Cheating on wife with ex-gf

[MuddyRock]

Your wife by the way is not the one that needs to go to therapy.

 

I see alot of what she won't do but nothing of what you will do.

First and foremost no contact with other women.

 

Unplanned, unless a condom broke you should have been wrapping it up if you didn't want your baby.

[fellini]

 

 

If my wife would put in more effort for intimacy there wouldn’t be any problems.

 

It’s sad that another woman is giving me more attention and making me feel better than my wife. I get excited to go see her, I don’t get excited when I’m going home to my wife. Our child was not planned, not by me at least, so it takes a while to get use to being a father.

 

You continue to say things like they are happening to you. Your GF did not just come on to you: YOU HAD TO HAVE LET HER KNOW IT WAS OKAY.

 

WAKE UP MAN!

 

If you think it's sad that "another woman is giving" more than your spouse, imagine what everyone here is thinking about a man who is GIVING EVERYTHING to his workplace ex girlfriend. The word sad doesn't quite do it for most.

 

You really, truly, do not get it.

Edited April 11, 2015 by fellini

[Furious]

To all who said the feelings began before birth, you are wrong. Before the birth our marriage was great. I didn’t lose my attraction for her while she was pregnant, she was very small for the whole pregnancy. She has her body back and lost all the weight right away. So NO it has nothing to do with attraction. It is only because I do not feel like I’m in a relationship, I feel like roommates.

 

My ex is the one who offered to get me a job. When talking to her I said I was looking for a new job and she brought up getting me a job where she works. I wasn’t going out of my way to be around her.

 

My work place is a 2 hour commute each way, if there is traffic or an accident it’s easily a 4 hour commute. It’s not hard to tell my wife I’ll be late because there is traffic. She expects nothing and is acting completely normal.

 

If my wife would put in more effort for intimacy there wouldn’t be any problems. When the baby is napping during the day and she’s just laying on the couch there is no reason to decline kissing or cuddling. Her OB said there are things they can try for the pain (surgery, medication, massage). She won’t do any of it. She won’t even make an appointment to go see the OB again. I just want a little effort. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put in.

 

It’s sad that another woman is giving me more attention and making me feel better than my wife. I get excited to go see her, I don’t get excited when I’m going home to my wife. Our child was not planned, not by me at least, so it takes a while to get use to being a father.

 

My wife won’t go to therapy, she won’t go anywhere without our son. She has never been away from him since he’s been born. We were visiting family last weekend and she wouldn’t even leave our son inside with my parents to go outside. Like I said, she won’t put in any effort. She is making it easier for me to cheat IMO.

 

 

You seem quite immature and resentful. Have you attended prenatal classes during the pregnancy. Did you and your wife read books on the subject of new parenthood and how to navigate caring for your child and maintaing intimacy.

 

You bailed on your wife and child in less than six months and this says more about your character. You're a quitter and a cheater and a poor example as a father.

 

You cheat because you want to, it's astounding that you claim it's your wife's fault for making it easier to cheat. Your baby is six months old, your wife is the primary caregiver and you have time to fool around and get your fragile ego fed.

 

grow up.

[Morro72]

If you're seriously interested in ending things with your ex, one way to do it is to think things through, all the way through, and see where this leads. Based on your description, where it leads is this: you divorce your wife, spend a couple of years in chaos while that gets sorted out, your finances go to pot because you're now supporting two households. Let's suppose that your ex-gf doesn't, somewhere in the middle of this, realize that you're the sort of guy who abandons a wife with a newborn, and goes ahead and marries you. Then, sooner or later, she gets pregnant, maybe has a difficult pregnancy, maybe has a difficult delivery, maybe sex is uncomfortable for her for the first few months, maybe the baby isn't 100% perfect, maybe it even has the nerve to cry when you would rather be sleeping. Now keep this picture fixed firmly in your mind when you're having sex with your ex-gf - not the hot babe she is now, but the perfectly normal woman she'll be after she bears your next child.

