40 Fonzarelli Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Met this girl last night and we had drinks and hit it off pretty well. For some reason, I didn't ask for her contact info and now regretting it. I found her on facebook. Should I message her? A part of me says yes, I have nothing to lose. Another part of me feels a bit stalkerish. Opinions?
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 if you do it don't try and friend request her, just contact her and ask her for her number then call her. 2
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 No it's so common to do. Just say "I had fun last night, want to go out for drinks again?"
carhill Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Yeah, since you knew her name from meeting, no harm in doing what we used to do, looking her up in the phone book (now FaceBook) and contacting her to continue the interaction. If she's interested, the response will be positive. If not, not. Asking a lady you found interesting on a date isn't stalking. It's being a man. 3
Gary S Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I don't like it, I think it's stalkerish. Practice asking women for their number, in the car, in your travels. Then you will be ready when Mrs. Right comes along.
introverted1 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 No it's so common to do. Just say "I had fun last night, want to go out for drinks again?" This. Not stalkerish. I'd be flattered.
Gary S Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 You know, some guys use Spacebook as an online dating site. They do the same thing they do in OLD.... carpet bomb.
Author 40 Fonzarelli Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Thanks everyone I think it's worth a shot. Really nothing to lose.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 1) It shows she made an impression because you remembered her name. 2) You took initiative. As long as you don't make a big deal out of using FB, she won't be weirded out. However, I'd give it at least 3-5 days breathing room. Tracking a woman down via FB and contacting her the next day screams over eager. Instead wait a bit and then send her a YouTube link that reminded you of something you two talked about. "This reminded me of that great conversation we had over drinks last week. We should do it again. When are you free to get together?"
Author 40 Fonzarelli Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 1) It shows she made an impression because you remembered her name. 2) You took initiative. As long as you don't make a big deal out of using FB, she won't be weirded out. However, I'd give it at least 3-5 days breathing room. Tracking a woman down via FB and contacting her the next day screams over eager. Instead wait a bit and then send her a YouTube link that reminded you of something you two talked about. "This reminded me of that great conversation we had over drinks last week. We should do it again. When are you free to get together?" Damn, good idea but I already sent it. Oh well. Another one bites the dust.
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 This. Not stalkerish. I'd be flattered. ^^Same here!! Totally flattered! Send her a message.. if she liked you too, she will LOVE it! Stalkerish is sending numerous messages after getting no response back. Send one message. If she likes you too, she will respond back and you can go from there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 1) It shows she made an impression because you remembered her name. 2) You took initiative. As long as you don't make a big deal out of using FB, she won't be weirded out. However, I'd give it at least 3-5 days breathing room. Tracking a woman down via FB and contacting her the next day screams over eager. Instead wait a bit and then send her a YouTube link that reminded you of something you two talked about. "This reminded me of that great conversation we had over drinks last week. We should do it again. When are you free to get together?" Don't agree. Frankly, I would be completely flattered and love it if I rec'd a message the next day. Don't wait!
fitnessfan365 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Damn, good idea but I already sent it. Oh well. Another one bites the dust. Well it all depends on the situation. If you had her number, then sending a quick follow up text the next day saying "I had fun last night!" is no big deal. If she responds confirming mutual interest, you let her know that you'll call her soon. Then give it a few days and follow up to make plans. But having to track a woman down via FB and doing it the next day screams urgency. If you space it out 3-5 days, and phrase it like something reminded you of her, then that feels a bit more natural. Shows that you didn't forget her days later, makes the initiate charming, etc.. However, in the end it's all subjective and based on opinion. So maybe she won't mind. Just make sure that you wait to hear from her, and don't send a double message.
