TheBathWater Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I have been on a couple of dates with a woman from the good ol' internet and I want to build her attraction for me, or at least not screw it up We slept together on the first date and the second date sex was even hotter. We have a lot in common. I think it has potential, but I worry about my attraction being ahead of hers since I'm the man, and what to do to keep things going smoothly. Case example... Before she left the other night, I asked if she wanted to come on a Saturday adventure with me and she seemed to search for an excuse to not go. I was going to walk her to her car then and she said I didn't have to. I felt like these were both indicators of her receptivity/attraction to me, or that mine was probably ahead of hers, so I sort of just smiled and said, "okay, have a good night" and walked into my apartment. Twenty seconds later, she walks through my apartment front door and kisses me passionately, and thanks me for the wonderful evening. I saw this as a good ending to the night, and haven't contacted her since (it has been a couple of days now). What do you think should be my next move? I am considering waiting a couple of days more to see if she contacts me before asking her out again. So far, I have initiated all the contact. I love to pursue women, just not too much harder than where they are at with me, if that makes sense. Got to leave a little mystery, right?
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Dude this is just a hookup, she's not interested in a relationship.
Gary S Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Well, if you want to do things right, you have to go slow/play hard to get... that means no sex on the first night, wait a week to call for a date, and don't make a date while you are still on a date. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I have been on a couple of dates with a woman from the good ol' internet and I want to build her attraction for me, or at least not screw it up We slept together on the first date and the second date sex was even hotter. We have a lot in common. I think it has potential, but I worry about my attraction being ahead of hers since I'm the man, and what to do to keep things going smoothly. Case example... Before she left the other night, I asked if she wanted to come on a Saturday adventure with me and she seemed to search for an excuse to not go. I was going to walk her to her car then and she said I didn't have to. I felt like these were both indicators of her receptivity/attraction to me, or that mine was probably ahead of hers, so I sort of just smiled and said, "okay, have a good night" and walked into my apartment. Twenty seconds later, she walks through my apartment front door and kisses me passionately, and thanks me for the wonderful evening. I saw this as a good ending to the night, and haven't contacted her since (it has been a couple of days now). What do you think should be my next move? I am considering waiting a couple of days more to see if she contacts me before asking her out again. So far, I have initiated all the contact. I love to pursue women, just not too much harder than where they are at with me, if that makes sense. Got to leave a little mystery, right? she walks through my apartment front door and kisses me passionately, and thanks me for the wonderful evening. I saw this as a good ending to the night, What are you waiting for -- call her and schedule another date. It's only been 2 dates. You've initiated, she's been receptive. You know she's interested. In the beginning, it's about balance. You initiate, she's receptive. She shouldn't be calling you first yet. And, what you do now is call her, if she doesn't answer, don't call her 10 times. Call her once and let her respond. If she doesn't respond within a day, move on. If she answers, ask her out. What would you be posting here if she started calling and texting you -- "this girl is pushing things . . . this girl is needy . . . It's about balance. After a few more dates, you should expect her to initiate occasionally at least. But not yet. 1
Author TheBathWater Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 What are you waiting for -- call her and schedule another date. I appreciate this perspective, but remember that this woman did act ambivalent toward me at the end of the date (e.g. invitation to a weekend date, trying to walk her from my place to her car). It was only when I turned away from her that she actually turned around and came through my apartment door to kiss me. I think that speaks volumes about how she (and people in general) want to pursue what walks away from them. Don't you think I should wait a half week or so before contacting her again to set something up? I agree with you that it's all about balance in the push/pull aspect of things.
Redhead14 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I appreciate this perspective, but remember that this woman did act ambivalent toward me at the end of the date (e.g. invitation to a weekend date, trying to walk her from my place to her car). It was only when I turned away from her that she actually turned around and came through my apartment door to kiss me. I think that speaks volumes about how she (and people in general) want to pursue what walks away from them. Don't you think I should wait a half week or so before contacting her again to set something up? I agree with you that it's all about balance in the push/pull aspect of things. Well, I'm not too sure she was being ambivalent. She may not have wanted to inconvenience you by walking to the car, who really knows. Maybe since you didn't insist on taking her to the car, she thought you were ambivalent. If I were you, I would have insisted. She may have felt that since she stayed again, she may come off as too eager by accepting another date. We really don't know. The bottom line is that she did come back through the door to kiss you. Go by the last "signal" she gave. It's already been a couple of days, you can wait another day if you want and give her call.
Author TheBathWater Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Well, I'm not too sure she was being ambivalent. She may not have wanted to inconvenience you by walking to the car, who really knows. Maybe since you didn't insist on taking her to the car, she thought you were ambivalent. If I were you, I would have insisted. She may have felt that since she stayed again, she may come off as too eager by accepting another date. We really don't know. The bottom line is that she did come back through the door to kiss you. Go by the last "signal" she gave. It's already been a couple of days, you can wait another day if you want and give her call. This makes sense. Thanks for the response.