[xxoo]

 

It’s sad that another woman is giving me more attention and making me feel better than my wife. I get excited to go see her, I don’t get excited when I’m going home to my wife. Our child was not planned, not by me at least, so it takes a while to get use to being a father.

 

That jumped out as an issue. How much of this is about wanting to be free of the responsibilities of marriage and fatherhood?

[Mal78]

Typically I see fathers after the birth of their child in total bliss. In cloud nine, glowing. A few weeks later they seem scattered a bit absent minded and that's when I realize the sleep deprivation has hit. That evens out at about the six month. Baby is sleeping better. A better routine is established and Mom and Dad have figured out a better sleep pattern for themselves to get optimal sleep.

 

Sex and intimacy takes longer to establish and regulate particularly for Mom. 9+ months of hormones elevating it should not be expected to bounce back even to "just cuddle". Her priority as Mom is to the baby. Hopefully, the Dad's priority is to balance things out for Mom.

 

Why all this jibberish? 'Cause this is very easily obtained information/education. Perhaps OP was just not prepared to be a Father. Period.

 

IC is recommended, especially for this child who may grow up feeling blamed or rejected/less of a priority. A father puts his child's needs before his own. Period.

 

Some may argue a husband should too. However I can't imagine anyone arguing a child's needs come first. Unless your a Narcissist, then yes their needs *always* comes first.

[Rainbowlove]

To all who said the feelings began before birth, you are wrong. Before the birth our marriage was great. I didn’t lose my attraction for her while she was pregnant, she was very small for the whole pregnancy. She has her body back and lost all the weight right away. So NO it has nothing to do with attraction. It is only because I do not feel like I’m in a relationship, I feel like roommates.

 

My ex is the one who offered to get me a job. When talking to her I said I was looking for a new job and she brought up getting me a job where she works. I wasn’t going out of my way to be around her.

 

My work place is a 2 hour commute each way, if there is traffic or an accident it’s easily a 4 hour commute. It’s not hard to tell my wife I’ll be late because there is traffic. She expects nothing and is acting completely normal.

 

If my wife would put in more effort for intimacy there wouldn’t be any problems. When the baby is napping during the day and she’s just laying on the couch there is no reason to decline kissing or cuddling. Her OB said there are things they can try for the pain (surgery, medication, massage). She won’t do any of it. She won’t even make an appointment to go see the OB again. I just want a little effort. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put in.

 

It’s sad that another woman is giving me more attention and making me feel better than my wife. I get excited to go see her, I don’t get excited when I’m going home to my wife. Our child was not planned, not by me at least, so it takes a while to get use to being a father.

 

My wife won’t go to therapy, she won’t go anywhere without our son. She has never been away from him since he’s been born. We were visiting family last weekend and she wouldn’t even leave our son inside with my parents to go outside. Like I said, she won’t put in any effort. She is making it easier for me to cheat IMO.

 

She is making it easier for you to cheat?

 

That's about as pathetic as I've ever heard here on LS.

 

I feel bad for your wife.

 

She has two babies at home to care for.

[Mal78]

OP, how does your GF feel about you not intending to leave your wife? Especially since she has held off her intentions to marry the man she is with for you?

[greaterdevil]

Get a vasectomy immediately.

[sandylee1]

I know you've received some harsh truths which I don't disagree with, but I'll go easy on you.

 

It sounds as though you are resentful of the baby and didn't really want to be a dad just yet. Do you think she planned the baby without telling you?

 

As much as you think the baby has changed your life, it's changed your wife's so much more. She's gone through the pregnancy, the body changes and has to pretty much be on duty 24/7. It's a very tough job being a new mother. It is very tiring, trying to attend to the baby constantly and when baby takes a nap, new mom usually tries to catch up with the chores.

 

Maybe you could do with doing some reading on how a new mom feels and how to better support her. There are a lot of expectations of a new mother. Being maternal doesn't come easily to everyone and she may be trying to adjust, with this new life that depends on her.

 

Try some of the following :

 

- Book her a massage/spa day on your day off, while you stay with your son.

