Is this guy playing games with me after an amazing first date?

[lizpat85]

Recently had a great first date with a guy, everything felt so natural and fun... He complimented my look immediately after we met, kept extending the date suggesting we should take a walk somewhere... He stared at me a lot, tried to engage in some physical contact too, and in the end we made out for quite a while. I have to say he's very outgoing and smooth and seems to know what he's doing. Before the date ended we also scheduled a second date going to a concert next week... I felt like I finally got into something where there's mutual interest.

 

Weird thing is we only talked about twice this week through very brief email exchange about harmless sports games and teams we're both following. He'd send one and then I'd reply and then never heard from him again. He did mention that he's going to a game on Saturday and I'm not sure if that's dropping a hint of some sort that I didn't pick up on.

 

I mean, judging from the first date he seemed definitely interested, and he's still communicating with me (albeit very briefly) so he's not totally vanished yet either. But from my past experience guys who are really interested are usually all over you after a great first date, and only those who are lukewarm become on and off or distant after the date. I don't know if he's playing games with me or is expecting me to initiate contact with him here because at the end of the date he did mention how we don't have to email back and forth anymore because "now I have his number." Sure didn't sound like any other guys I've dated who said they'd call me instead...

[Gary S]

Is the concert date for next week solid? I mean do you have a time he will pick you up or you will meet?

[lizpat85]

Nope not solid at all... we still have to get tickets at this point and there's no word on his side about any arrangement... Well I'm just confused. Every bit of his behavior on the first date showed that he's interested but he hasn't acted enthusiastically at all since the date...

[Gary S]

Don't count on a date when you don't have a time and a day.

 

As long as he makes a date with you by the end of the week, you are okay... not all guys who like you are all over you right away. Him suggesting a date while still on the date suggested serious interest, not all guys do that either. Hopefully, he'll call you.

 

I would try to refrain from contacting him. Playing hard to get doubles interest.

[lizpat85]

I've been getting advice on initiating the contact too since he seemed to have left the ball in my court, waiting for me to let him know that I'm still on to meet up for the concert (or so I assumed). I just feel like usually if a guy is truly interested, they'll be in touch no matter what.

 

I've met some good guys before whom weren't really interested in me but were too nice to say anything directly in my face so they kept agreeing to meet for dates to figure out how they feel or until they meet someone they were truly interested in. I'm tired of being the one to guess a man's interest level and technically chasing him.

[jen1447]

Sounds to me like he's stringing you along. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys (people actually - women do it too) who approach dating/relationships with a 'strategy' instead of just being honest. Strategy means there's a goal and an endgame, which more often than not is just to get you in bed and possibly get inside your head so they can hit you up later once you're in their 'stable.'

 

I don't know the guy, so who's to say what's really going on, but it's not unlikely and certainly not unusual.

 

Best thing you can do is let him come to you, if you have to be bothered at all. I wouldn't if I were you, because head games are never a good indicator of personal integrity. Assuming you're not just looking to f*ck, take a pass on this one and find another.

[Gary S]

I hear you, I suggest that you should not chase.... men are usually the primary pursuers. As a woman, all you should do is sit back and let him plan the dates - simply answer the phone or return his calls and texts. If he is the one doing the pursuing, you don't risk rejection.

 

But because he left the date open, with no time, like I said, don't count on it - don't consider it a real date at this point. Feel free to make other plans or go on a date with another guy if he does not contact you and firm it up within a reasonable time.

 

Furthermore, the next time you get asked for a date and they don't give you a time and day, ask about it.... if they even hesitate, they are yanking your chain.

[lizpat85]

Makes sense. Him being pretty smooth did make me wonder about his intentions here. What's confusing is that if I were looking to string someone along, I would keep all dates short and to the point, especially first dates. This guy kept extending our time together and in the end the making out even messed up his plan of getting home by a certain time to help a buddy move. I can expect a shy guy being too nervous or wanting to see the girl make a move, but an outgoing and smooth person like this one? I think it shouldn't be hard at all to do the pursuing...

[jen1447]

Makes sense. Him being pretty smooth did make me wonder about his intentions here. What's confusing is that if I were looking to string someone along, I would keep all dates short and to the point, especially first dates. This guy kept extending our time together and in the end the making out even messed up his plan of getting home by a certain time to help a buddy move.

Think about it tho - he did the unlikely play and now he's got you wondering what the hell's going on. Confused and intrigued - mission accomplished.

[Gary S]

This guy kept extending our time together and in the end the making out even messed up his plan of getting home by a certain time to help a buddy move.

 

- That's a good sign of interest also.

