Erised Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 What traits do you prize? I'm weirded out now because after asking a few guys who have requested the upgrade in relationship status why me? The answer was consistent (I dismissed looks from the consideration. It was,to see if any actually saw me verse an image substitute of what they want and looks don't do that.) It was consistent: nurturing, accepting, sweet. (Loving, giving, kind... synonyms for the same trait.) Only one mentioned my intellect and sense of humor and it was after nurturing was emphasized; This is what most my friends guy or girl list first. I was surprised at the consistency and depth of feeling behind naming that particular trait. I wanted to see if that's typical among men or just what I attract. 1
DoesntGetIt Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Everyone likes someone who is sweet. For me sense of humor, and specifically sarcasm and the ability to talk and take **** talk is important. I am not happy if I'm not constantly joking around and busting balls/having my balls busted. It doesn't mean I don't like to cuddle, be sweet, and all the other stuff. But the sarcastic wit and ability to joke around are second only to honesty. I can't have a relationship with someone who isn't honest. 2
jen1447 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 A lot of guys seem to hit on the nurturing thing, and honestly I think it's just a catchphrase. The whole female-nurturer concept has been making the collective conscious rounds for a while now, so saying it is kind of like assuming you like flowers. I'd ask them to be more creative. Make them tell you something about yourself that could be considered negative, then see who has the balls to answer honestly.
Hawaii51 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Not just sense of humor or intellect, but wit. Nurturing for sure (I collect RNs apparently). Confidence. Femininity; in an elegant sense, and in her own right too. Independence. A compatible sexuality. Spirituality. 1
Interstellar Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) Loyalty, Integrity, Sweet with a giving and flexible attitude and outlook. No ex boyfriends or ex husbands in the background. These are my non-negotiables. Physically: I like women who are taller but no big deal. I like short and petite also. She has to be attractive to me. Edited April 11, 2015 by Interstellar
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Gorgeous to me, sweet, loving and generally very kind, Intelligent and determined, but knows how to help me unwind. Doesn't cater to me, but knows what and when to say the right things, And has no problem saying "no, get lost" to former sexual flings.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Guys don't think like that, and it's an odd question for a guy that you're just going to hear regurgitated socially conditioned answered because the reality is they likely never even really thought about it and the question itself reeks of suspicion and insecurity...can you imagine asking your boss that at work? she/he'd be like wtf is wrong with this guy/girl. The reason they're "upgrading" to relationship mode is simple, because guys are simple. You're going looking enough, they like being around you enough and it feels like a good idea at the time. And their standards can vary wildly, if they're men without options then you might just be the best thing around. So don't ask men this question, this is not the way to understand men by putting them in a position where they must answer you in a positive way and make up all these things that women want to hear. He doesn't know you, he doesn't know what you're really about, probably doesn't really care yet, and you're just starting the relationship ...he doesn't have a really good answer to these questions unless he's in-love with the idea of you or just a man of words. 8
Phoenician Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) Dear , the traits you are encountering are essential for dating ; but long term relationships requires different type of traits. it seems you are looking for a long term relationship ; yet you are falling in the trap of adopting dating traits... Edited April 11, 2015 by Phoenician
Mrin Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) Hmmmm that's a tough one actually. First off you're asking a dude to apply a great deal more introspection that he's probably used to. Ha! Second, he's got that whole projection thing going on - I mean a non-serious girlfriend is the ultimate dude Rorschach test. Third, most dudes have a really hard time verbalizing their feelings accurately. Lastly the whole thing gets run through a political correctness filter before finally leaving said dude's mouth. This is also known as the "don't say boobs" filter. ;-) All that being said - it is curious they all went feminine energy stuff first. Which makes sense if they're operating from the masculine. But are those the strongest or more attractive traits of yours? Maybe or maybe not. Another thought to try on is this: in dude think it totally makes sense to list your must-haves first. For me at least, the lady has to have feminine energetic qualities like nurturing to even be up for consideration. So ya I could see myself rattling those things off first if I was doing this stream of consciousness. However once I got the prerequisites out of the way I'd turn to the traits that make the lady uniquely enthralling and I would probably do so with some gusto. Hope this helps! Edited April 11, 2015 by Mrin
TheBathWater Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I love women who are are givers, loyal, intelligent, mature, funny, and inspire me to be a better man. 3
Mrin Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Oh I totally forgot to answer your question - what traits do I prize Wow, like good books, every woman is unique. But if I had to just toss some out there aside from the perquisite female essence traits referenced above I'd say: spectrum of interests (wider the better), an open mind, outspoken, stron/lack of drama and sexy... Damn sexy.
central Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 After physical attraction (as without that, the rest doesn't matter when considering a romantic relationship), I look for and value: integrity (very similar values), compassion, intellect (not necessarily education), high libido and sexual skill, humor and a sense of fun, compatible personality type and communication style, some shared interests, and motivation to do something with her life. Yeah, I'm a bit geeky, but I understand those things truly matter for a deep and lasting relationship. My second wife is all of those things, and I kept looking until I found someone with all of those traits and I simply couldn't imagine living without her.
