Girlfriend broke up with me last month after 6 year relationship

April 10, 2015

Hey everyone, this is going to be long.

My girlfriend (29) and I (29) have been dating for 5 years, it would be 6 on the 17th. I was her crush for about 3/4 years before we finally got together and had an amazing relationship up until mid last month.

I know that I'm partially at fault because my life became stagnant after I got into a funk after losing my job last year, she did mention for me to look for a job and return to school, but I had tunnel vision to open my own business (food truck, I actually bought the truck, but couldn't finish the project because of funds) and we had the agreement that when she was done with school she would help me. There were also issues with my family, my parents love her, but my two younger brothers give her the cold shoulder because of problems with me. She longs for that family unit since hers at home isn't ideal. Since the breakup I've tried to patch things up with my brothers, but I know that these things take time.

Ok, so before you chastise me for my short comings, I did everything for my girlfriend. I put her needs in front of mine and put her through school while I worked (which she's about to graduate in about a month), I put her on a pedestal and rightfully so she was the best girlfriend a guy could ask for up until last month. Her family loves me and I was the model boyfriend to her, she constantly said that I had all the positive traits of all her ex's all rolled into one guy (basically what she was looking for at the time). I mean we really thought we were going to grow old together (her words not mine).

So in the first week of the breakup we still talked to each other like nothing happened, then she spoke to her cousin that's recently going through a divorce and her idiot friend that used to date my habitual cheater cousin (she's currently dating a guy she constantly complains about every week and cheated on him early in the relationship, did I mention that we would always try and help her get over my cousin but would instantly return to him and immediately throw my girlfriend and I under the bus) and her classmate that's husband is in jail right now and is currently trying to bang one of their other classmates who is a father of four while at the same time flirting with someone at the hospital she goes to for school, so needless to say people who aren't reslly making the best relationship decisions. After that she stopped contacting me and became very cold towards me and started talking about doing things that she normally doesn't, I mean to the point where I can't even recognize her (saying that she likes wine now, which in the 5 years we've been together I think I've seen her drink maybe 3/4 times). I know she's doing it to push me away and put up her guard as well, plus she's stressed out with money, exams, and her upcoming graduation (lots of life changes).

I pushed and pushed, trying to save what we had. I tried different things to win her back, I even tried to recreate the feeling of our first date (I got her a single rose and asked her moms permission to take her out on a date, I tried to be cute by asking her out on a date since we weren't together) just to see if that would rekindle things, it kind of did but she didn't budge. She kept saying that were just going as friends. Even though I pushed I never begged, it was more of trying to make her see things my way.

Then she dropped the bomb on me (baby!), she said that one of her co-workers wanted to set her up on a date. I did what any recently dumped ex boyfriend would do and pushed as hard as I could to prevent that from happening. I tried to show her what she was throwing away, but it was futile. Did I mention that during this time I was still sleeping with her and being intimate, btw this was all last week. It just seems like she really has this dating idea in her head and there's no changing it, I figured all I did wasn't in vain because after she gets over the feeling of being smothered I atleast ended on a good note. She told me tonight that she wants to date other people and then told me some story one of her co-workers said about him and his wife getting married, divorcing for a year and then getting back together for good. Yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah

I've initiated NC for about 5 days now and it's her birthday tomorrow and I'm not going to say anything to her. I feel like I need to take a step back and fix my life since I'm taking the break up fairly hard, but I am moving forward. I've been working out pretty heavily (lost 25lbs and bulked up), I just got a great job, and might start an online business in the next few weeks, I'm even thinking about signing up for a couple classes. I'm thinking of attending her graduation next month because her and her family want me there, but skipping out on the party. I miss how she was dearly, but if she didn't value our 5 years together over her curiosity to see what's out there then I guess I have no choice but to move on.

