smg15 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Haha.. Isn't the fact that I'd always get a number and never have to track a woman down online a good thing? So I'm thankful I haven't experienced it. BTW - I never claimed to "know" anything. I always preference posts by saying "I think", "wouldn't you think", "in my opinion", "for me", "personally" etc.. But I'd still feel uneasy about contacting a woman that soon in that situation. I'd want to let some time pass first, since it's a more unorthodox method. At least if I'd allow her to think about having drinks with me, regret not giving me her number, her eventual excitement in hearing from me would overshadow : 1) that I didn't ask for her number in the first place and 2) that I tracked her down online. But once again, it all comes down to opinion and preference. The women in this thread may not find it a big deal that guy would rather use FB than get their number. But I'd be willing to bet that at least some women out there would rather have a guy get their number and contact them the old fashioned way. I mean I know you say that it shows confidence and interest Katie. But if a guy didn't get your number face to face and resorted to Facebooking you instead, that wouldn't bother you, even just a little bit? I still would like to know why you prefer all your communication with a woman to be face to face?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) I still would like to know why you prefer all your communication with a woman to be face to face? Haha.. I seriously feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone right now. Women in this thread are praising a guy for not asking for a woman's number and tracking her down online instead. Meanwhile SMG is wondering why I'd rather spend time with a woman in person over talking to her on the phone. FYI - I never said "all". I said the majority. I know that you'd rather spend hours and hours and hours talking on the phone before you even meet a woman in person. But my mindset when getting a number is to plan a date. This is turn leads to in person interaction. If it goes well, I keep spending time with her in person. So if you'd rather be in a "phone-ship" with women, that's cool. But I'll take actual dates anyday over phone interaction. Then again, I guess I'm funny that way. In all honesty though dude, your obsession with phone interaction is why you never make it past first meets/dates. You build up expectations in your mind of who you expect a woman to be. Then when she's completely different, you find the situation awkward. That's why talking to a woman on the phone so much before meeting actually does you a dis-service. If you meet in person ASAP, there are no expectations and you go with the flow of getting to know who she actually is. Edited April 12, 2015 by fitnessfan365
smg15 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Haha.. I seriously feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone right now. Women in this thread are praising a guy for not asking for a woman's number and tracking her down online instead. Meanwhile SMG is wondering why I'd rather spend time with a woman in person over talking to her on the phone. FYI - I never said "all". I said the majority. I know that you'd rather spend hours and hours and hours talking on the phone before you even meet a woman in person. But my mindset when getting a number is to plan a date. This is turn leads to in person interaction. If it goes well, I keep spending time with her in person. So if you'd rather be in a "phone-ship" with women, that's cool. But I'll take actual dates anyday over phone interaction. Then again, I guess I'm funny that way. I am referring to quick text messages between dates or a short phone call. Nothing about being in a phoneship over going out on a date with someone. I just feel unless the dates are two dates apart, it's kind of hard to stay interested in someone if it's too big of a GAP in between a date
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I am referring to quick text messages between dates or a short phone call. Nothing about being in a phoneship over going out on a date with someone. I just feel unless the dates are two dates apart, it's kind of hard to stay interested in someone if it's too big of a GAP in between a date Haha.. I've actually said repeatedly that I do a few quick calls per week and a few texts here and there. But the majority of interaction I have with my GF is in person as it should be. But believe it or not, it's actually a good thing when a woman doesn't want to talk to you on the phone all the time, and would rather see you in person. Right now you're under the "illusion of action" where you feel like you have to make a woman like you. By doing things like talking with her on the phone all the time and being a texting buddy. But real attraction isn't a choice and can't be forced with phone interaction. It's built and further developed in person with great dates, emotional bonding, and great sex. Since you always ask why you don't succeed on dates in person, that's why I've always said that you talk on the phone too much. You need to reverse the process and start dating more and using the phone less.