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Sounds like the room is full of momma's boys....except for Mrin lol
Redhead14 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 What traits do you prize? I'm weirded out now because after asking a few guys who have requested the upgrade in relationship status why me? The answer was consistent (I dismissed looks from the consideration. It was,to see if any actually saw me verse an image substitute of what they want and looks don't do that.) It was consistent: nurturing, accepting, sweet. (Loving, giving, kind... synonyms for the same trait.) Only one mentioned my intellect and sense of humor and it was after nurturing was emphasized; This is what most my friends guy or girl list first. I was surprised at the consistency and depth of feeling behind naming that particular trait. I wanted to see if that's typical among men or just what I attract. why me? Asking that question is going to get an "canned" answer. Even if it was all about looks, a man isn't going to tell her that he loves her boobs, her ass, etc. He will tell you something that he thinks you'd rather hear. It doesn't mean you don't have those traits and that they don't like them though. And, it depends on when you ask that question too -- in other words, is it within a month or two months or is it further down the road when you've become an "official couple" and in a well-developed relationship? Also, depending on when you ask that question, it may come across as seeking validation and to calm some insecurity. It's kinda like asking "does this make me look fat". A man who says he likes your nurturing tendencies may only say that because he knows women are nurturing and like to do that. The truth is that men don't necessarily like nurturing/mothering. The like supportive women but not women who mother them. In order to have an answer to that question that gives it validity, they need to provide some specific examples of how those traits came through to them. That's the only way to know for sure they aren't "just saying that"
carhill Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 What traits do you prize? I'm weirded out now because after asking a few guys who have requested the upgrade in relationship status why me? The answer was consistent (I dismissed looks from the consideration. It was,to see if any actually saw me verse an image substitute of what they want and looks don't do that.) Congrats on your relationship success. If men are asking to 'upgrade' relationship status to a more committed state, you must be doing something which impels that, and consistently. Watch for that word in my response. It was consistent: nurturing, accepting, sweet. (Loving, giving, kind... synonyms for the same trait.) There's that word again. Only one mentioned my intellect and sense of humor and it was after nurturing was emphasized; This is what most my friends guy or girl list first. Nice that one appreciated your intellect and humor. Must feel good to be appreciated like that. I was surprised at the consistency and depth of feeling behind naming that particular trait. That word again. I wanted to see if that's typical among men or just what I attract. After being in a number of LTR's and being married, my 'upgrade' traits are a modicum of empathy and consistency of behavior. While the world is often scary and unpredictable, it is energizing and uplifting to retire to the relative safety and I daresay predictability of a loving and caring relationship where I feel safe. Otherwise, at my age, it's me and the cat and I'll make my own safe haven. No sense in pouring my life energy into the abyss of 'whatever', hence no upgrades in commitment for women who don't exhibit those traits.
GoodOnPaper Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Guys don't think like that, and it's an odd question for a guy that you're just going to hear regurgitated socially conditioned answered because the reality is they likely never even really thought about it and the question itself reeks of suspicion and insecurity...can you imagine asking your boss that at work? she/he'd be like wtf is wrong with this guy/girl. The reason they're "upgrading" to relationship mode is simple, because guys are simple. You're going looking enough, they like being around you enough and it feels like a good idea at the time. And their standards can vary wildly, if they're men without options then you might just be the best thing around. Agree. There was no way I could even attempt to answer the OP's question until I was getting into my 40s and had been married for 15 years or so -- after many years of ruminating and trying to retroactively resolve the issues, mostly of the "nice guy" variety, that have plagued me since I was a teenager. I love women who are are givers, loyal, intelligent, mature, funny, and inspire me to be a better man. The bolded is the surest thing that will set a woman apart from all others, but especially when we're young, we guys just aren't consciously thinking about this, partly because we just don't, but also with our culture's ever-increasing emphasis on initial attraction and short-term flings, guys easily become preoccupied with enjoying the action they are getting or worrying about the action they aren't getting. I think what makes that special connection results from a lot of intangible things involving complementary masculine/feminine energy as well as compatible worldviews -- not necessarily about individual topics, but more the levels of breadth and depth as well as sense of humor. I did meet one woman that I felt a connection to in that way, but since I was already married, I had to break off that friendship. If I was single now, I would have some idea of what to look for but it would still be like trying to hold water in a fist -- too many intangibles. All of that said, what I really want is an intimacy with enough openness and intensity that I don't feel like a "relationship guy" who struggled to attract women, that I'm not a lesser man than the ones who can pull ONSs whenever they want. Not exactly the kind of thing you can predict from a formula based on surface qualities.
