Everything has gone wrong.

[Mr.MikeK]

Hi everyone. I'm in a rather complex and difficult situation. Any kind words of advice would be appreciated. Well, here it goes:

 

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years. She was everything I could have ever asked for: kind, funny, genuine, loyal, beautiful. I truly believed that I had found that one person that just 'got me.' She was the missing piece of my puzzle. For years we were strong, and helped one another through some truly difficult situations.

 

I am a 27 year old student studying a rather difficult and time consuming subject in University. I dropped out of high school when I was younger due to mental health difficulties and left with no qualifications. I fought my way back up from the bottom in my early 20's and gained good qualifications that got me into University. It was tough, but my girlfriend was supportive and wanted me to achieve.

 

Our difficulties started last year; she found out she was pregnant. We were always safe but contraception had failed. It was a shock. My first, gut reaction was to say we couldn't have it. I was a student, she worked in a nursery. We didn't have our own place and we could just about look after ourselves. I'm not proud of my reaction, but I was trying to think logically. She had always known that I didn't want children before I had completed my course and was stable in a job. Despite my feelings, she continued with the pregnancy. It caused a lot of hostility. I couldn't let her go through this alone, however, so I decided to stick with her. I still loved her. I even warmed to the idea.

 

At our 20 week scan, we discovered that the baby had a congenital heart defect. My daughter was born 11th September 2014 in a specialty hospital. Her condition was worse than expected, and she spent the next 4 months of her young life in hospital undergoing various procedures, including open heart surgery. This was a very emotional period for me and my girlfriend. We felt particularly powerless. Despite my University schedule, I was there for a majority of her hospital stay.

 

We finally got my daughter home after Christmas (Girlfriend's mum's house). It was incredible just to have her out of hospital. Me and my girlfriend were strong, and our baby was home!

 

Over the last few months, everything has changed. My daughter has been back and forth to the hospital. My course has started back up and is particularly demanding. I have found it very hard to balance my life.

 

Obviously it has been very difficult emotionally for both me and my girlfriend, and she became particularly distant from me. I didn't get any affection from her. The difficulty is, as I was also emotionally drained, I craved attention from my girlfriend. I needed hugs. I needed kisses. I wanted to feel like we were dealing with it together. Instead, we were dealing with everything separately. She rarely talked about her feelings.

 

I threatened to break up with her on many occasions, which was probably the worst thing I could have done. I was battling my feelings of what I wanted in a relationship with the fact that we were both going through a difficult period. Looking back, I really just wanted to shock her into changing. Which seemed very selfish, but I very much felt I was on the outside looking in. I wanted my old girlfriend back. I was hurting and needed her.

 

As expected, my mixed messages only pushed her further away. We still share so much love for each other, but we are stuck in such a rut. She's emotionally distant, whereas I need her to express emotion. I'm confused by how she could suddenly just change; she's always been the expressive one in the relationship.

 

Well, currently we are on a weeks break until our next trip to the hospital for my daughters surgery. We thought it was best because we both are complete messes. I almost committed suicide yesterday on the first day of our break. I started but realised I was being irrational so stopped, thank goodness. The problem was I text my girlfriend before I attempted, so I had no choice but to tell her what I had done. I don't want her to think of me as weak, but at the time it almost felt like my only option.

 

As far as the baby is concerned, I feel very pushed out because she's always there and I'm not because of University. She feels I'm not there enough, and feels like she's alone. She knows that University comes first though.

 

So, it's the second day of our break. We just thought we needed time to find ourselves again. I suppose I'm just scared she will realise she doesn't need me, whereas I very much need her. It's just such a mess, and neither of have dealt and talked about our emotions concerned with my daughter and her condition.

 

I want nothing more than to support my girlfriend, but I need a little something back. I can't be in a relationship with no affection. She said she will try and change when I've threatened to break up with her, but it never happens and it only makes me seek her attention more. I'm then disappointed and threaten to break up again ... It's a vicious cycle. Neither me or my girlfriend know whether we are coming or going, hence the break. I just hope we get through this, I need her, I need my daughter too.

 

Thanks for reading. I've tried to keep it brief but there's so much to our story it's difficult to summarise!

Edited April 11, 2015 by Mr.MikeK

[Satu]

Sorry to hear about the very difficult time that the three of you have been going through.

 

Just one comment:

 

You should totally STOP threatening to split up with your girlfriend.

 

You have to either stay in the relationship without that threat, or split up.

