lawson Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 took my wife back after her having affair , but always been a struggle with trust etc anyway there was 3 young children at the time so couldn't think being away from them. any way the other week I heard her on the phone to one of her friends , talking about she had been out with another friend and they had got talking about guys that where good or not , now she said to friend on phone that the other friend mentioned a guys name and it was the only guys name that was mentioned in conversation ,don't know what her friend said on the the phone , but the wifes words where no I never said a thing is it me being paranoid but does it sound like talking about same person , I challenged her saying what I heard the next day but she denied it that there had been any contact with this person
fireflywy Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Having a hard time following you post buddy. Can you rephrase what happened? 1
Ruby65 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Do you mean you overheard your wife talking about someone who had the same name as her affair partner? In any case, I don't blame you for being suspicious because from what you describe it sounds like when she's with her friends she acts and talks like a single person and not a married mother of three. If you take someone back after cheating, you deserve total transparency on her part. She should be letting you ask any questions you want, giving you full access to every aspect of her social life until you're able to trust again... she SHOULDN'T be calling you paranoid, she should be working to earn back your trust, whatever it takes for as long as it takes. You can rebuild a relationship after an affair, but it takes work and commitment on both sides. Have you considered couples counselling? It might help you both understand what needs to happen to rebuild trust. 2
Author lawson Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 ok try again the wife was telling friend on phone about conversation she had with other friend (this had nothing to do with the affair ) during the conversation with other friend about who was good and bad a guys name was mentioned by the friend saying she had slept with him , and she was telling her friend on the phone the name of the guy and it was the only guys name that was mentioned during conversation nothing about ex boyfriends when before married only the one name , now I don't know what friend said on phone . but my wife replied no I never said a thing
fireflywy Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 Where they simply having a conversation about the past? Was there a conspiratorial tone? Were they laughing? If she simply said a name, it could just simply be another person sharing the same name as mentioned above. If it's not, maybe she is just communicating with a friend about the past. However, as Praying4daylight said, if you can't trust her, there is no relationship. But let me ask you, what steps has she taken since you took her back which exemplifies, in both word and deed, that she IS fighting for you? I also, if stated properly and calmly, don't think it would be wrong to ask. If she is fighting for you and truly wants to build trust, remind her that you are working on that well and as such, you need some disclosure. If she blows up, well, then she really doesn't care how much work she'll need to do to bring you back together with no barriers or she is reacting because she was discussing something wrong. If she explains it to you, calmly, rationally, and lovingly, and her words are followed by loving actions (not just in the moment mind you but on a continuum that has been occuring since you took her back and continues in the weeks and months following this question/explantion) then you can feel more trustworthy about it.
Author lawson Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 now never really talked to anybody about the affair but since hearing the phone call made me think of her a as human being , she actually told me she liked somebody at work but never had went anywhere , but she wanted me to move out so she could sort her head out if she still wanted the marriage , but I fought my corner on how I could fix things , so made sure I was doing things about the house taking kids away out a lot to give her space after talking to her mum etc she came back and said she wanted to make a go of the marriage, so I kept myself on my toes doing different things etc letting her go still go out etc with her friends ?? , but was still really jumpy stomach when she was out , then 3 mnths later on xmas night out , knew where she was going but new it was a good 2hrs after it closed phoned her said she had fell asleep at friends house wich was just a few hundred yards from our house and was on her way 30 min later no sign so new something wasn't right went out and caught her at end of road with guy so all came out over the next couple of days it was all happening in our house when I was at work and kids at school , ok affair's happen but the point as a person to actually say want to make a go of the marriage the carry on into an affair is the bit I cant get round as being a human being and if they can go that far to have the affair
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 now never really talked to anybody about the affair but since hearing the phone call made me think of her a as human being , she actually told me she liked somebody at work but never had went anywhere , but she wanted me to move out so she could sort her head out if she still wanted the marriage , but I fought my corner on how I could fix things , so made sure I was doing things about the house taking kids away out a lot to give her space after talking to her mum etc she came back and said she wanted to make a go of the marriage, so I kept myself on my toes doing different things etc letting her go still go out etc with her friends ?? , but was still really jumpy stomach when she was out , then 3 mnths later on xmas night out , knew where she was going but new it was a good 2hrs after it closed phoned her said she had fell asleep at friends house wich was just a few hundred yards from our house and was on her way 30 min later no sign so new something wasn't right went out and caught her at end of road with guy so all came out over the next couple of days it was all happening in our house when I was at work and kids at school , ok affair's happen but the point as a person to actually say want to make a go of the marriage the carry on into an affair is the bit I cant get round as being a human being and if they can go that far to have the affair She cheated on you, and you already forgave her once, Even bent to her will to show her your love, But she cheated again, and finally told you the truth. This marriage is over man, do what you want to do. If you don't mind your wife whoring around behind your back in your home, then give her what she wants again, and stop listening to her on the phone. Personally, I think you and your kids deserve better than the facade you put on, And your kids, no matter how much you try, will eventually figure out your little con.
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