- cook some meals /buy takeout

- hire a cleaner to take the pressure of her (3 hours a week )

- Tell her often how great she looks

- get her a gift card for her favorite clothes /lingerie store to treat herself

- Let her know what a great job she does with your son

- generally show love and appreciation

- on a Friday /Saturday night, tell her she can sleep through the night and you'll wake up when the baby does to feed him (bottle milk/expressed milk)

- consider getting a babysitter (family/trusted friend ), so you can both go out to dinner

 

The sitter has to be someone your wife is comfortable with and don't immediately expect sex in return or she'll question your motives.

 

It is exhausting being a new mom. I know when I was, it felt like I never got time for myself. Some men think they are earning the money and don't need to do anymore than that.

 

Do the above for a month or so and see how it goes.

 

Had my H done a few of the things I've mentioned, he would have got a lot more sex out of me when we had babies, because I would have felt appreciated and not so exhausted.

 

Btw - you say she stayed in relationships after being cheated on? Well she obviously moved on, or she'd have still been there. Unless all these cheaters dumped her.

[No Limit]

It’s sad that another woman is giving me more attention and making me feel better than my wife.

 

It's sad that someone who has just become a father puts his needs above that of a newborn child. Would throw both his wife and his own flesh and blood under the bus.

 

 

Please divorce. Why not be with the woman that makes you happy?

[adna89]

To all who said the feelings began before birth, you are wrong. Before the birth our marriage was great. I didn’t lose my attraction for her while she was pregnant, she was very small for the whole pregnancy. She has her body back and lost all the weight right away. So NO it has nothing to do with attraction. It is only because I do not feel like I’m in a relationship, I feel like roommates.

 

My ex is the one who offered to get me a job. When talking to her I said I was looking for a new job and she brought up getting me a job where she works. I wasn’t going out of my way to be around her.

 

My work place is a 2 hour commute each way, if there is traffic or an accident it’s easily a 4 hour commute. It’s not hard to tell my wife I’ll be late because there is traffic. She expects nothing and is acting completely normal.

 

If my wife would put in more effort for intimacy there wouldn’t be any problems. When the baby is napping during the day and she’s just laying on the couch there is no reason to decline kissing or cuddling. Her OB said there are things they can try for the pain (surgery, medication, massage). She won’t do any of it. She won’t even make an appointment to go see the OB again. I just want a little effort. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put in.

 

It’s sad that another woman is giving me more attention and making me feel better than my wife. I get excited to go see her, I don’t get excited when I’m going home to my wife. Our child was not planned, not by me at least, so it takes a while to get use to being a father.

 

My wife won’t go to therapy, she won’t go anywhere without our son. She has never been away from him since he’s been born. We were visiting family last weekend and she wouldn’t even leave our son inside with my parents to go outside. Like I said, she won’t put in any effort. She is making it easier for me to cheat IMO.

 

Tell her you cheated,i promise you she will change drastically...to the better...sure she would be hurt but if you explain it like you did here,she will eventually understand it

 

do you have feelings for other woman or is it just sex?

[truncated]

Yes I put effort into having intimacy with my wife. It doesn't matter what I do she doesn't want any part of it. Before our child we had great intimacy. No matter how much I help her, set the mood, etc. she still says that she isn't in the mood, doesn't have the energy, doesn't want to, the baby will wake up, etc. We rarely even cuddle or make out. There is nothing and she is doing nothing to try. She says she is perfectly happy.

 

I can't get a new job. There are very few jobs available and I make more there than I will anywhere else. My wife didn't want me taking the job in the first place because she knew I'd be working with my ex and she's the jealous, insecure type.

 

She is choosing to do nothing about the pain. She keeps saying she will go back to her OB but never does. There are things she could try but doesn't. And the pain is no excuse to not cuddle, makeout, hand job, bj, etc.

 

Trust me, she would stay. She is just that type of person. Whenever some sort of scenario comes up about cheating she always says she would be upset, hurt and never get over it but would stay. So I don't want to tell her when she'd stay anyway and just be upset forever. Like I said, she has been cheated on in previous relationships and always stayed.

 

I'm not sleeping around with multiple women and know how to use a condom. I'm not passing off STDs to my wife and child. Not to mention, passing the STD would involve some sort of sexual contact generally which isn't happening.

