clever_clogs Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I'm new here and unsure where to post this. If this is the wrong place, I'm very sorry, would you mind to move it? Hello everyone. I have a problem I'm not sure how to deal with. This might be a bit long (sorry) but I'll try to give the gist. I came home and found a voicemail on my home phone. There was no caller identity information. The message said "hello, this is (name) your ex-sister-in-law" (very heavy emphasis on the "ex"). "I've just bought a house in (your village) and will be moving soon. I need the names of (various tradespeople) to fix the house up before I can move. Please let me have these a.s.a.p." She did not leave a number. My brother divorced her almost ten years ago. We have had no contact since then. Even during the marriage we had very little contact, as she didn't much like our family and discouraged my brother visiting any of us. We were never invited there. My kids don't even know who she is (they were tiny when he divorced her). My brother has since remarried to a lovely woman, and we spend a lot of time together now. I am worried that his ex moving into the village might become awkward. It's a tiny village with only one nice pub where we often go after a walk. She and my brother parted on very bad terms. He left her for his current wife and she has never forgiven him. She took it badly although their marriage had never been good. Also it is a small village. There are few tradespeople and I remember how rude she was when she and my brother had people in extending their house. I would not speak to a dog like that. My husband is in the construction industry and we cannot afford bad relationships with local tradespeople. If we pass on names and she is rude to them it will affect his business. I spoke to my sister who said she has a cheek and I should just ignore it. But I also don't want to be rude to her. If we are to be neighbours we need to get along and I don't want her to think I am just ignoring her call. She was always quick to take umbrage even where no slight was intended. She left no number and she is ex directory. I don't want to drag my brother into this and I'm pretty sure he does not have her number either. I remember him burning everything that reminded him of her and blocking her on the email.
stillafool Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Just tell her you don't know any and wish her luck. Don't get pulled into her problems. You owe her nothing. 2
purplesorrow Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I would just ignore her. How are supposed to respond if she didn't bother to leave a number. How rude to not even ask how you and your family are before demanding a favor. Don't jeopardize any business nor social relationships for her, you don't owe her anything. 4
minimariah Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 welp! i assume she still holds some kind of grudge & still dislikes you & your family hence the rude message. i do struggle to understand why did your brother marry her in the 1st place if she was always that rude but that's not important now, i guess. she didn't leave a number = she assumed you have it. but you can't call her back so there is that. if she calls again and asks why did you ignore her - tell her the truth, you didn't have her number and that's it. if she asks for the names - give it to her. BUT - call those people & explain the situation, warn them about her rude behavior and let THEM decide if they want to take that job or not. i think you're overreacting a little, just because you pass on the names... and she does end up being rude, your reputation won't really go to hell because she isn't a part of your family anymore, besides - these people can always quit. you're acting as if those names are some kind of top FBI secret. 1
preraph Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Don't even reply. Do not get involved. She's nuts to be trying to use you this way and makes me think she could become a real leech. 4
rester Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 That is a message I would completely ignore. It's not your responsibility to go searching for a way to contact her if she didn't leave a number, and if what you quoted is accurate, it's a rude way to be asking for information. You are not her employee and I wouldn't respond to being treated like one.
mrs rubble Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 What a nightmare!! I'd run around warning every tradesman in town about her instead.
spiderowl Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 It sounds as if she feels rather entitled to instant help from someone she hasn't been very supportive of in the past. I would ignore it. I can understand you don't want to make an enemy of someone who might be a neighbour, but you don't owe her anything.
firemanq Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Not leaving a phone number was a deliberate act. Now she can blame you for one more thing. Ignore her. If she contacts you again, try not to give her any info about other contractors. Your kindness will come back to haunt you. 2
spanz1 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I am going to guess that she does not have a clue, and assumes you all still like her! I would stay far away.
whichwayisup Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I came home and found a voicemail on my home phone. There was no caller identity information. The message said "hello, this is (name) your ex-sister-in-law" (very heavy emphasis on the "ex"). "I've just bought a house in (your village) and will be moving soon. I need the names of (various tradespeople) to fix the house up before I can move. Please let me have these a.s.a.p." She did not leave a number. My brother divorced her almost ten years ago. We have had no contact since then. Do nothing. Even if she had left a return number, don't call her back. She was rude to you in the message and expects you to help her? WTF.
Author clever_clogs Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Thank you everyone who replied. I misplaced my password and could not log in earlier. I did not contact my ex sister in law. I did run into my nephew but he said he hadn't spoken to his mother in a long time and had no idea she was moving. He seemed awkward so I didn't push the issue. A couple of weeks ago we were eating in our local pub when she walked in. She was with a guy who is the spitting image of my brother, who divorced her, only older and shorter. He even has the same first name. She didn't see us and as they were having an argument (loudly) we thought better not to interrupt them and say hello, so we finished our meal and then our oldest wanted to get back. As we were leaving I said hello while my husband went on ahead with the children. She looked at me as though I was filth. We'd been walking so we were a bit muddy but most people in the pub are walkers, it's that kind of pub, and it does get muddy. The guy who was with her smiled but she made no move to introduce us so I said, I hope your move is going smoothly, and then I left. Afterward my husband heard from one of the builders working on one of his projects that he'd gone round to quote on the renovations they wanted, but could not in good faith take the job. He said what they wanted to do he would be surprised if they found anyone willing to do it. It is a nice, country-style bungalow and they wanted to build up but couldn't get planning permission (neighbours objected) so they are building outward over most of the garden. Basically making it two almost separate houses, but on one property joined up so they are still "living together" although they can just pull the sliding door shut and be in separate houses. There are lots of technical challenges because of the landscape but she wants what she wants and won't hear that some things won't work on this ground. He thought she may have brought in builders from further afield as he saw some ground works starting. We've not been that way for fear of bumping into her. I feel relieved we didn't get involved as I think it won't end well.
minimariah Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I did run into my nephew but he said he hadn't spoken to his mother in a long time and had no idea she was moving. wait, your brother had a child with this woman? & he isn't on speaking terms with his mother...? is your brother taking care of him then?
autumnnight Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 wait, your brother had a child with this woman? & he isn't on speaking terms with his mother...? is your brother taking care of him then? Why does this matter? Is it relevant to the topic? There's already been a little dig about why her brother married the woman.
Radu Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 OP, everything she does there is with the specific purpose of revenge, against those she feels have wronged her. The pub 'accidental' meeting was proof enough.
Author clever_clogs Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 wait, your brother had a child with this woman? & he isn't on speaking terms with his mother...? is your brother taking care of him then? The "child" is an adult.
Toodaloo Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 I spoke to my sister who said she has a cheek and I should just ignore it. But I also don't want to be rude to her. If we are to be neighbours we need to get along and I don't want her to think I am just ignoring her call. She was always quick to take umbrage even where no slight was intended. She left no number and she is ex directory. I don't want to drag my brother into this and I'm pretty sure he does not have her number either. I remember him burning everything that reminded him of her and blocking her on the email. Your sister is right. Ignore your brothers ex and do not engage. Do not stop doing anything that you were doing before and tell your construction contacts to get cash up front before they do anything in her new house. The woman is toxic. Stay as far away as possible. Do not engage and forget about trying to be kind. She will throw it back in your face every time. Do not worry about what others think just be yourselves and stay away from her. They will soon get the measure of her.
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