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Damn, good idea but I already sent it. Oh well. Another one bites the dust. Bites the dust??? What do you mean? Give her some time to respond back for heavens sake...she has a life!
preraph Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I agree with Art Critic not to just friend her but contact and ask for her number and call right away. Otherwise, it can just slip away and her think you're just another Facebook friend and nothing else. 1
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Well it all depends on the situation. If you had her number, then sending a quick follow up text the next day saying "I had fun last night!" is no big deal. If she responds confirming mutual interest, you let her know that you'll call her soon. Then give it a few days and follow up to make plans. But having to track a woman down via FB and doing it the next day screams urgency. If you space it out 3-5 days, and phrase it like something reminded you of her, then that feels a bit more natural. Shows that you didn't forget her days later, makes the initiate charming, etc.. However, in the end it's all subjective and based on opinion. So maybe she won't mind. Just make sure that you wait to hear from her, and don't send a double message. You play too many damn games. Sheesh. I admire men who go after what and who they want. Not obsessively, but sending one message after just meeting a chick is totally cool and would actually *increase* my interest level! I hate it when men *strategize" and *calculate* when to call, text, ask out, etc. It's too rigid, and a huge turn off. OP, I think you did good. Totally spontaneous and shows you have CONFIDENCE! Which women love. Don't play games! 3
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I agree with Art Critic not to just friend her but contact and ask for her number and call right away. Otherwise, it can just slip away and her think you're just another Facebook friend and nothing else. Agree. You gotta strike while that iron is hot! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) You play too many damn games. Sheesh. I admire men who go after what and who they want. Not obsessively, but sending one message after just meeting a chick is totally cool and would actually *increase* my interest level! I hate it when men *strategize" and *calculate* when to call, text, ask out, etc. It's too rigid, and a huge turn off. OP, I think you did good. Totally spontaneous and shows you have CONFIDENCE! Which women love. Don't play games! 1) Well you should know by now that I'd never be in a situation where I had to look a woman up on FB. I'd have her number. Him not getting her number in person shows a lack of confidence IMO. 2) Did you not read my entire post? I said that I would do a follow up text the next day hence doing exactly what you say you'd like. BUT.... This situation is a bit different. In the situation of tracking a woman down like that, giving it just a bit of breathing room can make it feel more natural. I mean some woman might think it's a bit much that a guy they just had drinks with less than 12 hrs earlier is already hunting them down on FB. After all, it's a lot different when a guy you gave your number to contacts you, versus one that had to hunt you down on FB isn't it? Just saying... Edited April 11, 2015 by fitnessfan365
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Well I am a woman, and I have actually had this happen a few times, and I loved it. Increased my interest level, because I am one of those women who actually goes for men who are interested in me, and act like they are interested in me... Taking the time to find me and sending me a brief message the next day....is awesome! Waiting 3-5 days? Not quite as awesome... Just me.. 4
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 it's not stalkerish because you both have already met, she showed interest in you and sure as s hit she would have handed over her number if you asked. It shows you have ballz (confidence) Confidence win the girl every time. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) Well I am a woman, and I have actually had this happen a few times, and I loved it. Increased my interest level, because I am one of those women who actually goes for men who are interested in me, and act like they are interested in me... Taking the time to find me and sending me a brief message the next day....is awesome! Waiting 3-5 days? Not quite as awesome... Just me.. Well as I said, I do a follow up text the very next day. Whether I get a woman's number or if it's after a first date. Let her respond, and then I call her on the phone to plan. So in most cases, I'd agree with you that beating around the bush is lame. But FB stalking a woman less than 12 hrs later when you don't have her number seems a bit much though. Compare the two : 1) A few days go by and she starts to think about the mystery guy from drinks who she didn't give her number to. "Damn I wish I would have given that guy my number because I can't stop thinking about him." Then out of the blue, he finds her on FB and took initiative. She's charmed by it and is excited to respond. 2) It's only been 12 hrs. She hasn't had time to process anything yet. Then this guy she just met who doesn't have her number, is already hunting her on FB and is way too over eager to get in touch. She gets turned off and writes him off as a stalker. When you already have a woman's number, contacting her the next day is just a follow up. But when you have to hunt a woman down, contacting that soon seems a bit stalkerish. and that's why I said it all comes down to the situation. But if you were that deterred by a few days Katie, how high could your interest actually have been? Impatience is not an attractive characteristic. Edited April 11, 2015 by fitnessfan365