I know that this doesn't matter, but here's a little insight as to why it's been hard for me. We were pretty inseparable, I mean constantly holding hands, cuddling, feeding eachother, basically all that lovie dovie stuff that should have ended after our first year together, but we held on to that spark. She used to be in a LDR before me so if we weren't together she would be on the phone with me even to the point that she would need to sleep on the phone with me every night. We would spend 4/5 days a week together and we cliqued to the point where I thought we were meant to be. I know what I need to do, it's just hard to take that first step. I'm holding out a little hope that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but not counting on it. I just want to be the couple that made all of the other couples we knew jealous again, I just feel like she fell out of love with me. Thanks for taking the time to read all this, sorry for the novel.

April 10, 2015

This was the last text exchange we had after having a heart to heart the night before:

"I guess we just weren't meant to be then, if our relationship meant enough to you you wouldn't want to see what else is out there. That story you told me doesn't apply to us. I'm sorry, but there is no future with me if this is the case.

If you really valued our relationship and everything we've been through together during these 6 years we would talk this through and deal with our problems to strengthen our bond and show us that we can face any obstacle in our relationship, that's what people who grow old together do.

I wish things were different, but that decision isn't mine to make. I tried to fight to save what we have, but obviously your priorities are trying to date around. I'm going to miss what we had, but I guess it wasn't enough for you. Hopefully, I can find a girl that won't ever take my love and loyalty for granted. I'll love you and remember our relationship forever, goodbye cupcake." (I know, dramatic!)

I spoke to her sister the morning I started NC (regarding that I might not attend her graduation, I just don't want to be the pitiful ex that lingers) and she mentioned that she said "I don't know what I want and maybe the grass isn't greener".

She sent me on Tuesday morning:

"I can't see you hurt like this anymore..

I'm sorry... I'm still trying to figure out what I want...

Right now, I can't be with you.

I'm so sorry for causing you this pain, but please understand where I'm coming from and my decisions that lead up to where we are now...

I love you, I will always will... Nothing or anyone

can ever change that.

I will always love you, Nanacake.." (It's a long story how I got that petname, lol)

I just hope that during this time she realizes that I'm not going to sit on the back burner and play second fiddle. I'm going to miss her so much, but I know that this is what I need to do in order to help me or else I'll just be in pain. It's the silence at night that gets me the most.

April 10, 2015

I'll be honest, I do want to be with her again I feel like she's just going through a really confusing time in her life with all the major changes. I know that it's going to have its trials and I'm going to have to do a lot of forgiving and she's going to have to work for my love again if the opportunity arises.

I just don't know how to approach it other than fixing the issues that were plaguing her peace of mind, I know that some time apart would help since emotions are still charged. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you so much.

April 11, 2015

Been there, done that. After 5 years the initial spark is usually gone. However, you're still her best friends, so she will stay with you until...

...Somebody else shows up. If a guy with radically higher social value hits on her you're probably toast. After all, she's a woman and acts mostly on instinct. Her current feelings is the truth. Even if she didn't date guy, I'm positive that something like that caused her to break up with you.

I bet she missed that initial spark of falling in love. Since your business isn't going very well, she convinces herself that it's the "rational thing to do". She believes she can do better.

But of course she can't do better, right? It's time to make your dreams come true. Now it's time to get that food truck rolling. Use the extra time to get a part-time job so that you can afford to finance your project.

April 11, 2015

Your first priority is to protect yourself now.

1. Don't, in any matter, be synchronised to her "confusion". Detach yourself from her completely. Because it can bury your confidence and strength for a long time. Just run away, full NC, don't talk to her sister, don't answer to her texts, ignore, run away from the earthquake she's having.

2. My long long experience makes me feel that you might not be knowing the whole truth. That there is more to it. You don't deserve that. make a complete changing in your mind, have your "hard drive" (brain) formatted and cleaned as much as you can.

If you stick around, i'm telling you, she is wearing explosives, you don't want to be near her. It will hurt much more - minimize your pain and move on, this thing is too damaged, it's a total loss.

April 11, 2015

I agree that she'll probably want to keep you around as a safety net, until she's found someone else.

Please don't go to her graduation.

Protect yourself. Work on your own life, your own goals, on healing.

There's no way of knowing whether this breakup will be permanent or not (sadly, most are). But you can absolutely guarantee that by making yourself available to her, online and off, you'll keep her from ever experiencing the loss of you in her life. So.... don't do that.