 

One thing or the other.

 

No more threats.

 

All the best,

 

Satu.

[Mr.MikeK]

Thanks Satu.

 

I completely agree with you. The first time I threatened to break up I was generally unhappy due to the lack of affection. However, me and my girlfriend talked about it and worked it out. She was genuinely upset and wanted to make things work.

 

Nothing changed though. I got more upset that she wasn't trying. I then threatened again. I never really wanted to break up with her, it was a cry for attention. Immature, but I was desperate. We were both hurting. I wasn't particularly thinking rationally.

[Satu]

I really don't want be harsh with you, but I have to be honest, sorry.

 

The baby should come first for both of you. That little person needs the best of both of you and it's probably going to be like that for the foreseeable future.

 

That's just how it is.

 

If you feel that your girlfriend is not as affectionate as you'd like you must not use the threat of leaving as a way of getting what you want.

 

It's very hurtful and it won't work.

 

I don't want to say any more at this point, but I wish you well.

[Chi townD]

Okay, in my opinion, you did a lot of things wrong. One thing you have to understand is that when a woman gives birth, their hormones are all out of whack. She could have been suffering from postpartum depression and the icing on the cake is that you had a child that was born ill and needed surgeries and hospital stays. That is a TON of stress and she probably doesn't feel sexy or affectionate when all she feels is worry and maybe even a little guilt on her part. Irrational, but she might think her daughters condition is somehow her fault! Her daughter came out of her, therefore she may think that something is flawed in her to cause this to happen to your daughter.

 

 

And you've been adding to the stress because she knows that you never wanted kids. Now, you have one and she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. Preparing herself to raise this child alone because she knows you didn't sign up for a family and especially one with a with a sick child. And lets not forget that she's been sacrificing as well. She given you time and space for you to continue your studies because she knows that University is important for you

 

 

Look, you have to understand that you are important to her and I have a feeling she does love you. But, when you become parents, the kid should be her first priority. And yours as well. Things are different now. But, you have to change with those changes.

 

 

You want the closeness and affection? You need to show her that she and your daughter are the most important things in your life. She needs to feel that you're not going anywhere. Don't tell her, SHOW HER! Send her flowers out of the blue. On the card say that she is an amazing partner and mother. Buy things for your daughter, and interact and bond with your daughter. Believe it or not, a lot of women have confessed that seeing a man interacting and playing with their children is a massive turn on for them. Let her know that your schooling is important for you now more than ever because you want to be a successful man and that will help you be a successful partner and father. She needs to feel like you are united together in this. Because, right now, all she probably feels is a disconnect between the two of you.

 

 

As a mother she has enough on her plate with a sick child and she's going to need you and depend on you to be the glue that holds all of you together, to be that rock that she needs until your daughter gets well. Time to not be selfish and step up to the plate, dude.

Edited April 11, 2015 by Chi townD

[ZiggyZoo]

As far as the baby is concerned, I feel very pushed out because she's always there and I'm not because of University. She feels I'm not there enough, and feels like she's alone. She knows that University comes first though.

 

This right here should tell you all you need to know about why your girlfriend is distant, and why your relationship is failing. I think you're incredibly selfish, and am frankly surprised that your girlfriend is still with you at all. Not only do you make it clear that your studies are more important than even your sick daughter, but you threaten to break up if things aren't going your way. Oh, and pile on the stress by threatening suicide? Forget sending her flowers (no offense, Chi townD) try sitting down and asking what SHE needs from the relationship, and how YOU can help make it easier for HER. She's the one dealing with the stress of not only taking care of a little one daily, but a sick little one at that. Try to see it from her side and not make it all about you.

[No Limit]

I then threatened again. I never really wanted to break up with her, it was a cry for attention. Immature, but I was desperate. We were both hurting. I wasn't particularly thinking rationally.

 

Are you aware that you've made her feel expendable, so she'll reflect it on you someday when a nicer guy (or simply a routined "seducer") comes around?

[d0nnivain]

Does your university have mental health services for students? Avail yourself of them. You are not going to get through this alone.

 

Understand your GF is now a mom of a very sick child. Thank heavens she is starting to do better. that baby has to come first. As drained & upset as you are, this is worse for your GF because carried your daughter. When you demand attention she doesn't have the energy to give you, every thing gets worse.

 

Drop a class or two while remaining a FT student. University doesn't come 1st. Your daughter comes first for the rest fo your life. Get used to it. That is what being a parent means.

