The_George_169 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Hi, Whoever's reading this, I'm writing down my story because I just feel like there's noone in my life right now who I could properly discuss what I'm going through, and hopefully someone here may have a few supportive ideas for me. I've met a guy almost a year ago now. It started out as a hookup (great start innit?) but then we eventually start to really like each other and grew very close. At that time I was doing freelance work with a company and I wasn't sure about what I was going to do after my contract ended. Things were going great with my guy and I decided that I'll stay in town, look for another job and see where things go. He helped me a great deal with the job hunt. This was three months into our relationship. Then I decided to have the boyfriend talk. His reaction was unexpected. He panicked, and said that he's not ready for a relationship. It was a very difficult moment and I didn't expect to hear that at all considering how things were going. Anyway, the dust settled a little after that and we kept seeing each other. He loves going out, he loves clubbing, dancing, etc. In a gay relationship this is a red flag, but I trusted him as he always messaged me when he got home and always assured me that I was the only person he was interested in. It was difficult for me to trust, and eventually I lost my nerve. I told him that I can't cope with jealousy and that he's out and about every weekend. I told him that I needed a break. The conversation fell out of hand and we ended breaking up. It was horrible. Other circumstances amplified the situation: I really really hated the job I got - I was working on the weekends and I had a minimum wage so my living conditions were horrible. I lost loads of weight and I was incredibly lonely. After two weeks of the breakup, I just couldn't stand the absence of him so I messaged him. He said that he really missed me too but he was scared of what would happen if we got back together. He told me that he got scared of my jealousy and he was worried that things would go terribly wrong considering my living conditions and his party-animal life style. We ended up starting over, but things were not the same anymore. We had wonderful moments but he stopped showing any affection towards me and he was really distant. Things kept going for about a month. I felt more and more unhappy in the city as the only person who kept me there was him. I realised that this can't keep on going so for my own physical and mental health I decided to move back home. Subconsciously it was also a sign towards him to find out if he wants me here or not. It turned out that he didn't... On our last meeting I told him crying how disappointed I am with myself and how horrible I feel. I told him that I loved him (which he didn't seem to appreciate) but the only response I got was that he's not ready for a relationship. He held me for a while and then I kissed him goodbye. We decided to keep in touch, but the whole fact that I was leaving did not influence him emotionally in any ways (which seems like a kind of manipulation from my side but I wanted to see what was going on in his heart). The next day in the early afternoon I saw a picture of him and another guy. The other guy posted the picture with a quote "great night". I never heard or seen the guy before, but I did remember seeing him on the app Tinder... I lost my **** completely. He said he was a friend, but that whole thing just seemed like a complete lie. I lost my temper and I said horrible things to him. I told him that he just fails to admit that he doesn't care and he's got no feeling for me at all but he lacks the genuinity to admit it to me. It was the wrong decision. He got upset and he could not believe what I just said to him. I don't know if it was a psychological trick or it was him saying the truth but it all just fell apart in that moment. A week later I apologised to him but I got only a very cold response. I fell apart completely, but I could not let him go. I moved back home. The first month was horrible - i didn't find a job, and I had too much time by myself. I spent hours stalking him, and checking what he's been up to. Slowly I started to reconnect with friends, and to go out and meet new people. My mood improved generally but still 80% of my time I was thinking about him. We rarely spoke to each other - we chatted a little on his birthday and a little bit over christmas. In the new year I started doing much much better, but he was still on my mind most of the time. Then one day he messaged me asking when I'm back in London. I was surprised. I told him I'm back in a few months and eventually we decided to catch up on Skype. I felt like the ice is broken and there's still a chance for us. I told him my plans once I moved back to London and I made a promise to myself and to him that I'll be more proactive to achieve a higher living standard there and to settle for longer etc. It seemed that the dust has settled. A month later I got invited for an audition in London and of course I decided to go. I told him that I'll be in town and that we should meet. We did, and we ended up hooking up. I don't know if it was the wrong thing to do - maybe it just shows the chemistry we had is still very strong, and it can be dangerous. A week after I tried talking to him but he was less responsive then ever before. He took 2 days to reply and it was completely weird and unusual. He kept being distant and the picture became clearer that he did not want us to continue anymore. Even though it was obvious, me, fairly stupidly, brought up the subject. The answer was clear - he said so much time has passed, and things are so much different now, he just does not feel the same as before. This is the part where I ****ed it up royally - I told him that I still loved him. He said that in this case there's no sense in keeping touch because things won't heal any other way (Which I know is right). I got very upset again. kept my temper at bay, but at the end when he said that "sorry that things didn't work out, take care of yourself" I basically responded with "**** you". I think that was the last straw - the next day he unfriended me on Facebook. When I asked him why, he just said that those two last words were a clear sign that there's no way to maintain contact. I'm left with mixed feelings. I think probably cutting all sort of connection would have helped me right from the first breakup. In a way I regret that I destroyed what I though I have rebuilt. We both did our mistakes, but I feel like I'm left with so many unanswered questions. Did he ever feel anything towards me at all or this was only some crazy game? I don't know what to think - If you took the time to read this whole story, please share your thoughts with me. Any theory or idea is welcome.
xxxbecs Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Hi there, Your story is a little like mine with the off and on and the little commitment from the other party. Firstly I must say good riddance to them, they have little to no respect for you as a person. They manipulate when it's good for them. You deserve better than that, he gave you little reassurance and brought out the worst in you. I think maybe he did like you yes, but the feelings you had were not mutual. He is a user, picking you up and putting you down as he pleases, you deserve better than that so much better. A warning flag for me now when meeting someone is when they say " I'm not looking for a relationship" or I don't want a relationship. So what do they want? Just fun? If that isn't what you want deep down it will never work! You'll always be an option to them never the priority! I think it's the best way that this situation is over, you need to cut all ties with them. He doesn't add goodness to your life even when is around, no affection? Everybody needs affection. You deserve somebody who brings out th best in you and involves you in every aspect of their life. They should add value to your life not extract it. It may hurt now and trust me I know, I'm currently going through pain again right now. But time heals everything as cliche as it sounds it really does. Delete him on every social media and "his" friends if you have them. Block if you need to. It is the only way to move on to bigger and better things. Not stalking as you only hold yourself back and upset yourself and try refrain from commenting on his actions this only gives him satisfaction knowing you care and he has you in the palm of his hand not to mention an ego boost! Good luck and look after number 1! Once you do, good things happen!
Author The_George_169 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Thank you for your kind words and reply! I do agree with what you say. It's so crazy nowadays how social media can keep you hanging onto somebody... I hope you'll get quickly through the difficulty what your dealing with right now! I feel like now is a time to focus on myself rather then looking for Mr. No. 1. Emotional pain can hold you back in life so much, I rather avoid it for the time being.
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