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 ff, why the hell are you getting defensive and arguing with me..about what women want? Lol I am a woman..and I am well aware of what *I* like, what turns ME on and increases MY interest level...and no offense but nothing you say is gonna change that. And in this context, *as I said*, I would be totally flattered by him taking the time and making the effort to track me down and sending me a quick messsge, the NEXT day, assuming I had an interest when I met him the night before. If I did not have an interest, then it wouldn't matter when he sent it..or IF he sends it at all. Him waiting 3-5 days and making it appear like he just accidentally found me .. is just silliness. That's not expressing interest and going after what he wants. That's him feeling insecure and intentionally playing the waiting game because he is *afraid* of turning me off...or of *appearing* too eager or whatever. Turn off! Not realizing that actually waiting five days would turn me off... as it would make me feel like an afterthought. Not good. Next! 3
fitnessfan365 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 ff, why the hell are you getting defensive and arguing with me..about what women want? Lol I am a woman..and I am well aware of what *I* like, what turns ME on and increases MY interest level...and no offense but nothing you say is gonna change that. And in this context, *as I said*, I would be totally flattered by him taking the time and making the effort to track me down and sending me a quick messsge, the NEXT day, assuming I had an interest when I met him the night before. If I did not have an interest, then it wouldn't matter when he sent it..or IF he sends it at all. Him waiting 3-5 days and making it appear like he just accidentally found me .. is just silliness. That's not expressing interest and going after what he wants. That's him feeling insecure and intentionally playing the waiting game because he is *afraid* of turning me off...or of *appearing* too eager or whatever. Turn off! Not realizing that actually waiting five days would turn me off... as it would make me feel like an afterthought. Not good. Next! Haha.. Well when you say "You play too many games" that makes it sound like you think I'm a game player. Hence why I took it a bit personally. Based on all the conversations we've had, you should know that I don't play games by now. Then again, I'd never be in a situation where I had to use FB either. If by some off beat chance I actually forgot to get her number and had to rely on FB, I wouldn't be in her face 12 hrs later. I'd wait a bit to make her feel more comfortable in the fact that I was hunting her down online. That's all I'm saying.
katiegrl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Well as I said, I do a follow up text the very next day. Whether I get a woman's number or if it's after a first date. Let her respond, and then I call her on the phone to plan. So in most cases, I'd agree with you that beating around the bush is lame. But FB stalking a woman less than 12 hrs later when you don't have her number seems a bit much though. Compare the two : 1) A few days go by and she starts to think about the mystery guy from drinks who she didn't give her number to. "Damn I wish I would have given that guy my number because I can't stop thinking about him." Then out of the blue, he finds her on FB and took initiative. She's charmed by it and is excited to respond. 2) It's only been 12 hrs. She hasn't had time to process anything yet. Then this guy she just met who doesn't have her number, is already hunting her on FB and is way too over eager to get in touch. She gets turned off and writes him off as a stalker. When you already have a woman's number, contacting her the next day is just a follow up. But when you have to hunt a woman down, contacting that soon seems a bit stalkerish. and that's why I said it all comes down to the situation. But if you were that deterred by a few days Katie, how high could your interest actually have been? Impatience is not an attractive characteristic. Not sure I would be totally deterred per se, but it wouldn't increase my interest level that's for sure. I would probably presume he wasn't all that interested and/or maybe even wanted just a friendship. Tracking me down and sending me a quick message the next day tells me I made an impression on him..that he was thinking of me..and for me personally, that is a turn on! As I said, I go for men who are actually into me, and not *afraid* of letting me know they are into me... Not obsessively, but sending one quick message the next day is hardly considered obsessive. Anyway, not interested in debating this with you anymore...I have said my peace. Done. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Not sure I would be totally deterred per se, but it wouldn't increase my interest level that's for sure. I would probably presume he wasn't all that interested and/or maybe even wanted just a friendship. Tracking me down and sending me a quick message the next day tells me I made an impression on him..that he was thinking of me..and for me personally, that is a turn on! As I said, I go for men who are actually into me, and not *afraid* of letting me know they are into me... Not obsessively, but sending one quick message the next day is hardly considered obsessive. Anyway, not interested in debating this with you anymore...I have said my peace. Done. Yep I'm done as well. Just make sure you read my last post.
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