 

Get a job to support your family. Get some therapy to learn how to deal with everything you have to deal with.

 

Apologize to your GF & take more hands on responsibility for your daughter. All the things you want from your GF, give to her especially the ability to get a good night's sleep.

[Mr.MikeK]

Thank you everyone. To be honest I need the truth. I don't want it sugar-coated. I'll respond back to you each individually now.

[Mr.MikeK]

I really don't want be harsh with you, but I have to be honest, sorry.

 

The baby should come first for both of you. That little person needs the best of both of you and it's probably going to be like that for the foreseeable future.

 

That's just how it is.

 

If you feel that your girlfriend is not as affectionate as you'd like you must not use the threat of leaving as a way of getting what you want.

 

It's very hurtful and it won't work.

 

I don't want to say any more at this point, but I wish you well.

 

Hi Satu, thank you.

 

I've learnt that as I went along. We just got into a rut where we argued and I threatened. I was just desperate, I suppose. Looking back I feel awful. We were both suffering. I should have been there for her. I realise this now.

 

The baby is her world. She's the best mum I could have asked for for my child, honestly. I love my baby girl, and I have got a bond with her. I wouldn't take her back now, but it was very difficult to start with just to accept that I had no choice. I did the right thing in staying. I just want to do the right thing now in following up and supporting.

[Satu]

Hi Satu, thank you.

 

I've learnt that as I went along. We just got into a rut where we argued and I threatened. I was just desperate, I suppose. Looking back I feel awful. We were both suffering. I should have been there for her. I realise this now.

 

The baby is her world. She's the best mum I could have asked for for my child, honestly. I love my baby girl, and I have got a bond with her. I wouldn't take her back now, but it was very difficult to start with just to accept that I had no choice. I did the right thing in staying. I just want to do the right thing now in following up and supporting.

 

It's very difficult having a sick child, but she will be a source of joy to you all your life long.

 

Tell your girlfriend how feel. Tell her that you're not going away.

 

Soppy me, I have tears in my eyes.

 

Bless you.

 

Love,

 

Satu.

[Mr.MikeK]

Okay, in my opinion, you did a lot of things wrong. One thing you have to understand is that when a woman gives birth, their hormones are all out of whack. She could have been suffering from postpartum depression and the icing on the cake is that you had a child that was born ill and needed surgeries and hospital stays. That is a TON of stress and she probably doesn't feel sexy or affectionate when all she feels is worry and maybe even a little guilt on her part. Irrational, but she might think her daughters condition is somehow her fault! Her daughter came out of her, therefore she may think that something is flawed in her to cause this to happen to your daughter.

 

 

And you've been adding to the stress because she knows that you never wanted kids. Now, you have one and she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. Preparing herself to raise this child alone because she knows you didn't sign up for a family and especially one with a with a sick child. And lets not forget that she's been sacrificing as well. She given you time and space for you to continue your studies because she knows that University is important for you

 

 

Look, you have to understand that you are important to her and I have a feeling she does love you. But, when you become parents, the kid should be her first priority. And yours as well. Things are different now. But, you have to change with those changes.

 

 

You want the closeness and affection? You need to show her that she and your daughter are the most important things in your life. She needs to feel that you're not going anywhere. Don't tell her, SHOW HER! Send her flowers out of the blue. On the card say that she is an amazing partner and mother. Buy things for your daughter, and interact and bond with your daughter. Believe it or not, a lot of women have confessed that seeing a man interacting and playing with their children is a massive turn on for them. Let her know that your schooling is important for you now more than ever because you want to be a successful man and that will help you be a successful partner and father. She needs to feel like you are united together in this. Because, right now, all she probably feels is a disconnect between the two of you.

 

 

As a mother she has enough on her plate with a sick child and she's going to need you and depend on you to be the glue that holds all of you together, to be that rock that she needs until your daughter gets well. Time to not be selfish and step up to the plate, dude.

 

Thanks Chi Town,

 

What you say is very true. I've been anything but glue, I've been the wedge. She and my daughter are the most important things in my life, and if I'm honest, I probably don't tell her that enough.

 

The ironic thing is that I set out on my studies to better myself, but I am now trying to complete it for my girlfriend and baby too. I just don't want it to drive us apart. I want to be there more, I want to be more actively involved, but the harsh reality is I can't with my schedule. I can't give up everything I've worked for for the last 7 years either, it would just make me miserable and resentful.

