have asked her out today but I had to shoot off (true), she just said aww it's ok don't worry, so I suggested after the run next week and she said she's sort of busy! She literally came from where she was and stood directly in front of me at the start line today, literally six inches in front of me, came up and said well done after the race, she seemed just so ready for me to ask her out but when I did she didn't wanna know! I wouldn't dream of playing games over text, all I ever do with texting girls is ask them on a date. Thanks for the response, I'll keep at it next week but not feeling too optimistic now. Hmm..Wasn't a great move to apologize to her. Makes you come off as approval seeking and that probably turned her off a bit. All you had to do was say "Great to hear from you! When are you free to get together?" As your instincts suggested, her saying she's "busy" isn't a great sign because women make time for guys they like. Then again, you made it open ended and said "after the run next week". Does this mean that you want to do something right after the run, that night, later in the week, etc..? You have to be more specific and direct when making plans. I'd recommend giving her a bit of time to reach out again. When she does, ask when she's free, let her tell you, and then make direct plans. If a week goes by and you don't hear anything from her, give her a call. Edited April 11, 2015 by fitnessfan365
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Stop overthinking the phone thing. When you see her at the next running event, see how she's acting. Your request to meet after the run probably wasn't the date she was hoping for. Your mention today that you would ask her out for tonight if you didn't have plans may have lead her to believe that you don't value her or her time because you thought so little of her that she was free on a Saturday night or would willing drop everything to ask her out but that you weren't even willing to rearrange your Saturday night plans for her . You probably said it to show enthusiasm but it may have back fired. It's made even worse for her because she probably feels like she is practically throwing herself at you but you aren't giving her the response she wanted. I'm only arm chair quarterbacking / speculating here. I don't know either of you but I stand by my advice that you need to see how she's acting when you see her in person.
Gary S Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I would try to negotiate a date on a phone call (voice) rather than text. Text is a poor form of communication. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I would try to negotiate a date on a phone call (voice) rather than text. Text is a poor form of communication. Even though I agree in theory, do you know how hard it is to get women on the phone these days? Even when you arrange a time to call ahead of time, a good portion of the time you still have to leave a voice mail. Then you get a text in response. So even though I'd rather talk on the phone (especially before meeting a woman online), it is so much easier just to cut to the chase and text plan. In the end since in person is what matters anyways, at least you have a date locked down. That's definitely preferential to voice mail phone/text tag. 1
smackie9 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 She was 6 inches away from your face and you didn't insist that she go out with you? You don't ask you tell them. You don't say hey what are you doing next Saturday you say I want to take you out for dinner, I'm free Saturday is 8 ok for you? or you want to do something earlier like drinks at this great place I know....you will love it! If she walks away you stop her and say hey you didn't give me an answer... Don't be a chicken s hit, ask her face to face. texting is for people who have no confidence.
compulsivedancer Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Don't tell her when you DON'T want to go out with her. Tell her when you DO! Also, no girl wants to go out on a first date when she's gross and sweaty. She wants to make herself look her best. I would have wanted you to say, "I'm available Friday or Monday. Would either of those work for you?"
Author nero1 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Well I don't appreciate the response there, I gave her my number yesterday and left. It's not like I'm going to see her until next week unless I contact her over the phone. The issue I'm having is she's not receptive over the phone, whereas she was very obviously into me in person. Suggesting I accost her until she agrees makes you sound ignorant, and me following your advice would probably flag me up as a potential rapist.
Author nero1 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 @compulsivedancer yes I think you're absolutely right about not wanting to go out after running. I shall call her this evening, and not suggest seeing each other at all, but say that I'mlooking forward to seeing her at running. When I see her then, I'll ask her to come for a drink some time in the week. Thanks a lot for your response.
smackie9 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Well I don't appreciate the response there, I gave her my number yesterday and left. It's not like I'm going to see her until next week unless I contact her over the phone. The issue I'm having is she's not receptive over the phone, whereas she was very obviously into me in person. Suggesting I accost her until she agrees makes you sound ignorant, and me following your advice would probably flag me up as a potential rapist. hey I'm not picking apart your manhood, it was just a suggestion that you can simple ignore.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Well I don't appreciate the response there, I gave her my number yesterday and left. It's not like I'm going to see her until next week unless I contact her over the phone. The issue I'm having is she's not receptive over the phone, whereas she was very obviously into me in person. Suggesting I accost her until she agrees makes you sound ignorant, and me following your advice would probably flag me up as a potential rapist. Quick question. Why didn't you just make plans in person and agree to meet up at that day/time or at the very least get her number? Giving her yours seems like you're not confident enough to make it happen and are relying on her. The only time I've ever given a woman my number is online when I can tell her interest is luke warm. But when I pick up on strong interest (especially in real life), I get hers so I can make it happen.
Author nero1 Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 I didn't have my phone (who takes a phone running?), I mentioned that to her and she put mine in her phone, then text me within one hour saying "hi it's (name), just texting so you have my number" thus handing the initiative over to me. I'll give her a call midweek, text her the night before our running thing then try to arrange a date when I see her. Seems simple enough.
Author nero1 Posted April 18, 2015 Author Posted April 18, 2015 Quick update for anyone who wishes to know: she came and found me at the end of the running event this week and asked me to go around town with her for a while, which I did. It was pretty flat. She's mentally (and numerically I suppose) a touch younger than I could bear a relationship with. I'm 22 she's 18. She's very good looking so will see where it leads; I won't lie or falsely promise commitment, but if she's casual then that's happy days. I'm moving abroad in September anyway which I mentioned to her. Everyone was right about the texting; shouldn't have given it a second thought. Will chill out next time, haha
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