 

Ya know, sometimes you just have to let these things play out, go a couple of rounds and see how it goes. You really don't have a relationship for two months... until then, you just have to take it day-by-day, date-by-date.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I've been getting advice on initiating the contact too since he seemed to have left the ball in my court, waiting for me to let him know that I'm still on to meet up for the concert (or so I assumed). I just feel like usually if a guy is truly interested, they'll be in touch no matter what.

 

I've met some good guys before whom weren't really interested in me but were too nice to say anything directly in my face so they kept agreeing to meet for dates to figure out how they feel or until they meet someone they were truly interested in. I'm tired of being the one to guess a man's interest level and technically chasing him.

 

Yes, and people keep on giving that terrible advice on LS although it never produces any positive results.

 

Just because you're desperate to know whether he's still interested, doesn't mean you should break your own "rules" and just go ahead and try to reach out for him...especially when you already know from experience that this is not how a guy acts when he isn't interested...so what's your problem? Aren't you learning or do you like looking foolish?

 

The guy seemed into you at the time because you were simply there, and hes'a typical guy.

 

Put a bone in front of a dog, and his tail wags and he salivates over it...doesn't matter really what kind of bone, a dog is a dog, he's going to go full out on the bone because he wants it.

 

Now have that bone give the dog a call and there's no interest...he can't see it, smell it, or taste it...it's just a damn bone.

 

You're another bone, he's not that interested in you but he's going to sure as hell pretend he is if you're in his presence because that's what dogs do. You don't have to understand it, or make sense of it...you don't understand men, but it's apart of his game...it's how he feels women out and determines how easily he can get laid or not, and how much effort he truly desires to put in to achieve it.

 

So you don't ever have to GUESS a man's interest...it's either there or it's not, how easy would it be if you just read the writing on the wall and stopped chasing guys who weren't that into you? you want to be pumped and dump and strung along, then go ahead foolish child.

[Leigh 87]

I have had men take me on a few great dates...

 

They treated me to romantic meals. Reached out to hold my hand from accross the table....

They all contantly brought up how amazing and gorgeous they thought I was. They INITIATED texts DAILY. One would ask " I was waiting for you to text me first all day, I was worried you werent into me since I was doing all the initiating"

One guy angrily texted "...night then...." when I failed to engage with text with him in the arvo or touch base with him much. And he was a player type who NEVER took girls out or generally gave a damn about other women (for real his flat mates told me)

 

The same guy ^^ also told me on the first day, when we randomly crossed patjs on a trainm, that " he had never fet this kind of connection" before.

 

^^^^^^^ Things never lasted more than one month with ANY of those above men.

 

And I more recently had a neighbour I met randomly in the pouring rain like in the movies. It was definately intense chemistry at fiirst site. He had a new girlfriend yet he wouldnt stop wanting to hang out with me at any given chance. He hated "cheating" though:lmao: and we never acted on it.

He would CONSTANTLY tell me how gorgeous I was and what I top girl I was and how he would have LOVED to have dated me and that he WISHED he had met me before he had met his " girlfriend".

 

Guess what? He's still with his "girlfriend". Even though we slept together:lmao:

 

I am telling you right now: MEN LIE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If they DO NOT want to date us, it is because they do not want to date us.

 

When they dont text or call us to touch base daily - they just don't feel like communicating with us

 

.... men who are truly interested look at our pictures more than they care to admit and they have to ACTIVELY " try" to take things slowly, since intense chemistry and that " in love" sort of a feeling, DOES make men act " into you" even though that is merely a containesd version of how nuts about you they TRULY are.

[Leigh 87]

By the way, I also had a few fun first dates where the attraction was definately mutual, one guy lamented that I was the best girl he had met online and he felt he could chat to me non stop unlike the "other girls" and one went as far as to tell me that I was the most : attractive: woman he had dated in a long while

 

We also made out in the end. The dates lasted HOURS. We laughed all night, had intelligent conversation and talked about tough issues which evoked a reaction. It was far from a boring date and better than most others either me or the guys had experienced......

Neither of us wanted a second date. We simply didn't feel intense chemistry that drives people to feel "into" one another.

 

PLENTY of women have "amazing" fiirst dates and have their date talk about how he wants to " take her to the mountains and go camping" sometime.

 

And then they never see each other again.

 

People say things.

 

People need to say AND THEN DO things. Or else, they are full of Sh*t and are merely excited about having sex with you.

 

This guy isn't playing "games". You just fail to read inbetween the lines. A man is never going to outright say "hey you're definately not the "one" and there is absolutely no way I want to invest significant chunk of my time into courting, but hey, you're cute and I would like to have sex with you"

[katiegrl]

I've been getting advice on initiating the contact too since he seemed to have left the ball in my court, waiting for me to let him know that I'm still on to meet up for the concert (or so I assumed). I just feel like usually if a guy is truly interested, they'll be in touch no matter what.