 

I love interacting with my daughter, and have bought her a lot and give her mum money regularly. Her mum just seems to be a natural, but for me it's a bit of a learning curve! I DO love my daughter, and whatever happens I'll always be around. I have felt pushed out, but that's only because of my lack of time.

 

Me and my girlfriend love each other tremendously. At the moment we are just trying to understand each other's situations so we can forgive each other, learn from it and move forward. Evidently I have a lot more learning to do than she does.

[ZiggyZoo]

...I want to be more actively involved, but the harsh reality is I can't with my schedule. I can't give up everything I've worked for for the last 7 years either, it would just make me miserable and resentful.

 

And yet you're ok with it making your girlfriend miserable and possibly resentful herself? You have the power to change all of this, time to stop complaining and explaining about how you just wish you could, if only...you really need to take a step back and re-examine your priorities. Your daughter should come first. Not first after your studies. Not first after your own needs.Just first, period.

[Mr.MikeK]

This right here should tell you all you need to know about why your girlfriend is distant, and why your relationship is failing. I think you're incredibly selfish, and am frankly surprised that your girlfriend is still with you at all. Not only do you make it clear that your studies are more important than even your sick daughter, but you threaten to break up if things aren't going your way. Oh, and pile on the stress by threatening suicide? Forget sending her flowers (no offense, Chi townD) try sitting down and asking what SHE needs from the relationship, and how YOU can help make it easier for HER. She's the one dealing with the stress of not only taking care of a little one daily, but a sick little one at that. Try to see it from her side and not make it all about you.

 

This is what I needed Ziggy, and I will take that on the chin.

 

I try not to be selfish, but it is difficult. We are both suffering, we are both hurt. We are just dealing with it in different ways. I am affectionate towards my girlfriend. I am sure to tell her she's beautiful. I do make time for her when its possible. I'll do whatever she asks of me to make things easier for her. I pay my way for my daughter. It's just difficult when I rely a lot on affection to show me that she appreciates my actions. Maybe that is selfish, I don't know. She only believes she's alone because of the timing issue, and she's stated that she would probably be more affectionate if I was there more.

 

My studies have to come first. I have no choice. I study now for my daughter's future as I do my own. If I complete my studies I could potentially earn very good money, which would secure our future. I only have 2 years to go. I just don't want everything to fall apart in the meantime. I don't compare my studies and my daughter, one is not more important than the other. I put my studies on hold whilst my daughter was sick in hospital originally. I wouldn't have not been there. It has been since my daughter has been out of the hospital that me and my girlfriend have been having difficulties.

 

I completely understand you saying that I piled on the stress. I did. Unfortunately I have suffered with mental health problems in the past and they re-surfaced. I wasn't thinking rationally at the time until the damage had been done.

 

I think your suggestion about talking to her is perfect. I wish there was an easy solution to our problems but I know that ultimately there isn't.

 

Thank you.

[Mr.MikeK]

Are you aware that you've made her feel expendable, so she'll reflect it on you someday when a nicer guy (or simply a routined "seducer") comes around?

 

She's a loyal woman, and I'm not worried. I've always completely trusted her. If she chooses to break up with me for a 'nicer guy', then that is her choice. Would I be gutted? of course I would. I can't stop her though.

[sutsie]

your problems and experiences just made me feel like a whiny school boy. thank you. you're stronger than you think.

[Mr.MikeK]

Does your university have mental health services for students? Avail yourself of them. You are not going to get through this alone.

 

Understand your GF is now a mom of a very sick child. Thank heavens she is starting to do better. that baby has to come first. As drained & upset as you are, this is worse for your GF because carried your daughter. When you demand attention she doesn't have the energy to give you, every thing gets worse.

 

Drop a class or two while remaining a FT student. University doesn't come 1st. Your daughter comes first for the rest fo your life. Get used to it. That is what being a parent means.

 

Get a job to support your family. Get some therapy to learn how to deal with everything you have to deal with.

 

Apologize to your GF & take more hands on responsibility for your daughter. All the things you want from your GF, give to her especially the ability to get a good night's sleep.

 

Thank you D0n,

 

They do. I have a doctor's appointment on monday to talk about my current mental health and my options. The university are aware I have suffered mental health issues in the past.

 

Unfortunately dropping classes on my course isn't an option. All classes are compulsory. It's a vocational healthcare course.