 

 

I understand that this lack of intimacy with your wife is really getting to you, but there are a few points about your story that I'm hoping you can clarify.

 

First, you say your wife had the baby late last year, so let's assume the timeframe is about last November. That's about four and a half months. During that time, you reconnected with your ex girlfriend and have had sex several times.

 

You've given your wife less than four months to mentally recover from having a baby, adjust to her new role as a mom, and to physically recover?

 

 

You also know sex is painful for her ( would you want to have sex if it hurt?) and you ask her to see the doctor, but say she won't.

 

You also get an underhanded barb in at her by saying she didn't want you working in the same place as your ex, because she gets jealous.

 

 

This is your point of view, but what about hers? How do you think she views the situation?

 

She likely thinks you love her, would never cheat on her, baring with your ex...which given the fact that you are cheating with her, was fully justified.

 

She also had a baby a short time ago, and is still healing physically and psychologically. right now, what she may think you are saying to her is that she should go to the doctor, not for her own well being, but because you wnat her to stop having a reason to say she doesn't want to have sex with you.

Painful sex is a horrible thing, and for many women, it can make them feel like a failure, and it can be really hard to talk about.

 

As for intimacy, right now she is finding her way as a new mom, and depending upon a lot of factors, it can be a difficult time. It can also be hard for new dads too. The thing is that right now, you are risking you wife's mental health, your child's stable home and putting yourself at risk of divorce, guilt, having a wife who will grow to hate you all because you have had to go maybe three months without "intimacy"?

 

That sounds harsh, but it's what it boils down to.

[Sassy Girl]

To all who said the feelings began before birth, you are wrong. Before the birth our marriage was great. I didn’t lose my attraction for her while she was pregnant, she was very small for the whole pregnancy. She has her body back and lost all the weight right away. So NO it has nothing to do with attraction. It is only because I do not feel like I’m in a relationship, I feel like roommates.

 

My ex is the one who offered to get me a job. When talking to her I said I was looking for a new job and she brought up getting me a job where she works. I wasn’t going out of my way to be around her.

 

My work place is a 2 hour commute each way, if there is traffic or an accident it’s easily a 4 hour commute. It’s not hard to tell my wife I’ll be late because there is traffic. She expects nothing and is acting completely normal.

 

 

If my wife would put in more effort for intimacy there wouldn’t be any problems. When the baby is napping during the day and she’s just laying on the couch there is no reason to decline kissing or cuddling. Her OB said there are things they can try for the pain (surgery, medication, massage). She won’t do any of it. She won’t even make an appointment to go see the OB again. I just want a little effort. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put in.

Realistically, how long did you give it before jumping on the ex? Seriously? Did you discuss her fears, her issues.. Did you try and understand where she was coming from? Let's be serious here, you were cheating by 4 months post partum. You didn't give it nearly enough time, or research. And not once have you put yourself in her shoes. It's all about you. You you you.

 

It’s sad that another woman is giving me more attention and making me feel better than my wife. I get excited to go see her, I don’t get excited when I’m going home to my wife. Our child was not planned, not by me at least, so it takes a while to get use to being a father.

 

No, what's sad is that you broke your vows, betrayed your family, gave up your integrity all for a price of azz. It's sad that you're giving all that time and energy to someone outside your little family instead of being with your wife or trying to bond with your son. It's sad that you think so much of someone who would sleep with a married man who has a newborn at home. It's sad that you think this life revolves around you, and you are going to be the most sad when it all blows up and you lose them all. Do you honestly thing you and ex can make a go of it? After all, how much could he really trust you? She knows you're a cheater at the first sign of trouble. That's sad.

 

My wife won’t go to therapy, she won’t go anywhere without our son. She has never been away from him since he’s been born. We were visiting family last weekend and she wouldn’t even leave our son inside with my parents to go outside. Like I said, she won’t put in any effort. She is making it easier for me to cheat IMO.

 

Wow. Easier to cheat. Aren't you just a catch.