Make sure you cut contact, completely. No Facebook, block her on your phone and computer, on every app and site you use. This will help you through this initial breakup period like nothing else will.

Lean on your friends and family. Read through the threads on this site about No Contact. Throw yourself into meeting your life goals. For now, you need to completely walk away from this relationship.

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

Keep posting!

April 11, 2015

Thanks for the replies guys, I know that I need to walk away and never look back. Even her own family members told me that, they said that she needs to realize what she gave up and for what to go out and party (which I let her do btw, anytime her friends want to go out all she had to do was come to me and I would never say no)? I've done nothing, but good things for her in the relationship, I was there physically, mentally, and emotionally. Yet, she felt like it wasn't enough and wanted to go and find that 20%, today is her birthday and I'm not going to say **** to her. I know that with every text or call she receives today she'll be looking for mine to see if she still has me, but I won't give her the satisfaction. I know she's going to think about me today since in the 6 years we've been together we always had our traditions which one of them was to "surprise" eachother with a cake at midnight.

I don't use Facebook anymore and I just deleted my Instagram (not the account, but the app and I forgot my password so I have to go through some extra steps to log in so I might think twice to do so). I'm taking this time to move forward and try to focus on what's ahead of me. I really appreciate you guys taking time out of your lives to respond to a heartbroken stranger.

Edited April 11, 2015 by HurtinLV

April 11, 2015

I'm taking this time to move forward and try to focus on what's ahead of me. I really appreciate you guys taking time out of your lives to respond to a heartbroken stranger.

I've been to similar situations like yours, sad to say, few times. I know what you're going through. There is no point to fight sadness because it's naturally there. accept that.

I can assure you that i don't regret any of my episodes, each one enriched my life, made it more exiting, full of experiences. Endings made me sad, but I've earn all that happened until the end.

Good luck! focus on the future and find some joy.

April 11, 2015

I'm going through something similar right now, I had been working really hard and getting multiple promotions, coming home and smoking weed (she would too) and we barely saw each other due to conflicting work schedules. After 4 years, she just just gave up on us. I fought to keep her, but she was already being pulled towards some co-worker. She kept leaving me bread crumbs and being hot and cold every other day which was torture riding along her emotional confusion.

We had to live together for 2 months and I had to see her texting another guy the whole time (a guy who still lives with his wife and kids so they barely saw each other...), it was terrible. She finally moved out which has been very helpful...but I'm seeing her today...wish me luck

April 11, 2015

I'm going through something similar right now, I had been working really hard and getting multiple promotions, coming home and smoking weed (she would too) and we barely saw each other due to conflicting work schedules. After 4 years, she just just gave up on us. I fought to keep her, but she was already being pulled towards some co-worker. She kept leaving me bread crumbs and being hot and cold every other day which was torture riding along her emotional confusion.

We had to live together for 2 months and I had to see her texting another guy the whole time (a guy who still lives with his wife and kids so they barely saw each other...), it was terrible. She finally moved out which has been very helpful...but I'm seeing her today...wish me luck

I wish you luck. Why are you seeing her today?

April 11, 2015

Oh man, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Six years together is a long time. I don't have anything really to add, you sound like you're committed to staying NC with her, which is the best thing you can do right now. It'll get tough, but the best way to heal from something like this is to let time do its thing and focus on yourself. I went through a divorce after seven years of marriage, so trust me when I say that you'll get through this.

Hang in there, and keep posting here. There's plenty of good advice to be had.

April 11, 2015

She'll be watching our dog for the weekend and I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink. Probably a terrible idea, but I wanted to test my progression and she was saying how sad she's been when we talked on the phone.

April 11, 2015

She'll be watching our dog for the weekend and I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink. Probably a terrible idea, but I wanted to test my progression and she was saying how sad she's been when we talked on the phone.

Yep -- worst idea EVER.

Also, dogs aren't children. You don't need "joint custody" -- although many people do use it as an excuse to stay in contact. But this is self-defeating. All you're doing is HELPING your ex to move on without you because she never has to miss you.