umirano Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Assertiveness, dark hair, curls, intelligence, sense of family, loyalty, sarcasm, no-games person, economic thinking, self made mentality
Mrin Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Sounds like the room is full of momma's boys....except for Mrin lol Damn straight! Without the sexy, you're basically describing traits you want in friends. 1
BluEyeL Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I'm not a guy, but based on your previous posts, you say you don't want a serious relationship. I think, as a consequence, you give off an "I don't care" vibe that makes you more attractive to men. That, combined with the fact that you are most likely attractive and you're probably nice, is, in my opinion the recipe.
123321 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 What traits do you prize? Sweet is neat, but the model in your avatar wouldn't get blacklisted. I like someone who is adequately attractive, without too much emotional baggage, who is not hung up on possessions, can have a conversation once in a while, and who loves to give a good BJ. Should also be willing to cook once in a while. I don't need 'nurtured'. I won't put up with henpecking.
Versacehottie Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Guys don't think like that, and it's an odd question for a guy that you're just going to hear regurgitated socially conditioned answered because the reality is they likely never even really thought about it and the question itself reeks of suspicion and insecurity...can you imagine asking your boss that at work? she/he'd be like wtf is wrong with this guy/girl. The reason they're "upgrading" to relationship mode is simple, because guys are simple. You're going looking enough, they like being around you enough and it feels like a good idea at the time. And their standards can vary wildly, if they're men without options then you might just be the best thing around. So don't ask men this question, this is not the way to understand men by putting them in a position where they must answer you in a positive way and make up all these things that women want to hear. He doesn't know you, he doesn't know what you're really about, probably doesn't really care yet, and you're just starting the relationship ...he doesn't have a really good answer to these questions unless he's in-love with the idea of you or just a man of words. I do think these are politically correct answers for the most part. Just talking to my guy friend about it yesterday and he said the answer i have heard most often (the real one) and see most regularly: she doesn't let me get away with sh*t and things of that nature. Keeps him on his toes. I think a lot of time when guys say "she makes me a better person" what they mean is that you've hit the sweet spot of the moment when they are still trying to impress you and don't quite know if they have you yet AND respect you but some little (or big) thing happens where if you rollover they lose interest and if you care about yourself more, enough to say something or call him out on it, they love it. They feel like they've gotten a great girl at this point. Anyway, that vibe has to pervade the relationship, i think, from the beginning whether or not an incident happens. I think a lot of guys means this when they encompass "honesty" into what they want. And above, one poster (sorry I forgot who) said similar traits in what he wants--that was the honest answer! And though he was unsure if it was his preference alone, i can say from polling my guy friends, it's common! And a pretty good thing. More often than not, a guy says he wants sweet etc but when he gets that he doesn't really appreciate it or do right by it. 1
Author Erised Posted April 12, 2015 Author Posted April 12, 2015 It was one of the questions in this quiz thing one of the guys brought up so I did it with the others to see the results. It claimed these questions and eye gazing make you fall in love. I'm still not in love with anyone so I don't think it works. I'm somewhat bothered with the answers for this, admittedly. I am way more awesome than just that!
PogoStick Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 It was one of the questions in this quiz thing one of the guys brought up so I did it with the others to see the results. It claimed these questions and eye gazing make you fall in love. I'm still not in love with anyone so I don't think it works. I'm somewhat bothered with the answers for this, admittedly. I am way more awesome than just that! Really? because now I'm feeling like I'm annoyed and want to move on from you.
DatingDirection Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 I find that a lot of men, over look the non physical attributes of a women, as long as she has an amazing body, they could care less about how sweet she is. So many men I know, end up with really mean woman as their life partner. Then they complain about how mean their wives are, but how great their wives look, and eventually get divorced, and scared of marriage again. 1
Phoenician Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 the traits that i dream about in a women are seeing a real Venus in front of me ; not the shape ; it is the charm , the spirit , the heat of her sentiments. simply ,she could be 60 , 50 skinny or chumpy but the most important is that She would look like Venus Godess of Love .
Recommended Posts