 

None of this is her fault. You're both in the same marriage. Both getting the same level of intimacy....one of you had integrity and remained faithful. Your wife is most definitely a bette person thatn you, and the ex.

[CrystalCastles]

It is almost universally accepted on LS that a W should always prioritise the kids above the H, hence the attacks on your thread. There are some dissenting voices but they're typically countered with "if you're not prepared to worship your kids and make them the be all and end all of your life, don't have them", so you're likely to find little sympathy for your position here, sadly. However, on the parenting board you might find more sympathy from other new fathers who are feeling crowded out and sidelined, and who are also struggling with issues of intimacy.

 

I'd suggest IRL you seek out counselling from your local Parent Centre - and tell your BW that it's a serious matter threatening your R that she needs to face - so that they can help you *both* adjust your behaviour so that your M has a chance of surviving.

 

You've got to be joking. I doubt you've ever had kids, because if you did, you would know how much work and how demanding a newborn baby is.

 

People are not on the OP's side because he should be helping his wife with the baby, not sticking his dick in some OW. He is supposed to be just as much of a parent to this newborn as his wife. Instead, he is whining like a man-child that his wife is still in pain from tearing up her nether regions giving birth to HIS baby, and then caring for said baby. He needs to man up and start acting like a father.

 

And the OW. Wow. Screwing a married man is one thing, but screwing a married man whose wife had recently birthed a child is a whole other thing. I hope there's a special place in hell reserved for this woman. Her actions are beyond cruel.

[Poppyolive]

So, its obvious, none of these comment are sinking in. You still feel you're the victim. That whatever is going on with your wife, you can't get laid so you go elsewhere. Essentially giving up on your wife.

 

Two questions;

 

1 if your wife kissed you passionately tonight, would you call it quits with your ex?

2 please, enlighten me, why are you still with your wife?

[autumnnight]

Tell her you cheated,i promise you she will change drastically...to the better...sure she would be hurt but if you explain it like you did here,she will eventually understand it

 

do you have feelings for other woman or is it just sex?

 

I thought nothing could top the OP's comments, but this one's close. Tell her about your affair so she can become a better wife?

 

Yes, she needs to know, but not because she needs to do better. Because she needs to know what a selfish, deceptive man her baby's father is.

 

I am absolutely flabbergasted.

 

BTW, when the only people in your court are unrepentant cheaters that should tell you all you need to know.

[MuddyRock]

Well if he tells her the truth about the affair he is probably going to have crazy hanging from the chandelier sex. In other words, hyper bonding. What happens when that wears off though depends on the wife.

I think someone hit the nail on the head pegging him a narcissist. None of this will ever sink in.

[truncated]

op,

 

I would suggest that you get some therapy or ate least read some books about what this period of time in a woman's life can be like. In spite of you trying to paint your wife as being a bad wife because she ignores your needs, she is not doing anything differnet than what a lot of other moms do. It might be different if you said " my kid is five and my wife ignores me", but you are saying" less than four months after she had a baby, my wife is ignoring me."

 

see the difference?

 

you also mention that there are surgeries, medications, etc. your wife could take so she can have sex with you. For god's sake man, she just had a child, and you admit she had a difficult time of it, rough enough that she requires interventions like surgery or drugs to deal with the pain, and you want her to do that with a very young baby to take care of alone while you are working a presumably eight hour day with a long commute then likely coming home really tired and wanting to rest? She's on 24 hour a day duty, probably up with the baby at night and sleepwalking through the day.

 

 

I'm also find that your time line of your affair leads me to think that this situation is even worse than what you are saying. If it's beenarounf four months since the baby was born, and you've had time to find out that sex hurts your wife ( most doctors recommend abstaining until the woman heals completely, which you didn't do) try and get her to to get medical treatment, build up a relationship with thsi woman at work and progress to having sex at least three times...this is all in the space of about four months or less?

 

Get your head of of the clouds and stop lying to yourself.

[Lurkeraspect]

Tell her you cheated,i promise you she will change drastically...to the better...sure she would be hurt but if you explain it like you did here,she will eventually understand it

 

do you have feelings for other woman or is it just sex?