April 11, 2015

It actually went really well, she was somewhat wasted from a bar crawl earlier in the day, rude and unattractive. I didn't want her back for a second, realized that I'm likely better off without her and that she wasn't anything compared to all these new girls I've been meeting. She was boring, didn't seem to be doing that well and ended up sleeping in my bed for a while before leaving.

Didn't expect it to go down like that, but I feel much better now and more confident that I don't want to be with her. That week away from her made me realize who she really is vs. when I couldn't see who she really was because I was blinded by love. I hope this feeling persists.

I also told her multiple times how happy I've been and how I've been doing everything I always wanted to be doing (being more social, being more active/fit, getting more sleep etc.). She also kept asking me who I went to a concert with earlier in the week so I told her a few women. It overall felt great.

April 11, 2015

Thanks lolablue17, I know I just have to keep my head up and facing forward.

Geez Ziggyzoo, I couldn't even imagine being in your shoes you had a year more than me and a marriage, I know it'll get better. It's going to be tough and I have to take it one day at a time, but I know that I'll be a stronger person when I'm through it all.

Ravfour4, I actually share a dog with my ex as well, Im going to miss her so much. We had her since the beginning of the relationship, but I have to distance myself in order to get over everything. I'm just going to miss her furface and fluffybutt.

April 11, 2015

Hurtin, Two months ago my ex pulled this stunt on me. We're in our forties, and I was shocked to the core after being with her for a decade. Now take on board what I'm saying, ok? I've been through this BS a couple of times in my life and so this time I was more prepared for it. She has been mulling this over for some time, consciously or sub consciously, and has now acted on her feelings. Women act on emotions, and men operate on logic. She has psyched herself up to do this, creating a huge mental barrier that is pretty insurmountable at the moment to anything you say. Anything you do now to try and win her back will be like peeing in the wind, the barrier she's created is to block out all reasoning from you in your emotional state and also protect her from feelings of guilt, betrayal, dishonesty etc. it's as primal as The fight or flight mechanism. To all intents and purposes your relationship is dead, take that on board now. Don't think about closure either, it doesn't exist. Anything she says to you could be to spare your feelings, and there could be another guy involved. From now on, treat her as someone who's with someone else, so you don't degrade yourself in any way and make yourself look a chump. Do not go to that graduation ceremony under ANY circumstances. If she wants space and all the other usual garbage they come out with in this situation, give her space like she couldn't have ever imagined. Disappear from her life completely, she may as well be dead to you now. Go strictly no contact, nothing, no FB or anything. If she's seeing a guy (that you may not even know about) don't take up her emotional slack until he figures it out, just vanish. The ONLY chance you have of ever reconciling with her is by creating a huge void in her life. Be a gentleman about it, send her a text explaining that you need the space to heal, have a great life etc, then exit stage left for forever if need be. The position you'll place her in will be interesting, her defensive barriers will eventually have to come down and her brain will be downplaying all the things that made her want to leave you and instead be focussing on the good memories. If she has a new guy in tow, she'll be comparing him against you favourably most likely because he'll be a rebound. Only when she sees the void in front of her without you will she possibly regret her decisions, and the she might get back in touch. However, the only communications you respond to then are clear reconciliatory ones. Everything else is rubbish, ignore them. Be strong in this time, explore your business ventures and get yourself back to strength. She's most likely had a good head start on you psychologically, catch up with her and get in control of the situation.

April 11, 2015

@hurtinLV, thankfully she let me keep him, but she's watching him while I'm out of town until Monday night when I'll see her again.... thankfully she was like "are you ready for a sleepover?!" so I'm not too worried about her being crazy and trying to steal him

April 12, 2015

Thanks for the guidance Dave_1966, I know that I have to maintain NC until she either reaches out to me with a sincere "I ****ed up" none of that breadcrumb BS, save that for the birds, at the same time I'm not going to put my social life on hold (just going out to have fun, no dates I'm not emotionally ready for it yet). As much as I love her, I've done nothing but good things for her and her family and this is the thanks I get. As far as I know, there isn't anyone at the moment because I checked her phone (I know insecure creepster) so for all I know she just wants to be free to party with her toxic friends and have that option if someone does catch her eye. I have a feeling that she might get in contact with me because of how I treated her and everything I did throughout the years, I was her longest relationship and I was pretty much a model boyfriend (other than the funk I got into), but at the same time I'm preparing myself for the worst.