 

I've met some good guys before whom weren't really interested in me but were too nice to say anything directly in my face so they kept agreeing to meet for dates to figure out how they feel or until they meet someone they were truly interested in. I'm tired of being the one to guess a man's interest level and technically chasing him.

 

>>I'm tired of being the one to guess a man's interest level and technically chasing him...

 

^^ Then don't! YOU make the decision. Whenever you start dating a guy, if his behavior is such that you are forced to guess or wonder about his interest level, then something isn't right and stop dating him.

 

And never chase a guy, technically or otherwise!

Edited April 11, 2015 by katiegrl

[d0nnivain]

You had a good date. You have tentative plans for a 2nd date & you had some contact twice in this past week.

 

I don't see the problem, the reasons for your concerns or lack of interest. You just met this guy & you interacted with him 2 times in a 7 day period. Personally I think that is a lot & some relative stranger who wanted to talk to me more than that the 1st week we met would make running for cover because I would feel smothered.

 

You can sit on your hands like it's 1950 & wait for the phone to ring because God forbid you be accused of chasing a guy by calling him or you can pick up the phone & say hi. Ask him if he enjoyed the game he's attending tonight & go from there.

[lizpat85]

It's interesting how men and women give different advices in regards to this type of scenario or anything related to gauging someone's interest level.

 

I'm only emotionally invested now because I felt a spark and would be curious to see where this goes, and I'm interested in a long term relationship potential. Although this guy being a bit "distant" reminds me of all the other "not interested" guys I've met in the past, I have to say that those guys also pretty much already showed their "non-interest" during the date -- they appeared disengaged as if they were just passing time, they were nice enough to be friendly but never in a romantic way, they always cut the dates short, they never suggested meeting again before one date was over... Basically I could just sense that they were "not there," which makes this date I am talking about a bit different, making me feel like there's finally some kind of mutual interest.

 

But then of course there was also a guy I dated for a few weeks who was extremely shy and never contacted me more than once or twice a week (very briefly too, talking about sports games or teams). But in the end it turned out that he was actually quite into me. His lack of contact didn't bother me then because I wasn't interested in him so I didn't even notice how often he was in touch back then! I wish I could just "not care" with every guy...

[Redhead14]

Recently had a great first date with a guy, everything felt so natural and fun... He complimented my look immediately after we met, kept extending the date suggesting we should take a walk somewhere... He stared at me a lot, tried to engage in some physical contact too, and in the end we made out for quite a while. I have to say he's very outgoing and smooth and seems to know what he's doing. Before the date ended we also scheduled a second date going to a concert next week... I felt like I finally got into something where there's mutual interest.

 

Weird thing is we only talked about twice this week through very brief email exchange about harmless sports games and teams we're both following. He'd send one and then I'd reply and then never heard from him again. He did mention that he's going to a game on Saturday and I'm not sure if that's dropping a hint of some sort that I didn't pick up on.

 

I mean, judging from the first date he seemed definitely interested, and he's still communicating with me (albeit very briefly) so he's not totally vanished yet either. But from my past experience guys who are really interested are usually all over you after a great first date, and only those who are lukewarm become on and off or distant after the date. I don't know if he's playing games with me or is expecting me to initiate contact with him here because at the end of the date he did mention how we don't have to email back and forth anymore because "now I have his number." Sure didn't sound like any other guys I've dated who said they'd call me instead...

 

Before the date ended we also scheduled a second date going to a concert next week -- I don't understand why you are posting here. You have a second date scheduled. Why do you think he's playing games?

 

There has been communication between you since the first date. After the first date, and especially if a second date has been scheduled, there shouldn't be too much contact in between. In the first few weeks of dating, a call or a few texts in between in usual. If they are coming on too strong after a first date, that's something to take note of and observe their behavior going forward.

 

now I have his number -- this is a cue to say that it's OK if you call him. Call him after the game on Saturday and ask about it.

 

Don't call or text or email him a hundred times either. Keep it balanced. Just because he doesn't answer an email here and there doesn't mean a thing. YOU HAVE A SECOND DATE ALREADY

 

You're expecting too much too soon. Don't get needy or too invested in this too soon.

[smackie9]

No I get what the OP is getting at. If it was a quiet get to know you date then his actions would seem the norm BUT this guy extended his date and things were a little physical, so you would think there would be some flirty texts, maybe a mini date before the concert or "Hey I got the tickets I can't wait" etc. You know some enthusiasm.

 

IMO this guy is being vague because he just wanted to smash, but didn't get to....so he is being a little flaky now.

[katiegrl]

Before the date ended we also scheduled a second date going to a concert next week -- I don't understand why you are posting here. You have a second date scheduled. Why do you think he's playing games?