 

Say what?

 

This issue (his cheating) isn't about the BS. While I agree, he should fess up, leave, divorce, never look back, it's not because of his wife. His confessing won't magically make anything better. The marriage is broken, because the OP is broken.

[Mr. Lucky]

It is almost universally accepted on LS that a W should always prioritise the kids above the H, hence the attacks on your thread. There are some dissenting voices but they're typically countered with "if you're not prepared to worship your kids and make them the be all and end all of your life, don't have them", so you're likely to find little sympathy for your position here, sadly.

 

My lack of sympathy isn't based on the poor job he's doing as the father of a newborn, it's that he hasn't tried. Do the math - his child is 4 months old and he's already azz-deep in his affair with the xGF. Were his child 4 or 14 my opinion of his wife's role would be very different but he's leaving her to go it alone at the toughest time in a new mom's life.

 

He's also cheating himself, missing out on milestone moments with his child that never come again. There will be a first smile any day now, hope it doesn't come while he's in bed with the OW...

 

Mr. Lucky

[whichwayisup]

To all who said the feelings began before birth, you are wrong. Before the birth our marriage was great. I didn’t lose my attraction for her while she was pregnant, she was very small for the whole pregnancy. She has her body back and lost all the weight right away. So NO it has nothing to do with attraction. It is only because I do not feel like I’m in a relationship, I feel like roommates.

 

My ex is the one who offered to get me a job. When talking to her I said I was looking for a new job and she brought up getting me a job where she works. I wasn’t going out of my way to be around her.

 

My work place is a 2 hour commute each way, if there is traffic or an accident it’s easily a 4 hour commute. It’s not hard to tell my wife I’ll be late because there is traffic. She expects nothing and is acting completely normal.

 

If my wife would put in more effort for intimacy there wouldn’t be any problems. When the baby is napping during the day and she’s just laying on the couch there is no reason to decline kissing or cuddling. Her OB said there are things they can try for the pain (surgery, medication, massage). She won’t do any of it. She won’t even make an appointment to go see the OB again. I just want a little effort. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put in.

 

It’s sad that another woman is giving me more attention and making me feel better than my wife. I get excited to go see her, I don’t get excited when I’m going home to my wife. Our child was not planned, not by me at least, so it takes a while to get use to being a father.

 

My wife won’t go to therapy, she won’t go anywhere without our son. She has never been away from him since he’s been born. We were visiting family last weekend and she wouldn’t even leave our son inside with my parents to go outside. Like I said, she won’t put in any effort. She is making it easier for me to cheat IMO.

 

Then is it possible that the OW is better suited for you? Have you thought about divorce?

 

Seems you've thrown in the towel and have put all the blame on your wife as to why your marriage isn't working and you also don't seem ready to be a father or a family man.

 

I say be honest with your wife. Tell her exactly what is going on, allow her to decide if she will change ways and together you two fix things, or if she is just as unhappy as you are and maybe the best option is to divorce.

 

Lying and continuing to cheat will only complicate your life and make things worse, plus now you have another woman (your ex) who probably is developing deep feelings for you and possibly wants a future with you, wants you back. Have you thought about what happens if she talks to your wife and tells her what's been going on? Or tells your wife she's in love with you and wants you? Never say never...

 

I hope one way or another you make a decision and stick to it. Either end your marriage and start a real relationship with your OW/exgf or you end your affair and do everything possible to fix your marriage. Having your cake and eating it too isn't fair to anybody. Well, except you.

[whichwayisup]

My lack of sympathy isn't based on the poor job he's doing as the father of a newborn, it's that he hasn't tried. Do the math - his child is 4 months old and he's already azz-deep in his affair with the xGF. Were his child 4 or 14 my opinion of his wife's role would be very different but he's leaving her to go it alone at the toughest time in a new mom's life.

 

He's also cheating himself, missing out on milestone moments with his child that never come again. There will be a first smile any day now, hope it doesn't come while he's in bed with the OW...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Sorry, I thought the baby was older than that. 4 months in and dying without sex already, choosing to hook up with the ex and then choosing to have an affair so soon after the baby was born? This isn't good.