Frank1992 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Don't do Anything. Let her think about you. If she thinks about you and why you haven't talked to her she begins to miss you. You can't force her to talk to you. If being to chase her than she'll drive you away. Be a man about it. It's a win win situation for you. If she reaches out to you than that means she has interest in you. If she doesn't than you know not to waste time on her. 1
Author TheBathWater Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Don't do Anything. Let her think about you. If she thinks about you and why you haven't talked to her she begins to miss you. You can't force her to talk to you. If being to chase her than she'll drive you away. Be a man about it. It's a win win situation for you. If she reaches out to you than that means she has interest in you. If she doesn't than you know not to waste time on her. This was my initial thinking, Frank.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) Sex is a mutual act. But women have to put themselves out there and have more to risk/lose. So being a gentleman and touching base the next day is a good move. It let's her know that you weren't just using her. Also, you need to give a woman time to get emotionally invested in you. After that happens, she'll touch base more often. In the beginning especially though, it's up to you to touch base and make plans as the man. Since you've only seen her/had sex twice, Id guess she isn't that invested yet. So you not contacting her for the last few days probably has her thinking you're just another guy that used her for sex and blew her off. So you can wait to hear from her all you like. However, my guess is that she won't contact you. But..after you make plans, that is when you give a woman space. Absence makes the heart grow fonder is a cliche, but also true. She gets to miss you and think about you. It also communicates you have more going on in your life than just her. I'll always give my GF a quick call the day after a date, and make plans for the next one. Then I give her some space and focus on my own life. If a few days go by and I haven't heard from her, I'll shoot her a quick text. But aside from a few quick calls and a handful of texts per week, I mainly talk to her in person as it should be. Edited April 11, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Gary S Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Wait 5 days to call her for a date, that's the magic number. Remember, she could call you and ask you for a date - not many do, but it's great when they do! Playing hard to get doubles interest.
Author TheBathWater Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Sex is a mutual act. But women have to put themselves out there and have more to risk/lose. So being a gentleman and touching base the next day is a good move. It let's her know that you weren't just using her. Also, you need to give a woman time to get emotionally invested in you. After that happens, she'll touch base more often. In the beginning especially though, it's up to you to touch base and make plans as the man. Since you've only seen her/had sex twice, Id guess she isn't that invested yet. So you not contacting her for the last few days probably has her thinking you're just another guy that used her for sex and blew her off. So you can wait to hear from her all you like. However, my guess is that she won't contact you. But..after you make plans, that is when you give a woman space. Absence makes the heart grow fonder is a cliche, but also true. She gets to miss you and think about you. It also communicates you have more going on in your life than just her. I'll always give my GF a quick call the day after a date, and make plans for the next one. Then I give her some space and focus on my own life. If a few days go by and I haven't heard from her, I'll shoot her a quick text. But aside from a few quick calls and a handful of texts per week, I mainly talk to her in person as it should be. Yeah, I always touch base the day after the first time I have sex with someone (unless it was a one night stand). I also like to leave room between making plans and the actual date to do my own thing. One thing that I am realizing about myself from this thread so far is that I have a tendency to write women off too soon for not showing some investment.
smackie9 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Well have you called her up for another date yet?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Yeah, I always touch base the day after the first time I have sex with someone (unless it was a one night stand). I also like to leave room between making plans and the actual date to do my own thing. One thing that I am realizing about myself from this thread so far is that I have a tendency to write women off too soon for not showing some investment. That's the thing though man. They need TIME to get invested. You can't expect a woman that saw/had sex with someone twice to get extremely invested that soon. I mean she may like you initially and enjoy your company enough to keep seeing and sleeping with you. But it's gonna take weeks of consistent great dates/sex for her to start to get invested. My GF is absolutely crazy about me (always references future plans, etc) but even she still lets me initiate most of the time. However, this isn't due to a lack of interest. It's because she has faith in my interest based on how I treat her. She doesn't need constant validation to always blow up my phone. To be honest, when I hear guys get insecure over how a woman "doesn't show enough interest' with texting, etc it cracks me up. Mainly because these are women that are still going out with them and having sex with them regularly. In all honesty, that should be enough. I mean I'll take a great woman continuing to spend time with me any day over text messages. Just saying... Besides her wanting to spend more time seeing you in person than talking on the phone is a good thing. 2
GemmaUK Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 If you just want a hook up then you have done the right thing. If you want a date and see it going somewhere then more than a couple of days this early on and following two intimate dates will indicate that she is only an option to you so she will likely show less interest.
Author TheBathWater Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 Well have you called her up for another date yet? I did, and I will see her at the end of the week. 1
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