 

There has been communication between you since the first date. After the first date, and especially if a second date has been scheduled, there shouldn't be too much contact in between. In the first few weeks of dating, a call or a few texts in between in usual. If they are coming on too strong after a first date, that's something to take note of and observe their behavior going forward.

 

now I have his number -- this is a cue to say that it's OK if you call him. Call him after the game on Saturday and ask about it.

 

Don't call or text or email him a hundred times either. Keep it balanced. Just because he doesn't answer an email here and there doesn't mean a thing. YOU HAVE A SECOND DATE ALREADY

 

You're expecting too much too soon. Don't get needy or too invested in this too soon.

 

Redhead, aren't you the one who keeps insisting the woman should NOT call or text a guy within the first month (i.e. don't pursue him)...but to instead be receptive and responsive to HIS pursuut???

 

But now you are suggesting that SHE call him? And ask him about it??

 

No no no, please OP don't do that.

 

And by the way RH, read on, there is actually no second date "scheduled," no plans have been made or a day/time even set.

[lizpat85]

Yes exactly! If the date was just okay, I knew it'd be a hit and miss situation given my past experience; the ones that went well like this usually had some potential...

 

I admit that this guy is pretty good looking by any standard and he's quite established in his career too so I'm not sure if he's so used to having women chase him all the time without him having to do anything.... Still, there must have been times that he's enamored with some girl...

[katiegrl]

Redhead, aren't you the one who keeps insisting the woman should NOT call or text a guy within the first month (i.e. don't pursue him)...but to instead be receptive and responsive to HIS pursuut???

 

But now you are suggesting that SHE call him? And ask him about it??

 

No no no, please OP don't do that.

 

And by the way RH, read on, there is actually no second date "scheduled," no plans have been made or a day/time even set.

 

To add, OP, you have only had one date..no second date planned. Mentioned during the first dste, but nothing set in stone.

 

If it were me, I would not call. I would simply stay busy and go on with my life. Date other guys...

 

If he calls about that second date, fabulous! If not, that's okay too, you only had one date.

[GemmaUK]

You had a good date. You have tentative plans for a 2nd date & you had some contact twice in this past week.

 

I don't see the problem, the reasons for your concerns or lack of interest. You just met this guy & you interacted with him 2 times in a 7 day period. Personally I think that is a lot & some relative stranger who wanted to talk to me more than that the 1st week we met would make running for cover because I would feel smothered.

 

You can sit on your hands like it's 1950 & wait for the phone to ring because God forbid you be accused of chasing a guy by calling him or you can pick up the phone & say hi. Ask him if he enjoyed the game he's attending tonight & go from there.

 

 

 

I totally agree with this!

 

 

If I felt like calling I would call. If I didn't feel like calling I would just get on with life and see if he does call.

You are in communication and it's great (for me it would be great) that he isn't blowing your phone up as that is an attraction killer.

 

 

Then again, something that increases my attraction is a person who isn't in my face nor 'expecting' me to suddenly after just one date give him a tonne of my time.

Same in reverse I don't ever expect a man to give me a tonne of his time either and most definitely not after just one date.

I would hope he has a life, responsibilities, other things going on and is also secure enough in himself to not need reassurance from me always.

I also like my own space and hope he likes his own space too. It's healthy!

 

 

On top of that and just as a side note as it was mentioned above. I don't like receiving factory farmed flowers (nor stolen ones I might add! Lol!).

[katiegrl]

Yes exactly! If the date was just okay, I knew it'd be a hit and miss situation given my past experience; the ones that went well like this usually had some potential...

 

I admit that this guy is pretty good looking by any standard and he's quite established in his career too so I'm not sure if he's so used to having women chase him all the time without him having to do anything.... Still, there must have been times that he's enamored with some girl...

 

I agree. If he is interested, HE will contact you...trust me on that one!!!

 

After you guys have had a few dates under your belt, and mutual interest has been established, THEN you can start taking some initiative.

[Redhead14]

Redhead, aren't you the one who keeps insisting the woman should NOT call or text a guy within the first month (i.e. don't pursue him)...but to instead be receptive and responsive to HIS pursuut???

 

But now you are suggesting that SHE call him? And ask him about it??

 

No no no, please OP don't do that.

 

And by the way RH, read on, there is actually no second date "scheduled," no plans have been made or a day/time even set.

 

If she hasn't been given a "green light" from the man or doesn't know him well enough yet to know if he appreciates a call from a woman, then she should wait a while before initiating.

 

He gave her that option -- "I have his number now."

 

And, if I missed something about the second date, then I can understand it a little. But in her original post, she said the second date was scheduled to attend a concert the following week. In which case, she shouldn't be worrying at all yet.

[katiegrl]

RH, read her post number 3 re that *second" date...