smg15 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Haha.. I've actually said repeatedly that I do a few quick calls per week and a few texts here and there. But the majority of interaction I have with my GF is in person as it should be. But believe it or not, it's actually a good thing when a woman doesn't want to talk to you on the phone all the time, and would rather see you in person. Right now you're under the "illusion of action" where you feel like you have to make a woman like you. By doing things like talking with her on the phone all the time and being a texting buddy. But real attraction isn't a choice and can't be forced with phone interaction. It's built and further developed in person with great dates, emotional bonding, and great sex. Since you always ask why you don't succeed on dates in person, that's why I've always said that you talk on the phone too much. You need to reverse the process and start dating more and using the phone less. I realized this morning that I can only go on 2 dates a month due to my budget and trying to pay off credit cards. A year from now when I have $1000 or more in the bank and 2 credit cards for the option to go out with someone really special, I can increase that to maybe 4 times a month. My money is too tight to just go on multiple dates since I am expected to be the payer. Of course a woman can go on 10 dates a month since she is not expected to pay.
LookAtThisPOst Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Met this girl last night and we had drinks and hit it off pretty well. For some reason, I didn't ask for her contact info and now regretting it. I found her on facebook. Should I message her? A part of me says yes, I have nothing to lose. Another part of me feels a bit stalkerish. Opinions? Yeah, just message her (unless of course, you get that stupid message about your message being sent to the oblivion of the "Other" folder)...first...before friend requesting her. Say something like, "It was nice talking with you last night, I didn't get your #, but would it be okay if I add you?" Something like that.
introverted1 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 you would only be flattered if you were interested Um, no. I'd be flattered. Then, if I was interested, I'd also be interested. Where is the OP? Did she reply?
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Haha.. Isn't the fact that I'd always get a number and never have to track a woman down online a good thing? So I'm thankful I haven't experienced it. BTW - I never claimed to "know" anything. I always preference posts by saying "I think", "wouldn't you think", "in my opinion", "for me", "personally" etc.. But I'd still feel uneasy about contacting a woman that soon in that situation. I'd want to let some time pass first, since it's a more unorthodox method. At least if I'd allow her to think about having drinks with me, regret not giving me her number, her eventual excitement in hearing from me would overshadow : 1) that I didn't ask for her number in the first place and 2) that I tracked her down online. But once again, it all comes down to opinion and preference. The women in this thread may not find it a big deal that guy would rather use FB than get their number. But I'd be willing to bet that at least some women out there would rather have a guy get their number and contact them the old fashioned way. I mean I know you say that it shows confidence and interest Katie. But if a guy didn't get your number face to face and resorted to Facebooking you instead, that wouldn't bother you, even just a little bit? Haha, OF COURSE ideally, it would be best to "exchange* numbers when first meeting , and I never ever suggested it wasn't. Contact through FB the next day, is ONLY when, for whatever reason, phone numbers were not exchanged, but when one or the other, or both, wish to be in touch again. And when that has happened to me, and I was interested in the guy, I thought it was awesome. Good for you though for always getting the number....