 

A job isn't necessary, only because it would take more time from my daughter. I am fine with money, and am able to give plenty to support her. I am living on a student loan at the moment, but it's more than enough to support me and my daughter. I agree with therapy, and will see how my appointment goes on Monday with the doctor and whether they suggest it.

[Mr.MikeK]

It's very difficult having a sick child, but she will be a source of joy to you all your life long.

 

Tell your girlfriend how feel. Tell her that you're not going away.

 

Soppy me, I have tears in my eyes.

 

Bless you.

 

Love,

 

Satu.

 

Thank you, Satu. I don't plan on going anywhere. I will always be around for my baby girl, whatever happens.

[ZiggyZoo]

This is what I needed Ziggy, and I will take that on the chin.

 

I try not to be selfish, but it is difficult. We are both suffering, we are both hurt. We are just dealing with it in different ways. I am affectionate towards my girlfriend. I am sure to tell her she's beautiful. I do make time for her when its possible. I'll do whatever she asks of me to make things easier for her. I pay my way for my daughter. It's just difficult when I rely a lot on affection to show me that she appreciates my actions. Maybe that is selfish, I don't know. She only believes she's alone because of the timing issue, and she's stated that she would probably be more affectionate if I was there more.

 

My studies have to come first. I have no choice. I study now for my daughter's future as I do my own. If I complete my studies I could potentially earn very good money, which would secure our future. I only have 2 years to go. I just don't want everything to fall apart in the meantime. I don't compare my studies and my daughter, one is not more important than the other. I put my studies on hold whilst my daughter was sick in hospital originally. I wouldn't have not been there. It has been since my daughter has been out of the hospital that me and my girlfriend have been having difficulties.

 

I completely understand you saying that I piled on the stress. I did. Unfortunately I have suffered with mental health problems in the past and they re-surfaced. I wasn't thinking rationally at the time until the damage had been done.

 

I think your suggestion about talking to her is perfect. I wish there was an easy solution to our problems but I know that ultimately there isn't.

 

Thank you.

 

So....you don't feel connected to your girlfriend because she's not affectionate towards you? And yet you say she's flat out told you that she would be more affectionate if you were there more...you really aren't seeing the obvious solution here?

 

I don't know what to tell you. Well, I already have weighed in, twice, with my opinion. I honestly don't think it matters what you do, I doubt your relationship is going to last the two years it's going to take to finish your degree. I'm not trying to be mean here, but you seriously don't seem to be capable of considering anyone's needs other than your own. Everything you write is either about what you need from others, or an excuse about why you can't be there for anyone else.

 

ETA: I am very passionate about your situation in particular because I have been a private-duty pediatric nurse for the last few years. I've seen this situation play out, where one parent buries themselves in work (or school) and the other one has to handle the brunt of the appointments and taking care of the child. And it never, ever ends well. I'd seriously suggest couples' therapy, there are certain stressors related to sick children that are putting additional strain on your relationship. I'll back down, it's just frustrating sometimes, I've seen this, as I said, and have never been able to weigh in on any situations in the past. I'm transferring my frustrations to you, and it isn't fair.

Edited April 11, 2015 by ZiggyZoo

[Phoenician]

Mike ,

 

I am sorry to all what you and your partner have gone through ,and may god Bless your little angel.

 

I am not sure what was your mental illness ; but having red your story , i can say you are wiser than many other who claim to be ; this can be easily noticed by having you accepting to seek professional help ; and acknowledge your mistakes.

 

I want to give you some advises that comes just from experience in life :

 

-Your wife is suffering from so many things now .. she needs a strong man beside her ; my advise to you don't disturb her with details of your mental therapy.

 

-Never ever ask any women in general for more intimacy ;believe me the more you talk with any women about intimacy , the less you will get ; instead if you want more intimacy , get her the things she likes, actions not words.

 

-Act mire , say less.

 

-Do not assume unconditional love,love is like a garden , it needs maintenance; the first step toward love busters is granted love.

 

-never forget any occasion nowadays; even if u bring a flower.

 

Stop using any deal breaker that u can not execute ; anyway , now it is time for love and care ; not your way ( physical), because for your Venus lady now that form of love is a punishment.

 

Best of all ,

pls keep posting

 

Hugs

[Mr.MikeK]

And yet you're ok with it making your girlfriend miserable and possibly resentful herself? You have the power to change all of this, time to stop complaining and explaining about how you just wish you could, if only...you really need to take a step back and re-examine your priorities. Your daughter should come first. Not first after your studies. Not first after your own needs.Just first, period.

