Venkman Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Hi would any of you kind ladies give my your perspective on my current dilemma I started dating a girl about 2 months or so ago, I met her on a night out and we seemed to hit it off straight away. She was keen to go on a date which we did a few days later, and it went really well. We got on really well, had things in common and laughed and joked a lot. We carried on dating for several week, going places, she'd come over mine, I'd go over to hers, we had slept together and I thought things were going in the right direction. The last time I saw her was about 4 weekends ago, we spent the whole Saturday together, we went the zoo, where she held my hand and had her arms around me most of the day, we went get ice cream (maltesers ice cream is very tasty), she cooked for us back at hers and then we cuddled up watching films till the early hours (Guardians of the Galaxy, the sexiest film of recent years). After that she seemed to pull away over the next couple of days, she wasn't as talkative over text and seemed a bit distant, I text her one night asking how her day was and she replied with...I've enjoyed spending time with you but I feel I haven't been completely honest, I've just come out of a serious relationship and really aren't ready for anything right now, I think it is for the best if we don't meet up again as I don't want string you along and I don't think we could stop what we have had and just be friends......needless to say I was gutted. I really like this girl and I did text her saying to look me up if she ever does feel ready or if she just wants spend some time together. The whole thing has left me gutted and confused because I thought she liked me as much as I liked her, but her washing her hands clean so to speak way and not wanting to even be friends makes me think maybe she didn't. I know I can't and wouldn't want to force her into anything she's not ready for but at the same time hate thinking I've missed my shot. I know her reasons may just have been to spare my feelings and let me down gently, but then it contradicts how she was when she was with me, and she also said on our first date she doesn't lie lol. There was a bit of a age gap (she's 23 and I'm 30) but she said it didn't bother her and she prefers older guys, and there didn't feel like there was a age gap when we were together as she was quite a mature 23, but maybe she changed her mind on that front, who knows. Do you wise ladies think It would be worth maybe texting her in a couple of weeks or so just to see if I can reignite contact? What are your opinions on my dilemma? It kinda sucks just thinking I was a rebound. Thanks in advance
h0000 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 What exactly is your dilemma? Hey at least she gave you an explanation. Some people just disappear I personally would not try to contact her anymore as she wished. I'd move on. 1
Mjm1014 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Hey man sorry to hear about what you're going through. I just dealt with the EXACT same situation (look up some of my posts from a week or two ago and read them-sounds like the same girl!). Basically the girl I was seeing pulled away two or 2-3 months in when I thought we were hitting it off so well and stated the same thing, she wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to be just friends-which I of course did NOT agree to. I noticed her slowly pulling away, but instead of picking up on her behavior and pulling back myself, I chased and she eventually told her she was done. I'll tell you what not to do-don't text her. Immediately go cold on this girl. If she wants to pull away, you pull away harder. She doesn't want to see you, tell her that's fine and move on. In the meantime do everything you can to get her out of your head and see if she contacts you. If you play your cards right, you will get her back because she will start to wonder what happened to you. Again, don't chase. I should have followed my own advice, but after three weeks after we split, I texted her, told her I missed her and scared her off further, and I believe I screwed myself of ever getting her back-she said "sorry I can't talk to you anymore...delete my number...sorry you're going through this but I don't feel the connection anymore." It's crazy how someone can go from being crazy about you to literally nothing. One thing that helped me during that time is Coach Corey Wayne's videos on YouTube...look him up he gives tons of relationship advice on this exact matter. I should have followed his advice...Feels bad man..good luck.
PrettyEmily77 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 After that she seemed to pull away over the next couple of days, she wasn't as talkative over text and seemed a bit distant, I text her one night asking how her day was and she replied with...I've enjoyed spending time with you but I feel I haven't been completely honest, I've just come out of a serious relationship and really aren't ready for anything right now, I think it is for the best if we don't meet up again as I don't want string you along and I don't think we could stop what we have had and just be friends It's all in there ^^, especially the bolded part. Sorry OP, this one is gone.
devilish innocent Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I don't think not wanting to be friends is an indication that she didn't like you. It's easy to switch over to just being friends when you don't like the person too much. It's much more complicated when feelings are involved. She probably is still just hung up on her ex. You can try to text her again at some point. I would give her a couple more months though. That way she has time to get over her ex. Also, realize there's a good chance she may go back to her ex or still be uninterested later on. Don't put your dating life on hold just because you want to wait for her.
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 The timing was off for her. She wasn't as ready as she thought she was to date. You have to let her go. It really had nothing to do with you, even though you are the one who got hurt.
GemmaUK Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Either, she still has a lot of feelings for her ex and is considering getting back with him. This is not a good premise upon which to attempt getting back with her. Or, she is one who takes time between relationships to evaluate what happened and learn how not to get involved with a particular situation or type of man next time around. This is likely to take more time than the few weeks you are considering. More likely she may need/want a few months depending on how long/intense her last relationship was. Even so, if being with someone just feels right then no matter if it is a rebound they will stick around. Some relationships can appear to be just a rebound but they can also absolutely stand the test of time if compatibility is really there. Or, 2 months in is when the real 'getting to know' stage is happening. She was spending more time with you and getting to know you much more and realised that you were just not compatible. There is no point in contacting her if this is what she is thinking. Either way though and with any of the above possibilities if she was absolutely that into you you would still be dating now and she would not have split with you.
Gary S Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 She is on the rebound and you were the rebound guy.
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