April 12, 2015

Don't hold on to that hope my friend, thats what will stunt your progression and recovery. You just gotta let things be the way they are and come to terms with them, its over and thats what you gotta focus on. Forget her, if its meant to be you guys can pick up the pieces later on when she decides to come back and commit to you.

I'm coming out of a 5 year relationship and trust me when i say i treated this girl like a princess. I always thought she was the one and I made sure to treat her right and keep her happy. Even when we broke up she told me things like its going to take her a long time to get over me, and that she still loves me, etc etc but within weeks I found out she started seeing someone else and its almost going to be 5 months since our breakup in the next couple weeks, and she is still with this guy. Could be a rebound or w/e but I have been stuck long enough and need to move on. I have stayed NC and it does get better, the pain and hurt goes away. I still do think about her and yea it hurts from time to time but it's alot better than the initial breakup.

In a perfect world both our gf's will realize that they f*cked up and come running back to us, but sadly we don't live in a perfect world. Good people get f*cked over all the time and girls leave the nice guys for the a**holes. I don't want to be a pessimist and say it never happens, but its better to think she wont come back so you can recover and be indifferent towards her. It'll put you in the best position if she does ever come back. Goodluck man

April 12, 2015

Thanks for the guidance Dave_1966, I know that I have to maintain NC until she either reaches out to me with a sincere "I ****ed up" none of that breadcrumb BS, save that for the birds, at the same time I'm not going to put my social life on hold (just going out to have fun, no dates I'm not emotionally ready for it yet). As much as I love her, I've done nothing but good things for her and her family and this is the thanks I get. As far as I know, there isn't anyone at the moment because I checked her phone (I know insecure creepster) so for all I know she just wants to be free to party with her toxic friends and have that option if someone does catch her eye. I have a feeling that she might get in contact with me because of how I treated her and everything I did throughout the years, I was her longest relationship and I was pretty much a model boyfriend (other than the funk I got into), but at the same time I'm preparing myself for the worst.

Checking her phone means nothing, it's easy to conceal a third party by simply deleting emails texts etc. You also have stuff like snapchat now. Treat as her as though she's with someone else even if you think she isn't, it'll retain your dignity. Don't tell her this, just act accordingly. This relationship is over, and it's all about YOU now. Get yourself back to the confident guy she first met, you'll start getting attention off other women then. Strict no contact now awaits you, so you don't say or do anything you'll regret in a couple of months.

Check out Corey Wayne's videos on YouTube, he's got an intersting angle on this stuff and is very entertaining with it. The videos about getting an ex back are very enlightening and go against the grain of what you may think to be the right course of action.

April 12, 2015

Hey Geronimo, I know if only this world were perfect. It's ok, you're still young and have a whole dating life ahead of you, this is just a hiccup in the grand scheme of things. Everyone that I talked to said this to me "At least this happened while you're still young, imagine how hard it would be if you were married or had kids?"(I have a dog with her so it still sucks a little)

Hi Dave_1966, Yeah I could never be sure if she is with someone else. I know she'll think about us eventually, I feel like right now she feels relived that she doesn't have me in her life, the fresh breath of freedom. I know that it'll hit her sooner or later that I'm gone and she doesn't have me on the back burner. She'll realize everything I've done for her, how I've treated her over the years, and the love that I constantly gave her. It's funny, her whole family is trying to fight for our relationship, but it seems like the harder everyone pushes the more she's fighting against it (mental/emotional wall). (I only know this because I went to visit my dog for a few minutes and her mom told me, I know I have to cut this **** out but I feel like she's been neglecting her due to her being in school and studying).

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Girlfriend broke up with me last month after 6 year relationship

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