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I realized this morning that I can only go on 2 dates a month due to my budget and trying to pay off credit cards. A year from now when I have $1000 or more in the bank and 2 credit cards for the option to go out with someone really special, I can increase that to maybe 4 times a month. My money is too tight to just go on multiple dates since I am expected to be the payer. Of course a woman can go on 10 dates a month since she is not expected to pay. You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a great date. Some of my best dates have been when very little money has been spent! When you are both really into each other, taking a day trip to explore a quaint little village, and splitting homemade apple pie at a cafe, or ice cream, watching the sunset with a $10 bottle of wine with some fruit and cheese... get creative! You need a major attitude adjustment with regard to that. Two dates per month is not enough time to get anything off the ground. And no amount of texting in between is gonna change that. Now get creative, and when you like a chick, ask her out! At least once a week, and after a few weeks, twice a week. SHE should also be offering to pay sometimes too..... 2
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) Haha, OF COURSE ideally, it would be best to "exchange* numbers when first meeting , and I never ever suggested it wasn't. Contact through FB the next day, is ONLY when, for whatever reason, phone numbers were not exchanged, but when one or the other, or both, wish to be in touch again. And when that has happened to me, and I was interested in the guy, I thought it was awesome. Good for you though for always getting the number.... But this is exactly why I joked about feeling like I was in the Twilight Zone. You have women praising a guy for not getting her number and FB'ing her instead, and SMG asking why I'd rather spend time with a woman in person than talk to her on the phone. Haha I've tried to give the guy advice about creative date planning, talking on the phone less, etc.. But him being set in his ways is why he hasn't gotten past a first date since 2011. Edited April 12, 2015 by fitnessfan365
smackie9 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 What happen to the OP? I hope there was some success
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 But this is exactly why I joked about feeling like I was in the Twilight Zone. You have women praising a guy for not getting her number and FB'ing her instead, and SMG asking why I'd rather spend time with a woman in person than talk to her on the phone. Haha I've tried to give the guy advice about creative date planning, talking on the phone less, etc.. But him being set in his ways is why he hasn't gotten past a first date since 2011. Women *praising* a guy for NOT getting her number and FB'ing her instead? Who said that? Can you find me the posts wherein that was said? You can't as NO ONE said or even suggested that. Did you read my last post? I specifically said ideally it is best to exchange numbers or for the guy to get her number upon meeting...as you do. Again FB is a good alternative when a guy *neglected* to get her number. I certainly would NOT recommend it over actually getting her number when you first meet. As far as smg... good guy, but let's face it, he has a lot to learn. He'll get there eventually, not without a lot of growing pains though....
Author 40 Fonzarelli Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Yeah, just message her (unless of course, you get that stupid message about your message being sent to the oblivion of the "Other" folder)...first...before friend requesting her. Say something like, "It was nice talking with you last night, I didn't get your #, but would it be okay if I add you?" Something like that. No response yet When I messaged her, it did say my message will go into her Other folder since I am not in her network. Is this no good?
carhill Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 You sent the message; there are billions of other women to meet and greet and get numbers from and dates with. That wonderful interaction was one moment in time. Onward to the next. If she responds, that's another moment, and so on and so forth. 1
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 No response yet When I messaged her, it did say my message will go into her Other folder since I am not in her network. Is this no good? I don't know what that means as I am not that saavy with FB, but if it's in some "other" folder, she may not even see it. Can you go back to where you met her? Perhaps you will run into her again... 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Women *praising* a guy for NOT getting her number and FB'ing her instead? Who said that? Can you find me the posts wherein that was said? You can't as NO ONE said or even suggested that. Did you read my last post? I specifically said ideally it is best to exchange numbers or for the guy to get her number upon meeting...as you do. Again FB is a good alternative when a guy *neglected* to get her number. I certainly would NOT recommend it over actually getting her number when you first meet. As far as smg... good guy, but let's face it, he has a lot to learn. He'll get there eventually, not without a lot of growing pains though.... Haha.. Just saying it felt that way. After all I did keep repeating that getting a number is better, that FB should be used with a certain type of distance/caution, but that was looked down upon as "game playing". But I guess I am old fashioned in that I don't use FB that much and see it differently. I see finding a stranger's FB to contact her as "online tracking" and not as a modern day phone book. Just because someone has a profile, doesn't mean they want strangers tracking them down to contact them. Trying to put myself in a woman's shoes in this instance, you have a stranger that she shared a few drinks with, all of a sudden hunting her down online 12 hrs later. I think that by allowing her a few days to process, miss the guy, wish she'd given her number, etc it overshadows that he tracked down her FB profile to contact her. But it's all speculation and opinion comparing apples and oranges in the end.