 

What you don't see is that by putting my studies first, I'm also securing her future. The course is both physically and mentally demanding, not to mention time consuming. My girlfriend doesn't really understand just how much time I have to commit to studying. It is a fine balance, that I'm probably getting completely wrong, but I'm trying.

 

The reason I say dropping out isn't an option is because:

1) I'd be in piles of debt with nothing to show for it

2) I would have no source of money and would have to find a job immediately, which would be another stress in itself. Instead of doing a job that I would love making good money, I'd be stuck in a dead-end job on minimum wage. Sorry, it would make me resentful.

3) I've worked extremely hard, through my mental health difficulties, to get to this position.

4) My girlfriend was aware of my standing from the very beginning.

 

I don't want to prioritise one over the other, but sometimes I can't help it. If my daughter is rushed into hospital, I miss classes and take notes to ensure I'm there. If I have a deadline for coursework or an essay, I will apply for extenuating circumstances. Likewise, if my girlfriend is going down the park with my daughter and invites me, but I have coursework to be done or revision to do, I have to prioritise university. It's a horrible balance.

[Mr.MikeK]

your problems and experiences just made me feel like a whiny school boy. thank you. you're stronger than you think.

 

Thank you, Sutsie!

[Phoenician]

I respect Ziggy opinion ,

 

but advise to be careful at this stage with couple therapy .

Couple therapy now will make your partner more distant ; because now she is not able to think about how to make your relationship perfect ; she has higher priority now.

 

you want to be closer , speak no words ; act ...

 

couples therapy now is just theories ; she doesnt need it now believe me .

 

mike try to avoid anything that will look like it is for your benefit ;she needs your acts not words ...

 

involve yourself in supporting your child , these are the actions that will help u ...

[Mr.MikeK]

So....you don't feel connected to your girlfriend because she's not affectionate towards you? And yet you say she's flat out told you that she would be more affectionate if you were there more...you really aren't seeing the obvious solution here?

 

I don't know what to tell you. Well, I already have weighed in, twice, with my opinion. I honestly don't think it matters what you do, I doubt your relationship is going to last the two years it's going to take to finish your degree. I'm not trying to be mean here, but you seriously don't seem to be capable of considering anyone's needs other than your own. Everything you write is either about what you need from others, or an excuse about why you can't be there for anyone else.

 

ETA: I am very passionate about your situation in particular because I have been a private-duty pediatric nurse for the last few years. I've seen this situation play out, where one parent buries themselves in work (or school) and the other one has to handle the brunt of the appointments and taking care of the child. And it never, ever ends well. I'd seriously suggest couples' therapy, there are certain stressors related to sick children that are putting additional strain on your relationship. I'll back down, it's just frustrating sometimes, I've seen this, as I said, and have never been able to weigh in on any situations in the past. I'm transferring my frustrations to you, and it isn't fair.

 

No, no Ziggy. What you don't understand is by commenting you are making me challenge my own rationale. That's what I need. I need to be challenged. I love my girlfriend, more than anything. I know I've shown it in very odd and misconstrued ways, but I do love her. I love my daughter too.

 

I want nothing more than to make it work - and it's funny, when you put it like that it does seem obvious. If only it were so simple. I don't want to choose between my girlfriend and university, but I suppose what you're saying is that I might eventually have to.

 

I admire and respect you, because it's not an easy job to do. My daughter's nurses have been absolutely incredible. I couldn't fault them.

 

Thanks for your feedback, I do appreciate it, honest.

[ZiggyZoo]

No, no Ziggy. What you don't understand is by commenting you are making me challenge my own rationale. That's what I need. I need to be challenged. I love my girlfriend, more than anything. I know I've shown it in very odd and misconstrued ways, but I do love her. I love my daughter too.

 

I want nothing more than to make it work - and it's funny, when you put it like that it does seem obvious. If only it were so simple. I don't want to choose between my girlfriend and university, but I suppose what you're saying is that I might eventually have to.

 

I admire and respect you, because it's not an easy job to do. My daughter's nurses have been absolutely incredible. I couldn't fault them.

 

Thanks for your feedback, I do appreciate it, honest.

 

OK, good, I'm glad I didn't go overboard. I'm sure that none of this is easy for you, and the last thing you need is some stranger on an internet advice board making things worse. I'm glad I challenged and yet didn't offend.

 

I love my job too. The very best feeling is no longer being needed on a case because one of the little ones has gotten well enough to not need my help.