 

When was the last time you ran a bath for your wife? Just held her hand? Communicated that it's just as important to have cuddles and kisses, that kind of intimacy (without actual sex) to keep the flame alive and to feel cared for and loved?

 

This isn't all your wife's fault.

 

If she had cancer and was unable to have sex, would you go outside your marriage? Please give that some thought...

 

Reading more of your thread I think you're going to be filled with lots of regret, missing out on so much with your baby as Mr Lucky pointed out.

 

One thing I don't get, where you find the energy to make time for another woman in the midst of all this? Most couples are BOTH exhausted after having a new baby for many months from not getting enough sleep.

Have you given some thought that your wife could be suffering from PPD? She could be depressed and not feeling good about herself, which is why she is avoiding going to the Dr. Do some reading up on depression and PPD. Maybe she really is having a hard time but can't talk about it.

[fellini]

My lack of sympathy isn't based on the poor job he's doing as the father of a newborn, it's that he hasn't tried. Do the math - his child is 4 months old and he's already azz-deep in his affair with the xGF.

 

Precisely my point earlier. I truly doubt that OP is being honest to us, nor probably himself, investing himself in a dubious scenario:

 

1. My wife and I were boundlessly blissfully happy

 

2. Out popped a baby from her belly and sex (hand jobs etc., which i call intimacy even though it was painful for her she could have taken Tylenol ) ended.

 

3. Suddenly I rediscovered newfound boundlessly blissfully intense intimacy with.... A former co-worker girlfriend who I have been seeing every day until then without a single nerve itching itself.... (oh ì forgot - this connection I discovered over coffee and chat. My wife doesn't drink coffee hence the problem at home )

 

NO question the OP has done enough sh--ty things even with the time line he wishes to paint for us. But I'm sorry, the human mind, and memories don't work as he suggests.

 

How long, OP have you been working side by side an engaged ex before birth of undesired child?

 

How was it you and her were even talking such that she could communicate that a job came up for you. Why did she do that? Does her fiance know this too?

 

When you took this job how much time did the two of you spend at workplace.

 

Are you sure that the fantasy of having sex with her knowing that it would be cheap (neither of you available) and low maintenance (she was an ex so you already had the moves in place) never ever crossed your mind? You never thought, WOW she got me a good job, maybe she still likes me?

 

Are you sure you aren't a narcissist whose primary source of narcisstic supply suddenly ended and now you are scrambling to replace it? Are you certain your exgf was not merely an example of narcisstic hoovering? Maybe she's the narcissist keeping you close by? To me it would take a narcissist to do what she has done to her fiance. How long have you two been apart? Have you actually EVER been really apart - socially - have you two been monitoring each other since separation?

 

Do you now allow yourself to believe that this unwanted child was a plot by your wife to trap you? You say so little yet your words speak volumes about your character. Do tell us what you have said to new GF about your incomprehensible attitude as a new father. What do you say to her to explain the distance that exists between you and the newborn and how screwing an ex is okay?

 

One thing is the enormous self deception you are willing to display in you r daily life and here in LS. I think even you are unwilling to say the full truth of what you have done to yourself, your wife, to your newborn, and to your ex girlfriend.

 

Life is not just happening to you OP, you have been at the wheel the whole time.

Edited April 12, 2015 by fellini

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I notice that there has been very little said about your new baby, other than to indirectly blame him/her for you not getting any.

 

Most new fathers would have many positives about their child, but you don't. That is very telling.

 

 

This advice may sound really bad, but if you don't really want to be a parent and if you are going to blame their arrival for your choice to have an affair, then I would leave now.Otherwise, you are going to burden him or her with a load no one should have to carry...making their father miserable.

 

If you don't, your child will become attached to you, and it will hurt them a lot if and when you choose to leave later on. You can keep paying child support without having to burden yourself with this child whom it seems you do not really want.

 

 

not everyone is cut out for parenthood, it it sounds like you are someone who isn't. Less than four moths in and you were already cheating. That does not bode well for the future