Author 40 Fonzarelli Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 I don't know what that means as I am not that saavy with FB, but if it's in some "other" folder, she may not even see it. Can you go back to where you met her? Perhaps you will run into her again... Unfortunately, i'm finding out that you don't receive notifications when you get "Other" messages. You have to go into that folder manually. I live in a big city, no way i'll randomly run into her again. Only thing left to do is friend request her. That would look desperate.
smackie9 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Unfortunately, i'm finding out that you don't receive notifications when you get "Other" messages. You have to go into that folder manually. I live in a big city, no way i'll randomly run into her again. Only thing left to do is friend request her. That would look desperate. If this girl was really digging ya she would accept and be excited that you looked her up. It's a 50/50 chance....really you have nothing to lose but everything to gain! Stop being a wuss. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) If this girl was really digging ya she would accept and be excited that you looked her up. It's a 50/50 chance....really you have nothing to lose but everything to gain! Stop being a wuss. This is why I was suggesting giving it a few days of breathing room. She processes the date, starts to think about the mystery man she didn't get to give her number to, etc.. Then when he resorts to FB because he didn't get her number, she's excited to hear from him regardless. But when a stranger she just saw 12 hrs ago, already hunted her down online, it gives off a different vibe. He goes from the mysterious, charming guy that allowed her to think about him, to the over eager online stalker. Haha Normally I wouldn't advise waiting a few days if you have the number. It's just in this particular case. I think searching for a woman's FB profile is online hunting/tracking and needs to be handled with a bit more caution. Then again, other people see it as basically an online phone book. Edited April 12, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
introverted1 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 No response yet When I messaged her, it did say my message will go into her Other folder since I am not in her network. Is this no good? It means she won't get a notification that she has a message, unfortunately. She has to know to look in her "other" folder to see if anything is there. It could take a while.
introverted1 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Unfortunately, i'm finding out that you don't receive notifications when you get "Other" messages. You have to go into that folder manually. I live in a big city, no way i'll randomly run into her again. Only thing left to do is friend request her. That would look desperate. I'd give her a few days to see your message and then send the friend request. Yes, it might look desperate but what do you have to lose? It's also possible she'll be happy to be in touch. Unless it's going to ruin your social standing somehow, what do you have to lose?
katiegrl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) Haha.. Just saying it felt that way. After all I did keep repeating that getting a number is better, that FB should be used with a certain type of distance/caution, but that was looked down upon as "game playing". But I guess I am old fashioned in that I don't use FB that much and see it differently. I see finding a stranger's FB to contact her as "online tracking" and not as a modern day phone book. Just because someone has a profile, doesn't mean they want strangers tracking them down to contact them. Trying to put myself in a woman's shoes in this instance, you have a stranger that she shared a few drinks with, all of a sudden hunting her down online 12 hrs later. I think that by allowing her a few days to process, miss the guy, wish she'd given her number, etc it overshadows that he tracked down her FB profile to contact her. But it's all speculation and opinion comparing apples and oranges in the end. Well ..unless you were born a woman who has transgendered into a man, or you were born with an over-abundance of female energy (which may actually be the case..lol)... .and, as such .... you know what goes on inside the minds and hearts of women .....it might behoove you to actually listen to and understand the responses of the women on this thread. In case you missed it, the majority of the women responded they would be flattered.. and urged him to go for it. NOT five days from now, but the next day, so he is still fresh in her mind and the iron is still hot. P.S. Again, good for you for always getting the number though.. as calling/texting IS the preferred method... Edited April 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Unnecessary
Author 40 Fonzarelli Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 I'd give her a few days to see your message and then send the friend request. Yes, it might look desperate but what do you have to lose? It's also possible she'll be happy to be in touch. Unless it's going to ruin your social standing somehow, what do you have to lose? You're right. I'll add her in a few days. Nothing to lose and you never know
William Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Moderation directs members katiegrl and fitnessfan365 to take their personal discourse to PM and keep it out of the thread and to cease and desist from using adjectives of any sort to describe their postings. Thanks! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) Taking William's advice. Edited April 12, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Got off topic.
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